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. SATIRES
PROFANITIES
AND
BY
•
JAMES
THOMSON (B.V.f
(Author of “The City o¥ Dreadful Night”)
With a Preface by G. W. Foote.
A New Edition.
The Story of a Famous Old Jewish Firm
Religion in the Rocky Mountains
The Devil in the Church of England
Christmas Eve in the Upper Circles
A Commission of Inquiry on Royalty
A Bible Lesson on Monarchy
The One Thing Needful
The Athanasian Creed
ONE SHILLING.
LONDON:
PROGRESSIVE PUBLISHING COMPANY,
-28 Stonecutter Street, E.C,
1890.
��63'2X>5
MC3?
NATIONAL SECULAR SOCIETY
SATIRES
AND
PROFANITIES
BY
JAMES
THOMSON (B.V.)
(Author of “ The City
of
Dreadful Night”)
With a Preface by G. W. Foote.
A New Edition.
LONDON
progressive PUBLISHING company,
28 Stonecutter Street, E.C.
1890.
�LONDON
PRINTED AND PUBLISHED BY G. W. BOOTH
28 STONECUTTER STREET, E.C,
�CONTENTS
PASS
Preface ...
...
...
5
The Story of a Famous Old Jewish Firm
...
...
7
Religion in the Rocky Mountains
...
...
21
The Devil in the Church of England...
..
..
36
Christmas Eve in the Upper Circles...
...
...
47
A Commission of Inquiry on Royalty
...
...
58
A Bible Lesson on Monarchy
..
...
...
66
The One Thing Needful
...
...
...
...
71
The Athanasian Creed
..
...
..
..
75
...
...
...
...
�..................
�EDITOR’S PREFACE.
Under the title of Satires and Profanities I collected and
published, in 1884, twenty-three prose pieces of James
Thomson’s, contributed by him at various times to Freethought
journals, namely, the National Reformer, edited by Mr. Brad
laugh, and the Secularist, edited by myself. After the sale of
about five hundred copies, the remaining sheets were destroyed
by a fire at the publisher’s premises. It was a pity that such
a book should be out of print, but complete republication was
impossible. The enterprise would have been a heavy financial
loss. There is, however, a possibility of realising one’s invest
ment in a smaller collection of the principal pieces, and I
venture to issue it in the present form.
Thomson was a born satirist as well as a born poet. I do
not think anyone can read these pieces without feeling that
Thomson enjoyed the writing of them. They reveal a side of
his genius which only found occasional expression in his verse.
He allowed me to publish two of them as pamphlets before any
collection of his poems was given to the world. Some of his
admirers, who scarcely share his convictions, are in the habit
of depreciating these satires on the current theology. But he
would have smiled at their soreness. “ Thomson’s satire,” as
I wrote in the preface to Satires and Profanities,“ was always
bitterest, or at any rate most trenchant, when it dealt with
Religion, which he considered a disease of the mind, engendered
by folly and fostered by ignorance and vanity. He saw that
spiritual superstition not only diverts men from Truth, but
induces a slavish stupidity of mind, and prepares the way for
every form of political and social injustice. He was an Atheist
first and a Republican afterwards. He derided the idea of
making a true Republic of a population besotted with religion,
paralysed with creeds, cringing to the agents of their servitude,
and clinging to the chains that enthral them.”
No doubt the cry of “Blasphemy!” will continue to be
raised against Thomson’s religious satires, as against every
pointed, and therefore “painful,” attack on Christianity.
�▼i.
Editor's Preface.
But Thomson has justified himself in this respect. Defending
a certain 11 outburst of Rabelasian laughter,” which was de
nounced by the Saturday Review in 1867, he wrote
The
Grecian mythology is dead, is no longer aggressive in its
absurdities ; the priestcraft and the foul rites have long since
perished, the beauty and the grace and the splendor remain.
But your composite theology is still alive, is insolently
aggressive, its lust for tyrannical dominion is unbounded;
therefore we must attack it if we would not be enslaved by it.
The cross is a sublime symbol; I would no more think of
treating it with disrespect while it held itself aloft in the
serene heaven of poetry than of insulting the bow of Phoebus
Apollo or the thunderbolts of Zeus; but if coarse hands will
insist on pulling it down upon my back as a ponderous wooden
reality, what can I do but fling it off as a confounded burden
not to be borne ?” Thomson also pointed out that “ For the
Atheist, God is a figment, nothing: in blaspheming God he
therefore blasphemes nothing. A man really blasphemes
when he mocks, insults, pollutes, vilifies that which he really
believes to be holy and awful.” He admitted that there
might be a hundred Christians in England who really believed
in the Christian God, and they could be guilty of blaspheming
him; but “ speaking philosophically, an honest Atheist can no
more blaspheme God than an honest Republican can be disloyal
to a King, than an unmarried man can be guilty of conjugal
infidelity.”
There is no need to say more. Thomson’s “blasphemy”
and its justification are here together. Every purchaser of
this brochure is warned in the preface what to expect, and
if his nerves are too weak for an Atheist’s satire he can give
it to a robuster friend.
May, 1890.
G. W. FOOTE.
�Story of a Famous Old Jewish Firm
[Written in 1866.]
Many thousand years ago, when the Jews first started
in business, the chief of their merchants was a venerable
and irascible old gentleman named Jah. The Jews
have always been excellent traders, keen to scent
wealth, subtle to track it, unweary to pursue it, strong
to seize it, tenacious to hold it ; and the most keen,
subtle, untiring, strong, tenacious of them all, was this
Jah. The patriarchs of his people paid him full
measure of the homage which Jews have always eagerly
paid to wealth and power, and all their most important
transactions were carried out through him. In those
antique times people lived to a very great age, and Jah
is supposed to have lived so many thousands of years
that one may as well not try to count them. Perhaps
it was not one Jah that existed all this while, but the
house of Jah : the family, both for pride and profit,
preserving through successive generations the name of
its founder. Certain books have been treasured by
the Jews as containing exact records of the dealings of
this lordly merchant (or house) both with the Jews
themselves and with strangers. Many people in our
times, however, have ventured to doubt the accuracy of
these records, arguing that some of the transactions
therein recorded it would have been impossible to
transact, that others must have totally ruined the
richest of merchants, that the accounts often contradict
each other, and that the system of book-keeping
generally is quite unworthy of a dealer so truthful and
clear-headed as Jah is affirmed to have been. The
records are so ancient in themselves, and they treat of
matters so much more ancient still, that it is not easy
to find other records of any sort with which to check
�8
Satires and Profanities.
their accounts. Strangely enough the most recent
researches have impugned the accuracy of the most
ancient of these records ; certain leaves of a volume
called the “ Great Stone Book ” having been brought
forward to contradict the very first folio of the ledger
in which the dealings of Jah have been posted up
according to the Jews. It may be that the first few
folios, like the early pages of most annals, are somewhat
mythical ; and the present humble compiler (who is
not deep in the affairs of the primaeval world, and who,
like the late lamented Captain Cuttie with his large
volume, is utterly knocked up at any time by four or
five lines of the “ Great Stone Book ”) will prudently
not begin at the beginning, but skip it with great
comfort and pleasure, especially as many and learned
men are now earnest students of this beginning. We
will, therefore, if you please, take for granted the facts
that at some time, in some manner, Jah created his
wonderful business, and that early in his career he met
with a great misfortune, being compelled, by the
villainy of all those with whom he had dealings, to
resort to a wholesale liquidation, which left him so poor,
that for some time he had not a house in the world,
and his establishment was reduced to four male and as
many female servants.
He must have pretty well recovered from this severe
shock when he entered into the famous covenant or
contract with Abraham and his heirs, by which he
bound himself to deliver over to them at a certain,
then distant, period, the whole of the valuable landed
property called Canaan, on condition that they should
appoint him the sole agent for the management of
their affairs. In pursuance of this contract, he con
ducted that little business of the flocks and herds for
Jacob against one Laban ; and afterwards, when the
children of Abraham were grown very numerous, he
managed for them that other little affair, by which
they spoiled the Egyptians of jewels of silver and
jewels of gold ; and it is even asserted that he fed and
clothed the family for no less than forty years in a
country where the commissariat was a service of
extreme difficulty.
�Story of a Famous Old Jewish Firm.
9
At length the time came when he was to make over
to them the Land of Canaan, for this purpose evicting
the several families then in possession thereof, ihe
whole of the covenanted estate he never did make over
to them, but the Jews freely admit that this was through
their own fault. They held this land as mortgaged to
him, he pledging himself not to foreclose while, they
dealt with him faithfully and fulfilled all the conditions
of the covenant. They were to pay him ten per cent,
per annum interest, with sundry other charges, to put
all their affairs into his hands, to have no dealings what
soever with any rival merchants, etc., etc. Under this
covenant the Jews continued in possession of the fine
little property of Canaan for several hundred years,
and they assert that this same Jah lived and conducted
his business throughout the whole period. But, as I
have ventured to suggest, the long existence of the
house of Jah may have been the sum total of the lives
of a series of individual Jahs. The Jews could not
have distinguished the one from the other ; for it is a
strange fact that Jah himself, they admit, was never
seen. Perhaps he did not affect close contact with
Jews. Perhaps he calculated that his power over them
would be increased by mystery ; this is certain, that he
kept himself wholly apart from them in his private
office, so that no one was admitted even on business.
It is indeed related that one Moses (the witness to the
execution of the covenant) caught a glimpse of him
from behind, but this glimpse could scarcely have
sufficed for identification ; and it is said, also, that at
certain periods the chief of the priesthood was admitted
to consultation with him ; but although his voice was
then heard, he did not appear in person—only the
shadow of him was seen, and everyone will allow that
a shadow is not the best means of identification. And
in further support of my humble suggestion it may be
noted that in many and important respects the later
proceedings attributed to Jah differ extremely in chal’acter from the earlier ; and this difference cannot be
explained as the common difference between the youth
and maturity and senility of one and the same. man,
for we are expressly assured that Jah was without
�10
Satires and Profanities.
change—by which we are not to understand that
either through thoughtlessness or parsimony he never
had small cash in his pocket for the minor occasions of
life ; but that he was stubborn in his will, unalterable
in his ideas, persistent in his projects and plans.
The records of his dealings at home with the Jews,
and abroad with the Egyptians, the Assyrians, the
Philistines, the Babylonians, the Persians, the Edomites,
and other nations, as kept by the Jews themselves, are
among the strangest accounts of a large general busi
ness which have ever been put down in black on
white. And in nothing are they more strange than in
the unsullied candor with which the Jews always admit
and proclaim that it was their fault, and by no means
the fault of Jah, whenever the joint business went
badly, and narrate against themselves the most astonish
ing series of frauds and falsehoods, showing how they
broke the covenant, and attempted to cheat the other
party in every imaginable way, and, in order to ruin
his credit, conspired with foreign adventurers of the
worst character—such as MM. Baal, Ashtaroth, and
Moloch. Jah, who gave many proofs of a violent and
jealous temper, and who was wont to sell up other
debtors in the most heartless way, appears to have been
very patient and lenient with these flagitious Jews.
Yet with all his kindness and long-suffering he was
again and again forced to put executions into their
houses, and throw themselves into prison ; and at
length, before our year One, having, as it would seem,
given up all hope of making them deal honestly with
him, he had put certain strict Romans in possession of
the property to enforce his mortgage and other rights.
And now comes a sudden and wonderful change in
the history of this mysterious Jah. Whether it was
the original Jah, who felt himself too old to conduct
the immense business alone, or whether it was some
successor of his, who had not the same self-reliance
and imperious will, one cannot venture to decide ; but
we all know that it was publicly announced, and soon
came to be extensively believed, that Jah had taken
unto himself two partners, and that the business was
thenceforth to be carried on by a firm, under the style
�Story of a Famous Old Jswish Firm.
11
of Father, Son, and Co. It is commonly thought that
history has more of certainty as it becomes more
recent ; but unfortunately in the life of Jah, uncertainty
grows ten more times uncertain when we attain the
period of this alleged partnership, for the Jews deny it
altogether ; and of those who believe in it not one is
able to define its character, or even to state its possi
bility in intelligible language. The Jews assert roundly
that the alleged partners are a couple of vile impostors,
that Jah still conducts his world-wide business alone,
that he has good reasons (known only to himself) for
delaying the exposure of these pretenders ; and that,
however sternly he has been dealing with the Jews for
a long time past, and however little they may seem to
have improved so as to deserve better treatment, he
will yet be reconciled to them, and restore them to
possession of their old land, and exalt them above all
their rivals and enemies, and of his own free will and
absolute pleasure burn and destroy every bond of
their indebtedness now in his hands. And in support
of these modest expectations they can produce a
bundle of documents which they assert to be his
promissory notes, undoubtedly for very large amounts ;
but which, being carefully examined, turn out to be all
framed on this model: “ I, the above-mentioned A. B.”
(an obscure or utterly unknown Jew, supposed to have
lived about three thousand years ago), “ hereby promise
in the name of Jah, that the said Jah shall in some
future year unknown, pay unto the house of Israel the
following amount, that is to say, etc.” If we ask,
Where is the power of attorney authorising this dubious
A. B. to promise this amount in the name of Jah ? the
Jews retort : “If you believe in the partnership, you
must believe in such power, for you have accepted all
the obligations of the old house, and have never refused
to discount its paper : if you believe neither in Jah
nor in the partnership, you are a wretch utterly with
out faith, a commercial outlaw.” In addition, however,
to these remarkable promissory notes, the Jews rely
upon the fact that Jah, in the midst of his terrible
anger, has still preserved some kindness for them. He
threatened many pains and penalties upon them for
�12
Satires and Profanities,
breach of the covenant, and many of these threats he
has carried out ; but the most cruel and horrific of all
he has not had the heart to fulfil : they have been
oppressed and crushed, strangers have come into their
landed property, they have been scattered among all
peoples, a proverb and a by-word of scorn among the
nations, their religion has been accursed, their holy
places are defiled, but the crowning woe has been spared
them (Deut. xxviii., 44) ; never yet has it come to pass
that the stranger should lend to them, and they should
not lend to the stranger. There is yet balm in Gilead,
a rose of beauty in Sharon, and a cedar of majesty on
Lebanon ; the Jew still lends to the stranger, and does
not borrow from him, except as he “borrowed ” from
the Egyptian—and the interest on money lent is still
capable, with judicious treatment, of surpassing the
noble standard of “ shent per shent.”
And even among the Gentiles there are some who
believe that Jah is still the sole head of the house, and
that the pair who are commonly accounted junior
partners are in fact only superior servants, the one a
sort of manager, the other general superintendent and
agent, though Jah may allow them a liberal commission
on the profits, as well as a fixed salary.
But the commercial world of Europe, in general,
professes to believe that there is a bond fide partnership,
and that the three partners have exactly equal authority
and interest in the concern ; that, in fact, there is such
thorough identity in every respect that the three may,
and ought to be, for all purposes of business, considered
as one. The second partner, they say, is really the son
of Jah ; though Jah, with that eccentricity which has
ever abundantly characterised his proceedings, had this
son brought up as a poor Jewish youth, apparently the
child of a carpenter called Joseph, and his wife Mary.
Joseph has little or no influence with the firm, and we
scarcely hear of a transaction done through him, but
Mary has made the most profitable use of her old liaison
with Jah, and the majority of those who do business
with the firm seek her good offices, and pay her very
liberal commissions. Those who do not think so
highly of her influence, deal with the house chiefly
�Story of a Famous Old Jewish Firm.
13
through, the Son, and thus it has come to pass that poor
Jah is virtually ousted from his own business. He
and the third partner are little more than sleeping
partners, while his mistress and her son manage every
affair of importance.
This state of things seems somewhat unfair to Jah ;
yet one must own that there are good reasons for it.
Jah was a most haughty and humorous gentleman,
extremely difficult to deal with, liable to sudden fits of
rage, wherein he maltreated friends and foes alike,
implacable when once offended, a desperately sharp
shaver in a bargain, a terrible fellow for going to law.
The son was a much more kindly personage, very
affable and pleasant in conversation, willing and eager
to do a favor to any one, liberal in promises even
beyond his powers of performance, fond of strangers,
and good to the poor ; and his mother, with or without
reason, is credited with a similar character. Moreover,
Jah always kept himself invisible, while the son and
mother were possibly seen, during some years, by a
large number of persons ; and among those who have
never seen them their portraits are almost as popular
as photographs of the Prince and Princess of Wales.
With the real or pretended establishment of the
Firm, a great change took place in the business of Jah.
This business had been chiefly with the Jews, and even
when it extended to foreign transactions, these were all
subordinate to the Jewish trade. But the Firm lost
no time in proclaiming that it would deal with the
whole world on equal terms : no wonder the Jews
abhor the alleged partners I And the nature of the
contracts, the principal articles of trade, the mode of
keeping the accounts, the commission and interest
charged and allowed, the salaries of the agents and
clerks, the advantages offered to clients, were all
changed too. The head establishment was removed
from Jerusalem to Rome, and branch establishments
were gradually opened in nearly all the towns and
villages of Europe, besides many in Asia and Africa,
Bnd afterwards in America and Australia. It is worth
noting that in Asia and Africa (although the firm arose
in the former) the business has never been carried on
�14
Satires and Profanities.
very successfully; Messrs. Brahma, Vishnu, Seeva
and Co., the great houses of Buddha and Mumbo
Jumbo, various Parsee firms, and other opposition
houses, having among them almost monopolised the
trade.
The novel, distinctive, and most useful article -which
the Firm engaged to supply was a bread called par
excellence the Bread of Life. The Prospectus (which
was first drafted, apparently in perfect good faith, by
the Son ; but which has since been so altered and ex
panded by successive agents that we cannot learn what
the original, no longer extant, exactly stated) sets forth
that the House of Jah, Son and Co. has sole possession
of the districts yielding the corn whereof this bread is
made, the sole patents of the mills for grinding and
ovens for baking, and that it alone has the secret of the
proper process for kneading. The Firm admits that
many other houses have pretended to supply this in
valuable bread, but accuses them all of imposture or
poisonous adulteration. For itself, it commands the
genuine supply in such quantities that it can under
take to feed the whole world, and at so cheap a rate
that the poorest will be able to purchase as much as he
needs ; and, moreover, as the firm differs essentially
from all other firms in having no object in view save
the benefit of its customers, the partners being already
so rich that no profits could add to their wealth, it will
supply the bread for mere love to those who have not
money!
This fair and beautiful prospectus, you will easily
believe, brought vast multitudes eager to deal with the
firm, and especially large multitudes of the poor,
ravished with the announcement that love should be
henceforth current coin of the realm ; and the business
spread amazingly. But at the very outset a sad mis
chance occurred. The Son, by far the best of the
partners, was suddenly seized and murdered and buried
by certain agents of the old Jewish business (furious
at the prospect of losing all their rich trade), with the
connivance of the Roman installed as inspector. At
least, these wretches thought they had murdered the
poor man, and it is admitted on every side that they
�Story of a Famous Old Jewish Firm.
15
buried him ; but the dependants of the Firm have a
strange story that he was not really killed, but arose
out of his tomb after lying there for three days, and
slipped away to keep company with his father, the
invisible Jah, in his exceedingly private office ; and
they assert that he is still alive along with Jah, molli
fying the old man when he gets into one of his furious
passions, pleading for insolvent debtors, and in all
things by act and counsel doing good for all the clients
of the house. They, moreover, assert that the third
partner, who as the consoling substitute for the absent
Son is commonly called the Comforter, and who is
very energetic, though mysteriously invisible in his
operations, superintends all the details of the business
in every one of the establishments. But this third
partner is so difficult to catch, that, as stated before,
the majority of the customers deal with the venerable
mother, as the most accessible and humane personage
belonging to the house.
Despite the death or disappearance of the Son, the
firm prospered for a considerable time. After severe
competition, in which neither side showed itself very
‘scrupulous, the great firm of Jupiter and Co., the old
Greek house, which had been strengthened by the
amalgamation of the wealthiest Roman firms, was
utterly beaten from the field, sold up and extinguished.
In the sale of the effects many of the properties in
most demand were bought in by the new firm, which
also took many of the clerks and agents into its em
ployment, and it is even said adopted in several impor
tant respects the mode of carrying on business and the
system of book-keeping. But while the firm was thus
conquering its most formidable competitor, innumerable
dissensions were arising between its own branch esta
blishments ; every one accusing every other of dealing
on principles quite hostile to the regulations instituted
by the head of the house, of falsifying the accounts,
and of selling an article which was anything but the
genuine unadulterated bread. There were also inter
minable quarrels among them as to relative rank and
importance.
And whether the wheat, as delivered to the various
�16
Satires and Profanities.
establishments, was or was not the genuine article
which the firm had contracted to supply, it was soon
discovered that it issued from the licensed shops adul
terated in the most audacious manner. And, although
the prospectus had stated most positively that the
bread should be delivered to the poor customers of the
firm without money and without price (and such seems
really to have been the good Son s intention), it was
found, in fact, that the loaves, when they reached the
consumer, were at least as costly as ever loaves of any
kind of bread had been. It mattered little that the
wheat was not reckoned in the price, when agents r
commissioners’, messengers fees, bakers charges, and
a hundred items, made the price total so enormous.
When, at length, the business was flourishing all over
Europe, it was the most bewildering confusion of con
tradictions that, perhaps, was ever known in the com
mercial world. Eor in all the establishments the
agents professed and very solemnly swore that they
dealt on principles opposed and infinitely superior to
the old principles of trade ; yet their proceedings (save
that they christened old things with new names) were w
identical with those which had brought to shameful
ruin the most villainous old firms. The sub-managers,
who were specially ordered to remain poor while in the
business, and for obedience were promised the most
splendid pensions when superannuated, all became rich
as princes by their exactions from the clients of the
house ; the agents, who were especially commanded to
keep the peace, were ever stirring up quarrels and
fighting ferociously, not only with opposition agents
but with one another. The accounts, which were tn
be regulated by the most honest and simple rules, were
complicated in a lawless system, which no man could
understand, and falsified to incredible amounts, to the
loss of the customers, without being to the gain of the
firm. In brief, each establishment was like one ot
those Chinese shops where the most beautiful and noble
maxims of justice and generosity are painted in gilt
letters outside, while the most unblushing fraud and
extortion are practised inside. When poor customers
complained of these things, they were told that the
�17
Story of a Famous Old Jewish Firm.
system was perfect, that the evils were all from the
evil men who conducted the business ! but the good
people did not further explain how the perfection of
the system could ever be realised, since it must always
be worked by imperfect men. Complainants thus
mildly and vaguely answered were very fortunate ;
others, in places where the firm was very powerful,
were answered by imprisonment or false accusations, or
by being pelted and even murdered by mobs. Many
who thought the bread badly baked were themselves
thrust into the fire.
Yet so intense is the need of poor men for some
bread of life, so willing are simple men to believe fair
promises, that, in spite of the monstrous injustice and
falsehood and cruelty and licentiousness of the
managers and sub-managers and agents of the firm,
the business continued to flourish, and all the wealth
of Europe flowed into its coffers. And generations
passed ere some persons bethought them to think
seriously of the original Deed of Partnership and th©
fundamental principles of the Firm. These documents,
which had been carefully confined in certain old dead
languages which few of the customers could read, were
translated into vulgar tongues, which all could read or
understand when read, and everyone began studying
them for himself. This thinking of essentials, which,
is so rare a thought among mankind, has already pro
duced remarkable effects, and promises to produce
effects yet more remarkable in a short time.
Behold a few of the-questions which this study of the
first documents has raised.—The Father, whom no one
has seen, is there indeed such a personage ? The Son,
whom certainly no one has seen for eighteen hundred
years, did he really come to life again after being
brutally murdered ? The junior partner, whom no one
has ever seen, the Comforter, is he a comforter made of
the wool of a sheep that never was fleeced ? Th©
business, as we see it, merely uses the names, and
would be precisely the same business if these names
covered no personages. Do the managers and sub
managers really carry it on for their own profit, using
these high names to give dignity to their rascality, and
B
�18
Satires and Profanities.
to make poor people believe that they have unbounded
capital at their back ? One is punished for defamation
of character if he denies the existence of the partners,
yet not the very chief of all the managers pretends to
have seen any of the three !
And the vaunted Bread of Life, wherein does it
differ from the old corn-of-Ceres bread, from the baking
of the wheat of Mother Hertha ? Chiefly in this, that
it creates much more wind on the stomach. It is not
more wholesome, nor more nourishing, and certainly
not more cheap ; and it does us little good to be told
that it would be if the accredited agents were honest
and supplied it pure, when we are told, at the same
time, that we must get it through these agents. It is
indeed affirmed that, in an utterly unknown region
beyond the Black Sea, the genuine wheat may be seen
growing by anyone who discovers the place ; but, as
no one who ever crossed the sea on a voyage of
discovery ever returned, the assertion rests on the bare
word of people who have never seen the corn-land any
more than they have seen the partners of the firm ;
and their word is bare indeed, for it has been stripped
to shame in a thousand affairs wherein it could be
brought to the test. They tell us also that we shall all
in time cross the Black Sea, and if we have been good
customers shall dwell evermore in that delightful land,
with unlimited supplies of the bread gratis. This may
be true, but how do they know ? It may be true that
in the sea we shall all get drowned for ever.
These and similar doubts which, in many minds, have
hardened into positive disbelief, are beginning to affect
seriously the trade of the firm. But its interests are
now so inextricably bound up with the interests of
thousands and millions of well-to-do and respectable
people, and on its solvency or apparent solvency depends
that of so large a number of esteemed merchants, that
we may expect the most desperate struggles to postpone
its final bankruptcy. In the great Roman establish
ment the manager has been supported for many years
by charitable contributions from every one whom he
could persuade to give or lend, and now he wants to
borrow much more. The superintendent of the shops
�Story of a Famous Old Jewish Firm.
19
in London is in these days begging for ten hundred
thousand pounds to assist the poor firm in its difficulties.
It seems a good sum of money ; but, bless you, it is but
a drop in the sea compared with what the business has
already absorbed, and is still absorbing. Scattered
shops in the most distant countries have only been sus
tained for many years by alms from customers here.
The barbarians won’t eat the bread, but the bakers sent
out must have their salaries. A million of pounds are
being begged here ; and people (who would prosecute a
mendicant of halfpence) will give it no doubt! Yet, 0
worthy manager of the London Shops, one proved loaf
of the real Bread would be infinitely more valuable,
and would infinitely more benefit your firm ! The
villainy of the agents was monstrous, generation after
generation, the cost of that which was promised without
money and without price was ruinous for centuries ; but
not all the villainy and extortion multiplied a hundred
fold could drive away the poor hungry customers while
they had faith in the genuineness of the bread. It was
the emptiness and the wind on the stomach after much
eating, which raised the fatal doubts as to the bona fides
of the whole concern. The great English managers
had better ponder this ; for at present they grope in
the dark delusion that more and better bakers salaried
with alms, and new shops opened with eleemosynary
funds, will bring customers to buy their bran cakes as
wheaten loaves. A very dark delusion, indeed ! If
the pure promised bread cannot be supplied, no amount
of money will keep the business going very long. Con
sider what millions on millions of pounds have been
subscribed already, what royal revenues are pouring in
still; all meant for investment in wholesome and
nourishing food, but nearly all realised in hunger and
emptiness, heartburn and flatulence. The old Roman
shrewdly calculated that the House of Olympus would
prove miserably insolvent if its affairs were wound up,
if it tried honestly to pay back all the deposits of its
customers. As for this more modern firm, one suspects
that, in like case, it would prove so insolvent that it
could not pay a farthing in the pound. For Olympus
was a house that dealt largely in common worldly
�20
Satires and Profanities.
goods, and of these things really did give a considerable
quantity to its clients for their money ; but the new
firm professed to sell things infinitely more valuable,
and of these it cannot prove the delivery of a single
parcel during the eighteen hundred years it has been
receiving purchase-money unlimited.
The humble compiler of this rapid and imperfect
summary ought, perhaps, to give his own opinion of the
firm and the partners, although he suffers under the
disadvantage of caring very little for the business, and
thinks that far too much time is wasted by both the
friends and the enemies of the house in investigation
of every line and figure in its books. He believes that
Jah, the grand Jewish dealer, was a succession of
several distinct personages ; and will probably continue
to believe thus until he learns that there was but one
Pharaoh, King of Egypt, but one Bourbon, King of
France, and that the House of Rothschild has always
been one and the same man. He believes that the Son
was by no means the child of the Father, that he was
a much better character than the Father, that he was
really and truly murdered, that his prospectus and
business plans were very much more wise and honest
and good than the prospectus as we have it now, and
the system as it has actually been worked. He believes
that the Comforter has really had a share in this as in
every other business not wholly bad in the world, that
he has never identified his interests with those of any
firm, that specially he never committed himself to a
partnership of unlimited liability with the Hebrew Jah,
that he undoubtedly had extensive dealings with the
Son, and placed implicit confidence in him while a
living man, and that he will continue to deal profitably
and bountifully with men long after the firm has
become bankrupt and extinct. He believes that the
corn of the true bread of life is sown and grown,
reaped, ground, kneaded, baked and eaten on this side
of the Black Sea. He believes that no firm or company
whatever, with limited or unlimited liability, has the
monopoly for the purveyance of this bread, that no
charters can confer such monopoly, that the bread is
only to be got pure by each individual for himself, and
�Story of a Famous Old Jewish Firm.
21
that no two individuals of judgment really like it pre
pared in exactly the same fashion, but that unfor
tunately (as his experience compels him to believe)
the bulk of mankind will always in the future, no less
than in the past, persist in endeavoring to procure it
through great chartered companies.
Finally, he
believes that the worthy chief baker in London with
his million of money is extremely like the worthy
Mrs. Partington with her mop against the Atlantic.
Religion in the Rocky Mountains.
Top of Pike’s Peak, March Mh, 1873.
Honored with your special commission, I at once
hurried across to Denver, and thence still westward
until I found myself among the big vertebrae of this
longish backbone of America. I have wandered to and
fro among the new cities, the advanced camps of civili
sation, always carefully reticent as to my mission,
always carefully inquiring into the state of religion
both in doctrine and practice. You were so hopeful
that high Freethought would be found revelling trium
phant in these high free regions, that I fear you will be
acutely pained by this my true report. Churches and
chapels of all kinds abound—Episcopalian, Methodist
Episcopal (for the Methodists here have bishops), Pres
byterian, Baptist, Congregational, Roman Catholic, etc.
Zeal inflaming my courage, three and even four times
have I ventured into a Church, each time enduring the
whole service ; and if I have not ventured oftener, cer
tainly I had more than sufficient cause to abstain. For
�22
Satires and Profanities.
as I suffered in my few visits to churches in your Eng
land, so I suffered here ; and such sufferings are too
dreadful to be frequently encountered, even by the
bravest of the brave. Whether my sensations in church
are similar to those of others, or are peculiar to myself,
I cannot be sure; but I am quite sure that they are
excruciating. On first entering I may feel calm,
wakeful, sane, and not uncomfortable, except that here
I rather regret being shut in from the pure air and
splendid sky, and in England rather regret having come
out through the raw, damp murk, and in both regret
that civilisation has not yet established smoking-pews ;
but the Church is always behind the age. It is pleasant
for awhile to note the well-dressed people seated or
entering ; the men with unctuous hair and somewhat
wooden decorum ; the women floating more at ease,
suavely conscious of their fine inward and outward
adornments. It is pleasant to keep a hopeful look-out
for some one of more than common beauty or grace,
and to watch such a one if discovered. As the service
begins, and the old, old words and phrases come floating
around me, I am lulled into quaint dream-memories of
childhood ; the long unthought-of school-mates, the
surreptitious sweetstuff, the manifold tricks and
smothered laughter, by whose aid (together with total
inattention to the service, except to mark and learn the
text) one managed to survive the ordeal. The singing
also is pleasant, and lulls me into vaguer dreams.
Gradually, as the service proceeds, I become more
drowsy ; my small faculties are drugged into quiet
slumber, they feel themselves off duty, there is nothing
for which they need keep awake. But, with the com
mencement of the sermon, new and alarming symptoms
arise within me, growing ever worse and worse until
the close. Pleasure departs with tranquillity, the irrita
tion of revolt and passive helplessness is acute. I cannot
find relief in toffy, or in fun with my neighbors, as
when I was a happy child. The old stereotyped phrases,
the immemorial platitudes, the often-killed sophistries
that never die, come buzzing and droning about me
like a sluggish swarm of wasps, whose slow deliberate
stinging is more hard to bear than the quick keen
�Religion in the Rocky Mountains.
23
stinging of anger. Then the wasps, penetrating through
my ears, swarm inside me ; there is a horrid buzzing in
my brain, a portentous humming in my breast ; my
small faculties are speedily routed, and disperse in blind
anguish, the implacable wasps droning out and away
after them, and I am left void, void ; with hollow skull,
empty heart, and a mortal sinking of stomach ; my
whole being is but a thin shell charged with vacuity
and desperate craving ; I expect every instant to col
lapse or explode. It is but too certain that if anyone
should then come to lead me off to an asylum for idiots,
or a Young Men’s Christian Association, or any similar
institution, I could not utter a single rational word to
save myself. And though all my faculties have left
me, I cannot attempt to leave the church ; decorum,
rigid and frigid, freezes me to my seat ; I stare stonily
in unimaginable torture, feebly wondering whether the
sermon will outlast my sanity, or my sanity outlast the
sermon. When at length released, I am so utterly
demoralised that I can but smoke furiously, pour much
beer and cram much dinner into my hollowness, and
so with swinish dozing hope to feel better by tea-time.
Now, though in order to fulfil the great duties you
entrust to me, I have cheerfully dared the Atlantic,
and spent long days and perilous nights in railroad cars,
and would of course (were it indeed necessary) face
unappalled mere physical death and destruction, I
really could not go on risking, with the certainty of
ere long losing, my whole small stock of brains ; espe
cially as the loss of these would probably rather hinder
than further the performance of the said duties. For
suppose me reduced to permanent idiocy by church
going, become a mere brazen hollowness with a riotous
tongue like Cowper’s church-going bell ; is it not most
likely that I would then turn true believer, renouncing
and denouncing your noble commission, even as you
would renounce and denounce your imbecile commis
sioner ?
Finding that I could not pursue my inquiries in the
churches and chapels, I was much grieved and per
plexed, until one of those thoughts occurred to me
which are always welcome and persuasive, because ill
�24
Satires and Profanities.
exact agreement with our own desires or necessities.
I thought of what I had remarked when visiting your
England : how the churches and chapels and lecture
halls, each sect thundering more or less terribly against
all the others, made one guess that the people were
more disputatious than pious ; how one became con
vinced, in spite of his infidel reluctance, that the people
were indeed, as a rule, thoroughly and genuinely
religious, by mingling freely with them in their com
mon daily and nightly life. I asked myself, What really
proved to me the pervading Christianity of England ?
the sermons, the tracts, the clerical lectures, the mis
sionary meetings ? the cathedrals and other theatres
and music-halls crowded with worshippers on Sunday,
while the museums and other public-houses were empty
and shut? No, scarcely these things ; but the grand
princeliness of the princes, the true nobleness of the
nobles, the lowliness of the bishops, the sanctity of the
clergy, the honesty of the merchants, the veracity of
the shopkeepers, the sobriety and thrift of the artisans,
the independence and intelligence of the rustics ; the
general faith and hope and love which brightened the
sunless days, the general temperance and chastity which
made beautiful the sombre nights ; the almost universal
abhorrence of the world, the flesh, and the Devil ; the
almost universal devotion to heaven, the spirit, and God.
I thereupon determined to study the religion out
here, even as I had studied it in England, in the ordinary
public and private life of the people ; and you will
doubtless be sorely afflicted to learn that I have found
everywhere much the same signs of genuine, practical
Christianity as are so common and patent in the old
country. The ranchmen have sown the good seed, and
shall reap the harvest of heavenly felicity ; the stockmen will surely be corraled with the sheep, and not
among the goats, at the last day ; not to gain the whole
world would the storekeepers lose their own souls ; the
pioneers have found the narrow way which leadeth unto
life ; the fishermen are true disciples, the trappers catch
Satan in his own snares, the hunters are mighty before
the Lord; bright are the celestial prospects of the
prospectors, and the miners are all stoping-out that
�Religion in the Boclcy Mountains.
25
hidden treasure which is richer than silver and much
dine gold. As compared with the English, these
Western men are perchance inferior in two important
points of Christian sentiment; they probably do not
fear God, being little given to fear anyone ; they cer
tainly do not honor the king, perhaps because they
unfortunately have none to honor. On the other
hand, as I have been assured by many persons from
the States, and the old country, they are even superior
to the English in one important point of Christian
conduct. Christ has promised that in discharging the
damned to hell at the Day of Judgment, he will fling
.at them this among other reproaches, “ I was a stranger,
and ye took me not in ” ; and this particular rebuke
seems to have wrought a peculiarly deep impression in
these men perhaps because they have much more to
do with strangers than have people ih the old settled
countries, so much, indeed, that the wrord “ stranger
is continually in their mouths. The result is (as the
said persons from England and the States have often
solemnly assured me) that any and every stranger
arriving in these regions is most thoroughly, most
beautifully, most religiously taken in. So that should
any of these fine fellows by evil hap be among the
accursed multitude whom Christ thus addresses, they
will undoubtedly retort in their frank fashion of
•speech : “ Wall, boss, it may be right to give us hell
on other counts, but you say you was a stranger and
we' didn’t take you in. What we want to know is,
Did you ever come to our parts to trade in mines or
stock or sich ? If you didn't, how the Devil could we
take you in ? if you did, it’s a darned lie, and an insult
to our understanding to say we didn't."
But though the practical life out here is so veritably
'Christian, you still hope that at any rate the creeds and
doctrines are considerably heterodox. I am sincerely
sorry to be obliged to destroy this hope. In the ordinary
-talk of the men continually recur the same or almost
the same expressions and implications of orthodox
belief, as are so common in your England, and
throughout Christendom. Why such formulas are
.generally used by men onlj, I have often been puzzled
�26
Satires and Profanities.
to explain ; it may be that the women, who in all lands
attend divine service much more than do the men, find
ample expression of their faith in the set times and
places of public worship and private prayer ; while
the men, less methodical, and demanding liberal scope,
give it robust utterance whenever and wherever they
choose. These formulas, as you must have often
remarked, are most weighty and energetic ; they avouch
and avow the supreme personages and mysteries and
dogmas of their religion ; they are usually but brief
ejaculations, in strong contrast to those long prayers of
the Pharisees which Jesus laughed to scorn ; and they
are often so superfluous as regards the mere worldly
meaning of the sentences in which they appear, that it
is evident they have been interjected simply to satisfy
the pious ardor of the speaker, burning to proclaim in
season and out of season the cardinal principles of his
faith. I say speaker, and not writer, because writing,
being comparatively cold and deliberate, seldom flames
out in these sharp swift flashes, that leap from living
lips touched with coals of fire from the altar.
I am aware that these fervid ejaculations are apt tobe regarded by the light-minded as trivial, by the coldhearted as indecorous, by the sanctimonious as even
profane ; but to the true philosopher, whether he be
religious or not, they are pregnant with grave signi
ficance. For do not these irrepressible utterances burst
forth from the very depths of the profound heart of
the people ? Are they not just as spontaneous and
universal as is the belief in God itself ? Are they not
among the most genuine and impassioned words of man
kind ? Have they not a primordial vigor and vitality ?
Are they not supremely of that voice of the people which
has been well called the voice of God ? Thus when your
Englishman instead of “ Strange !” says “ The Devil !”
instead of “Wonderful!” cries “Good Heavens!” instead
of “ How startling !” exclaims “ 0 Christ 1” he does
more than merely express his emotions, his surprise, his
wonder, his amaze ; he hallows it to the assertion of
his belief in Satan, in the good kingdom of God, in
Jesus; and, moreover, by the emotional gradation
ranks with perfect accuracy the Devil lowest in the
�Religion in the Rocky Mountains,
27
scale, the heavens higher, Christ the loftiest. When
another shouts “ God damn you ! he not only con
demns the evil of the person addressed ; he also takes
occasion to avow his own strong faith in God and
God’s judgment of sinners. Similarly
God bless
you
implies that there is a God, and that from him
all blessings flow. How vividly does the vulgar
hyperbole “ Infernally hot,” prove the general belief
in hell-fire? And the phrase “God knows! not
merely declares that the subject is beyond human
knowledge, but also that an all-wise God exists. Here
in the West, as before stated, such brief expressions
of faith, which are so much more sincere than. long
formularies repeated by rote in church, are quite as
common as in your England. When one has sharply
rebuked or punished another, he says, “ 1 gave him
hell.” And that this belief in future punishment per
vades all classes is proved by the fact that even a
profane editor speaks of it as a matter of course. lor
the thermometer having been stolen from his sanctum,
the said worthy editor announced that the .mean cuss
who took it might as well bring or send it back (no
questions asked) for it could not be of any use to him
in the place he was going to, as it only registered up
to 212 degrees. The old notion that hell or Hades is
located in the middle of the earth (which may have a
scientific solution in the Plutonic theory that we dwell
on the crust of a baked dumpling full of fusion and
confusion) is obviously tallied by the miner s assertion
that his vein was true-fissure, reaching from the grass
roots down to hell. The frequent phrase A Go damned liar,” “A God-damned thief,” recognises God
as the punisher of the wicked. I have heard a man
complain of an ungodly headache, implying first, theexistence of God, and secondly, the fact that the God1 Is it not time that we wrote such words as this damn at lull
length, as did Emily Bronte, the Titaness, whom Charlotte just y
vindicates in this as in other respects; instead of putting oni y
initial and final letters, with a hypocritical fig-leaf dash m the
middle, drawing particular attention to what it affects to conceal ? These words are in all men’s mouths, and many ot
em
are emphatically the leading words of the Bible.
�58
Satires and Profanities.
head does not ache, or in other words is perfect.
Countless other phrases of this kind might be alleged,
a few of them astonishingly vigorous and racy, for new
countries breed lusty new forms of speech ; but the
few already given suffice for my present purpose. One
remarkable comparison, however, k cannot pass over
without a word : it is common to say of a man who has
too much self-esteem, He thinks himself a little tin
Jesus on wheels. It is clear that some profound sug
gestion, some sacrosanct mystery, must underlie this
bold locution ; but what I have been hitherto unable
to find out. The connection between Jesus and tin
may seem obvious to such as know anything of bishops
and pluralists, pious bankers and traders. But what
about the wheels ? Have they any relation to the
opening chapter of Ezekiel ? It is much to be wished
that Max Muller, and all other such great scholars, who
(as I am informed, for it’s not I that would presume to
study them myself) manage to extract whatever noble
mythological meanings they want, from unintelligible
Oriental metaphors and broken phrases many thousand
years old, would give a few years of their superfluous
time to the interpretation of this holy riddle. Do not,
gentlemen, do not by all that is mysterious, leave it to
the scholars of millenniums to come ; proceed to probe
and analyse and turn it inside out at once, while it is
still young and flourishing, while the genius who
invented it is still probably alive, if he deceased not in
his boots, as decease so many gallant pioneers.
And here, before afflicting you further, 0 muchenduring editor, let me soothe you a little by stating
that some particles of heresy, some few heretics, are to
be found even here. I have learned that into a very
good and respectable bookstore in a city of these
regions, certain copies of Taylor’s Diegesis have pene
trated, who can say how ? and that some of these have
been sold. A living judge has been heard to declare
that he couldn’t believe at all in the Holy Ghost outfit.
It has also been told me of a man who must have held
strange opinions as to the offspring of God the Father,
though certainly this man was not a representative
pioneer, being but a German miner, fresh from the
�Religion in the Rocky Mountains.
29“
States. This Dutchman (all Germans here are Dutch,
doubtless from Deutsche, the special claims of the
Hollanders being ignored) was asked solemnly by a
clergyman, “ WIio died to save sinners ?” and answered
“Gott.” “What,” said the pained and pious pastor,
“Don’t you know that it was Jesus the Son of God ?”
“ Ah,” returned placidly the Dutchman, “ it vass one
of te boys, vass it ? I always dought it vass te olt man
himselben.” This good German may have been misled
by the mention of the sons of God early in Genesis,
yet it is strange that he knew not that Jesus is the only
son of God, and our Savior. A story is moreover told
of two persons, of whom the one boasted rather too
often that he was a self-made man, and the other at
length quietly remarked that he was quite glad to hear
it, as it cleared God from the responsibility of a darned
mean bit of work. Whence some have inferred the
heresy that God is the creator of only a part of the
universe, but I frankly confess that in my own opinion
the reply was merely a playful sarcasm.
The most decided heresy which has come under my
own observation was developed in the course of a chat
between two miners in a lager-beer saloon and billiardhall ; into the which, it need scarcely be remarked, I
was myself solely driven by the fierce determination
to carry out my inquiries thoroughly. Bill was
smoking, Dick was chewing ; and they stood up
together, at rather rapidly decreasing intervals, for
drinks of such “fine old Bourbon” rye whiskey as
bears the honorable popular title of rot-gut. The fre
quency with which the drinking of alcoholic liquors
leads to impassioned and elevated discussion of great
problems in politics, history, dog-breeding, horse
racing, moral philosophy, religion and kindred
important subjects, seems to furnish a strong and
hitherto neglected argument against teetotalism. There
are countless men who can only be stimulated to a
lively and outspoken interest in intellectual questions
by a series of convivial glasses and meditative whiffs.
If such men really take any interest in such questions
at other times, it remains deplorably latent, not exer
cising its legitimate influence on the public opinion of
�.'30
Satires and Profanities.
the world. Our two boys were discussing theology ;
and having had many drinks, grappled with the doctrine
of the triune God. “ Wall,” said Bill, “ I can’t make
out that trinity consarn, that three’s one and one’s three
outfit.” Whereto Dick : “ Is that so ? Then you
warn’t rigged out for a philosopher, Bill. Look here,”
pulling forth his revolver, an action which caused a
•slight stir in the saloon, till the other boys saw that he
didn’t mean business ; “ look here, I’ll soon fix it up
for you. Here’s six chambers, but it’s only one pistol,
with one heft and one barrel; the heft for us to catch
hold of, the barrel to kill our enemy. Wall, God
a’mighty’s jest made hisself a three-shooter, while he
remains one God; but the Devil, he’s only a single-shot
derringer : so God can have three fires at the Devil for
one the Devil can have at him. Now can’t you figure
it out ?” “ Wall,” said Bill, evidently staggered by
the revolver, and feeling, if possible, increased respect
for that instrument on finding it could be brought to
bear toward settlement of even such a difficulty as the
present; “Wall, that pans out better than I thought
it could : but to come down to the bed-rock, either
God's a poor mean shot or his piece carries darned
light ; for I reckon the Devil makes better play
with his one chamber than God with his three.”
“ Maybe,” replied Dick, with calm candor, strangely
indifferent to the appalling prospects this theory held
out for our universe ; “ some of them pesky little
things jest shoot peas that rile the other fellow without
much hurting him, and then, by thunder, he lets day
light through you with one good ball. Besides, it’s
likely enough the Devil’s the best shot, for he’s been
consarned in a devilish heap of shooting more than
God has ; at any rate”—perchance vaguely remember
ing to have heard of such things as “ religious wars ”—
“ of late years, between here and ’Frisco. Wall, I
guess I don’t run the creation. Let’s liquor
mani
festly deriving much comfort from the consciousness
that he had no hand in conducting this world. Bill
acquiesced with a brief “ Ja,” and they stood up for
another drink. I am bound to attest that, in spite or
because of the drinks, they had argued throughout
�Religion in the Rocky Mountains.
31
-with the utmost deliberation and gravity, with a
dignified demeanor which Bishops and D.Ds. might
■envy, and ought to emulate.
Having thus comforted you with what little of heresy
and infidelity I have been able to gather, it is now my
painful duty to advance another class of proofs of the
general religiousness here ; a class of which you have
very few current specimens in England, unless it be
among the Roman Catholic. All comparative mythologists—indeed, all students of history—are said to
agree that the popular legends and myths of any race
at any time are of the utmost value, as showing what
the race then believed, and thus determining its moral
and intellectual condition at that period ; this value
being quite irrespective of the truth or untruth to fact
■of the said legends. Hence in modern times collections
of old traditions and fairy tales have been excellently
well received, whether from the infantile literature of
ancient peoples, as the Oriental and Norse, or from the
■senile and anile lips of secluded members of tribes
whose nationality is fast dying out, as the Gaelic and
Welsh. And truly such collections commend them
selves alike to the grave and the frivolous, for the
scientific scholar finds in them rich materials for
•serious study, and the mere novel-reader can flatter
himself that he is studying while simply enjoying
strange stories become new from extreme old age. All
primitive peoples, who read and write little, have their
most popular beliefs fluidly embodied in oral legends
and myths ; and in this respect the settlers of a new
region, though they may come from the oldest countries,
resemble the primitive peoples. They are too busy
with the tough work of subduing the earth to give
much time to writing or reading anything beyond their
local newspapers ; they love to chat together when not
working, and chat, much more than writing, runs into
stories. Thus religious legends in great numbers circu
late out here, all charged and surcharged with faith in
the mythology of the Bible. Of these it has been my
sad privilege to listen to not a few. As this letter is
already too long for your paper, though very brief for
the importance of its theme, I will subjoin but a couple
�32
Satires and Profanities.
of them, which I doubt not will be quite enough to
indicate what measureless superstition prevails in
these youngest territories of the free and enlightened
Republic.
It is told—on what authority no one asks, the legend
being universally accepted on its intrinsic merits, as.
Protestants would have us accept the Bible, and Papists
their copious hagiology—that St. Joseph, the putative
father of oui’ Lord, fell into bad habits, slipping almost
daily out of Heaven into evil society, coming home
very late at night and always more or less intoxicated.
It is suggested that he may have been driven into these
courses by unhappiness in his connubial and parental
relations, his wife and her child being ranked so much
above himself by the Christian world, and the latter
being quite openly attributed to another father. Peter,
though very irascible, put up with his misconduct for
a long time, not liking to be harsh to one of the Royal
Family ; and it is believed that God the Father sym
pathised with this poor old Joseph, and protected him,
being himself jealous of the vastly superior popularity
of Mary and Jesus. But at length, after catching a
violent cold through getting out’ of bed at a prepos
terous hour to let the staggering Joseph in, Peter told
him roundly that if he didn’t come home sober and in
good time, he must just stay out all night. Joseph,
feeling sick and having lost his pile, promised amend
ment, and for a time kept his word. Then he relapsed
the heavenly life proved too slow for him, the continual
howling of “all the menagerie of the Apocalypse”
shattered his nerves, he was disgusted at his own
insignificance, the memory of the liaison between his
betrothed and the Holy Ghost filled him with gall and
wormwood, and perhaps he suspected that it was still
kept up. So, late one night or early one morning,.
Peter was roused from sleep by an irregular knocking
and fumbling at the gate, as if some stupid dumb
animal w.ere seeking admittance. “Who’s there?”
growled Peter. “ It’s me—Joseph,” hiccoughed the
unfortunate. “You’re drunk,” said Peter, savagely.
“ You’re on the tear again ; you’re having another
bender.” “Yes,” answered Joseph, meekly. “Wall,”
�Religion in the Rocky Mountains.
33
said Peter, “you jest go back to where you come from
and spend the night there; get.” “I can’t,” said
Joseph. “They’re all shut up; they’ve turned me
out.” “ Then sleep outside in the open air ; it’s whole
some, and will bring you round,” said Peter. After
much vain coaxing and supplicating, old Joe got quite
mad, and roared out, “ If you don’t get up and let me
in at once, by God I’ll take my son out of the outfit
and bust up the whole consarn!” Peter, terrified by
this threat, which, if carried out, would ruin his pro
spects in eternal life by abolishing his office of celestial
porter, caved in, getting up and admitting Joseph, who
ever since, has had a latch-key that he may go and
come when he pleases. It is to be hoped that he will
never when tight let this latch-key be stolen by one of
the little devils who are always lurking about the
haunts of dissipation he frequents ; for in that case the
consequences might be awful as can be readily imagined.
Again it is told that a certain miner, a tough cuss,
who could whip his weight in wild cats and give points
to a grizzle, seemed uncommonly moody and lowspirited one morning, and on being questioned by his
chum, at length confessed that he was bothered by a
very queer dream. “ I dreamt that I was dead,” he
explained ; “ and a smart spry pretty little angel took
me up to heaven.” “Dreams go by contraries,” sug
gested the chum, by way of comfort. “ Let that slide,”
answered the dreamer ; “ the point isn’t there. Wall,
St.. Peter wasn’t at the gate, and the angel critter led
me on to pay my respects to the boss, and after travelling
considerable we found him as thus. God the Father,
God the Son, God the Holy Ghost and Peter, all as large
as life, were playing a high-toned game of poker, and
there was four heavy piles on the table—gold, not shin
plasters, you bet. I was kinder glad to see that they
played poker up in heaven, so as to make life there not
onbearable ; for *it would be but poor fun singing
psalms all day ; I was never much of a hand at singing,
more particularly when the songs is psalms. Wall, we
waited, not liking to disturb their game, and I watched
the play. I soon found that Jesus Christ was going
through the rest, cheating worse than the heathen
C
�34
Satires and Profanities.
Chinee at euchre ; but of course I didn’t say nothing,
not being in the game. After a while Peter showed
that he began to guess it to, if he wasn’t quite sure ; or
p’raps he was skeared at up and telling Christ to his
face. At last, however, what does Christ do, after a
bully bluff which ran Pete almost to his bottom, dollar,
but up and show five aces to Pete’s call; and ‘ What’s
that for high ?’ says he, quite cool. ‘ Now look you,
Christ,’ shouts Pete, jumping up as mad as thunder, and
not caring a cent or a continental what he said to any
body ; ‘ look you, Christ, that’s too thin ; we don’t want
any of your darned miracles here !’ and with that he
grabbed up his pile and all his stakes, and went off in a
mighty huff. Christ looked pretty mean, I tell you, and
the game was up. Now you see,” said the dreamer, sadly
and thoughtfully, “ it’s a hard rock to drill and darned poor
pay at that, if when you have a quiet hand at poker up
there, the bosses are allowed to cheat and a man can’t
use his deringer or put a head on ’em ; I don’t know
but I’d rather go to the other place on those terms.”
Not yet to be read in books, as I have intimated, but
circulating orally, and in versions that vary with the
various rhapsodists, such are the legends you may hear
when a ring is formed round the hotel-office stove at
night, in shanties and shebangs of ranchmen and
miners, in the shingled offices of judge and doctor, in
railroad cars and steamboats, or when bumming around
the stores ; whenever and wherever, in short, men are
gathered with nothing particular to do. The very
naivete of such stories surely testifies to the child-like
sincerity of the faith they express and nourish. It is
the simple unbounded faith of the Middle Ages, such
as we find in the old European legends and poems and
mysteries, such as your poetess Mrs. Browning well
marks in Chaucer—
“ the infantine
Familiar clasp of things divine.”
Many of the so-called Liberal clergy complain of the
gulf which yawns in this age of materialistic science
between religion and every-day life, this world and the
next, heaven and earth, God and man. The higher
things are treated as mere thin abstractions, they say ;
�Religion in the Rocky Mountains.
35
and only the lower things are recognised as real. These
pious pioneers, in the freshness and wonderfulness of
their new life, overleap this gulf without an effort,
realising heaven as thoroughly as earth. How could
the communion and the human nature of saints be
better exhibited than in St. Joseph falling into dissipa
tion and St. Peter playing poker ? How could the
manhood as well as the Godhead of Jesus Christ be
more familiarly brought home to us than by his taking
a hand at this game and then miraculously cheating.
When generations have passed away, if not earlier, such
legends as these will assuredly be gathered by earnest
and reverent students as quite invaluable historical
relics. They must fill the Christian soul with delight;
they must harrow the heart of him who hath said in
his heart, There is no God.
In conclusion, I must again express my deep regret
at being forced by the spirit of truth to give you so
favorable an account of the state of religion out here,
both in creed and practice. I trust that you will lose
no time and spare no exertion in attacking, and if pos
sible, routing out the Christianity now entrenched in
these great natural fortresses. Be your war-cry that
of the first pioneers, “ Pike’s Peak or bust ” ; and be
not like unto him found teamless half-way across the
plains, with the confession on his waggon-tilt, “ Busted,
by thunder.” For you can come right out here by
railroad now. As for myself, I climbed wearily and
with mortal pantings unto the top of this great moun
tain, thinking it one of the best coigns of vantage
whence to command a comprehensive view of the
sphere of my inquiries, and also a spot where one
might write without being interrupted or overlooked
by loafers. Unfortunately I have not been able to dis
cover any special religious or irreligious phaenomena ;
for, though the prospect is indeed ample where not
intercepted by clouds or mist, very few of the people
and still fewer of their characteristics can be made out
distinctly even with a good glass. How I am to get
down and post this letter puzzles me. The descent
will be difficult, dangerous, perhaps deadly. Would
that I had not come up. After all there is some truth
�36
Satires and Profanities.
in the Gospel narrative of the Temptation : for by
studying the general course of ecclesiastical promotion
and the characters of the most eminent churchmen, I
was long since led to recognise that it is indeed Satan
who sets people on pinnacles of the temple ; and I am
now, moreover, thoroughly convinced that it is the
Devil and the Devil only that takes any one to the top
of an exceeding high mountain.
The Devil in the Church of England.
[Whitten
in
1876.]
The Judical Committee of the Privy Council has
delivered judgment in the case of Jenkins v. Cook.
Many of the highest personages in the realm, including
the Archbishop of Canterbury and the great law-lords,
were present to give weight and solemnity to the
decision, which was read by the Lord Chancellor. It
was reported at full length in the Times of the follow
ing day, Feb. 17, 1876, the length being two columns
of small print.
I must try to indicate briefly the main facts of the
case, before hazarding any comments on it. Mr. Jen
kins, of Christ Church, Clifton, brought an action
against his vicar, the Rev. Flavel S. Cook, for refusing
him the Sacrament of the Holy Communion. Mr.
Cook justified the refusal on the ground that Mr. Jen
kins did not believe in the Devil, all passages relating
to the Devil and evil spirits having been excluded from
a bulky volume published by Mr. Jenkins, entitled
Selections from the Old and New Testaments. By
�The Devil in the Church of England.
37
the evidence of Mrs. Jenkins, who attempted an amic
able arrangement, it appears that Mr. Cook said to her :
“Let Mr. Jenkins write me a calm letter, and say he
believes in the Devil, and I will give him the Sacra
ment.” Whereupon Mr. Jenkins wrote on July 20,
1874: “With regard to my book, Selections from the
Old and New Testaments, the parts I have omitted,
and which has enabled me [[meaning, doubtless, and
the omission of which has enabled mej to use the book
morning and evening in my family are, in their present
generally received sense, quite incompatible with
religion or decency (in my opinion). How such ideas
have become connected with a book containing every
thing that is necessary for a man to know, I really
cannot say ; I can only sincerely regret it.” Mr. Cook
replied in effect: “ Then you cannot be received at
the Lord’s table in my church.” Mr. Jenkins, a
regular communicant, and admittedly a man of exem
plary and devout life, answered: “ Thinking as you do,
I do not see what other course you could consistently
have taken. I shall, nevertheless, come to the Lord’s
table as usual at ‘your’ church, which is also mine.”
Accordingly he presented himself, and was repelled,
whereupon he brought an action against Mr. Cook.
The case was first tried in the Court of Arches, and
the dean dismissed the suit and condemned Mr. Jen
kins in costs, saying, “ I am of opinion that the avowed
and persistent denial of the existence and personality
of the Devil did, according to the law of the Church,
as expressed in her canons and rubrics, constitute the
promoter [Mr. JenkinsJ ‘ an evil liver, and ‘ a depraver
of the Book of Common Prayer and Administration of
the Sacraments,’ in such sense as to warrant the defen
dant in refusing to administer the Holy Communion to
him until he disavowed or withdrew his avowal of the
heretical opinion, and that the same consideration
applies to the absolute denial by the promoter of the
doctrine of the eternity of punishment, and, of course,
still more to the denial of all punishment for sin in a
future state, which is the legitimate consequence of
his deliberate exclusion of the passages of scripture
referring to such punishment.”
�38
Satires and Profanities.
So far, so well; the Church of England was assured
of the Devil and the eternal punishment it has always
held so dear. But Mr. Jenkins appealed to the highest
court, and this has reversed the decision of the lower,
admonished Mr. Cook for his conduct in the past,
monished him to refrain from the like offence in
future, and condemned him in the costs of both suits.
Do you think, then, that the Church of England is
authoritatively deprived of her dear Devil and her
beloved eternal punishment? Not at all ; the really
important problem is evaded with consummate lawyer
like wariness ; the points in dispute are most shiftily
shifted like slides of a magic lantern ; we have a new
decision essentially unrelated to that which it cancels ;
we have a judgment which concerns not the Devil—
except that he would chuckle over the too clever
unwisdom which fancies it can extinguish “ burning
questions ” with legal wigs.
Their most learned lordships in the first place
observe that the learned judge of the Court of Arches
appears to have considered that the canon and the
rubric severally warrant the repulsion from the Lord’s
table of “ an evil liver,” and “ a depraver of the Book
of Common Prayer,” whereas the terms are “ an open
and notorious evil liver,” and “ common and notorious
depravers.”
This is a most pregnant distinction,
teaching us that an evil liver and a depraver of the
said book, as long as he is not notoriously such, is fully
entitled to the Holy Communion, fully entitled to the
privilege of “ eating and drinking damnation to him
self
a privilege from which the notorious evil liver
and depraver is righteously debarred.
Now, their most learned lordships find that there is
absolutely no evidence that the appellant was an evil
liver, much less an open and notorious evil liver. The
question follows, Was he a common and notorious
depraver of the Book of Common Prayer ? It was
contended that the Selections, coupled with the letter
of July 20, proved him to be this. But the letter was
not written spontaneously. He was invited by the
respondent, Mr. Cook, to write it. It was a friendly
and private, as well as a solicited, communication.
�lhe Devil in the Church of England.
39
Therefore, whatever be the construction of the letter,
and even if there be in it a depravation of the Book of
Common Prayer, still it would be impossible to hold
that the writing of such a letter in such circumstances
could make the appellant “ a common and notorious
depraver.” Whence it is clear that a man may deprave
the Book of Common Prayer as much as he pleases m
private conversation and letters, yet retain the precious
privilege of “ eating and drinking damnation to him
self ” in the Holy Communion ; he can only forfeit
this by common and notorious depravation of that
blessed book—for instance, by a depravation repeatedly
published in a newspaper, or persistently proclaimed
by the town-crier.
So far the law seems most clear, and the judgment
quite incontestible. But leaving the strait limits of
the law, and looking at the facts in evidence, there is
one part of the judgment which to the common lay
mind is simply astonishing. Their most learned lord
ships “ desire to state in the most emphatic manner that
there is not before them any evidence that the appellant^
entertains the doctrines attributed to him by the Dean of
Archeswherefore their most learned and subtle
lordships “ do not mean to decide that those doctrines
are otherwise than inconsistent with the formularies of
the Church of England.” Nor, of course, do they mean
to decide that those doctrines are inconsistent with
those formularies. No, “ This is not the subject for
their lordships’ present consideration.” Indeed, “If
they were [Nad been ] called upon to decide that
[whether] those opinions, or any of them, could be
entertained or expressed by a member of the Church,
whether layman or clergyman, consistently with the
law and with his remaining in communion with the
Church, they would have looked upon this case with
much greater anxiety than they now feel in its
decision •
Mr. Jenkins compiles and publishes a book of
Selections from the Bible, carefully . excluding all
passages relating to the Devil and evil spirits. The
book is bulky ; and, in fact, though this is not expressly
stated, seems to contain pretty well all the Bible except
�40
Satires and Profanities.
such passages. He farther exhibits in the case a book
of selections from the liturgy of the Church of England,
apparently compiled on the same principle of exclusion.
Mr. Cook sends through Mrs. J. a message : “ Let
Mr. J. write me a calm letter, and say he believes in
the Devil and I will give him the Sacrament.” Mr. J.
replies, as we have seen, that the parts he has omitted
are, in his opinion, quite incompatible with religion
or decency, in their generally received sense; such
generally received sense being evidently (to all of us
save their most learned and subtle lordships) that in
which the Church of England receives them. Mr. C.
replies, “ Then I must refuse to you the Communion.”
Mr. J. answers, “ Thinking as you do, I do not see
what other course you could consistently have taken
and resolves to test the question of legality. With
these facts staring them in the face, their most learned
and most subtle lordships can, with the utmost
solemnity, and in the most emphatic manner, declare
that there is not any evidence before them that
Mr. Jenkins does not believe in the Devil in the com
mon Church of England sense ! What the eyes of
laymen, however purblind, cannot help seeing clearly,
their far-sighted lordships, putting on legal spectacles,
dim with the dust of many ages, manage not to discern
at all.
The question cannot be left thus undecided. As
matters stand, the poor Church does not know whether,
legally, it has a Devil or not. Its Devil, its dear and
precious old Devil, is in a state of suspended animation,
neither dead nor alive ; a most inefficient and burden
some Devil. He must either be restored to full health
and vigor, or buried away decently for ever ; decently
and solemnly, the Archbishop of Canterbury, in the
presence of all their lordships of the Judicial Com
mittee of the Privy Council, reading the appropriate
Church service over his grave. That would be touch
ing and impressive !—“ Forasmuch as it hath pleased
Almighty God (with the sanction and authority of the
Judicial Committee of the Privy Council) of his great
mercy to take unto himself the soul of our dear brother
here departed, we therefore commit his body to the
�The Devil in the Church of England.
41
ground ; earth, to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust;
in sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal
life, through our Lord Jesus Christ.” At present it
appears that every clergyman and layman in the
Church has the legal right to sing as a solo in private,
especially if solicited, Beranger’s refrain, “ lhe Deml
is dead! The Devil is dead!" while it is doubtful
whether he is at liberty to chant it publicly and in
chorus—a state of things anomalous beyond even the
normal anomalism of all things in this our happy
England. It is urgent that some one, lay or cleric,
should compel the decision which the suit of Mr. Jen
kins has failed to obtain.
.
In considering the question whether disbelief m the
Devil would “deprave” the Prayer Book, we must
refer to this book itself. It contains three creeds—the
Apostles’, the Nicene, and that called of Athanasius.
Of these the Nicene (the creed in the Communion
Service, by the way) mentions neither the Devil nor
Hell; the Apostles’ and the so-called Athanasian men
tion Hell but not the Devil. In No. Ill of the Thirtynine Articles hell is solidly established, but again there
is no mention of the Devil. It may be argued that
hell implies the Devil, as a fox-hole implies a fox ; but
his existence is not authoritatively averred. . Strangely
enough, the only personage who, according to the
creeds and articles, has certainly been in hell, is Jesus
Christ himself : “ He descended into hell ; the third
day he rose again from the dead ; he ascended into
heaven.” What took him to hell ? The Prayer Book
does not inform us. But we learn from the Epistle
called 1 Peter, chap, iii., 19, 20, and chap, iv., 6_: f By
which also he went and preached unto the spirits in
prison, which sometime were disobedient, when once
the long-suffering of God waited in the days of Noah,
while the ark was a preparing, wherein few, that is
eight souls, were saved by water. ... For this cause
was the gospel preached also to them that are dead,
that they might be judged according to men in the
flesh, but live according to God in the spirit.” Whence
it appears that the spirits in prison were not the Devil
and his angels, but the spirits of those who were
�42
Satires and Profanities.
drowned in the Flood for disobedience ; and it further
more appears that these spirits were saved by the
preaching of Christ ; so that in this famous harrying
of hell, he seems to have left it as empty as the moss
troopers in their forays left farmsteads. It is true
that No. VI. of the Articles settles the canon of the
Old and New Testaments, and that anyone daring to
exclude from belief anything in this canon might be
convicted of depraving the Prayer Book. But in that
case all the best scholars and divines of the Church are
guilty of this dreadful sin ; and not only guilty, but
openly, commonly and notoriously guilty ; and there
fore all merit repulsion from the Lord’s table. Let
the truly faithful clergy, those who believe all wuthout
question or distinction, do their duty to the Articles of
religion of their Church (the Creeds, as I have pointed
out, are neutral), and they will shut out from their
Communion nearly all the intelligent piety and learn
ing which lend it whatever dignity it still retains „
Granted the canon in its integrity, and the existence of
a personal Devil, and the doctrine of eternal punish
ment cannot be fairly disputed. Without multiplying
texts, I may refer to Revelation, chap, xx., as decisive
on these points.
From these considerations it follows that if the
Church of England is bound by her own articles she
will hold fast to the Devil and hell, and deny the
privilege of her Communion to any one who depraves
the Prayer Book by common and notorious disbelief
in them. And for my own part, I do not see how the
Church could get on at all without a Devil and hell,
especially in competition with the other Christian sects,
which make unlimited use of both. The Devil is in
fact as essential to the Christian scheme as a leader
of the opposition to that great political blessing,
government by party. If he were to die, or be deposed,
it would be necessary to elect another to the vacant
dignity. You cannot put the leadership in commission
as the unfortunate Liberals were taunted with doing
in their demoralisation after their disasters of the
General Election, and Mr. Gladstone’s sudden retire
ment. Just as Mr. Disraeli lamented the withdrawal
�The Devil in the Church of England.
43
of Mr. Gladstone, complaining of the embarrassment
caused to the Government by having no responsible
leader opposed to it, so we can imagine dear God
lamenting the absence of a Devil, and declaring that
the Christian scheme could not work well without one.
His utter loss would make the government of the
world retrograde from an admirably balanced consti
tutional monarchy to a mere Oriental absolute
despotism. You must choose some one to lead, if only
in name and for the time, as the Whigs chose Lord
Hartington. But though Lord Hartington is still
tolerated by us English, a Lord Hartington of a Devil,
be it said with all respect to both his lordship and his
Devilship, would scarcely be tolerated by either the
celestial or the infernal benches.
In Beranger’s authentic record, already alluded to, of
“ The Death of the Devil ’’—which, however, relates
only to the Church of Rome—we read how, on
learning the catastrophe :—
“ The conclave shook with mortal fear;
Power and cash-box, adieu! they said;
We have lost our father dear,
The Devil is dead ! the Devil is dead ! ”
But while they were in this passion of grief and
despair, St. Ignatius offered to take the place of the
dead Devil ; and none could doubt that he with his
Jesuits for imps would prove a most efficient substitute.
Wherefore the Church threw off its sorrow and
welcomed his offer with holy rapture :—
“ Noble fellow! cried all the court,
We bless thee for thy malice and hate.
And at once his Order, Rome’s support,
Saw its robes flutter Heaven’s gate.
Prom the Angels tears of pity fell:
Poor man will have cause to rue, they said;
St. Ignatius inherits Hell.
The Devil is dead! the Devil is dead.”
Thus matters continued well for the Church of Rome,
and, in fact, became even better than before. But if
the Devil should die in the Church of England, whom
has she that could efficiently take his place ? She has
no saints except the disciples and apostles of the New
�44
Satires and Profanities.
Testament, and these have long since gone to glory.
Would Mr. Gladstone undertake the office? or Mr'
Beresford Hope, with the Saturday Review for his
infernal gazette ? or the editor of the Rock ? or he of
the Church Times ? or the man who does religion for
the Daily Telegraph? Each of these distinguished
gentlemen might well eagerly accept the candidature
for a post so lofty : but I fear that none of them
could be considered equal to its functions. Perhaps
Mr. Disraeli has the requisite genius, and probably he
would be very glad to exchange the Premiership of
little England for that of large hell: but unfortunately
he has already committed himself to the side of the
angels, meaning by angels the humdrum Tory angels
of heaven—for, as Dr. Johnson said, the Devil was the
first Whig. On the whole, the Church of England had
better keep loyal to its ancient and venerable Devil,
being too impoverished in intellect and character to
supply a worthy successor.
■ I have ventured to compare the government of the
world in the Christian scheme, by a God and a Devil,
with our own felicitous government by party. There
is, however, or rather there appears to be, a striking
difference between the two. In our government, when
the Prime Minister finds himself decidedly in a minority,
he goes out of office, and the Leader of the Opposition
goes in; in the Government of the World the
Leader of the Opposition seems to have always had
an immense majority (and his majority in these days
is probably larger than ever before, seeing that
sceptics and infidels have multiplied exceedingly),
yet the other side is supposed to retain permanent
possession of office. I say “ supposed,” because the
Bible itself suggests that this popular opinion is a
mistake, the Devil (if there be a Devil) being entitled
by it the prince of this world, which surely implies his
accession to power.
Although the Godhead or governing power of the
world, according to the Christian scheme, is usually
spoken and written of as a trinity, it is in fact, qua
ternary oi’ fourfold fcr Protestants, and quinary or
fivefold for Roman Catholics. The former have God
�The Devil in the Church of England.
45
the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Ghost, and
God the Devil; the latter supplement these with
Goddess the Virgin Mary. Both formally acknow
ledge the first three as collectively and severally
almighty, but Protestants implicitly acknowledge the
fourth, and Roman Catholics the fifth, as more almighty
still (these solecisms of dogma cannot be expressed
without solecisms of language.) With the Roman
Catholics I am not concerned here. With regard to
the Protestants, and those especially professing the
Protestantism of the Church of England, I may safely
affirm that the Devil is not less essential to their
theology than is any person of the Trinity, or, in fact,
than are the three persons together. Indeed, the
Father and the Holy Ghost have been practically dis
pensed with, leaving Christ and Satan to fight the
battle out between themselves.
As this is a gloriously scientific age, nobly enamored
of the exact sciences, I will endeavor to expound this
sublime subject of the divinity of the Church of Eng
land mathematically, even after the manner of the
divine Plato in Book VIII. of “ The Republic,” treat
ing of divine and human generation; and in the
“ Timseus,” treating of the creation of the universal
soul. His demonstrations, indeed, are so divinely
obscure as to confound all the scholiasts ; my demon
stration, however, shall be so translucent that even the
most learned and subtle lords of the Judicial Committee
of the Privy Council, with their legal spectacles on,
shall not be able to help seeing through it. And
whereas the figures, which are shapes, are more intel
ligible to most people than the figures which are
numbers, let the exposition be geometrical. We will
say, then, that the Church of old conceived the divinity
in the form of an equilateral triangle, whereof the base
was Christ as the whole system was founded on belief
in the Lord Jesus Christ, and the Father and the Holy
Ghost were the two sides, leaning each on the other ;
and the Devil was the apex, as opposed to, and farthest
from, our blessed Savior. But in course of time the
theologians (perhaps merely wanting some occupation
for their vigorous talents, perhaps deeming it undig-
�46
Satires and Profanities.
nified to have two persons of the Godhead supporting
each other obliquely like a couple of tipsy men, perhaps
simply in order to make matters square) set to work,
and pushed up the two sides, so that each might stand
firm and perpendicular by itself. This process had two
unforeseen results ; it expanded the apex, which was a
very elastic point, so that it became the crowning side
of the square, and it so unhinged the sides that after a
brief upright existence they lost their balance, and
were carried to Limbo by the first wind of strange
doctrine which blew that way ; and the Devil and
Christ, or Christ and the Devil (arrange the precedence
as you please), were left alone confronting each other.
These two are of course equal and parallel, the main
distinction between them being that Christ is below,
and the Devil above, or, in other words, that the Devil
is superior and Christ is inferior(theDevil seems entitled
to the precedence). Thus matters have continued even
to the present time, the divinity showing itself, as we
may say, without form and void ; and we are free to
speculate on the momentous questions : Will the crown
(which is the Devil) fall into the base (which is Christ)?
Will the base float up into the crown ? Will the two
coalese half way ? Will they both, unknit from their
sides, be carried away to Limbo by some blast of strange
doctrine ? One thing is certain, they cannot long remain
as they are. Rare Ben Johnson chanted the Trinity, or
Equilateral Triangle ; rare Walt Whitman has chanted
the Square Deific (with Satan for the fourth side); no
poet can care to chant the two straight lines which, in
the language of Euclid, and in the region of intelli
gence, cannot enclose a space, but are as a magnified
symbol of equal—to nothing.
PS.—It may be appropriately added that the books
of Euclid are really symbolic and prophetic expositions
of most sublime and sacrosanct mysteries, though in
these days few persons seem aware of the fact. Thus
the very first definition, “ A point is position without
magnitude,” exactly defines every point of difference
between the theologians. So a line, which is as the
prolongation of a point, or length without breadth,
represents in one sense (for each symbol has manifold
�The Devil in the Church of England.
47
meanings) the history of any theological system. An
acute angle is, say, Professor Clifford ; an obtuse
angle, Mr. Whalley ; a right angle, the present writer :
non angeli sed Angli. The first proposition, “ To erect
an equilateral triangle upon a given finite straight line,”
indicates the problem solved by Christianity, when it
erected the Trinity on the basis of the man we call
Jesus. This pregnant subject should be worked out in
detail through the whole eight books.
Christmas Eve in the Upper Circles.
[Written
in
1866.]
Poor dear God sat alone in his private chamber,
moody, melancholy, miserable, sulky, sullen, weary,
dejected, supernally hipped. It was the evening of
Sunday, the 24th of December, 1865. Waters con
tinually dripping wear away the hardest stone ; year
falling after year will.at length overcome the strongest
god : an oak-tree outlasts many generations of men ;
a mountain or a river outlasts many celestial dynasties.
A cold like a thick fog in his head, rheum in his eyes,
and rheumatism in his limbs and shoulders, his back
bent, his chin peaked, his poll bald, his teeth decayed,
his body all shivering, his brain all muddle, his heart
all black care ; no wonder the old gentleman looked
poorly as he cowered there, dolefully sipping his
Lachryma Christi. “I wish the other party would
lend me some of his fire,” he muttered, “ for it is
horribly frigid up here.” The table was crowded and
the floor littered with books and documents, all most
�48
Satires and Profanities.
unreadable reading : missionary reports, controversial
divinity, bishops’ charges, religious periodicals, papal
allocutions and encyclical letters, minutes of Exeter
Hall meetings, ponderous blue books from the angelic
bureaux—dreary as the humor of Punch, silly as the
critiques of the Times, idiotic as the poetry of AU the
Year Round. When now and then he eyed them
askance he shuddered more shockingly, and looked at
his desk with loathing despair. For he had gone
through a hard day’s work, with extra services appro
priate to the sacred season ; and for the ten-thousandth
time he had been utterly knocked up and bewildered
by the Athanasian Creed.
While he sat thus, came a formal tap at the door,
and his son entered, looking sublimely good and re
spectable, pensive with a pensiveness on which one
grows comfortably fat. “ Ah, my boy,” said the old
gentleman, '• you seem to get on well enough in these
sad times : come to ask my blessing for your birthday
fete ?” “ I fear that you are not well, my dear father ;
do not give way to dejection, there was once a man—”
“ 0, dash your parables I keep them for your disciples ;
they are not too amusing. Alack for the good old times!”
“ The wicked old times you mean, my father ; the times
when we were poor, and scorned, and oppressed ; the
times when heathenism and vain philosophy ruled
everywhere in the world. Now, all civilised realms
are subject to us. and worship us.” “ And disobey us.
You are very wise, much wiser than your old worn-out
father ; yet perchance a truth or two comes to me in
solitude, when it can’t reach you through the press of
your saints, and the noise of your everlasting preaching
and singing and glorification. You knowhow I began
life, the petty chief of a villainous tribe. But I was
passionate and ambitious, subtle and strong-willed, and,
in spite of itself, I made my tribe a nation ; and I
fought desperately against all the surrounding chiefs,
and with pith of arm and wile of brain I managed to
keep my head above water. But I lived all alone, a
stern and solitary existence. None other of the gods
■was so friendless as I ; and it is hard to live alone when
memory is a sea of blood. I hated and despised the
�Christmas Eve in the Upper Circles.
r
4J
Greek Zeus and his shameless court; yet I could not
but envy him, for a joyous life the rogue led. So I,
like an old fool, must have my amour ; and a pretty
intrigue I got into with the prim damsel Mary ! Then
a great thought arose in me : men cannot be loyal to
utter aliens ; their gods must be human on one side,
divine on the other ; my own people were always
deserting me to pay homage to bastard deities. I
would adopt you as my own son (between ourselves, I
have never been sure of the paternity), and admit you
to a share in the government. Those infernal Jews
killed you, but the son of a God could not die ; you
came up hither to dwell with me ; I the old absolute
king, you the modern tribune of the people. Here you
have been ever since ; and I don’t mind telling you
that you were a much more lovable character below
there as the man Jesus than you have proved above
here as the Lord Christ. As some one was needed on
earth to superintend the executive, we created the
Comforter, prince royal and plenipotentiary ; and
behold us a divine triumvirate ! The new blood was
I must own, beneficial. We lost Jerusalem, but we
won Rome ; Jove, Neptune, Apollo, Bacchus, and the
rest, were conquered and slain ; our leader of the
opposition ejected Plato and Pan. Only I did not
bargain that my mistress should more than succeed to
Juno, who was, at any rate, a lawful wife. You
announced that our empire was peace ; you announced
likewise that it was war; both have served us. Our
power extended, our glory rose ; the chief of a miser
able tribe has become emperor of Europe. But our
empire was to be the whole world ; yet instead of signs
of more dominion, I see signs that what we have is
falling to pieces. From my youth up I have been a
man of war; and now that I am old and weary and
wealthy, and want peace, peace flies from me. Have
we not shed enough blood ? Have we not caused
enough tears ? Have we not kindled enough fires ?
And in my empire what am I ? Yourself and my
mistress share all the power between you ; I am but a
name at the head of our proclamations. I have been a
man of war, I am getting old and worn out, evil days
•
D
�50
Satires and Profanities.
are at hand, and I have never enjoyed life ; therefore
is my soul vexed within me. And my own subjects
are as strangers. Your darling saints I cannot bear.
The whimpering, simpering, canting, chanting block
heads ! You were always happy in a pious miserable
ness, and you do not foresee the end. Do you know
that in spite of our vast possessions we are as near
bankruptcy as Spain or Austria ? Do you know that
our innumerable armies are a Chinese rabble of cowards
and traitors ? Do you know that our legitimacy (even
if yours were certain) will soon avail us as little as that
of the Bourbons has availed them ? Of these things
you are ignorant : you are so deafened with shouts and
songs in your own praise that you never catch a whisper
of doom. I would not quail if I had youth to cope
with circumstance ; none can say honestly that I ever
feared a foe ; but I am so weak that often I could not
walk without leaning on you. Why did I draw out my
life to this ignominious end ? Why did I not fall
fighting like the enemies I overcame ? Why the Devil
did you get born at all, and then murdered by those
rascally Jews, that I who was a warrior should turn
into a snivelling saint ? The heroes of Asgard have
sunk into a deeper twilight than they foresaw; but
their sunset, fervent and crimson with blood and with
wine, made splendid that dawnless gloaming. The
joyous Olympians have perished, but they all had lived
and loved. For me, I have subsisted and hated. What
of time is left to me I will spend in another fashion.
Let us eat and drink, for to-morrow we die.” And he
swallowed hastily a bumper of the wine, which threw
him into convulsions of coughing.
Serene and superior, the son had let the old man run
on. “ Do not, I entreat you, take to drink in your old
age, dear father. You say that our enemies lived and
loved ; but think how unworthy of divine rulers was
their mode of life, how immoral, how imprudent, how
disreputable, how savage, how lustful, how un-Christian! What a bad example for poor human souls
“ Human souls be blessed ! Are they so much improved
now ? . . . Would that at least I had conserved Jove’s
barmaid ; the prettiest, pleasantest girl they say (we
�Christmas Eve in the Upper Circles.
51
know you are a Joseph, though you always had
three or four women dangling about you) ; fair-ankled
was the wench, bright-limbed ; she might be unto me
evfen as was Abishag, the Shunammite, unto my old
friend David.” “ Let us speak seriously, my father, of
the great celebration to-morrow.” “ And suppose I am
speaking very seriously, you solemn prig ; not a drop
of my blood is there in you.”
Here came a hurried knocking at the door, and the
angelic ministers of state crawled in, with super
elaborate oriental cringings, to deliver their daily
reports. “ Messages from Brahma. Ormuzd, etc., to
congratulate on the son’s birthday.” “ The infidels!
the mockers I” muttered the son. “Good words,” said
the father ; “ they belong to older families than ours,
my lad, and were once much more powerful. You are
always trying to win over the parvenus.” “ A riot in
the holy city. The black angels organised to look after
the souls of converted negroes having a free fight with
some of the white ones.” “ My poor lambs !” sighed the
son. “ Black sheep,” growled the father; “ what is
the row ?” “ They have plumed themselves brighter
than peacocks, and scream louder than parrots ; claim
precedence over the angels of the mean whites ; insist
on having some of their own hymns and tunes in the
programme of to-morrow’s concert.” “Lock ’em all
up, white and black, especially the black, till Tuesday
morning ; they can fight it out then—it’s Boxing Day.
We’ll have quite enough noise to-morrow without ’em.
Never understood the nigger question, for my part :
was a slave-holder myself, and cursed Ham as much as
pork.” “ New saints grumbling about lack of civilised
accommodation : want underground railways, steamers
for the crystal sea, telegraph wires to every mansion,
morning and evening newspapers, etc., etc. ; have had
a public meeting with a Yankee saint in the chair, and
resolved that heaven is altogether behind the age.”
“ Confound it, my son, have I not charged you again
and again to get some saints of ability up here ? Bor
years past every batch has been full of good-for-nothing
noodles. Have we no engineers, no editors at all?”
“ One or two engineers, we believe, sire, but we can’t
�52
Natives and Profanities.
find a single editor.” “ Give one of the Record fellows
the measles, and an old I' Univers hand the cholera, and
bring them up into glory at once, and we’ll have two
daily papers. And while you are about it, see whether
you can discover three or four pious engineers—not
muffs, mind—and blow them up hither with their own
boilers, or in any other handy way. Haste, haste, post
haste !” “ Deplorable catastrophe in the temple of the
New Jerusalem : a large part of the foundation given
way, main wall fallen, several hundred workmen
bruised.” “ Stop that fellow who just left; counter
mand the measles, the cholera will be enough ; we will
only have one journal, and that must be strictly official.
If we have two, one will be opposition. Hush up the
accident. It is strange that Pandemonium was built
so much better and more quickly than our New Jeru
salem !” “ All our best architects and other artists have
deserted into Elysium, my lord ; so fond of the
company of the old Greeks.”
"When these and many other sad reports had been
heard, and the various ministers and secretaries savagely
dismissed, the father turned to the son, and said : “ Did
I not tell you of the evil state we are in ?” “ By hope
and faith and charity, and the sublime doctrine of selfrenunciation, all will yet come right, my father.”
“ Humph ! let hope fill my treasury, and faith finish the
New Jerusalem, and charity give us peace and quiet
ness, and self-renunciation lead three-quarters of your
new-fangled saints out of heaven ; and then I shall
look to have a little comfort.” “ Will you settle to-mor
row’s programme, sire ? or shall I do my best to spare
you the trouble ?” “ You do your best to spare me the
trouble of reigning altogether, I think. What pro
gramme can there be but the old rehearsal for the
eternal life (I wish you may get it) ? 0, that horrible
slippery sea of glass, that bedevilled throne vomiting
thunders and lightning, those stupid senile elders in
white nightgowns, those four hideous beasts full of
eyes, that impossible lamb with seven horns and one
eye to each horn ! 0, the terrific shoutings and harpings and stifling incense! A pretty set-out for my
time of life! And to think that you hope some time
�Christmas Eve in the Upper Circles.
53
or other to begin this sort of thing as a daily amuse
ment, and to carry it on for ever and ever! Not much
appearance of its beginning soon, thank goodness—•
that is to say, thank badness. Why can’t you have a
play of Aristophanes, or Shakespeare, or Molidre ? Why
should I meddle with the programme ? I had nothing
to do with first framing it. Besides, it is all in your
honor, not in mine. You like playing the part of the
Lamb ; I’m much more like an old wolf. You are
ravished when those beasts give glory and honor and
thanks ; as for me, I am utterly sick of them. Behold
what I will do; I must countenance the affair, but I
can do so without disturbing myself. I’ll not go
thundering and roaring in my state-carriage of the
whirlwind ; I’ll slip there in a quiet cloud. You cant
do without my glory, but it really is too heavy for my
aged shoulders ; you may lay it upon the throne ; it
will look just as well. As for my speech, here it is all
ready written out ; let Mercury, I mean Raphael or
Uriel, read it; I can’t speak plainly since I lost so
many teeth. And now I consider the matter, what
need is there for my actual presence at all ? Have me
there in effigy ; a noble and handsome dummy can
wear the glory with grace. Mind you have a hand
some one ; I wish all the artists had not deserted us.
Your pious fellows make sad work of us, my son.
But then their usual models are so ugly ; your saints
have good reason to speak of their vile bodies. How
is it that all the pretty girls slip away to the other
place, poor darlings ? By the bye, who are going on
this occasion to represent the twelve times twelve
thousand of the tribes of Israel ? Is the boy Mortara
dead yet ? He will make one real Jew.” “We are
converting them, sire.” “Not the whole gross of thou
sands yet, I trust ? Faugh ! what a greasy stench there
would be—what a blazing of Jew jewelry ! Hand me
the latest bluebook, with the reports. . . . Ah, I see ;
great success ! Power of the Lord Christ! (always you,
of course). Society flourishing. Eighty-two thousand
pounds four shillings and twopence three-farthings last
year from Christians aroused to the claims of the lost
sheep of the House of Israel. (Very good.) Five con-
�54
Satires and Profanities.
versions !! Three others have already been persuaded
to eat pork sausages. (Better and better.) One, who
drank most fervently of the communion wine suffered
himself to be treated to an oyster supper. Another,
being greatly moved, was heard to ejaculate ‘ 0 Christ!’
. . . Hum, who are the five ? Moses Isaacs : wasn’t he
a Christian ten years ago in Italy, and afterwards a
Mahommedan in Salonica, and afterwards a Jew in
Marseilles ? This Mussulman is your oyster-man, I
presume ? You will soon get the one hundred and fortyfour thousand at this rate, my son ! and cheap too 1”
He chuckled, and poured out another glass of
Lachryma Christi ; drank it, made a wry face, and then
began coughing furiously. “ Poor drink this for a god
in his old age. Odin and Jupiter fared better. Though
decent for a human tipple, for a divinity it is but
am&rosze stygiale, as my dear old favorite chaplain
would call it. I have his devotional works under lock
and key there in my desk. Apropos, where is he ?
Left us again for a scurry through the more jovial
regions ? I have not seen him for a long time.” “ My
father! really, the words he used, the life he led ; so
corrupting for the young saints ! We were forced to
invite him to travel a little for the benefit of his health.
The court must be kept pure, you know.” “ Send for
him instantly, sir. He is out of favor because he likes
the old man and laughs at your saints, because he can’t
cant and loves to humbug the humbugs. Many a fit
of the blues has he cured for me, while you only make
them bluer. Have him fetched at once. 0, I know
you never liked him ; you always thought him laughing
at your sweet pale face and woebegone airs, laughing
‘ en horrible sarcasm et sanglante derision ’ (what a
style the rogue has I what makes that of your favorite
parsons and holy ones so flaccid and flabby and hectic ?)
‘ Physician, heal thyself 1’ So, in plain words, you
have banished him ; the only jolly soul left amongst
us, my pearl and diamond and red ruby of Chaplains,
abstracter of the quintessence of pantagruelism ! The
words he used ! I musn’t speak freely myself now,
and the old books I wrote are a great deal too coarse
for you ! Michael and Gabriel told me the other day
�Christmas Eve in the Upper Circles.
55
that they hacl just been severely lectured on the
earnestness of life by one of your new proteges; they
had to kick him howling into limbo. A fine set of
solemn prigs we are getting !” “ My father, the holi
ness of sorrow, the infiniteness of suffering!” “ Yes,
yes, I know all about it. That long-winded poet of
yours (he does an ode for you to-morrow ?) began to
sermonise me thereon. By Jupiter, he wanted to
arouse me to a sense of my inner being and responsi
bilities and so forth. I very soon packed him off to
the infant school, where he teaches the alphabet and
catechism to the babies and sucklings. Have you sent
for my jovial, joyous, jolly Cure of Meudon ?” “I
have ; but I deeply regret that your Majesty thinks it
fitting to be intimate with such a free-liver, such a
glutton and wine-bibber and mocker and buffoon.”
“Bah ! you patronised the publicans and sinners your
self in your younger and better days. The strict ones
blamed you for going about eating and drinking so
much. I hear that some of your newest favorites
object to the wine in your last supper, and are going to
insist on vinegar-and-water in future.”
Whereupon entered a man of noble and courtly
presence, lively-eyed and golden bearded, ruddy complexioned, clear-browed, thoughtful, yet joyous, serene,
and unabashed. “Welcome, thrice welcome, my beloved
Alcofribas,” cried the old monarch; “ very long is it
since last I saw you.” “ I have been exiled since then,
your Majesty.” “ And I knew nothing of it!” “And
thought nothing of it or of me until you wanted me.
No one expects the King to have knowledge of what
is passing under his eyes.” “ And how did you manage
to exist in exile, my poor chaplain?” “Much better
than here at court, sire. If your Majesty wants a little
pleasure, I advise you to get banished yourself. Your
parasites and sycophants and courtiers are a most
morose, miserable, ugly, detestable, intolerable swarm
of blind beetles and wasps ; the devils are beyond
comparison better company.” “ What ! you have
been mixing with traitors ?” “ Oh, I spent a few
years in Elysium, but didn’t this time go into the
lower circles. But while I sojourned as a country
�56
Satires and Profanities.
gentleman on the heavenly borders,’ I met a few
contrabandists.
I need not tell you that large, yea,
enormous quantities of beatitude are smuggled out of
your dominions.” “ But what is smuggled in ?” “ Sire,
I am not an informer ; I never received anything out
of the secret-service money. The poor angels are glad
to run a venture at odd times, to relieve the tedium of
everlasting Te Deum. By the bye, I saw the Devil
himself.” “ The Devil in my kingdom ? What is
Uriel about ? he’ll have to be superannuated.” “ Bah !
your Majesty knows very well that Satan comes in and
returns as and when he likes. The passport system
never stops the really dangerous fellows. When he
honored me with a call he looked the demurest young
saint, and I laughed till I got the lockjaw at his earnest
and spiritual discourse. He would have taken yourself
in, much more Uriel. You really ought to get him on
the list of court chaplains. He and I were always good
friends, so if anything happens. . . . It may be well for
you if you can disguise yourself as cleverly as he.
A revolution is not quite impossible, you know.”
The Son threw up his hands in pious horror ; the
old King, in one of his spasms of rage, hurled
the blue-book at the speaker’s head, which it
missed, but knocked down and broke his favorite
crucifix. “Jewcy fiction versus crucifixion, sire;
magna est veritas et prevalebit! Thank Heaven,
all that folly is owfeide my brains ; it is not the first
book full of cant and lies and stupidity that has been
flung at me. Why did you not let me finish ? The
Devil is no fonder than your sacred self of the new
opinions ; in spite of the proverb, he loves and dotes
upon holy water. If you cease to be head of the
ministry, he ceases to be head of the opposition ; he
wouldn’t mind a change, an innings for him and an
outings for you ; but these latest radicals want to crush
both Whigs and Tories. He was on his way to confer
with some of your Privy Council, to organise joint
action for the suppression of new ideas. You had
better be frank and friendly with him. Public oppo
sition and private amity are perfectly consistent and
praiseworthy. He has done you good service before
�Christmas Eve in the Upper Circles.
57
now ; and you and your Son have always been of the
greatest assistance to him.” “ By the temptation of
Job ! I must see to it. And now no more business.
I am hipped, my Rabelais ; we must have a spree. The
cestus of Venus, the lute of Apollo, we never could
find; but there was sweeter loot in the sack of
-Olympus, and our cellars are not yet quite empty. We
will have a petit souper of ambrosia and nectar.” “ My
father! my father! did you not sign the pledge
to abstain from these heathen stimulants ?” “ My
beloved Son, with whom I am not at all well pleased,
go and swill water till you get the dropsy, and permit
me to do as I like. No wonder people think that I am
failing when my child and my mistress rule for me 1”
The Son went out, shaking his head, beating his
breast, scrubbing his eyes, wringing his hands, sobbing
and murmuring piteously. “ The poor old God ! my
dear old father 1 Ah, how he is breaking! Alack, he
will not last long 1 Verily his wits are leaving him 1
Many misfortunes and disasters would be spared us
were he to abdicate prudently at once. Or a regency
might do. But the evil speakers and slanderers would
say that I am ambitious. I must get the matter judi-ciouslv insinuated to the Privy Council. Alack I
alack !”
“ Let him go and try on his suit of lamb’s wool for
to-morrow,” said the old monarch. “ I have got out of
the rehearsal, my friend ; I shall be conspicuous by my
.absence ; there will be a dummy in my stead.” “ Rather
perilous innovation, my Lord ; the people may think
that the dummy does just as well, that there is no need
to support the original.” “ Shut up, shut up, 0, my
'Cure ; no more politics, confound our politics ! It is
Bunday, so we must have none but chaplains here.
You may fetch Friar John and sweet Dean Swift and
the amiable parson Sterne, and any other godly and
-devout and spiritual ministers you can lay hold of ;
but don’t bring more than a pleiad.” “ With Swift for
the lost one ; he is cooling his ‘ sseva indignatio ’ in
the Devil’s kitchen-furnace just now, comforting poor
Addison, who hasn’t got quit for his death-bed brandy
jet.” “ A night of devotion will we have, and of in-
�58
Satires and Profanities.
extinguishable laughter ; and with the old liquor we
will pour out the old libations. Yea, Gargantuan shall
be the feast ; and this night, and to-morrow, and all
next week, and twelve days into the new year the
hours shall reel and roar with Pantagreulism. Quick,
for the guests, and I will order the banquet1” “ With
all my heart, sire, will I do this very thing. Parsons
and pastors, pious and devout, will I lead back, choice
and most elect souls worthy of the old drink delectable.
And I will lock and double bolt the door, and first
warm the chamber by burning all these devilish books ;
and will leave word with the angel on guard that we
are not to be called for three times seven days, when
all these Christmas fooleries and mummeries are long
over. Amen. Selah. Aurevoir. Tarry till I come.”’
A Commission of Inquiry on Royalty.
[Written
in
1866.]
The subjects for our solemn consideration are the
seclusion of her Most Gracious Majesty, and the com
plaints thereanent published in several respectable
journals. In order to investigate the matter thoroughly,
we constituted ourselves (the unknown number rr) into
a special Commission of Inquiry. We are happy to
state that the said Commission has concluded its
arduous labors, and now presents its report within
a week of its appointment; surely the most prompt and
rapid of commissions. The cause of this celerity we
take to be the fact that the Commissioners were un-
�A Commission of Inquiry on Royalty.
salaried ; we being unanimously of opinion that had .we
received good pay for the inquiry throughout the period
of our session, we could have prolonged it with certain
benefit, if not to the public yet to ourselves, for a.gr.eat
number of years. If, therefore, you want a commission
to do its work rapidly vote no money for it. And do
not fear that the most headlong haste in gathering
evidence and composing the report will diminish the
value of such report; for when a Commission has lasted
for years or months it generally rises in a quite different
state of the subject matter from that in which it first
sat, and the report must be partly obsolete, partly a
jumble of anachronisms. In brief, it may be fairly
affirmed as a general rule that no Commission of
Inquiry is of any value at all; the appointment, of one
being merely a dodge by which people who don’t want
to act on what they and everybody else see quite well
with their naked eyes, set a number of elderly gentle
men to pore upon it with spectacles and magnifying
glasses until dazed and stupid with poring, in the hope
that this process will last so long that ere it is finished
the public will have forgotten the matter altogether.
And now for the result of our inquiries on this subject,
which is not only immensely important, but is even
sacred to our loyal hearts.
A West-end tradesman complains bitterly that
through the absence of the Court from Buckingham
Palace, and the diminished number and splendor of
royal pomps and entertainments, the “ Season ” is for
him a very poor season indeed. The Commissioners
find that the said tradesman (whose knowledge seems
limited to a knowledge of his business, supposing he
knows that) is remarkably well off ; and consider that
West-end tradesmen have no valid vested interest in
Royalty and the Civil List, that at the worst they do a
capital trade with the aristocracy and wealthy classes
(taking good care that the punctual and honest shall
amply overpay their losses by the unpunctual and dis
honest) ; and if they are not satisfied with the West
end, they had better try the East-end and see how
that will suit them ; and, in short, that this tradesman
is not worth listening to.
�60
Satires and Profanities.
Numerous fashionable and noble people (principally
ladies) complain that they have no Court to shine
in. The Commissioners think that they shine a great
■deal too much already, and in the most wasteful
manner, gathered together by hundreds, light glittering
■on light; and that if they really want to shine
beneficially in a court there are very many dark courts
in London where the light of their presence would be
most welcome.
It is complained on behalf of their Royal Highnesses
the Prince and Princess of Wales that they have to
perform many of the duties of royalty without getting
a share of the royal allowance. The Commissioners
think that if the necessary expenses of the heir to the
throne are really too heavy for his modest income, and
are increased by the performance of royal duties, he
had better send in yearly a bill to his Mamma for
expenses incurred on her account, and a duplicate of
the same to the Chancellor to the Exchequer ; so that
in every Budget the amount of the Civil List
shall be equitably divided between her Majesty
and her Majesty’s eldest son, doubtless to their com
mon satisfaction.
It is complained on behalf of various foreign royal or
ruling personages that while they in their homes treat
generously the visiting members of our royal family,
they are treated very shabbily when visiting here. The
Commissioners think that Buckinghan Palace, being
seldom or never wanted by the Queen, and very seldom
wanted for the reception of the English Court, should
be at all times open for such royal or ruling visitors ;
that a Lord Chamberlain, or other such noble domestic
servant should be detailed to attend on them, and see
to their hospitable treatment in all respects ; and that
to cover the expenditure on their account a fair
deduction should be made from her Majesty’s share
of the Civil List, which deduction, being equitable,
her Majesty would no doubt view with extreme
pleasure.
It is complained on the part of her Majesty’s
Ministers, that when they want the royal assent and
signature to important Acts of Parliament, they have
�A Commission of Inquiry on Royalty.
61
to lose a day or two and undergo great fatigue (which
is peculiarly hard on men who are mostly aged, and
all overworked) in travelling to and from Osborne or
Balmoral. The Commissioners think the remedy plain
and easy, as in the two preceding cases. Let a law be
passed assuming that absence, like silence, gives
consent; so that whenever her Majesty is not in town,
the Speaker of the Commons or the Lord Chancellor,
or other great officer of State, be empowered to seal
and sign in her name, and generally to perform any of
her real and royal duties, on the formal demand of the
Ministry, who always (and not the Queen) are respon
sible to Parliament and the country for all public acts.
A Taxpayer complains that for fourteen years her
Majesty has been punctually drawing all moneys
allotted to support the royal dignity, while studiously
abstaining from all, or nearly all, the hospitalities and
other expensive functions incident to the support of the
said dignity. The Commissioners consider that her
Majesty is perchance benefiting the country more (and
may be well aware of the fact) by taking her money
for doing nothing than if she did something for it ;
that if she didn’t take the said money, somebody else
would (as for instance, were she to abdicate, the Prince
of Wales, become King, would want and get at least as
much); so that while our Government remains as it is,
the complaint of the said taxpayer is foolish.
Another Taxpayer, who must be a most mean-minded
fellow, a stranger to all sacred sympathies and hallowed
emotions, says : “ If a washerwoman, being stupified by
the death of her husband, neglected her business for
more than a week or two, she would certainly lose her
custom or employment, and not all the sanctity of con
jugal grief (about which reverential journalists gush)
would make people go on paying her for doing nothing ;
and if this washerwoman had money enough of her own
to live on comfortably, people would call her shameless
and miserly if she asked for or accepted payment while
doing nothing ; and if this washerwoman had a large
family of boys and girls around her, and shut herself
up to brood upon her husband’s death for even three or
four months, people would reckon her mad with selfish
�62
Satires and Profanities.
misery.” The Commissioners (as soon as they recover
from the stupefaction of horror into which this blas
phemy has thrown them) consider and reply that there
can be no proper comparison of a Queen and a washer
woman, and that nobody would think of instituting one,
except a brute, a Republican, an Atheist, a Communist’
a fiend in human form ; that anyhow if, as this wretch
says, a washerwoman would be paid for a week or two
without working, in consideration of her conjugal
affliction, it is plain that a Queen, who (it will be uni
versally allowed) is at least a hundred thousand times
as good as a washerwoman, is therefore entitled to at
least a hundred thousand times the “ week or two ” of
salary without performance of duty—that is, to at least
1,923 or 3,846 years, whereas this heartless and ribald
reprobate himself only complains that our beloved
Sovereign has done nothing for her wage throughout
“ fourteen years.” The Commissioners therefore eject
this complainant with ineffable scorn ; and only wish
they knew his name and address, that they might
denounce him for prosecution to the Attorney-General.
A Malthusian (whatever kind of creature that may
be) complains that her Majesty has set an example of
uncontrolled fecundity to the nation and the royal
family, which, besides being generally immoral, is
likely, at the modest estimate of £6,000 per annum per
royal baby, to lead to the utter ruin of the realm in a
few generations. The Commissioners, after profound
and prolonged consideration, can only remark that
they do not understand the complaint any better than
the name (which they do not understand at all) of the
“ Malthusian ” ; that they have always been led to
believe that a large family is a great honor to a legiti
mately united man and woman ; and that, finally, they
beg to refer the Malthusian to the late Prince Consort.
A devotedly loyal Royalist (who unfortunately does
not give the name and address of his curator) complains
that her Majesty, by doing nothing except receive her
Civil List, is teaching the country that it can get on
quite as well without a monarch as with one, and might
therefore just as well, and indeed very much better,
put the amount of the Civil List into its own pocket
�A Commission of Inquiry on Royalty.
63
and call itself a Republic. The Commissioners remark
that this person seems the most rational of the whole
lot of complainants (most rational, not for his loyalty,
but most rational as to the grounds of his complaint,
from his own point of view) ; in accordance with the
dictum, “ A madman reasons rightly from wrong pre
mises ; a fool wrongly from right ones
and that his
surmise is very probably correct—namely, that her
Majesty is really a Republican in principle, but not
liking (as is perfectly natural in her position) to publicly
profess and advocate opinions so opposed to the worldly
interests of all her friends and relatives, has been con
tent to further these opinions practically for fourteen
years past by her conduct, without saying a word on
the subject. The Commissioners, however, find one
serious objection to this surmise in the fact that if her
Majesty is really a Republican at heart, she must wish
to exclude the Prince of Wales from the throne ; while
it seems to them that the intimate knowledge she must
have of his wisdom and virtues (not to speak of her
motherly affection) cannot but make her 1661 that no
greater blessing could come to the nation after her
death than his reigning over it. As this is the only
complaint which the Commissioners find at once wellfounded and not easy to remedy, they are happy to
know that it is confined to the very insignificant class
of persons who are “ devotedly loyal Royalists.”
The Commissioners thus feel themselves bound to
report that all the complaints they have heard against
our beloved and gracious sovereign (except the one
last cited, which is of no importance) are without
foundation, or frivolous, or easily remedied, and that
our beloved and gracious Sovereign (whom may
Heaven long preserve!) could not do better than she is
now doing, in doing nothing.
But in order to obviate such complaints, which do
much harm, whether ill or well founded, and which
especially pain the delicate susceptibilities of all respec
table men and women, the Commissioners have thought
it their duty to draw up the following project of a Con
stitution, not to come into force until the death of our
present beloved and gracious Sovereign (which may
�64
Satires and Profanities.
God, if it so please him, long avert!), and to be
modified in its details according to the best wisdom of
our national House of Palaver.
DRAFT.
Whereas it is treasonable to talk of dethroning a
monarch, but there can be no disloyalty in preventing
a person not yet a monarch from becoming one :
And whereas it is considered by very many, and
seems proved by the experience of the last...................
years that the country can do quite well without a
monarch, and may therefore save the extra expense of
monarchy :
And whereas it is calculated that from the accession
of George I. of blessed memory until the decease of the
most beloved of Queens, Victoria, a period of upwards
of a century and a half, the Royal Family of the House
of Guelph have received full and fair payment in every
respect for their generous and heroic conduct in
coming to occupy the throne and other high places of
this kingdom, and in saving us from the unconstitu
tional Stuarts :
And whereas the said Stuarts may now be considered
extinct, and thus no longer dangerous to this realm :
And whereas the said Royal Family of the House of
Guelph is so prolific that the nation cannot hope to
support all the members thereof for a long period tn
come in a royal manner :
And whereas the Dukes of this realm are accounted
liberal and courteous gentlemen :
And whereas the constitution of our country is so
far Venetian that it cannot but be improved in har
mony and consistency by being made more Venetian
still :
Be it enacted, etc., That the Throne now vacant
through the ever-to-be-deplored death of her late most
gracious Majesty shall remain vacant. That the mem
bers of what has been hitherto the Royal Family keep
all the property they have accumulated, the nation re
suming from them all grants of sinecures and other
salaried appointments. That no member of the said
Family be eligible for any public appointment whatever
for at least one hundred years. That the Dukes in the
�A Commission of Inquiry on Royalty.
65
order of their seniority shall act as Doges (with what
ever title be considered the best) year and year about,
under penalty of large fines in case of refusal, save
when such refusal is supported by clear proof of poverty
(being revenue under a settled minimum), imbecility,
brutality, or other serious disqualification. That no
members of a ducal family within a certain degree of
relationship to the head of the house be eligible for any
public appointment whatever ; the head of the house
being eligible for the Dogeship only. That the duties
of the Doge be simply to seal and sign Acts of Parlia
ment, proclamations, etc., when requested to do so by
the Ministry ; and to exercise hospitality to royal or
ruling and other representatives of foreign countries,
as well as to distinguished natives. That a fair and
even excessive allowance be made to the Doge for the
expenses of his year of office. That the royal palaces
be official residences of the Doge. That the Doge be
free from all political responsibility as from all political
power ; but be responsible for performing liberally and
courteously the duties of hospitality, so that Bucking
ham Palace shall not contrast painfully with the Man
sion House. Etc., etc.
God preserve the Doge !
The Commission of Inquiry having thus trium
phantly vindicated our beloved and gracious Sovereign
against the cruel aspersions of people in general, and
having moreover drafted a plan for obviating such
aspersions against any British King or Queen in future,
ends its Report, and dissolves itself, with humble
thankfulness to God Almighty whose grace alone has
empowered it to conclude its arduous labors so speedily,
and with results so incalculably beneficial.
�66
Satires and Profanities.
A Bible Lesson on Monarchy.
[Whitten in 1876.]
The old theory of “ The right divine of kings to
govern wrong,” and the much-quoted text, “Fear God
and honor the king,” seem to have impressed many
good people with the notion that the Bible is in favor
of monarchy. But “ king ” in the text plainly has the
general meaning of “ruler,” and would be equally
applicable to the President of a Republic. In
Romans xiii., 1—3, we read : “ Let every soul be
subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power
but of God : the powers that be are ordained of God.
Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the
ordinance of God : and they that resist shall receive
to themselves damnation. For rulers are not a terror
to good works, but to the evil.” Without stopping to
discuss the bold assertion in the last sentence, we may
remark that the real teaching of this passage is that
Christians ought to be indifferent to politics, quietly
accepting whatever government they find in power ; for
if the powers that be are ordained of God, or in other
words, if might is right, all forms of government are
equally entitled to obedience so long as they actually
exist. Of course Christians are not now, and for the
most part have not been for centuries, really indifferent
to politics, because for the most part they now are and
long have been Christians only in name ; but it is easy
to understand from the New Testament itself why the
first Christians , naturally were thus indifferent, and
why Christianity, has never afforded any political
inspiration. Nothing can be clearer to one who reads
the New Testament honestly and without prejudice
than the fact that Christ and his apostles believed that
the end of the world was at hand. Thus in Matt, xxiv.,
Jesus after foretelling the coming to judgment of the’
son of man in the clouds of heaven with power and
great glory,"when the angels shall gather the elect from
�A Bible Lesson on Monarchy.
67
the four winds, adds, v. 34, “Verily I say unto you,
This generation shall not pass, till all these things be
fulfilled.” This is repeated in almost the same words
in Mark xiii., and Luke xxi., and a careful reading
of the Epistles shows that their writers were profoundly
influenced by this prophecy. But with the world
coming to an end so soon, it would be as absurd to take
any interest in its politics as for a traveller stopping
two or three days in an inn to concern himself
with schemes for rebuilding it. when about to leave
for a far country where he intends settling for life. If
therefore, we want any political guidance from the
Holy Scriptures, we must go to the Old Testament, not
to the New.
Now the first lesson on Monarchy, which we re
member made us think even in childhood, is the fable
of the trees electing a king, told by Jotham, the son of
Gideon, in Judges ix. The trees in the process of this
election showed a judgment much superior to that
which' men usually show in such a business. It is
true that they did not select first the most strong and
stalwart of trees, the cedar or the oak, but they had
the good sense to choose the most sweet-natured and
bountiful, the olive, then the fig, then the vine. But
the bountiful trees thus chosen had good sense too, and
would not forsake the fatness and the sweetness and the
wine which cheereth God and man, to rule over their
fellow trees. Then the poor trees, like a jilted girl who
marries in spleen the first scamp she comes across,
asked the bramble to be their king ; and that barren
good-for-nothing of course accepted eagerly the crown
which the noble and generous had refused, and called
upon the trees to put their trust in its scraggy shadow,
“ and if not, let fire come out of the bramble, and
devour the cedars of Lebanon.” Young as we were
when this fable first caught our attention, we mused a
good deal over it, and even then began to learn that
those most eager for supremacy, the most forward
candidates in elections, are nearly always brambles, not
olives or fig-trees or vines ; and that the first thought
of a bramble, when made ruler over its betters, is
naturally to destroy with fire the cedars of Lebanon.
�68
Satires and Profanities.
But God himself in the case of the Israelites has
vouchsafed to us a very clear judgment on the question
of Monarchy. In the remarkable constitution for that
people -which he gave to Moses, he did not include a
king, and Israel remained without a king for more
years than it is worth while endeavoring to count here.
We read, 1 Samuel viii., how ‘‘All the elders of Israel
gathered themselves together, and came to Samuel
unto Ramah, and said unto him, Behold thou art old,
and thy sons walk not in thy ways: now make us a
king to judge us like all the nations. But the thing
displeased Samuel, when they said, Give us a king to
judge us. And Samuel prayed unto the Lord. And
the Lord said unto Samuel, Hearken unto the voice
of the people in all that they say unto thee : for
they have not rejected thee, but they have
rejected me, that I should not reign over them.
... Now therefore hearken unto their voice : how
beit yet protest solemnly unto them, and show
them the manner of the king that shall reign over
them.” Some students of the Bible may have thought
that God’s severe condemnation of the Israelites for
wanting a king arose chiefly from wounded pride, from
the fact that they had rejected him, and we cannot
affirm that this feeling did not inflame his anger, for
he himself has said that he is a jealous God ; but the
protest which he orders Samuel to make, and the
exposition of the common evils of kingship, prove
clearly that God did not (and therefore, of course, does
not) approve this form of government. And, indeed,
it is plain that if he had approved it, he would have
given it to his chosen people at first. For although
divines have termed the form of government under
which the Jews lived before the kings a theocracy,
God did not then rule immediately, but always through
the medium of a high-priest or judge, and could have
governed through the medium of a king had he thought
it well so to do. And he who reads the history of the
Jews under the Judges, as contained in the Book of
Judges, and especially the narratives in chapters xvii.
to xxi. which illustrate the condition of Jewish society
in those days when “there was no king in Israel:
�J Bible Lesson on Monarchy.
69
every man did that which was right in his own eyes,”
will see that God must have thought a Monarchy very
vile and odious indeed when he was angry at the
request for it, and implied that it was actually worse
than that government by Judges alternated with bond
age under neighboring tribes which the theologians call
a theocracy. Samuel warned the people of what a
king would do, and doubtless thought he was warning
them of the worst, but kings have far outstripped all
that the prophet could foresee. The king, he said, will
take your sons to be his warriors and servants ; and
will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and
cooks, and bakers. This was the truth, and nothing
but the truth, but it was not the whole truth ; for the
sons have been taken to be far worse than mere
warriors and servants, and the daughters for much viler
purposes than cooking and baking. Samuel goes on :
“ And he will take your fields, and your vineyards,
and your oliveyards, even the best of them, and give
them to his servants ”—when he does not keep them
for himself might have been added. “ And he will
take the tenth of your seed, and of your vineyards,
and give to his officers, and to his servants.” Surely
much more than a tenth, 0 Samuel! We will not
quote the remainder of this wise warning. Like most
wise warnings it was ineffectual ; the foolish people
insisted on having a king, and in the following chapters
we read how Saul the Son of Kish, going forth to seek
his father’s asses, found his own subjects.
The condemnation of Monarchy by God, as we read
it in this instance, is so thorough and general that we
feel bound to add a few words on an exceptional case
in which a king is highly extolled in the Scriptures,
without any actions being recorded of him, as in the
instances of David and Solomon, to nullify the praise.
The king in question was Melchizedek, King of Salem,
and priest of the most high God, who met Abram
returning from the defeat of the four kings and blessed
him, and to whom Abram gave tithes of all, as we read
in Genesis xiv. But this short notice of Melchizedek
in. Genesis does not by any means suggest to us the
fall wonderfulness of his character, though we natu-
�70
Satires and Profanities.
rally conclude from it that he was indeed an important
personage to whom Abram gave tithes of all. The
New Testament, however, comes to our aid, and for
once gives us a most valuable political lesson, though
the inspired writer was far from thinking of political
instruction when he wrote the passage. In Hebrews
vi., 20, and vii., 1 to 3, we read : “ Jesus, made an High
Priest for ever after the order of Melchizedec. For
this Melchisedec, King of Salem, priest of the most
high God, who met Abraham returning from the
slaughter of the kings, and blessed him ; to whom also
Abraham gave a tenth part of all ; first being by inter
pretation King of righteousness, and after that also
King of Salem, which is King of peace ; without father,
without mother, without descent, having neither be
ginning of days nor end of life ; but made like unto
the Son of God ; abideth a priest continually.” Now
he to whom Jesus is compared, and who is like the Son
of God, is clearly the noblest of characters ; and there
fore, as the history in the first book of Samuel teaches
us that Monarchy is generally to be avoided, these fine
verses from the Epistle to the Hebrews delineate for
us the exceptional king whose reign is to be desired.
The delineation is quite masterly, for a few lines give
us characteristics which cannot be overlooked or mis
taken. This model monarch must be a priest of the
most high God—a king of righteousness and king of
peace; without father, without mother, without descent,
having neither beginning of days nor end of life ; but
made like unto the Son of God. Whenever and
wherever such a gentlemen is met with, we would
advise even the most zealous Republicans to put him
forthwith upon the throne. But in the absence of
such a gentleman we can hardly do wrong if we follow
the good advice of Samuel dictated by God Almighty,
and manage without any monarch.
�The One Thing Needful.
71
The One Thing Needful.
[Whitten
in
1866.]
When I survey with pious joy the present world of
Christendom, finding everywhere that the true believers
love their neighbors as themselves and are specially
enamored of their enemies ; that no one of them takes
thought for the morrow, what he shall eat or what he
shalfdrink, or wherewithal he or she shall be clothed ;
that all the pastors and flocks endeavor to outstrip each
other in laying not up for themselves treasures upon,
earth, where moth and rust corrupt, and where thieves
break through and steal ; and all are so intensely eager
to quit this earthly tabernacle and become freeholders
of mansions in the skies ; when I find faith as universal
as the air, and charity as common as cold water ; I
sometimes wonder, how it is that any misbelievers and
unbelievers are left, and feel astonished that the New
Jerusalem has not yet descended, and hope that the
next morning’s Times (rechristened The Eternities) will
announce the inauguration of the Millennium.
What delayeth the end ? Can there indeed be any
general hindering sin or imperfection among the pure
saints, the holy, unselfish, aspiring, devout, peaceful,
loving men and women who make up the population of
every Christian land ? Can any error infect the
teachings of the innumerable divines and theologians,
who all agree together in every particular, drawing all
the same doctrines from the same texts of the one un
varied Word of God ? I would fain believe that no
such sin or error exists, not a single inky spot in the
universal dazzling whiteness ; but then why have we to
deplore the continued existence of heathens and
infidels ? why is the New Jerusalem so long a-building ?
why is the Millennium so long a-coming ? why have
we a mere Sardowa instead of Armageddon ?
After long and painful thought, after the most
serious and reverent study, I think I have found the
�72
Satires and Profanities.
rock on which the ship of the Church has been wrecked ;
and I hasten to communicate its extreme latitude and
interminable longitude, that all Christian voyagers may
evade and circumvent it from this time forward.
The error which I point out, and the correction
which I propose, have been to a certain extent, in a
vague manner, pointed out and proposed before. A
clergyman named Malthus, not in his clerical capacity,
but condescending to the menial study of mundane
science, is usually considered the first discoverer. But
mundane science is conditioned, limited, vague, its
precepts are full of hesitation ; while celestial science
is absolute, unlimited, clear as the noonday sun, and its
precepts are imperiously forthright.
It seems to me that the one fatal error which has
lurked in our otherwise consummate Christianity, and
which demands immediate correction is this, that the
propagation of children is reconcileable with the pro
pagation of the faith—an error which while it lasts
adjourns sine die the day of judgment, and begins the
Millennium with the Greek Kalends.
One need not quote the numerous texts throughout
the New Testament (let Matthew xix., 12, suffice)
proving that Jesus and the epistolary apostles ac
counted celibacy essential to the highest Christian life.
One only of the disciples, so far as we know, was
married ; and he it was who denied his master ; and
most of the more profound divines consider that Peter
was justly punished for marrying, when Christ cured
his mother-in-law of that fever which might else have
carried her off.
But many modest people may be content with a
respectable Christian life which is not of the very
highest kind. They may think that as husbands and
wives they will make very decent middle-class saints in
heaven, after a comfortable existence on earth, leaving
the nobler crowns of holiness for more daring spirits.
Humility is one of the fairest graces, and we revere it;
but there is a consideration, most momentous for the
kind Christian heart, which such good people must
have overlooked—very naturally, since it is very
obvious.
�The One. Thing Needful.
73
Jesus tells us that many are called but few are
chosen; that few enter the strait gate and travel
€^narrow way, while many take the broadwaythat
leadeth to destruction. In other words, the 1 g
majority of mankind, the large majority of even those
who have the gospel preached to them, must be damn .
When a human soul is born into the world the odds
«re at least ten to one that the Devil will get it. Can
any pious member of the Church who has thought o
this take the responsibility of becoming a Parent. 1
thoroughly believe not. I am convinced that we have
so many Christian parents only because this very con“nous aspect of the case ^s not caught their vie
■ If the parents could have any assurance that the piety
of their offspring would be in proportion to their own
they would be justified in wedding m holiness But
alas7; we all know that some of the most religious
parents have had some of the most wicked children.
Dearly beloved brethren and sisters, pause and calcu
late that for every little saint you give to heaven, you
beget and bear at least nine sinners who will eventually
g The remedy proposed is plain and simple as a gospel
precept : let no Christian have any child at ail—a
rule which, in the grandeur of its absoluteness makes
the poor timid and tentative Malthusianism very
ridiculous indeed. For this rule is drawn immediately
from the New Testament and cannot but be perfect as
its source.
, . ,
7,
Let us think of a few of the advantages which would
flow from its practice. The profane have sometimes
sneered that Jesus and his disciples manifestly thought
that the world would come to an end, the millennium
be inaugurated, within a very few years from the public
ministry of Jesus. Luckily the profane are always
ignorant or shallow, or both. For, as the New Jeru
salem is to come down while Christians, are alive, and
as Christians in the highest sense or Christians without
offspring must have come to an end with the first gene
ration, it is plain that the belief which has been sneered
at was thoroughly well founded ; and that it has been
disappointed only because the vast majority of Cnris-
.
�74
Satires and Profanities.
,n°tbeen Christians in the highest senseat
all, but in their ignorance have continued to propagate
like so many heathen proletarians.
Now, supposing the very likely case that all Chris
tians now living reflect upon the truth herein expounded, and see that it is true, and, therefore, always
act upon it, it follows that, with the end of our now
young generation, the whole of Christendom will be
translated into the kingdom of heaven. Either the
mere scum of non-Christians left upon the earth will
be wholly or m great part converted by an example so
splendid and attractive, and thus translate all Christen
dom in the second edition in a couple of generations
more; or else the world, being without any Christianitv
a matter of course, be so utterly vile and evil
that the promised fire must destroy it at once, and so
bring m the New Heavens and New Earth.
Roman Catholic Christians may indeed answer that,
although the above argument is irresistible to the
Protestants, who have no mean in the next life between
Heaven and Hell, yet that it is not so formidable tn
them, seeing that they believe in the ultimate salvation
of nearly every one born and reared in their com
munion, and only give a temporary purgatory to the
worst of their own sinners. And I admit that such
reply is very cogent. Yet, strangely enough, the
Catholics even more than the Protestants, recognise and
cultivate the supreme beatitude of celibacy ; their
legions of unwedded priests, and monks, and nuns and
saints are so many legions of concessions to the truth
of my main argument.
I am aware that one of the most illustrious dignitariesof our own National Church, the very reverend and
reverent Dr. Swift, Dean of St. Patrick’s, has advo
cated on various grounds, and with impressive force of
reasoning, the general eating of babies : and I antici
pate that some prudent Christians may, therefore, argue .
that it is better to get babies and eat them than to have *
none &t a^’ s^nce th© souls of the sweet innocents
would surely go to heaven, while their bodies would be
very nourishing on earth. Unfortunately, however
the doctrine of Original Sin, as expounded and illus-
�The One Thing Needful.
75
trated by many very thoughtfui theologians and specially theologians of the most determined Protestant
Ze makes it very doubtful whether the souls of
iX “are not damned. It will surely be better, then,
for good Protestants to have no infants at all:
The Athanasian Creed.
[Written
in 1865.]
ON Christmas Day, as on all other chief holidays of theyear, the ministers and congregations of our National
Church have had the noble privilege and pleasure o
standing up and reciting the creed commonly called of
St. Athanasius. The question of the authorship does
not concern us here, but a note of Gibbon (chapter 37)
is so brief and comprehensive that we may as well cite
it •_ “ But the three following truths, however strange
thev may seem, are now universally acknowledged.
1 St Athanasius is not the author of the creed which
is so frequently read in our churches. 2. It does not
appear to have existed within a century after his death.
3 It was originally composed in the Latin tongue,
and consequently in the western provinces. Gennadius, patriarch of Constantinople, was so much amazed
by this extraordinary composition, that he frankly pro
nounced it to be the work of a drunken man.
(Ihis
Gennadius, by the bye, is the same whom Gibbon
mentions two or three times afterwards in the account
of the siege and conquest of Constantinople by the
Whoever elaborated the Creed, and whether he did
it drunk or sober, the Church of England has made it
thoroughly her own by adoption.
�76
Satires and Profanities.
Yet it must be admitted that many good churchmen
and perhaps even a few churchwomen, have not loved
th? adopted child of their Holy Mother as warmly as
their duty commanded. The intelligently pion?
Tillotson wishes Mother Church well rid of the bant
ing ; and poor George the Third himself, with all his
immense genius for orthodoxy, could not take kindly
to it. He was willing enough to repeat all its expres
sions of theological faith—in fact, their perfect non
sense, their obstinate irrationality, must have been
exquisitely delightful to a brain such as his?but he
was not without a sort of vulgar manhood, even when
worshipping m the Chapel Royal, and so rather choked
its denunciations—“ for it do curse dreadful.” He
am d mu'
faith Whole and ^defiled by reason, yet
did not like to assert that all who had been and were
and should in future be in this particular less happy
than himself, must without doubt perish everlastingly.
^OnS6 ^her.hand °ne of our most liberal Church
men, Mr. Maurice, has argued that this creed is essen
tially merciful, and that its retention in the Book of
Common Prayer is a real benefit. Mr. Maurice, how
ever, as we all know, interprets “perish everlastingly”
into a meaning very different from that which most
members of the Church accept. And his opinions lose
considerably in weight from the fact that no man save
himself can infer any one of them from any other.
? -°U T C^eered UP a bit by bis notions
?tern.al, a?d “ Everlasting,” you are soon
depressed again by his pervading woefulness. Of all
the rulers we hear of—the ex-king of Naples, the king
of Prussia the Elector of Hesse-Cassel, Abraham
Lincoln, and the Pope included—the poor God of Mr.
Maurice is the most to be pitied : a God whose world
is m so deplorable a state that the good man who owns
him lives in a perpetual fever of anxiety and misery
m endeavoring to improve it for him.
What part of this creed shocks the pious who are
shocked at. all by it ? Simply the comprehensive
damnation it deals out to unbelievers, half-believers,
and all except whole believers. For we do not hear
that the pious are shocked by the confession of theo-
�The Athanasian Creed.
77
logical or theo-illogical faith, itself. Their reverence
bowsand kisses the rod, which we cool outsiders mibht
fairly have expected to be broken up and. flung out
doors in a fury of indignation. Their sinful human
nature is shocked on account of their fellow-men ; their
divine religious nature is not shocked on account o
their God : yet does not the creed use God as badly as
m A chemist secures some air, and analyses it into its
ultimate constituents, and states with precise numerals
the proportions of oxygen, nitrogen, and carbonic acid
therein Just so the author of this creed secures the
Divinity and analyses it into Father, Son, and Ho y
Ghost, and just as precisely he reports the relations
these A mathematician makes you a problem of a
certain number divided into three parts in certain ratios
to each other and to the sum, from which ratios you
are to deduce the sum and the parts Just so the
author of this creed makes a riddle of his God dividing
him into three persons, from whose inter-relations you
are to deduce the Deity. An anatomist gets hold of
a dead body and dissects it, exposing the structure and
functions of the brain, the lungs, the hearts, etc. Just
so the author of this creed gets possession of the corpse
of God (he died of starvation doing slop-work toi
Abstraction and Company ; and the dead body .was
nurveved by the well-known resurrectionist Priest
craft), and cuts it open and expounds the generation
and functions of its three principal organs. But the
chemist does not tell- us that oxygen, nitrogen, and
carbonic acid are three gases and yet one gas, that each
of them is and is not common air, that they have each
peculiar and yet wholly identical properties; the
mathematician does not tell us that each of the three
parts of his whole number is equal to the whole, and
equal to each of the others, and yet less than the whole
and unequal to either of the others ; the anatomist does
not tell us that brain and lungs and heart are each dis
tinct and yet all the same in substance, structure, and
function, and that each is in itself the whole body and
at the same time is not : while the author of this creed
goes tell us analogous contradictions of the tnree
�78
Satires and Profanities.
aMe and tolerant as human nature can hope to be •
while the author of this creed aims at and manages to’
reach an almost super-human unreason and intnlpran™
™ W®re a sample of air, a certain number,
a dead body This humble-minded devotee, who knows
+£ Tn? c
1S finite and that God is infinite, and
that the finite cannot conceive, much less comprehend
SS exPress ibe infinite, yet expounds this Infinite
with the most complete and complacent knowledge
turns it inside out and upside down, tells us all about
it, cuts it up into three parts, and then glues it together
again with a glue that has the tenacity of atrocious
wrongheadedness instead of the coherence of logic puts
his mark upon it, and says, “ This is the only genuine
thing in the God line. If you are taken in by any
other why, go and be damned
and having done all
this finishes by chanting “ Glory be to the Father, and
to the Son, and to the Holy Ghcst !” And the pious
are not shocked by what they should abhor as horrible
sacrilege and blasphemy ; they are shocked only by
the Go, and be damned,” which is the prologue and
epilogue of the blasphemy. Were the damnatory
clauses omitted, it appears that even the most devout
worshippers could comfortably chant the Glory be to
the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Ghost ”
immediately after they had been thus degrading Father
Son, and Holy Ghost to the level and beneath the level
ot their low human understanding. And these very
people are horrified by the lack of veneration in
�The Athanasian Creed.
79
Atheists and infidels! What infidel ever dealt with
God more contemptuously and blasphemously than this
creed has dealt with him ? Can it be expected that
Xe and sensible men, who have out-grown the pre
judices sucked in with their mothers milk, will be
reconverted to reverence a Deity whom his votaries
■dare to treat in this fashion ?
..
Ere we conclude, it may be as well to anticipate a
probable objection. It may likely enough be urged
that the author and reciters of the creed do not pretend
to know the Deity so thoroughly as we have ass^med’
since they avouch very early in the creed that the
three persons of the Godhead are one and all incom
prehensible. If the word incomprehensible, thus used
means (what it apparently meant in the author s mind)
unlimited as to extension, just as the word eternal
means unlimited as to time, the objection is altogether
wide of the mark. But even if the word incompre
hensible be taken to mean (what it apparently means
in the minds of most people who use the creed) beyond
the comprehension or capacity of the human intellect,
still the objection is without force. lor in the same
sense a tuft of grass, a stone, anything and everything
in the world is beyond the capacity of the human
intellect : the roots of a tuft of grass stride as deeply
into the incomprehensible as the mysteries of the Deity
Relatively this creed tells us quite as much about God
as ever the profoundest botanist can tell us about the
grass ; in fact, it tells relatively more, for it implies
a knowledge of the Final Cause of the subsistence of
God, which no future botanist can tell or imply of the
grass.
���
Dublin Core
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Title
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Victorian Blogging
Description
An account of the resource
A collection of digitised nineteenth-century pamphlets from Conway Hall Library & Archives. This includes the Conway Tracts, Moncure Conway's personal pamphlet library; the Morris Tracts, donated to the library by Miss Morris in 1904; the National Secular Society's pamphlet library and others. The Conway Tracts were bound with additional ephemera, such as lecture programmes and handwritten notes.<br /><br />Please note that these digitised pamphlets have been edited to maximise the accuracy of the OCR, ensuring they are text searchable. If you would like to view un-edited, full-colour versions of any of our pamphlets, please email librarian@conwayhall.org.uk.<br /><br /><span><img src="http://www.heritagefund.org.uk/sites/default/files/media/attachments/TNLHLF_Colour_Logo_English_RGB_0_0.jpg" width="238" height="91" alt="TNLHLF_Colour_Logo_English_RGB_0_0.jpg" /></span>
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Conway Hall Library & Archives
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2018
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Conway Hall Ethical Society
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Pamphlet
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Satires and profanities : with a preface by G. W. Foote
Description
An account of the resource
Edition: New ed.
Place of publication: London
Collation: 79 p. ; 19 cm.
Notes: Part of the NSS pamphlet collection. Printed and published by G.W. Foote. First published 1884: see Preface. Satires previously published in the National Reformer and the Secularist.
Contents: The story of a famous old Jewish firm -- Religion in the Rocky mountains -- The Devil in the Church of England -- Christmas eve in the upper circles -- A commission of inquiry on royalty -- A Bible lesson on monarchy -- The one thing needful --The Athanasian creed.
Creator
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Thomson, James [1834-1882]
Publisher
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Progressive Publishing Company
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1890
Identifier
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N639
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Foote, G. W. (George William) [1850-1915]
Subject
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Rationalism
Free thought
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<a href="http://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/mark/1.0/"><img src="http://i.creativecommons.org/p/mark/1.0/88x31.png" alt="Public Domain Mark" /></a><span> </span><br /><span>This work (Satires and profanities : with a preface by G. W. Foote), identified by </span><a href="https://conwayhallcollections.omeka.net/items/show/www.conwayhall.org.uk"><span>Humanist Library and Archives</span></a><span>, is free of known copyright restrictions.</span>
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application/pdf
Type
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Text
Language
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English
Athanasian Creed
Church of England
Monarchy
NSS
Rationalism
Satire
-
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
A name given to the resource
Victorian Blogging
Description
An account of the resource
A collection of digitised nineteenth-century pamphlets from Conway Hall Library & Archives. This includes the Conway Tracts, Moncure Conway's personal pamphlet library; the Morris Tracts, donated to the library by Miss Morris in 1904; the National Secular Society's pamphlet library and others. The Conway Tracts were bound with additional ephemera, such as lecture programmes and handwritten notes.<br /><br />Please note that these digitised pamphlets have been edited to maximise the accuracy of the OCR, ensuring they are text searchable. If you would like to view un-edited, full-colour versions of any of our pamphlets, please email librarian@conwayhall.org.uk.<br /><br /><span><img src="http://www.heritagefund.org.uk/sites/default/files/media/attachments/TNLHLF_Colour_Logo_English_RGB_0_0.jpg" width="238" height="91" alt="TNLHLF_Colour_Logo_English_RGB_0_0.jpg" /></span>
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Conway Hall Library & Archives
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2018
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Conway Hall Ethical Society
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Pamphlet
Dublin Core
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Title
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The missing links to Darwin's origin of species
Creator
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Merriam, A.W.
Mistick Krewe of Comus
Description
An account of the resource
Place of publication: [New Orleans]
Collation: [38] p. : ill. (engravings) ; 22 cm.
Notes: From the library of Dr Moncure Conway. Text printed within decorative ruled borders. "Keepsake, in verse, distributed to guests at the ball given by the Mistick Krewe of Comus on Mardi Gras, Feb. 25, 1873. Instead of the traditional float, the members marched in costumes that were not only a satire on the Darwinian theory, but made fun of carpetbaggers who were then in control of New Orleans. In 1873 the captain of Comus, whose duty it was to design, produce and manage the pageant and ball, and who presumably wrote the keepsake, was A.W. Merriam. Cf. One hundred years of Comus (New Orleans, 1956)." [From Worldcat, accessed 11/2017]. Adolph Zenneck was a German-born engraver active and living in Louisiana.
Publisher
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[s.n.]
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[1873]
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G5451
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Zenneck-Buckingham (ill)
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Poetry
USA
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application/pdf
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Text
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English
American Poetry
American Reconstruction
Charles Darwin
Conway Tracts
Origin of the Species
Poetry in English
Satire
-
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PDF Text
Text
THE
NEW
GOSPEL
OF
PEACE
ABSORBING TO
ST.
BENJAMIN.
Manchester:
ABEL HEYWOOD, PRINTER, 56 & 58, OLDHAM STREET
London:
BACON & CO., 48, PATERNOSTER ROW.
��THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE
ACCORDING TO ST. BENJAMIN.
CHAPTER I.
1 The Mystery. 2 War in the Land of Unculpsalm. o Phernandiwud. 10 Seeketh a partner. 17 Searcheth the Scripture.
19 Findeth something 1$ his advantage. 24 And walketh
slantindicularly. 25 Is brought before the Judge. Wl Showeth
his innocence.
1. The mystery of the new gospel of peace.
2. In the days of Abraham, when there was war in the
land of Unculpsalm, and all the people fought with weapons
of iron, and with shipm®$$B®n.
3. (For there came a man eufcof the country beyond the
North Sea, a son of Tubal Cain, and joined himself unto
trie people of Unculpsalm, aridt made unto them ships of
iron, with towers upon the decks thereof, and beaks upon
the prows thereof, very mighty and marvellous),
4. There went out one who preached a new gospel of
peace. And it was in fhisiwise.
5. It came to pass in those days that in the country of
Mannatton, in the city which is called Gotham, that is over
against Jarzee, as thou goest down by the great river, the
River Hutzoon, to Communipah, there was a man whose
name was Phernandiwud.
6. And he was a just man, and a righteous; and he
walked uprightly before the world.
�6
THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
28. And he clid so. And Phernandiwud went out from,
before him justified in his wisdom and his innocence.
CHAPTER II.
1 The Pahdees. 2 They govern Gotham. 5 Phernandiwud
maketh friends of the Pahdees. 8 Who make him Chief Ruler
of the City. 10 And together they devour the substance of the
Men of Gotham. 14 The Watchmen of Gotham removed
from the rule of Phemandiwud. 17 Who gathereth together
the Hittites and the Ilammerites. 18 And conceiveth with the
Mystery of the New Gospel of Peace.
1. Now, it came to pass that in the city of Gotham were
many Pahdees, like unto, locusts for multitude. And they
were not of the land of Unculpsalm, But came from an island
beyond the great sea^a land of famine and oppression.
And they knew nothing. They read not, neither did they
write, and like the multitudes of Nineveh, many of them
did not know their right hand from their left.
2. Therefore the men of Unculpsalm, who dwelt in
Gotham, troubled themselves fettle to govern the city, and
paid the Pahdees richly to govern it for them.
3. For the men of Gotham were great merchants and
artificers, trading to the ends of the earth; diligent and
cunning in their busing’ , wise and orderly in their houses
holds; and they got great gain, and the fame of their wisdom
and their diligence was Spread abroad. Wherefore they
said, why shall we leave our crafts and our merchandise,
and our ships, and our feasts, and the gathering together of
our wives and our daughters, and our men-singers and our
women-singers, to give our time to ruling the city ? Behold,
here are the Pahdees who know nothing, who read not,
neither do they write, and who know not their right hand
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
7
from their left, and who have never governed even them
selves, and will he glad to govern the city in our stead.
4. Wherefore the men of Unculpsalm who dwelt in
Gotham, went the one to his craft, the other to his ships,
and the other to his merchandise; and the Pahdees gov
erned Gotham.
5. Now Phernandiwud saw that the men whom the
Pahdees appointed to be officers in Gotham fed at the pub
lic crib, and waxed fat, and, increased in substance. More
over, so great and mighty was the city of Gotham that they
who ruled it were powerful in the. land of Unculpsalm;
stretching out their hands from the North even unto'the
South, and from the East even unto the West; but most of
all were they powerful with the men of the South.
6. And Phernandiwud said within himself, Shall I not
feed at the public crib, and wax fat, and increase in sub
stance, and become a man of, power in the land of Uncul
psalm ?
7. So he made friends unto himsgjf among the Pahdees,
and of certain men of Unculpsalm who had joined them
selves unto the Pahdees, and .who called themselves Dim
michrats.
8. And he became a great man among them. And they
made him chief ruler of the.gity, And it was of the Pah
dees that he was firsts called Phernandiwud.
9. Now, when Phernandiwud was ©hief ruler of Gotham,
the Pahdees, and the men, of Unculpsalm which were also
Dimmichrats, did what was right in their own eyes ; and
they worked confusion in the city, and\ devoured the sub
stance of the men of Gotham. And the watchmen of the
city were as clay in the hands of Phernandiwud.
10. For he said, I will have a one man power; and the
one man shall be me, even me Phernandiwud; and the
Pahdees, and the Dimmichrats, and the watchmen of
Gotham, shall do my will; and after they have done my
will they may do what is right in their own eyes, and work
confusion, and devour the people’s substance.
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
11. And the men of Gotham were amazed and confounded;
and they said one to another,
12. Behold, we are held as naught by Phernandiwud and
them that are under him, and he will destroy us and our
eity.
13. But they could not cast him out, because of the
Pahdees, and the men of Unculpsalm who also were Dimmichrats.
14. Wherefore they said, we will pray the governor and
rulers of the province to take the watchmen of the city from
under his hand, and putin other watchmen who shall guard
the city, and the country round about the same; and he
shall no longer work confusion^and devour our substance,
and destroy our city.
15. Wherefore the watchmen were taken from under his
rule, and there were appointed other watchmen, whose
captains were not Pahdees and followers of Phernandiwud.
16. But Phernandiwud, because he loved the people, and
himself first, as number one of the people, withstood the
watchmen which the governor and the rulers of the province
had appointed. And he gathered together his watchmen
and much people of the Pahdees, and of the men of Uncul
psalm which also were Dimmichrats.
17. Hittites, so called, because they hit from the shoulder,
and Hammerites, because they brake the heads of all them
that set themselves up against them.
18. And the watchmen of Phernandiwud, and the Pahdees,
and the Hittites and the Hammerites, fought with the
watchmen appointed by the governor and chief rulers of the
province, doing in this the will of Phernandiwud. And
they fought many times, and they brake each the heads of
the other: yet was neither vanquished.
19. And when the judges of the province saw this, they
declared unto the governor, that by the great law of the
province, he could march an army upon Pherandiwud, and
his watchmen, and his Pahdees, and his Hittites, and his
Hammerites, and put them to the sword.
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
20. And when Phernandiwud read this declaration of the
Judges, he saw that there was an end of his rule over the
watchmen, of his one man power in Gotham, and he said
unto the watchmen, and to the Pahdees, and the Hittites,
and the Hammerites, Get you to: your houses, I have no ■
thing more to give unto you.
21. But he charged the cost thereof unto the city.
22. And this was th®, first tirne that Phernandiwud con
ceived in his mind th© mystery of the new gospel of peace,
CHAPTER. III.
1 The War in the land of Unculpsalm. 3 The Great Covenant.
5 The greatness of the land of Unculpsalm. I Provoked the
hatred of Kings and tffjpressws. 8 27ie Niggahs. 11 And
the Covenant concerning them. 14 The Niggahs. 16 There
arise men in Belial. 19 The Tshivulree. 22 And what the
Tshivulree did to the men of Belial. 24 The Dimmichrats
join themselves to the Tshivulree. 26 Thfr Everlasting Niggah. 27 Phillip of Atoms', aPrw$of Beelzebub. 29 Isaiah
• thrusteth him out of the Tabernacle. 31 But the Men of
Belial prevail. 35 And the spirit Bak Bohn possesseth their
Disciples. 39 The Phiretahs and Prestenbruux.
1. Now the war in the. land* of Unculpsalm was in this
-•wise.
2. The people were of one blood, but the land was in
many provinces. And the people ofi'the provinces joined
themselves together and cast off the yokeof a stubborn
king who oppressed them beyond the great sea. And
they said let us hake no king, but let us choose for our
selves a man to rule over us; and let us no longer be many
provinces, but one nation; only in those things which con
cern not the nation let the people in each province do what
fig right in their own eyes.
�10
THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
3. And let it be written upon parchment and be for a
covenant between us and our children, and our children’s
children forever—like unto a law of the Medes and Per
sians which altereth not.
4. And they did so. And the Great Covenant became
the beginning and the end of all things unto the men of
Unculpsalm.
5. And the men of Unculpsalm waxed great and mighty
and rich : and the earth was filled with the fame of their
power and their riches; and their ships covered the sea.
And all nations feared them. But they were men of peace,
and went not to war of their own accord ; neither did
they trouble or oppress the men of other nations; but
sought each man to sit under his own vine and his own
fig tree. And there were no poor men and few that did
evil born in that land, : except thou go southward of the
border of Masunandicsun.
6. And this was noised abroad; and it came to pass
that the poor and the down-trodden, and the oppressed of
other lands left the lands in which they were born, and
went and dwelt in the land of Unculpsalm, and prospered
therein, and no man molested them. And they loved that
land.
7. Wherefore, the kings and the oppressors of other lands,
and they that devoured the substance of the people, hated
the men of Unculpsalm. Yet, although they were men of
peace, they made not war upon them; for they were
many and mighty. Moreover ■ they were rich and bought
merchandise of othef nations, and sent them corn and gold.
8. Now there were inthe land of Unculpsalm Ethiopi
ans, which the men of Unculpsalm called Niggahs. And
their skins were black, and for hair they had wool, and
their shins bent out forward and their heels thrust out
backward; and their ill savor went up.
9. Wherefore the forefathers of the men of Unculpsalm,
had made slaves of the Niggahs, and bought them ancL
sold them like cattle.
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
11
10. But so it was that when the people Of the land of
Unculpsalm made themselves into one nation, the men of
the North said, We will no longer buy and sell the Nig
gahs, but will set them free; neither shall more be brought
from Ethiopia for slaves unto this land.
11. And the men of the Sduth answered and said, We
will buy and sell our Niggahs; and moreover we will beat
them with stripes, and they shsftl be our heWers of wood
and drawers of water forever | < and when our Niggahs
flee into your provinces, ye shall give them to us, every
man his Niggah; and after a time there shaft. no more be
brought from Ethiopias < as ye say. And this shall be a
part of the great covenant.«
12. And it was a covehant between the men of the
North and the men of thb South.
13. And it came to p&sg that thereafter the men of the
South and the Dimmichrats of the North, and the Pahdees
gave themselves night and day to the preservation of this
covenant about theNiggahs. ' ■ <
o.b i,>.
14. And the Niggahs increased and multiplied till they
darkened all the land of the South. And the men of
Unculpsalm who dwelt in the -South took their women for
concubines and went in unto them, and begat of them sons
and daughters. And they bought and sold: their sons and
daughters, even the fruit of their loins; and beat them
with stripes, and made them hewers of wood and drawers
of water.
: .r.< ,<d
15. For they said, are not, thesd Niggahs otir Niggahs?
Yea, even more than, the other Niggah&<: For the other
Niggahs we bought, or our fathers^ with money; but these,
are they not flesh of our flesh, M -blood Uf Our blood, and
bone of our bone; and shall we not do What we will with
our own?
316. But there arose men in the northern provinces of
the land of Unculpsalm and in the countries beyond the
great sea, iniquitous men, saying, Man’s blood cannot be
�12
THE NEW GOSPEL OK PEACE.
bought with money; foolish men saying, Though the Niggah’s skin be black and his hair woolly, and his shins like
unto cucumbers, and his heels thrusting out backward,
and though he have an ill savor not to be endured by those
who get not children of Niggah women, is yet a man;
men of Belial which said, All things whatsoever ye would
that men should do to you, do ye even so to them; for
this is the law and the prophets.
17. And the slaves were for a reproach throughout all
the world unto the men of the South, and even to the
whole land of Unculpsalm. But by reason of the great
covenant and the laws of the provinces, the men of the
North had naught to do fe this matter.
18. But the men of the South which had Niggahs (for
there were multitudes which had no Niggahs, and they
were poor and oppressed) heeded it not; for they were a
stiffnecked generation. And they said we will not let
our Niggahs go free; for they are our chattels, even as
our horses and our sheep, our swine and our oxen; and
we will beat them, and slay them, and sell them, and be
get children of them, and no man shall gainsay us. We
stand by the Great Covenant.
19. Moreover we are Tshivulree.
20. Now to be of the Tshivulree was the chief boast
among the men of the South, because it had been a great
name upon the earth. For of olden time he who was of
the Tshivulree was bound by an oath to defend the weak
and succor the oppressed, yea, even though he gave his
life for them. But among the men of the South he only
was of the Tshivulree who ate his bread in the sweat of
another’s face, who robbed the laborer of his hire, who
oppressed the weak, and set his foot upon the neck of the
lowly, and who sold from the mother the fruit of her
womb and the nursling of her bosom. Wherefore the
name of Tshivulree stank in the nostrils of all the nations 21. l or they were in the darkness of a false dispensa-.
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
13
tion, and had not yet learned the mystery of the new gospel
of peace.
22. And when the Tshivulree found within their borders
those men of the North, iniquitous men which said that
man’s blood cannot be bought, and men of Belial which
said, Do ye unto all men as ye would have all men do unto
you, they seized upon them and beat them with many
stripes, and hanged them upon trees, and roasted them with
fire, and poured hot pitch upon them, and rode them upon
sharp beams, very grievous to bestride, and persecuted
them even as it was fitting such pestilent fellows should be
persecuted.
23. And they said unto the men of the North, cease ye
now to send among us »these men of Belial preaching
iniquity, cease also to listen unto them yourselves, and re
spect the Great Covenant, or we will destroy this nation.
24. Then the men of Unculpsalm which called them
selves Dimmichrats, and the Pahdees, seeing that the
Tshivulree of the South had only one thought, and that
was for the Niggah, said, We will*, join ourselves unto the
Tshivulree, and we will have, but one thought with them,
even tbe Niggah; and we shall rule the land of Uncul
psalm, and we shall divide the spoilfr i
25. And they joined themselves Unto the Tshivulree;
and the Tshivulree of the South, and the men of the North,
which called themselves Dimmichrats, and the Pahdees
ruled the land of Unculpsalm' for many years; and they
divided the spoil. And theja had but ofic^ thought-; even
for the Niggah.
26. Wherefore he was called the everlasting Niggah.
27. Now, about these days came Philip, from the new
Athens, a priest of Beelze bub, and he taught in the Taber
nacle at Gotham.
28. And Philip had many words, but only one thought;
and that, like the thought of the men of the South, was
for the Niggah. But he respected not the Great Coveu-
�14
THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
ant. And he said unto the people ye ought to set the
Niggah free.
29. And it came to pass that when he was teaching in
the Tabernacle one Isaiah entered (not the prophet, but he
who was captain of a band of the Hammerites) and pro
tested unto him that he should no more teach such pesti
lent doctrine. And having his band of Hammerites with
him, he knocked Philip down, and thrust him from the
pulpit wherein he was speaking, and drave him out of the
Tabernacle.
30. Now this was the first ministration of the new gospel
of peace. But as yet it was not preached; for it had no
apostle.
31. But in process of time the ministers of Belial turned
the hearts of many men, even of them which called them
selves Dimmichrats fife iniquity;; and they all began to say
that the strength of the great nation of Unculpsalm should
not be used to oppress the Niggah; declaring in the
wickedness of their imaginations and; the hardness of their
hearts, that whatsoever the people of Uuculpsalm would
that bthers should do to them, even so they should do to
others, even unto Niggahs. '■
32. But they had respecteunto the Great Covenant, and
sought not to set the Niggahs free; and they returned unto
the men of the South the Niggahs that fled from their
provinces, according to the Great Covenant.
33. Moreover the men of the North made soft answers
unto the men of the South, and strove to turn away their
wrath, and to live with them as brethren. For though they
feared them not, neither hated them, they did fear that they
would destroy the nation.
34. And the Tshivulree of the South saw that the men
of the North feared their threats ; and they waxed bolder,
and said we will not only keep our Niggahs in our own
provinces, but we will take them into all the country of
Unculpsalm, which is not yet divided into provinces. And,
they went roaring up and down the land.
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
15
35. But in process of time it came to pass that the spirit
of their forefathers appeared among the men of the North,
even the great spirit Bak Bohn; and he stiffened up the
people mightily.
36. So that they said unto the men of the South, Hear
us, our brethren! We would live with you in peace, and
love you, and respect the Great Covenant. And the
Niggahs in your provinces: ye shall keep, and slay, and
sell, they and. the children: which-, ye beget of them, into
slavery,( for" bond men and bond women for ever. Yours
be the sin before the Lord,, not ours; for it is your doing,
and we are not answerable for it* And your Niggahs
that flee from your provinces they shall be returned unto
you, according to the Great Covenant. Only take care
lest peradventure ye make captives the Niggahs of our
provinces which we have made Free men. Ye shall in no
wise take a Niggah of them.
37. Thus shall it be i wij/h your Niggahs and in your
provinces, and ydurs shall be the< blame forever. But out
of your provinces, into the common land of Unculpsalm,
ye shall not carry your Niggahs except they be made
thereby free. For that land is common, and your laws
and the statutes of your provinces, by which alone ye make
bondmen, run not in that land. And for all that is done in
that land we must bear the blame: with you. For that
land is common; and we share whatever is done therein;
and the power of this nation and the might of its banner
shall no longer be used to oppress the lowly and to fasten
the chain upon the captive. Keep ye then your bondmen
within your own provinces.' 1 1 '■■■. ■
38. Then the Tshivulree of the South waxed wroth, and
foamed in their anger, and the air of the land was filled
with their cursings and their revilings. And certain of
them which were men of blood, and which were possessed
of devils, and had difficulties, and slew each other with
knives and shooting irons, did nothing all their time but
rave through the land about the Niggah.
�16
THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
39. Now these men were the fore-runners of him that
preached the new gospel of peace, and prepared the way
before him. Wherefore they were called Phiretahs.
40. And it came to pass that one of the Phiretahs, whose
name was Prestenbruux, was wroth with Charles, who
was surnamed the Summoner, who was one of the chief
law-givers of the land of Unculpsalm, and also one of the
men of Belial, who taught iniquity, saying, whatsoever ye
would that men should do to you do ye even so to them,
even unto Niggahs.
For Charles the Summoner had declared that it was not
lawful for the men of the South to take their Niggahs out
of their own provinces^ And thus it was that Prestenbruux
was offended in him.
41. Wherefore Prestenbruux took unto himself other
Phiretahs, and he sought Charles the Summoner, and
found him alone at a table, writing in the great hall of
Unculpsalm. And he came upon him unawares, and he
smote him and beat him to the ground, so that he was
nigh unto death.
42. And this was the second ministration of the new
gospel of peace. But even now it was not preached, for
it had yet no apostle.
43. And after these things, James, whose surname being
interpreted meaneth Facing-both-ways, ruled in the land
of Unculpsalm.
CHAPTER IV.
1 The choice of Abraham the Honest. 10 The Phiretas rebel
against him. 14 Compromise. 17 The Phiretahs will have
no more Compromise. 18 Ken Edee and Robert of Joarji.
23 Phernandiwud compromiseth unto Robert. 24 The
men of the North wax wroth.
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
17
1; Now the time drew nigh when James should cease
40 rule in the land of Unculpsalm.
2. And the men of the North, save the Dimmichrats,
among whom were the Pahdees, strove to have Abraham,
who was surnamed the honest, made ruler in the place of
James Facing-both-ways.
3. But the Phiretahs of the South said,- Let us choose,
and let the voices be numbered, and if oui? man be chosen,
it is well, but if Abraham, we will’ destroy the nation.
4. But the men of the North believed them not, because
of the Great Covenant, and because they trusted them to
be of good faith in this matter. For among the men of
the North, even those who lived by casting lots for gold,
stood by the lot when it was cast; And the men of the
North believed not that men -of their own blood, whose
sons were married unto their daughters, and whose daugh
ters unto their sons, would faithlessly do this thing which
they threatened.
p 5. But the men of th® North knew not how the Niggah
-had driven out all, other thoughts from the hearts of the
men of the South, even so that they would violate the
Great Covenant, and set at nought the election according
thereunto if it went against them.
6. And there were throughout the provinces of the land
of Unculpsalm at the North great multitudes, Dimmichrats,
of whom were the Pahdees, who' were friends of the
Phiretahs of the Sonth, and wished them well, and labored
with them; for they said, It is by thd alliance of the men
of the South, and by reason of the everlasting Niggah,
that we rule the land.
7. But they deceived themselves; for it was the Phire
tahs which ruled the land, using the Dimmichrats, and by
the one thought of the everlasting Niggah.
8. Yet it came to pass that when the voices of the people
were numbered, according to the Great Covenant, Abraham
was chosen.
�18
THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
9. Then the Phiretahs of the South began to do as they
had threatened ; and they gathered together in their pro
vinces, and said, Our provinces shall no longer be a part of
the land of Unculpsalm, for we will not have this man
Abraham to rule over us.
10. Yet were there men of the South, a great multitude,
among whom was Stephen, of Joarji, who said, not so.
Why will ye do this great evil and destroy the nation ? It
is right for us to respect the Great Covenant. If the man
who had our voices had been chosen,, the men of the North
would have received, him, and obeyed him as the chief ruler
in the land of Unigulpsalm; and it is meet and right
that we should do likewise, even according to the Great
Covenant. Moreover, we have suffered no wrong at the
hands of the new rulers; and the old were men of our own
choosing. Will ye make this land like unto Mecsicho ?
11. But the Phiretahs would not hearken unto these men,
and went on their way, and beat some of them, and hanged
others, and threatened noisily, and> gathering unto them all
the people of the baser sort, and inflaming them with hate
and strong drink, they set up a rule of terror through
out their provinces. Bor the Phiretahs were men of blood.
So the Phiretahs prevailed over the men who would have
respected the Great Covenant.
12. And the men of the North, both they who had given
their voices for Abraham and they who had given their voices
with the men of the (South against him, were amazed and
stood astounded. And they said among themselves, This
is vain boasting, and vaunting, such as we have seen afore
time, done for the sake of more compromise.
13. (Now in the land of Unculpsalm, when a man humbled
himself before another which threatened him, he was said
to compromise.)
14. And the Dimmichrats, save those who had hearkened
unto the ministers of Belial, said, Let us compromise our
selves again unto our Southern brethren, and it shall bewell with us.
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
19
15. For they said among themselves, If the men of the
South go, they and their provinces, there will be no more
everlasting Niggah; and we shall cease to rule the land.
And if they go not, behold then they will remember that
we have compromised unto them, and they will again be
gracious unto their servants, and will admit us unto a share
in the government, and we shall rule the land as aforetime.
16. But the Phiretahs were wise in their generation, and
they saw that the Dimmichrats were of no more use unto
them, and that because the Hen Of Belial had prevailed
against the Dimmichrats, their power was gone in their
provinces; and so as they could no more use the Diminichrats, they would not listen to them, and spurned their
compromising, and spat upon it, and went on to destroy the
nation, and prepared to make war against Abraham if he
should begin to rule over them.
17. Now in those days there Was a man in Gotham named
Ken Edee, who was chief captain of the watchmen of the
city and the region round About; and in Joarji was a man
named Robert, who dwelt among the tombs, and who was
possessed of an evil spirit whose name was Blustah. And
Robert was a Phiretah.
18. And Ken Edee, chief d&pfain of the watch in Gotham,
found arms going from Gotham to the Phiretahs in Joarji,
and he seized them. For he said, Lest they be used to
destroy the nation, and against1 the Great Covenant, which
is the supreme law in the land of‘Unculpsalm, to which first
belongeth my obedience.
19. Then Robert, who dwelt among the tombs, being
seized upon by his demon Blustah, sent a threatening mes
sage unto Phernandiwud.
20. (For at this time Phernandiwud was chief ruler in
the city of Gotham.)
21. Saying, Wherefore keep ye the arms of the Phir
etahs ? Give them unto us that we may make war against
you, or it shall be worse for you.
�20
THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
22. Then Phernandiwud, because he hated the chief of
the watchmen of Gotham, and because he hoped for the
good success of the Phiretahs, compromised himself unto
Robert, and crawled on his belly before him in the dust,
and said, Is thy servant a man that he should do this thing?
Thy servant kept no arms, neither would he do so. Let
them who have the evil spirit Bak Bohn do thus unto my
lords the Phiretahs. Behold, thy servant is no man, but a
Phlunkee.
23. (Now the Phlunkees were men who had never had
the spirit Bak Bohn, or who had had it, cast out of them,
because when they would, have prostrated, themselves and
humbled themselves in the dust and compromised to their
profit, the spirit rent them sore. So they had each of them
his Bak Bohn cast out of him.)
24. And the Phiretahs went on their way without hindrance. For James, by facing both ways, faced neither; and
both of the men of the South and the men of the North he
was not regarded. And the nation spued him out of its
mouth.
25. And Abraham ruled the land. But the Phiretahs
withstood him, and made wai' upon him, and drove his
captains out of the strongholds which were in their provinces,
and humbled the banners of Unculpsalm.
26. Then all the men of the North, even the Dimmi
chrats, of whom were the Pahdees, were exceedingly wroth;
and they rose up against the Phiretahs of the South, and
marched against them to drive them out of the strong places
which they had seized, and to plant thereon again the banner
of Unculpsalm.
27. For they all had exceeding reverence for the Great
Covenant, and they were filled with pride of their nation,
its might, and its wealth, and its vastness, and chiefly that
its people were more free than any other people, and that
its tillers of the soil and its wayfaring men could read and
understand, and that there each man sat under his own
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
21
vine and under his own fig tree with none to molest him
or make him afraid. And they worshipped the banner of
Unculpsalm, and its folds were unto them as the wings of
a protecting angel.
28. Moreover, the Dimmichrats said, We have striven
for our brethren of the South against the men of Belial,
who teach that it is wrong to oppress the Niggah by the
power of Unculpsalm, and now they can no longer use us
they cast us off. Behold, we will fight against them, lest,
also, they make good their threats, and sever their provinces
from our provinces, and there be no more everlasting Nig
gah, and our occupation be departed forever.
29. And thus it came to pass that there was war in the
land of Unculpsalm.
CHAPTER V. .
1 The Men of Gotham assemble. 2 Having each a Bak Bohn.
3 And Phernandiwud getteth a B$jt Bohn. 5 And speaketh
to the People. 8 Benjamin the Scribe goeth not to the
Assembly, but remaineth at home, mourning. 13 His policy
and his prosperity. 18 The War continueth for two years.
19 And why. 26 The Rulers of Jonbool help the Phiretahs.
1. Now, when the news came that the Phiinetahs of the
South with five thousand men, even a great multitude, had
driven one of the captains of Unculpsalm with a band of
ninety out of his stronghold, and whe# a proclamation of
Abraham was spread abroad, calling on the men of Un
culpsalm for the defence of their nation, and the retaking
of its strongholds, and the setting up of its banner which
mad been cast down, the men of Gotham gathered them
selves together in an open place before the world. And
Phemandiwud came also among them.
2. And each man that day out of whom had been cast
�22
THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
the spirit Bak Bohn, took to himself another worse than
the first. And it seemed that day that in all Gotham there
was not one Phlunkee.
3. And Phernandiwud saw this. So he also straightway
took to himself a Bak Bohn.
4. For he said, Lest they also declare that I shall no
longer be chief ruler of the city.
5. And many men of Gotham spake unto the people.
Phernandiwud also lifted up his voice and said, Hear 0
men of Unculpsalm! give ear, 0 men of Gotham ! The
rulers of this land of Unculpsalm, chosen according to the
Great Covenant, have been defied. The Great Covenant
itself hath been set at naught. The banner of Unculpsalm
hath been cast down. The men of the South begin to
make good their threats that they would destroy this
nation.
6. But I say unto you, in the words of the great ruler Jah
Xunn, whom to our sorrow we have gathered to his fathers,
This nation must and shall be preserved, peaceably if we
can, forcibly if we must. And let us have a strong rule
and a splendid despotism, that we may do this thing as
becometh a great nation. For I have said always afore
time, as ye can bear me witness, Let us strengthen the
hands of the chief rulers, being myself chief ruler of this
city. Hear therefore my pledge unto you this day, I throw
myself wholly into this strife, with all my power and with
all my might.
7. Now there were men who noted that Phernandiwud
pledged himself with all his power and with all his might,
but not with all his soul. And they said, It is because he
hath sold his soul to the mighty spirit Sathanas, that he
should help him. And others said, Not so; for he had no
soul to sell. But these were scoffers and men of Belial.
8. But Benjamin, the brother of Phernandiwud, even
Benjamin the scribe, came not unto the congregation of
the people, but remained at home in his house, exceeding
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
23
wroth and very sorrowful.
For he said, Behold this
people is given over to the spirit Bak Bohn, and into the
hands of the men of Belial, who teach that the power of
Unculpsalm, and the might of the banner of Unculpsalm,
may not be used to oppress the Niggah. And this people
will no more compromise itself before the men of the
South; and there will be no more Phlunkees, and the
everlasting Niggah shall cease from off the land. And he
wept him sore; and cried out aloud, The sceptre hath departed
from the Dimmichrats, and the glory from the tents of
Tamunee!
9. And he wrote against the people of the North; and
sought to exorcise the mighty spii'it Bak Bohn, and to cast
it out of them. But he could not.
10. Now Benjamin the scribe was also a just man, and
a righteous, and walked .nprigh^y before the law.
11. For the law said, Thou shalt not live by casting lots
for gold. For he who liveth by casting lots for gold deceiveth the foolish man to his hurt, and defraudeth the widow
and the fatherless. It is an abomination. And he that
liveth by casting lots for gold shall be guilty and shall be
cast into prison.
12. Wherefore Benjamin being a just man and a right
eous, said, I will not live by casting lots for gold. Far be
it from me to do this thing which is unlawful, and which
will get me into prison. But I will sell policies ; and this
shall be the craft by which I will livby . ■
13. For what saith the prophet Daniel (not Sickles) ?
** And through his policy also shall he cause craft to prosper
in his hand; and he shall magnify himself in his heart.”
14. For Benjamin also searched the Scripture, saying:
Peradventure I may find something therein to my advantage.
15. Wherefore Benjamin the scribe, through his policies
caused craft to prosper in his hand, and magnified himself
in his heart.
16. And he said within himself, I will be a lawgiver in
�TH® NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
the land of Unculpsalm, even for the men of Gotham.
Wherefore, he also made Unto himself friends among the
Pahdees; and he became a lawgiver in the land.
17. ' But the men of Gotham cast out Phernandiwud from
his office of chief ruler of the city; because they remem
bered that he had compromised upon his belly to Robert
who dwelt among the tombs, and had eaten dirt before him.
Also that he had said, Let us take our city out of the
nation. So they ,piit no trust in him18. Now so it was that after the space of nearly two
years the war which was in the land of Unculpsalm came
not to an end.
19. For the men of the North and the men Of the South
were of one blood; and both were valiant. And the men
of the North were more in number than the men of the
South. But the men of the South multiplied themselves
because of their Niggahs. For their Niggahs went not
to war, but stayed at home to 'till the soil. Moreover, they
were fighting upon their own ground; and much of their
land was mire and marshes, desert land and wilderness,
through which the armies of Unculpsalm wandered vainly,
and where they stuck fast. And the men of the South
cast up mounds upon their roads and before their cities,
and made strong their high places with towers. And their
land was filled with strong places, and with men of war
and engines of war, such as the men of the North looked
not to see in that land.
20. For the men of the South were astonished when the
men of the North marched against them; because the men
of the North had so often compromised themselves unto
them, that they thought they were all Phlunkees, and that
the spirit Bak Bohn had been utterly cast out of them.
And without that spirit men cannot fight.
21. Wherefore, the men of the South which had Nig
gahs, even the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs, seeing that
their case was desperate, forced all the men of their coun-
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
23
try into their armies, and took the men which had respect
unto the government of Unculpsalm, according to the
.Great Covenant, and loved the banner of Unculpsalm, and
would not fight against it, and they cast them into pits and
into dungeons, and scourged them, and hanged them upon
trees, after their manner. And being men of blood, and
seeing that their case was desperate/ they made it a terror
to live in their country except unto them that professed to
desire the destruction of the nation-.So all men professed
to desire it, or held their peace.
< r' r :
22. But in the land of the men of the North no man was
molested. And men of the South dwelt there, and were
spies and helpers unto their hEethrem And men of the
North, men of Peace, which also were. Phlunkees, helped
their masters the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs.
23. And the men of the South had among them great
captains; men of might and, wisdom in battle. And they
chose to be ruler over them Jeph, surnamed the Bepudiator.
24. (Now among the men of Unculpsalm when a man
would neither pay the debt that-he owed, nor acknowledge
it and ask it to be forgiven him, hewas? called-a repudiator.)
25. And Jeph had been captain over a thousand in the
armies of Unculpsalm when they went into Mecsicho, and
had also been one of the Great Council: and he was a
bold man, and a crafty, one who,knew neither fear nor
scruple.
26. Moreover, the mem of the South wero helped might
ily from beyond the sea, even by the men of, the kingdom
of Jonbool, from which their land was wrested by the
forefathers of the men of Unculpsalm.
27. Yet the men of Unculpsalm would have' loved the
men of that nation, even as a son loveth his mother which
bore him. But the nobles and the rich men of Jonbool
scorned the men of Unculpsalm, and would none of their
affection, and made light of their honor,
ohm vino -. ‘L h !
�96
THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
28. For the men of Unculpsalm had forgiven the meh
of Jonbool their oppression and their scorn, and had
shown their Prince great honor; but the men who gov
erned that nation had not forgiven the men of Unculpsalm
their victory. And the prosperity and the glory of that
land was an offence to them. And certain of their scribes,
which also were Phlunkees, wrote scornfully against the
land of Unculpsalm, and bore false witness against it from
generation to generation, and got thereby gold and honor
in the land of Jonbool.
29. Wherefore, when the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs
lifted up the standard of revolt, the rulers of the land of
Jonbool said one to another,
30. Lo, the time for which we have waited without hope
draweth nigh; and the land of Unculpsalm may be
divided, and the nation destroyed, and the pride of the
people cast down. And the might of their power shall be
broken, and the glory of that land shall no longer be an
offence unto us; and we shall be avenged without peril
and without cost.
31. Likewise, also said the nobles and the great men of
other lands, where the few devoured the substance of the
many.
32. So the rulers of the land of Jonbool made proclama
tion to all the earth, that in that war they would regard
the men of the South which had revolted even as they
regarded the rulers of the land chosen according to the
Great Covenant. For they said, Thus shall we encourage
them, and give aid to them; and it shall cost us nothing:
and after this they will be more ashamed to submit them
selves unto the law which they have broken, and to the
rulers which they have defied.
33. And the nobles and the merchants of that land,
which aforetime had cursed and reviled the Tshivulree and
the Phiretahs, and had imputed the deeds which were
theirs only unto all the men of Unculpsalm, said Amen,
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
27
34. And the merchants of Jonbool sold the Phiretas
merchandise, and the armorers made them arms, and the
ship-men builded them ships, swift and mighty, wherewith
to destroy the ships of the men of the North. For they
said, Thus shall we be avenged, and turn, also every man,
an honest penny. State-craft and business shall prosper
together, and profit shall go hand in hand with pleasure.
35. And thus was the rebellion strengthened in the land
of Unculpsalm; so that although the armies of Unculpsalm
drove the men of the South out of much country where
they had set up their banner®, and captured their chief
cities, and held all that they had taken; yet after two years
were not their armies scattered qr destroyed, or their ships
which the men of Johnbobl had builded for them, driven
from the sea.
, r<
CHAPTER Vt.
1 Abraham and his Counsellors not wise in their generation.
6 Which is well pleasing tocertain Pimmfchrats. 10 Who
seek to work confusion. 12 And to compromise themselves
unto the Phiretahs. 13 And do compromise themselves unto
the Ambassador of Joribool. 16 Who is crafty and tumeth
neither to the right ri&r to thowrohg. 17 The wrath of the
men of the North. 21 The
of Peace Men. 25 The
House of Hiram the P^blica/n. 26 A Woman of the
Phiretahs. 28 Samuel Seeketh her and ministereth unto
her. 30 Abraham ministOreth ' occasion unto the Peace
men. They have a Martyr.
; 1. Now Abraham was honest; but he was not wise in
his generation.
2. Likewise also of the chief counsellors that he ap
pointed, that one that was counsellor for the war wrought
only mischief and confusion; even so that Abraham, who
�28
THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
was long-suffering and slow to anger, would sometimes
put down his foot in wrath.
3. Now Abraham’s foot was heavy, but his head was
light, and his knees were feeble. So his foot came down
in the wrong place or at the wrong time, or else it con
tinued not down until the end was accomplished.
4. Wherefore he prevailed not. And he was called
Abraham the well meaning. And men pitied him.
5. And Abraham and his counsellors should have ruled
with a firm hand and a mighty arm, and have bound the
land together with bands of steel; and have smitten down
the strong and set at naught the proud, and been gracious
unto the feeble. But they wavered, and shrank from the
voice of threatening, both in their own land and in the
land of Jonbool.
6. And this was well pleasing unto certain men of the
Dimmichrats. For they said in their hearts, If this nation
can be saved by the rule of the Dimmichrats of our faction,
let it be saved; but if not, let it perish, and let us rule in
our own provinces.
7. But they said not this openly; for they feared the
people.
8. For in all this time the hearts of the men of the
North failed not, neither did they alter in their wicked
purpose to preserve their nation from destruction.
9. And of the Dimmichrats it was only they who were
faithful to their masters the Tschivulree and the Phiretahs,
and who were meek and lowly, and who sought to com
promise unto them, and crawl on their bellies before
them, which was well fitting for them to do, and to say
unto them, What would our masters have ? and what shall
their servants do, that they may be gracious unto their
servants, and allow them a little share in the ruling of this
land?—it was these only among the Dimmichrats who
were well pleased because Abraham and his counsellors
prevailed not.
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
29
10. And these men held not up the hands of Abraham
their ruler, but sought occasion to prevent his purposes
and to bring his counsels to confusion, and his doings to
naught.
11. And when Abraham’s foot came down in the wrong
place, or continued not down until the end was accom
plished, and men’s hearts were sick with disappointment,
they sought to turn them in favor of Jeph the Repudiator
and his counsellors.
12. And they said, Let us not have war with our mas
ters the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs; but let us com
promise unto them, and crawl on our bellies before them,
even as we did aforetime; for it is meet and right and a
pleasant thing to be humble.
13. And they sent messengers unto the Tshivulree, and
the Phiretahs, saying these th«ihgsf> and their scribes wrote
them in books by night and sent them out unto the people
by day. But the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs spurned
them; for now that they could no more use them, they
looked at them with loathing.
14. Likewise also some of them went privily to the am
bassador of the land of Jonbool, even that land which
sought the destruction of the nation of Unculpsalm.
15. And they said unto him, Let u!s take counsel together
that we may bring about this great end, the ceasing of the
war without the putting down of the rebellion.
16. But he was crafty and answered them nothing.
And he wrote letters unto the rulers of hiS land, saying, I
will watch faithfully, and I will turn aside neither to the
right nor to the wrong, going which way it may be need
ful, if it leadeth to our profit. So shall I show myself wor
thy to be a ruler in the land of Jonbool.
17. Now when this letter was noised abroad in the land
of Unculpsalm, the men of the north were incensed, and
the fire of their anger was hot against the Dimmichrats
that called themselves Peace men. For upon this matter
�30
THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
tiie men of Belial, and the Dimmichrats which were not
Peace men* and the Pahdees were of one mind.
18. And they said, Who is it that hath dared thus to
humble this nation? Let him come out before us. And
no man answered.
19. For they whieh had done it saw that they could not
stand before the people and live. Yet still they said in
their hearts, If this nation can be saved by the rule of the
Dimmichrats of our faction, let it be saved ; but if not, let
it perish, and let us rule in our own provinces. For now
they had but one thought; not how the rebellious Tshivulree and Phiretahs might be subdued and compelled again
to their obedience, but how they might again rule the land
and divide the spoil, and have again their everlasting
Niggah.
20. Whereof they cried aloud for war, but labored in
secret to bring the war to naught, and turn the minds
of the people to peace, that they might compromise unto
the Phiretahs as they did aforetime. And they watched
for their occasion.
21. Now the chiefs of this sect in Gotham were these:
22. Phernandiwud, who had been chief ruler of the city,
and Benjamin his brother; James the scribe, which knew
nothing, and Erastus his brother; Samuel, who was rich in
butter; Hiram the publican, who was also a sinner, and
Elijah, who smelled the battle afar in the tents of
Tamnee; Cyrus (not he that was taught to ride, to shoot
the bow, and to speak the truth, yet did this Cyrus shoot
with a longer bow than the other); Primus the scribe,
whose beard was like Aaron’s, and who dwelt among the
merchants; Samuel, who made the lightnings of heaven
his messengers; Ker Tiss, who wrote concerning the
Great Covenant; and one who dwelt in the elbows of the
Min cio, and destroyed the heerts of women; Isaiah, who
was a captain of the Hammerites; Samuel whose surname
was Brinnzmaid, and whose fathers ate hasty-pudding; and
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
31
Augustus the money-changer, who aforetime was called
Schomberg.
23. Now the others were Gentiles, but Augustus was
of the circumcision.
24. And all these men served diligently their master,
who was Jeph the Repudiator. And many of them were
Scribes, but all of them Were Pharisees; for they held to
the letter of the law, but knew not its spirit. And they
taught, like them of old, concerning th© Sabbath, that the
nation was made for th® Great Covenant, and not the
Great Covenant for the nation.
25. And the inn of Hiram, which before the war began
1 in-the land of Unculpsalm had been filled with Tshivulree
and Phiretahs, and with Plunkees compromising them
selves unto their masters- the Phiretahs, and crawling upon
their bellies before them, became now the chief place of
resort for them that still served the Tshivulree and labored
to prosper1 the rebellion. There they gathered themselves
together and plotted in secret how they might ensnare the
rulers of Unculpsalm, and rejoiced openly when the banner
of the Phiretahs prevailed against the] banner of Uncul
psalm. So did the inn of Hiram become the synagogue
-of rebellion.
26. And there came a woman'of the Phiretahs into Go
tham. And she was married); yet was her husband not
with her. And she was comely and fair to look upon.
27. And it was told unto the rulers of Unculpsalm, Be
hold, this woman of the Phiretahs cometh to spy out the
nakedness of the land.. Wherefore the rulers sent a mes
sage unto Ken Edee, chief of the Watchmen of Gotham,
that he should take her and put her in ward. And he did
so.
28. Now when Samuel, whose surname was Brinnzmaid,
heard that Ken Edee had taken a woman of the Ph iretabs
and put her in ward, he went to her; and when he saw
that her husband was not with her, and that she was comely
�32
THE NEW GOSPEL OK PEACE.
and fair to look upon, and that she had come to spy out
the nakedness of the land, he succored her and ministeredunto her. And he caused Ken Edee to take her out of
ward; and when he had kept her in Gotham for awhile,,
that she might be comforted and see the nakedness of the
land, he sent her back into the land of Tshivulree.
29. So all these men, and many others which followed
them, did nothing else night and day but strive to get the
land again into the hands of their faction that they might
serve their master Jeph the Repudiator, and compromise,
unto him, and preserve their everlasting Niggah.
30. Now while they were waiting their occasion, Abra
ham himself ministered it unto them. For one of the
captains in the army of Unculpsalm, took Clement, a law
giver, because he had said that Abraham was a usurper,
and a tyrant, in that he resisted Jeph the Repudiator, and
had sought to diminish the armies of Unculpsalm, and cast
him into prison; and to a scribe which did likewise, the
captain sent armed men that stood over him with drawn
swords, saying, Ye shall no longer thus stir up the people
to sedition.
31. And immediately the chief men of the Dimmicrats
throughout the land raised a great uproar, for they said,
Now cometh our opportunity.
32. For there was a law in the land of Unculpsalm that
every man might speak and write freely all the promptings
of his heart, so that he slandered not his neighbor, and
that no man should be cast into prison save by a judge,
when he had been condemned by twelve good men of his
province. And the people of the land of Unculpsalm
prized this law above all their other laws; and it was a
part of the Great Covenant and of the Great Charter of
the liberties of that people.
33. But it was written in the Great Covenant that in
times of sedition, privy conspiracy, and rebellion this law
should cease and be of no effect; for the safety of the
nation.
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
3a
34. Now the leaders of the Dimmichrats, who were wise
in their generation, and who sought first to get power,
into their own hands, and afterwards the salvation of the
nation, said among themselves, Lo, Abraham has given us
a martyr; and it is better than if he had given the armies
of Unculpsalm a victory. Now, therefore, let us bewail
the woes of Clement and the violence to the Great Cove
nant and the ancient Charter: and we will declare that it
is to preserve this nation from destruction, and we shall
regain the hearts of this people.
35. And they did so. And the people forgat the peril
of the land, and how it was in more danger from traitors
that were within than from foes that were without; and
they forgat also the provision of the Great Covenant
against such perils; and there was a great commotion’.
36. And Abraham said, L'et not Clement be kept in
prison ; but let him be sent among the Phiretahs; for they
are his friends, and he is'our enemy; and let the scribe
continue his writing. And it was done. So Clement be
came a martyr; and the scribe hardened his heart and
was tenfold more the servant of the Phiretahs than before.
■ For he said, Abraham feareth the Dimmichrats, and even
the men of Belial fear them also, and the spirit Bak Bohn
is again cast out of them.
CHAPTER VII.
1 Phernandiwud summoneth liis disciples to hear the New Gospel
of Peace at the Hall of Peter the Barrelmaker. 8 Who came
not to the assembly. 9 And why. 13 Who came. 17 Pher
nandiwud proclaimeth the New Gospel of Peace. 20 The Hit
tites and Hammerites are well pleased. 22 But have groanings
about the freedom of the Niggah. 25 Phernandiwud showeth
that there is no right but Peace and Everlasting Niggah. 26
And Free Speech. 32 Meekness of Phernandiwud. 33 And
�34
THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
of the Hittites and the Hammerites. 38 Isaiah telleth of a
ministration of Peace. 45 The Neu Gospel of Peace spreadeth beyond the border of Masunandicsun.
1. Now Phernandiwud saw that his time was come.
2. And he said unto his familiars and to them which did
his bidding, (for he had a great following in Gotham),
Behold, the spirit of peace hath descended upon me; and
I go forth to declare the mystery of a new gospel of peace,
a gospel of great gain, unto me first, and afterward unto
the Dimmichrats. And I shall reward them who are
faithful unto me.
3. Go now therefore and summon the Dimmichrats who
serve Jeph the Repudiator and the Phiretahs in Gotham.
4. James the scribe and Erastus his brother, who know
nothing, and my brother Benjamin, who knoweth some
things; Samuel, who is rich in butter, Hiram the publican;
Elijah, who smelleth the battle afar off; Cyrus who shooteth with a longer bow than the first Cyrus; Primus, who
dwelleth among the merchants; Ker Tiss, of the Great
Covenant; Isaiah, captain of the Hammerites; Samuel,
who sendeth the lightning on his errand, and the other
Samuel, whose surname is Brinnzmaid; and Augustus,
the money-changer.
5. And say unto them, Gather yourselves together, ye
and your following, every man of you in the hall of Peter
who is called the barrel-maker, and in the open spaee
round about, that ye may hear from my lips the new
gospel of peace.
6. (Now this Peter made the substance whereby one
thing sticketh unto another thing. Wherefore he was for
union; and he called the hall which he had builded, the
Union; (for he said, Thus shall I stick this nation to
gether,) but the people called it after his own name. And
he was rich and he offended no man. Now in the land of
Unculpsalm, whosoever was rich and offended no man, be-
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
35.
came one of the chief men of his place, and of his country.
Moreover, Peter gave of his substance unto the people.
And this was he who, at a feast given unto the Prince of
the land of Jonbool, clapped the Prince upon the
shoulder and said unto him, My lord the Prince shall
dance next with my daughter. For he was a gracious
man and a courteous, and he knew that his daughter was
comely.)
7. And Phernandiwud looked for the assembling of the
men which he had summoned, they and their following, at
the hall of Peter the Ba®el-make®, and the space round
about.
8. But these men came n®t: James the scribe, and
Erastus his brother; Samuel, whose sirname is Brinnzmaid
and the other Samuel; Benjamin the brother of Phernan
diwud, and Elijah of Tamunee; Hiram the publican, and
Cyrus, Primus, and Augustus the money-changer, and
their following.
9. For they said within^ themselves, This gospel of
peace will be an offence untpL the people, who are perverse
in their hearts, and who love the banner of Unculpsalm,
and have respect unto the rulers chosen according to the
Great Covenant, even although the men be not to their
liking, and who are foolishly bent on destroying the armies
and the power of them who would destroy the nation.
10. Wherefore we will not be ;seen listening to the gos
pel of peace. For it shall be better for us to cry out for
war, and meanwhile to hinder the war in secret, and to
seek every occasion to bring the rulers of our country to
scorn and derision in the time of her trial, and to aid J eph
the Repudiator, and his spies, and his emissaries, and to
work confusion in the land.
11. For so shall the people be weary of their rulers, and
bewildered with our confusion; and they shall trust us,
and turn unto us in their desolation, and say, Verily, theseare men, and make us rulers of the land.
�36
THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
IS. Then will we compromise ourselves again unto our
masters the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs, as it is meet, and
right, and pleasant for us to do; and we shall find yet
deeper dust wherein to crawl before them; and we shall
loosen the bonds of these provinces, and make each gov
ernor of a province thereof a little satrap, but great in
his own eyes and in the eyes of the Phlunkees, which will
surround him, that he may defy the chief ruler of the land;
and we shall divide the spoil.
13. But these men came to the hall of Peter the barrel-maker
to hear Phernandiwud declare the new gospel of peace.
14. Din Ninny, who was chief ruler of the assembly,
and who directed all the doings thereof; Isaiah, who was
captain of the Hammerites; and many others of the sect of
Smalphri among the Dimmichrats.
15. And with them there came a great multitude of the
Hittites and the Hammerites, and of the Dedrabitz from
Koubae beyond Boueree, and the dwellers in Phyvpintz,
which is nigh unto the tombs where they buried Juz Tiss.
(Now Juz Tiss was not of kin unto that Ker Tiss who
wrote of the Great Covenant), and in Makkurilvil, and in
the country as thou goest by the shore of the river on the
East, unto Shyppyardz.
.16. And all these men gathered themselves together,
fiercely bent upon peace. And they filled the hall of Peter
the Barrel-maker, and the open space round about.
17. And when Phernandiwud stood up and beckoned
unto them they shouted for about the space of half an hour.
For they remembered what he had done for them afore
time : and they looked for a ministration of the gospel of
peace, such as there had been between the watchmen of
Phernandiwud and those which had been appointed by
the governor and rulers of the province. And they said
within themselves, Now shall we again break the heads
of the watchmen of Ken Edee • and there shall be peace
again in the land.
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
37
18. And Phemandiwud said unto them, Hearken, O
men of Gotham! I come before you this day preaching a
new gospel of peace. Peace on earth and good-will to
men. Peace on earth, that I and my faithful followers
may get what is due unto us, and good-will unto men who
are of our persuasion, among the Dimmichrats.
19. For there be Dimmichrats, yea, verily, even Pahdees,
who are not of our persuasion and who enter not into our
congregation. Let them be accursed.
20. And all the people said, Hi! hi! For such is the
manner of the Hittites and the Hammerites of Gotham
when they are well pleased.
21. And again Phernandiwud opened his mouth and
said, 0, my brethren, the day of calamity cometh upon the
land of Unculpsalm, and there is no man able to help.
Therefore have I come hither that I may save this nation.
No man raiseth the banner of peace. Therefore will I
raise it, that war and hate, which are the children of Satan,
may be at an end, except for the Dimmichrats which are
not of our persuasion, arid the men of Belial which preach
freedom unto the Niggah.; Them let us hate with a
perfect hatred, and upon them let’us make war without
ceasing.
’ •
;■
■
22. (And when the Hittites and Hammerites heard of
liberty to the Niggah, they all groaned with an exceeding
loud groan, as it were if each man had been seized with
pangs of griping in his bowels1. For to hear of freedom to
the Niggah is gall and wormwood to the Hittites and the
Hammerites.)
23. Then said Fernandiwud, Through the pride of
their hearts, and the vanity and wickedness of their imagi
nations, the rulers of this land have sinned and done
wickedly in that they have not allowed the Tshivulree and
kthe Phiretahs to destroy this nation without making war
upon it.
24. For the land of Unculpsalm hath no right to a go-
�38
THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
vemment, neither have the people of Unculpsalm any right
to be a nation. Neither is the Great Covenant a covenant
to be kept, except by the men of each province, so long as
it is pleasing in their eyes.
25. But these only are right, Peace and the everlasting
Niggah. Such peace as we had aforetime, ere the ac
cursed spirit Bak Bohn took possession of this people.
Peace which will enable our brethren of the South to eat,
their bread in the sweat of another’s face; to rob the,
laborer of his hire; to oppress the weak, and set their foot
upon the neck of the lowly; to beat their Niggahs with
many stripeb, to hunt them with dogs, and to slay them
to take their women for concubines, and to beget of them
sons and daughters; and to sell from the mother the fruit
of her womb and the nursling of her bosom; to make mer
chandise of the fruit of their own loins, and to sell their
own flesh and blood into bondage forever.
27. Peace, my brethren, which will also restore our right
of free speech according to the Great Covenant; of which
we have been robbed by the rulers of this land, that they
may wage their wicked war upon the Phiretahs.
28. For, O men of Gotham, ye see this day how your
rulers oppress you, and will allow no man to speak evil of
them, that they may wage this war without let or hinderance; and that all men’s mouths are shut by fear of the
gallows or the dungeon, who will not prophesy smooth
things of their damnable doings, and cover up their wick
edness and glorify their abominations.
29. Therefore I declare unto you that we must have the
peace, the peace which ensueth from free speech. So that
when men of Belial seek to turn the hearts of the men of
the South to setting their bondsmen free, and taking away
from us our everlasting Niggah, the Phiretahs may seize
upon them, and beat them with many stripes, and hang
them upon trees, and roast them with fire, and pour hot
pitch upon them, and ride them upon sharp beams very
�THE NEW GOSPEL OE PEACE,
39
■grievous to bestride. Peace and free speech, such as there
was on the day when Prestenbruux smote down Charles
the Summoner, and beat him until he was nigh unto
■death.
30. Let this Peace hover over the land, scattering balm
from her outstretching wings. Balm for the wounded
souls of the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs; balm for the
wounds which the Dimmichratic brethren have inflicted on
each other; balm for my bruised spirit and defrauded ex
pectations.
31. Let this peace come to us, my brethren, and the lion
of the South and the lamb of the North shall lie down
together, and there shall no more be contention between
them; for the lamb shall be inside of the lion.
32. Let us then be lambs, 0 men of Gotham! Yea,
let us be meek as lambs. Por'ft is written that the meek
shall inherit the earth.
33. Then the Hittites and the Hamm erites again cried
out Hi! hi! after their fashion; and in a twinkling many
of them took an oath that ■ they were the meek, and that
they should inherit the earth.
34. Then Phernandiwud said, All now is well with us,
my brethren, and with the land of Unculpsalm. Peace
and free-speech shall prevail among us now and forever.
35. Then the Hittites and the Hammerifes shouted with
a great shout, and they cldfeched’’their fist® and said, God
do so to us and more also, if we break not every man his
head which saith there shall n^henceforth be peace and
free-speech throughout th^lstnd!. ■
36. And no man answered. So they said, Lo there is
peace.
B7. And Phernandiwud said these things many times.
38. Now when Phernandiwud had made an end of
speaking unto the people, there arose Isaiah, he who was
captain of a band of the Hammerites, and which was one
of the chief disciples of Phernandiwud. And he said,
�40
THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
39. Shall there not be peace, my brethren ? Remember
ye not the time when Philip, the priest of Beelzebub came
here preaching deliverence to the captive and the setting
at liberty even of the Niggah? and how he entered into the
Tabernacle and gathered unto him iniquitous men, men of
Belial who hearkened unto him, and believed in him ?
40. And remember ye not how I, with you Hammerites,
who break the heads of all them who set themselves
against you, and you, 0 Hittites, who hit from the shoulder,
went into the Tabernacle and broke up their congregation
and scattered their assembly ?
41. And I knocked. down Philip, and dragged him out
of the pulpit wherein he was speaking, and drave him out
of the Tabernacle ?
42. Yea, verily, I knocked him down; for I am a man
of peace; and dragged him out of his pulpit and drave him
forth of the Tabernacle; for I love free speech.
43. Then the Hittites and the Hammerites and the Dim
michrats which had joined themselves unto the faction of
Jeph the Repudiator, burst out into a great shouting. And
for the space of about an hour they did nothing but cry
Peace and Free Speech, and death unto him that sayeth to
the contrary.
44. And when they were weary of shouting, they went
each man unto his own home.
45. And the new gospel of peace spread abroad, and
prevailed mightily.
46. And it went throughout all the land of Unculpsalmeven beyond the border of Masunandicsun.
47. So that in about ten days the chief captain of the
Tshivulree, whose name was Robbutleeh (he who had
forced Litulmak, who was surnamed the Unready, to
change his base, and sent Joseph, whose surname showeth
that it was not he which fled from the wife of Potiphar,
back from whence he came), took an army of the Phiretahs
and marched into two of the provinces of the land of
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
41
Unculspalm, proclaiming the new gospel of peace at the
point of the sword.
48. And he laid parts of those provinces waste with fire,
and he destroyed the bridges that were over the rivers,
and carried off their horses, and their corn and their cattle;
and put all them that resisted the new gospel of peace to
the sword.
49. So the people began to understand- the mystery of
the new gospel; and they glorified it; and they said, yet a
little while, and the Niggah shall be restored to his bon
dage, and the Tshivulree, and the Phiretahs shall be our
masters, and peace shall rule the land with a rod of iron,
and we shall compromise ourselves for ever. And there
was great rejoicing.
50. Now I, even I, Benjamin the scribe, the brother of
Phernandiwud, have written these things, not of my own
will, or of the promptings of my own heart, for the truth
is not in me. But forasmuch as the spirit of prophecy
hath descended upon me, like Balaam, the son of Beor, I
have uttered the innermost thoughts of my heart in mine
own despite, and I have written the mystery of the new
gospel of peace.
51. And to few shall it be given to comprehend this
mystery.
52. And the acts of Phernandiwud, whose walk was
slantindicular, and of his disciples, after the proclamation
of the new gospel of peace, and of James the scribe, and
of Erastus his brother, and of Samuel who is rich in
butter, and Samuel who sendeth the lightning whither he
will, and Hiram the publican, and that other Samuel, who
ministered unto the Phiretah woman : and of Elijah, who
smelleth the battle afar off in the tents of Tamunee; and
of Cyrus, and Primus, and Kerr Tiss, and Isaiah of the
Hammerites, which were Gentiles; and of Augustus, the
money-changer, which was of the circumcision, and of the
other Pharisees and Phlunkees, shall not I, Benjamin the
�42
THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
scribe, write them in a book ? and they shall be spread
abroad in all lands for the enlightening of all nations.
■’t
Abel Heywood, Printer, Oldham Street, Manchester.^
���
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Victorian Blogging
Description
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A collection of digitised nineteenth-century pamphlets from Conway Hall Library & Archives. This includes the Conway Tracts, Moncure Conway's personal pamphlet library; the Morris Tracts, donated to the library by Miss Morris in 1904; the National Secular Society's pamphlet library and others. The Conway Tracts were bound with additional ephemera, such as lecture programmes and handwritten notes.<br /><br />Please note that these digitised pamphlets have been edited to maximise the accuracy of the OCR, ensuring they are text searchable. If you would like to view un-edited, full-colour versions of any of our pamphlets, please email librarian@conwayhall.org.uk.<br /><br /><span><img src="http://www.heritagefund.org.uk/sites/default/files/media/attachments/TNLHLF_Colour_Logo_English_RGB_0_0.jpg" width="238" height="91" alt="TNLHLF_Colour_Logo_English_RGB_0_0.jpg" /></span>
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Conway Hall Library & Archives
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2018
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Conway Hall Ethical Society
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The new gospel of peace according to St. Benjamin
Creator
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White, Richard Grant [1821-1885.]
Description
An account of the resource
Place of publication: Manchester; London
Collation: 42 p. : ill. (accompanying fold-out black and white illustration) ; 19 cm.
Notes: A satire on American politics. From the library of Dr Moncure Conway. The author is not named on the title page. Date of publication from KVK. Accompanying fold-out black and white illustration titled 'What the Peace Party wishes the North to do'.
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Abel Heywoord; Bacon & Co.
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[1877]
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G5228
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<a href="http://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/mark/1.0/"><img src="http://i.creativecommons.org/p/mark/1.0/88x31.png" alt="Public Domain Mark" /></a><span> </span><br /><span>This work (The new gospel of peace according to St. Benjamin), identified by </span><a href="https://conwayhallcollections.omeka.net/items/show/www.conwayhall.org.uk"><span>Humanist Library and Archives</span></a><span>, is free of known copyright restrictions.</span>
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application/pdf
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Text
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English
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USA
Politics
Conway Tracts
Satire
United States-Politics and Government
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PDF Text
Text
NATIONAL SECULAR SOCiHTY
THE THREE TRIALS
OF
WILLIAM HONE,
FOR PUBLISHING
THREE
PARODIES;
VIZ.—
THE LATE JOHN WILKES’S CATECHISM,
THE POLITICAL LITANY,
AND
THE
SINECURIST’S
CREED.
•
LONDON:
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FREETHOUGHT JJ^tÀsHING COMPANY.
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28, STONECUTTER STREET, EiÖfi-'',
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THREE TRIALS
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A.
OF
WILLIAM HONE,
FOR PUBLISHING
THREE PARODIES;
VIZ.
THE LATE JOHN WILKES’S CATECHISM,
THE POLITICAL LITANY, AND
THE SINECURISTS’ CREED;
ON
Informations,
AT GUILDHALL, LONDON, DURING
THREE SUCCESSIVE DAYS,
DECEMBER 18, 19, & 20, 1817;
BEFORE
THREE SPECIAL JURIES,
AND
MR. JUSTICE ABBOTT, ON THE EIRST DAY,
AND
LORD CHIEF JUSTICE ELLENBOROUGH,
ON THE LAST TWO DAYS.
, Thrice the brindled cat hath mew’d!
Sh a k s pe a r e .
*
■
LONDON:
PRINTED BY AND EpR WILLIAM HONE, 67, OLD BAILEY.
AND'SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERS.
1818.
■i>;x
’< PRICE' —WITH TH1
■’ '
lOND _____
OF THE PUBLIC 'MEETING—-
,'GS IN BOARDS.
4
�ascesi
I 1
�ADDRESS.
I INTIMATED an intention of exhorting my fellow-citizens against
parodying Scripture or the forms of worship established by law.
I am glad to find that the intimation had the effect I wished.
Had the Parodies been re-published in the way I anticipated, the
Ministers of the Crown might perhaps have essayed another alarum
to the weak-minded; and—as there is no calculating upon the move
ments of folly—have asked Parliament for another suspension of
the Habeas Corpus Act. They are laughed out of Court; but
instead of arising and putting their house, in order, and going
forth—like sensible men—and doing as one of old did, they still
seek unrefreshing slumbers upon the bed of office. The solemn
bigotry of one of my Prosecutors, the noble Secretary of State for
the Home Department, reposes beneath the unblushing hypocrisy
of another of my Prosecutors—my brother parodist—the Right
Honourable President of the Board of Control. Hence, if they
keep their places during the year, we may expect four New Lot
teries, at least, with improved Schemes, and an increased number
of Bible Societies and Executions.
&’
Ja n u a r y 23, 1818.
WILLIAM HONE.
��FIRST TRIAL.
THE KING
a g a in s t
WILLIAM HONE,
ON AN EX-OFFTOTO INFORMATION FOR PUBLISHING- THE LATE
JOHN WILKES’S CATECHISM.
Tr ie d in Gu il d h a l l , Lo n d o n , o n Th u r s d a y , De c e m b e r 18, 1817, a t t h e
Lo n d o n Sit t in g s a e t e r Mic h a e l m a s Te e m .
BEFORE MR. JUSTICE ABBOTT* AND A SPECIAL JURY.
Th e Trial of this issue excited considerable interest. So early
as eight o’clock the avenues leading to the Court became crowded;
the doors were thrown open shortly after, and the Court im
mediately filled. About twenty minutes after nine o’clock, Mr.
Hone entered, attended by a youth, his brother, who placed on
the table of the Court several parcels of books and papers, which
nearly covered the table. About half-past nine o’clock Mr. Justice
Ab b o t t took his seat on the Bench, and the following Special
Jury were'immediately sworn :
Jo h n Go d w in Bo w r in g , Leadenhall
Street.
Wil l ia m Sy m e , Fenchurch Buildings.
Jo h n Wo o l l e t t , Gould Square.
J o h n O’Br ie n ,Broad Street Buildings.
Wil l ia m No a k e s , Little Eastcheap,
South Side, wine merchant.
. £?. •.
Jo h n Ga r d in e r , Old Broad Street.
Nic h o l a s Hil t o n , Ironmonger Lane.
Sa m u e l Br o o k , Old Jewry.
Ja me s Hu n t e r , Barge Yard.
Wil l ia m Th o m ps o n , Queen Street.
Th o ma s Le w is , Queen Street.
Th o m a s Ed w a r d s , Coleman Street.
* Afterwards Lord Tenterden.
�2
FIRST TRIAL.
Mr. Sh e ph e r d (son to the Attorney-General) stated, that this
was an information filed by his Majesty’s Attorney-General
against the defendant, for printing and publishing a certain
impious, profane, and scandalous libel on that part of our church
service called the Catechism, with intent to excite impiety and
irreligión in the minds of his Majesty’s liege subjects, to ridicule
and scandalise the Christian religion, and to bring into contempt
the Catechism.
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l (Sir Samuel Shepherd) addressed the
Court as follows :—
My Lord, and Gentlemen of the Jury—You have understood
from my young friend the nature of this cause. It is an informa
tion filed by me, as Attorney-General, against the defendant,
William Hone, for printing and publishing an impious and
profane libel, upon The Catechism, The Lord’s Prayer, and The
Ten Commandments, and thereby bringing into contempt the
Christian Religion. I won’t occupy your time long, gentlemen,
in showing this to be the effect of the publication, for it seems
impossible for me to hear it read without feeling one s-self
compelled to apply to it this language. It is charged, and, as I
Phink, justly charged, with being a profane, blasphemous, and
impious libel. It has nothing of a political tendency about it,
but it is avowedly set off against the religion and worship of the
Church of England, as established by Act of Parliament. It has
been over and over again said by the most eminent judges, and
particularly by one who was the most learned man that ever
adorned the bench—the most even man that ever blessed domestic
life__the most eminent man that ever advanced the progress of
science—and also one of the best and most purely religious men
that ever lived. I speak of Sir Matthew Hale.w It was by him
in one sentence said, that “the Christian Religion is parcel of the
Common Law of England.” The service of the Church of
England is also part of the statute law of England ; for in the
reign of Charles the Second, for securing uniformity of public
prayer in the Church of England, a book, commonly called “The
* Chief-Justiceship of the King’s Bench.
Born, 1609. Died, 1676.
�FIRST TRIAL.
3
Book of Common. Prayer,” was not composed, hut collected, and
annexed to an Act of Parliament then framed, as part of the
enacted form of the Liturgy of the Church of England. If to
revile that—if to bring it into contempt, be not a libel, then
Christianity no longer is what Sir Matthew Hale described it__
“ parcel of the Common Law of England,” nor this sacred book
a part of the statute law of the land, because in such an event
the law must declare its inability to support its own provisions
In that book there is a catechism, the object of which is most
important, because it is that part which is peculiarly destined for
foiming in the minds of the younger classes of the community
that proper foundation for religious belief which is to influence
their future conduct. It is that part which the ministers of the
Church of England are peculiarly bound to teach to those between
the infant and adult state at certain periods of time; it is that
part which all who are initiated into Christianity through baptism
must be confirmed before they come to their pastor in an adult
state. To procure this important object, it consists of three parts :
—1st, The Service of the Church of England; 2nd, The Apostles
Creed (which is professed by every class of Christians, no matter
what be their particular form of worship); and 3rd, The Ten
Commandments, which were of divine origin, com-nmninated
originally from the mouth of God through Moses to the Jews.
These form the foundation of all our religious and moral duties ;
they are those which, if men would but obey, there would be an
end to strife; nothing but peace and happiness could then be
found in human society. This book (<£ The Book of Common
Prayer ) has also the Lord s Prayer, as in his sacred and blessed
Sermon on the Mount. If these works be not what ought to be
held sacred from ridicule, what is there which can be called so in
the mind of a Christian ? I take this to be a proposition of law,
that he who attempts to parody these three sacred parts of
Christian belief, and presents them to the mind in a ridiculous
shape, does that which is calculated to bring them into contempt,
and is therefore, by the law of the land, guilty of a libel. It cannot
be necessary to Christian minds to reason on the baneful effect of
�4
FIRST TRIAL.
such a publication as the defendant’s. If any of you, gentlemen,
be fathers, and wish your children to hold in reverence the sacred
subjects of Christian belief, read these publications of the defend
ant, and say if you would put them into the hands of those childien
you love. If you would not put them into their hands, would you
into those of the lower classes of society, which are not fit to cope
with the sort of topics which are artfully raised for them ? I ask
you, if it be possible, that after such publications are thus cheaply
thrown among this class of people, they can, with the same degree
of reverence that becomes the subject, look at the contents of the
Sacred Book of our belief? Nay, even in better cultivated minds,
the firmness of moral rectitude is shaken, and it often becomes
necessary to make great mental exertion to shake off the influence
of these productions, and recall the mind to a true feeling towards
sacred truths. They are inevitably calculated to weaken the
reverence felt for the Christian faith. It may be said that the
defendant’s object was not to produce this effect—I believe that
he meant it, in one sense, as a political squib, but his responsibility
is not the less, for he has parodied “ The Catechism ” in terms which
it is impossible to believe can have any other effect than that of
bringing it into contempt. The publication is called “A
Catechism; that is to say, An Instruction to be learned of every
person before he be brought to be confirmed a Placeman or
Pensioner by the Minister.” The jury will see these are the very
words of the original in parody. Again, The Apostles Creed is
also in complete parody. We say, “I believe in God, ’ &c., &c.;
here he says, “ I believe in George, the Regent Almighty, Maker
of New Streets, and Knights of the Bath; and in the present
Ministry, his only choice, who were conceived of Toryism, brought
forth of Wm. Pitt, suffered loss of place under Charles James
Pox ; were execrated, dead, and buried. In a few months they
rose again from their Minority; they reascended the Treasuiy
Benches, and sit at the right hand of a little man in a large wig;
from whence they laugh at the petitions of the people who pray
for Reform, and that the sweat of their brow may procure them
bread.” The Ten Commandments are also parodied, and divided
�FIRST TRIAL.
5
precisely in the same manner as the rest of the publication, for
the purpose of keeping the whole resemblance more complef^'sc
The child is supposed to be examined precisely as it is laid down V?
in the 2nd chapter of Exodus, of course parodied. He answera-,0'
ns to the promise of belief his sponsors made for him—
The same to which the Minister for the time being always
obliges all his creatures to swear. I, the Minister, am the Lord
thy liege, who brought thee out of want and beggary into the
House of Commons.”
[Here an expression of feeling was manifested by some indi
viduals of the crowd in the Hall of the Court.]
Mr. Justice Ab b o t t —If there is anybody present of so light
a disposition as to think that a matter of this kind should be mads
a subject of laughter, at least he shall learn that he shall not com®
here to interrupt those who are of a graver disposition, and in the
discharge of an important duty.
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l —My Lord, if there be any persons
here who can raise a smile at the reading of the defendant’®
publication, it is the fullest proof of the baneful effect it has had,
and with which I charge it. It is for that very reason I charge it
as a libel on the Law of England. I am not sorry for the faint
smile just uttered in court. It establishes the baneful tendency of
the work. If there be any here who are not Christians of some
sect or other, God forbid that I should have their applauding
support. Their approbation or disapprobation is alike indifferent
to me. When I allude thus to Christians, let me be supposed as
only alluding to those who have had the opportunity of having
the light of Christianity shed upon them—God forbid I should be
supposed to denounce those who had not had that opportunity.
The next Commandment in this Parody is, “ Thou shalt have no
other Patron but me.” At last comes that part where a young
man is desired to recite the Lord’s Prayer, and this is parodied in
the same manner. I know, gentlemen of the jury, that by the
law of England, it is your province to decide on the matter of
the libel, and to say if it be such or no. I am not sorry that this
is the case, for I think it impossible that any twelve men who
�6
FIRST TRIAL.
understand the law of England, and the precepts of Christianity,
which are part and parcel of that law, can read this production
of the defendant’s without being decidedly of opinion that it is
impossible to read it without seeing that its necessary and obvious
consequence must be to bring into contempt the Liturgy of the
Church of England. I forbear, gentlemen, from reading any
more of this production, as it will shortly be read by the clerk.
I shall now go to prove the publication by the defendant; it will
be for you to take it fairly and fully under your investigation, and,
according to the solemn obligation you have taken—that obliga
tion of an oath which is founded on religion, or it is no oath at
all—decide upon it; and so help you God.
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l then called witnesses to prove the
publication of the parodies by the defendant.
Griffin Swanson, examined by Mr. To ppin g .
He held in his hand a pamphlet, called “Wilkes’s Catechism,”
which he bought on the 17th. of February last, at Mr. Hone’s
shop, No. 55, Fleet Street. He bought it from a boy or a girl in
this shop, which then had Mr. Hone’s name over the door. The
girl, he believed, said she was Mr. Hone’s daughter. Twopence
was the price of it. He bought pamphlets afterwards at the
same place, and marked them at the time. He observed bills in
the window, that a publication by the name of this Catechism was
sold there, but he could not recollect whether there were posting
bills advertising it.
Henry Hutchings, examined by Mr. Ric h a r d s o n .
On the 7th of February last, he was the landlord of a shop,
No. 55, Fleet Street, and Mr. Hone, now in Court, was then his
tenant, and up to Midsummer. He used to sell books' and
pamphlets. The parish was situate in St. Dunstan’s in the West,
and he believed in the City of London.
Thomas White, examined by Mr. Sh e ph e r d .
Was Clerk of the Inner Treasury at the King’s Bench, and
produced “The Book of Common Prayer” and the Seal. He
�FIRST TRIAL.
7
pointed out in the book the Church Catechism, signed by the Com
missioners, and exemplified by the Great Seal. It corresponded to
the publications by the King’s Printers and the Universities.
Mr. Justice Ab b o t t —It would be a highly penal offence to
publish as from authority any other than the real authenticated
form.
Mr. Thomas White—Certainly, my Lord.
Here the printed Catechism, with the publication of which the
Defendant stood charged, was put in and read by the Clerk. It
was as follows :—
“The late John Wilkes’s Catechism of a Ministerial Member;
taken from an Original Manuscript in Mr. Wilkes’s Hand
writing, never before printed, and adapted to the present
Occasion.—With Permission.—London : Printed for one of
the Candidates for the Office of Printer to the King’s Most
Excellent Majesty, and Sold by William Hone, 55, Fleet
Street, and 67, Old Bailey, Three Doors from Ludgate Hill.
1817. Price Twopence.
“A Catechism, that is to say, An Instruction, to be learned of every
person before he be brought to be confirmed a Placeman or
Pensioner by the Minister.”
Question. Wh a t is your name ?
Answer. Lick Spittle. .
Q. Who gave you this name ?
A. My Sureties to the Ministry, in my Political Change,
wherein I was made a Member of the Majority, the Child of Cor
ruption, and a Locust to devour the good things of this kingdom.
* Q. What did your Sureties then for you ?
A. They did promise and vow three things in my Name.
First, that I should renounce the Reformists and all their Works,
the pomps and vanity of Popular Favour, and all the sinful lusts
of Independence. Secondly, that I should believe all the Articles
of the Court Faith. And thirdly, that I should keep the Minister’s sole Will and Commandments, and walk in the same all the
days of my life.
�FIRST TRIAL.
8
Q.
Dost thou not think that thou art bound to believe and
to do as they have promised for thee ?
A. Yes, verily, and for my own sake, so I will j and I
heartily thank our heaven-born Ministry, that they have called
me to this state of elevation, through my own flattery, cringing,
and bribery; and I shall pray to their successors to give me their
assistance, that I may continue the same unto my life s end.
Q. Rehearse the Articles of thy Belief.
A. I believe in Ge o r g e , the Regent Almighty, Maker of
New Streets, and Knights of the Bath.
And in the present Ministry, his only choice, who were con
ceived of Toryism, brought forth of Wil l ia m Pit t , suffered loss
of Place under Ch a r l e s Ja me s Po x , were execrated, dead, and
buried. In a few months they rose again from their minority ;
they reascended to the Treasury benches, and sit at the right hand
of a little man with a large wig; from whence they laugh at the
Petitions of the People who may pray for Reform, and that the
sweat of their brow may procure them bread.
I believe that King James the Second was a legitimate
Sovereign, and that King William the Third was not; that the
Pretender was of the right line ; and that George the Third s
grandfather was not; that the dynasty of Bourbon is immortal;
and that the glass in the eye of Lord James Murray was not Betty
Martin. I believe in the immaculate purity of the Committee of
Finance, in the independence of the Committee of Secrecy, and
that the Pitt System is everlasting. Amen.
Q. What dost thou chiefly learn in these Articles of thy Belief 1
A. First, I learn to forswear all conscience, which was never
meant to trouble me, nor the rest of the tribe of Courtiers.
Secondly, to swear black is white, or white black, according to the
good pleasure of the Ministers. Thirdly, to put on the helmet of
Impudence, the only armour against the shafts of Patriotism.
Q. You said that your Sureties did promise for you, that you
should keep the Minister’s Commandments: tell me how many
there be ?
A. Ten.
�FIRST TRIAL.
9
Q. Which, be they ?
A. The same to which the Minister for the time being always
obliges all his creatures to swear, I the Minister am the Lord thy
liege, who brought thee out of Want and Beggary, into the House
of Commons.
I. Thou shalt have no other Patron but me.
II. Thou shalt not support any measure but mine, nor shalt
thou frame clauses of any bill in its progress to the House above,
or in the Committee beneath, or when the mace is under the table,
except it be mine. Thou shalt not bow to Lord Co c h r a n e , nor
shake hands with him, nor any othei’ of my real opponents; for
I thy Lord am a jealous Minister, and forbid familiarity of the
Majority, with the Friends of the People, unto the third and
fourth cousins of them that divide against me; and give places,
and thousands and tens of thousands, to them that divide with me,
and keep my Commandments.
III. Thou shalt not take the Pension of thy Lord the Minister
in vain ‘ for I the Minister will force him to accept the Chilterns
that taketh my Pension in vain.
IV. Remember that thou attend the Minister’s Levee day;
on other days thou shalt speak for him in the House, and fetch
and carry, and do all that he commandeth thee to do : but the
Levee day is for the glorification of the Minister thy Lord : In it
thou shalt do no work in the House, but shalt wait upon him,
thou and thy daughter, and thy wife, and the Members that are
within his influence ; for on other days the Minister is inaccesible,
but delighteth in the Levee day • wherefore the Minister appointed
the Levee day, and chatteth thereon familiarly, and is amused
with it.
V. Honour the Regent and the helmets of the Life Guards,
that thy stay may be long in the Place, which the Lord thy
Minister giveth thee.
VI. Thou shalt not call starving to death murder.
VII. Thou shalt not call Royal gallivanting adultery.
VIII. Thou shalt not say, that to rob the Public is to steal.
IX. Thou shalt bear false witness against the people.
�10
FIRST TRIAL.
X. Thou shalt not covet the People’s applause, thou shalt not
covet the People’s praise, nor their good name, nor their esteem,
nor their reverence, nor any reward that is theirs.
Q. What dost thou chiefly learn by these Commandments 1
A I learn two things—my duty towards the Minister, and
my duty towards myself.
Q. What is thy duty towards the Minister 1
A. My duty towards the Minister is, to trust him as much as
I can ; to fear him ; to honour him with all my words, with all
my bows, with all my scrapes, and all my cringes; to flatter him ;
to give him thanks ; to give up my whole soul to him ; to idolise
his name, and obey his word; and serve him blindly all the days
of his political life.
Q. What is thy duty towards thyself ?
A. My duty towards myself is to love nobody but myself,
and to do unto most men what I would not that they should do
unto me; to sacrifice unto my own interest even my father and
mother; to pay little reverence to the King, but to compensate
that omission by my servility to all that are put in authority
under him ; to lick the dust under the feet of my superiors, and
to shake a rod of iron over the backs of my inferiors; to spare
the People by neither word nor deed; to observe neither truth nor
justice in my dealings with them ; to bear them malice and hatred
in my heart; and where their wives and properties are concerned,
to keep my body neither in temperance, soberness, nor chastity,
but to give my hands to picking and stealing, and my tongue to
evil speaking and lying, and slander of their efforts to defend their
liberties and recover their rights; never failing to envy their
privileges, and to learn to get the Pensions of myself and my
colleagues out of the People’s labour, and to do my duty in that
department of public plunder unto which it shall please the
Minister to call me.
Q. Mv good Courtier, know this, that thou art not able of
thyself to preserve the Minister’s favour, nor to walk in his Com
mandments, nor to serve him, without his special protection ,
which thou must at all times learn to obtain by diligent applica-
�FIRST TRIAL.
11
tion. Let me hear, therefore, if thou canst rehearse the Ministeji
0?
Memorial.
/Ci-
WlENCe
Answer.
Our Lord, who art in the Treasury, whatsoever be thy kami
thy power be prolonged, thy will be done throughout the empirb/T
as it is in each session. Give us our usual sops, and forgive us
our occasional absences on divisions ; as we promise not to forgive
them that divide against thee. Turn us not out of our places ;
but keep us in the House of Commons, the land of pensions and
plenty; and deliver us from the People. Amen.
Q. What desirest thou of the Minister in this Memorial ?
A. I desire the Minister, our Patron, who is the disposer of
the Nation’s overstrained Taxation, to give his protection unto me
and to all Pensioners and Placemen, that we may vote for him,
serve him, and obey him, as far as we find it convenient; and I
beseech the Minister that he will give us all things that be need
ful, both for our reputation and appearance in the House and out
of it; that he will be favourable to us, and forgive us our negli
gences ; that it will please him to save and defend us, in all
dangers of life and limb, from the People, our natural enemies ;
and that he will help us in fleecing and grinding them ; and this
I trust he will do out of care for himself, and our support of him
through our corruption and influence ; and therefore I say Amen.
So be it.
Q. How many Tests hath the Minister ordained ?
A. Two only, as generally necessary to elevation ,• (that is to
say) Passive Obedience and Bribery.
Q. What meanest thou by this word Test?
A. I mean an outward visible sign of an inward intellectual
meanness, ordained by the Minister himself as a pledge to assure
him thereof.
Q. How many parts are there in this Test ?
A. Two; the outward visible sign, and the intellectual
meanness.
Q. What is the outward visible sign or form of Passive
Obedience ?
O'
�12
FIRST TRIAL.
A. Dangling at the Minister’s heels, whereby the person is
degraded beneath the baseness of a slave, in the character of a
Pensioner, Placeman, Expectant Parasite, Toadeater, or Lord of
the Bedchamber.
Q. What is the inward intellectual meanness ?
A. A Death unto Ereedom, a subjection unto perpetual
Thraldom : for being by nature born free, and the children of In
dependence, we are hereby made children of Slavery.
Q. What is required of persons submitting to the Test of
Passive Obedience 1
A. Apostasy, whereby they forsake Liberty ; and Eaith,
whereby they steadfastly believe the promises of the Minister, made
to them upon submitting to that Test.
Q. Why was the Test of Bribery ordained ?
A. Bor the continual support of the Minister’s influence, and
the feeding of us, his needy creatures and sycophants.
Q. What is the outward part or sign in the Test of Bribery 1
A. Bank notes, which the Minister hath commanded to be
offered by his dependents.
Q. Why then are beggars submitted to this Test, when by
reason of their poverty they are not able to go through the neces
sary forms?
A. Because they promise them by their Sureties ; which pro
mise, when they come to lucrative offices, they themselves are
bound to perform.
Q. What is the inward part, or thing signified ?
A. The industry and wealth of the People, which are verily
and indeed taken and had by Pensioners and Sinecurists, in their
Corruption.
Q. What are the benefits whereof you are partakers thereby ?
A. The weakening and impoverishing the People, through
the loss of their Liberty and Property, while our wealth becomes
enormous, and our pride intolerable.
Q. What is required of them who submit to the Test of
Bribery and Corruption ?
A. To examine themselves, whether they repent them truly
�FIRST TRIAL.
13
of any signs of former honour and patriotism, steadfastly purpos
ing henceforward to be faithful towards the Minister; to draw
on and off like his glove; to crouch to him like a spaniel; to
purvey for him like a jackall; to be as supple to him as Aiderman
Sir Wil l ia m Tu r t l e ; to have the most lively faith in the Funds,
especially in the Sinking Fund; to believe the words of Lord
Ca s t l e r e a g h alone; to have remembrance of nothing but what
is in the Courier: to hate Ma t t h e w Wo o d , the present Lord
Mayor, and his second Mayoralty; with all our heart, with all
our mind, with all our soul, and with all our strength ; to admire
Sir Jo h n Sy l v e s t e r , the Recorder, and Mr. Jo h n La n g l e y ;
and to be in' charity with those only who have something
to give.
[Here endeth the Catechism. |
This being the whole of the case on the part of the prosecution^
Mr, Ho n e rose, and addressed the Court to the following pur
port :—He called upon the jury, as earnestly and as solemnly as
the Attorney-General had done, to decide upon this case according
to their oaths. If he felt any embarrassment on this occasion, and
he felt a great deal, it was because he was not in the habit of ad
dressing an assembly like that: he had never, indeed, addressed
any assembly whatever; and, therefore, he hoped that they and
the Court would show their indulgence to him, standing there as
he did, unassisted by counsel, to make his own defence. If he
were really guilty of this libel, as the Attorney-General had called
it, he should not have stood there this day.. So far back as May,
he was arrested under a warrant by the Lord Chief Justice of that
Court, Lord Ellenborough, and brought suddenly to plead to in
formations filed against him. He did not plead, because he con
ceived the proceeding by information to be unconstitutional, and
he thought so still. However ancient this mode of proceeding
might be, he was satisfied that it was nevei- intended to be exer
cised in the way that it had been of late years. By this process,
every man in the kingdom, however innocent he might be, was
entirely at the mercy of the Attorney-General, and of the Govern
�14
FIRST TRIAL.
ment. There was no security for honour, integrity, and virtue ,
no presentment to a jury, no previous inquiry; the victim was
taken in a summary way by warrants, and brought to answer
suddenly to informations of which he was wholly ignorant.
A n nth or objection which he had to plead on that occasion was,
the enormous expense that must have been incurred. He had
been given to understand, that making his defence in the usual
way, by solicitor and counsel, would cost ¿£100, which would have
been utter ruin to him. He applied to the Court for copies of the
informations, but the Court did not grant him those copies. He
was sorry for this, because if they had been granted, he should
have known what he was specifically charged with. On Friday
last, he applied for copies at the Crown Office, and upon paying the
customary charges, he procured them. When he was placed on
the floor of the Court of King’s Bench, the late Attorney-General,
Sir William Garrow, stated, that the informations charged him
with blasphemous publications. Now he found, that this informa
tion did not charge him with blasphemous publications , it chaiged
that he, being an impious and wickedly disposed person, and
intending to excite impiety and irreligion, did publish that which
was stated in the information. And here he must beg leave to call
to their attention the great prejudice which had been raised against
him throughout the country by this circumstance, and the injuiy
which he had sustained by misrepresentations coming from the
highest authorities in the country. The late Attorney-General
had charged him with a second information, and he then observed,
that whether he were charged with one information, or 300 infor
mations, he would not plead unless copies were given to him. The
Attorney-General in reply, observed, that the number of informa
tions depended on the number of publications. He did not, how
ever, mean to charge Sir William Garrow with any intention to
produce an unfavourable impression in the public mind against
him. But he must say, and he would say it boldly, because he
said it truly, that no man was ever treated with greater injustice
than he was by Lord Ellenborough. Previous to his arrest, under
a warrant issued by his lordship, he had not been- out of the house
�FIRST TRIAL.
15
all the week : he had been engaged in writing, and no application
had been made by any one to see him of which he did not hear.
Two officers seized him near his own door upon the warrant of
Lord Ellenborough and refused to let him go home, without stating
any reason why they made that refusal. He was taken to Sergeant’s-Inn Coffee-House, and afterwards carried to a lock-up house
in Shire Lane, where he remained till half-past five, anxiously ex
pecting Mr. Gibbon, the tipstaff (who, he was told, was coming),
in order that he might learn from him the charge, and send for
friends to bail him. Gibbon did not come, and he remained
ignorant of the charge. On the Monday following, at a moment
when he was retiring for the purposes of nature, he was put into a
coach, and ordered to betaken to Westminster Hall to plead ; but
even then the officer could not tell him to what he was to plead.
While in the coach, he found it almost impossible to keep himself
from fainting; but he was told, that when he arrived at West
minster, sufficient time would be allowed him. He was, however,
taken into Court, and whilst one of the informations was being
read, a mist came before his eyes, he felt giddy, and applied for
leave to sit. The answer of Lord Ellenborough was <c No
and
it was pronounced with an intonation that might have been heard
at the further end of the hall. This refusal, instead of making
him sink on the floor, as he had before expected to do, had the
effect that a glass of water on being thrown into his face would
have had, and he felt perfectly relieved. At the same time, how
ever, he could not help feeling contempt for the inhumanity of the
judge. He was then taken to the King’s Bench, and was after
wards found senseless in his room there, not having performed
an office of nature’ for several days. That arose out of the
inhumanity of Lord Ellenborough.
Here Mr. Justice Ab b o t t interrupted the defendant, stating,
that he had better apply himself to the charge against him. He
was unwilling to interrupt any person who was making his
defence ; but where, as in this case, it became absolutely necessary,
he could not refrain. It was the duty of Lord Ellenborough to
pursue the course of the Court, and it was customary for defend
�16
FIRST TRIAL.
ants to stand while the informations filed against them were
being read.
The defendant proceeded—He should be sorry to be out of
order, but he believed instances had been known in which defend
ants were permitted to sit. He thought that such cases might be
found in the state trials. But whether so or not, such was the
feeling of Sir William Garrow, that he leaned over and whispered
to him, “If you wish to retire for any purpose of nature, you
can.” He thanked him, and replied, that the purpose had gone
by. He stated this because he should never forget the humanity
which Sir William had shown on that occasion, and which formed
a strong contrast to the behaviour of the judge whom he had
mentioned. Having stated these facts, he would not take up
their time in detailing what he endured for two months in the
King’s Bench; suffice it to say, that he had suffered the utmost
distress in a domestic way, and very considerable loss in a pecu
niary way. He had gained nothing there but a severe lesson.
He learned that, however honourable a man’s intention might be,
they might be construed into guilt, and the whole nation might
be raised against him, except, indeed, the few cool, dispassionate,
and. sober persons who would read such publications as the present
calmly, and determine upon the motives of the writer. It was
upon this intention that they (the jury) were to decide. The
Attorney-General, Sir Samuel Shepherd, had stated, that this pub
lication was issued for a political squib. He quite agreed with
the Attorney-General; he joined issue with him upon this inter
pretation of the work ; it was published for a political squib, and
if they found it a political squib, they would deliver a verdict of
acquittal. If they found it an impious and blasphemous libel,
they would consign him to that punishment from which he should
ask no mercy. This was the question which they were to try,
and they had nothing to try but that. They had nothing to do
with the tendency which his work might have out of doors, or
the effect which it might produce in that Court, or, at least, they
had so little to do with it, as not to suffer it to weigh a feather in
their minds in returning their verdict to the Court. They would
�FIRST TRIAL.
17
remember, that he was not standing there as a defendant in an
action brought by a private individual. In that case,’ they would
not have to look at the intention of the party; they would have
to assess the amount of the damages ; but here they had every
thing to do with the intention of the party, and if they did not
find that this political catechism was published with an impious
and profane intention, they would give him a verdict of acquittal.
The Attorney-General had stated, that the very smile of a person
was an evidence of the tendency of this publication. He denied
that. The smile might arise from something wholly different from
the feeling of the person who wrote that publication. But he
would now proceed to call their attention to a very important
branch of this question. In 1771, it was the intention of certain
intelligent persons, Members of the House of Commons, to explain
the powers of juries relating to libels. Mr. Dowdeswell moved to
bring in a bill for that purpose ; and Mr. Burke, than whom he
could not quote a man whose authority would be greater in that
Court, delivered a most eloquent and impressive . speech on that
occasion. He said, “ It was the ancient privilege of Englishmen
that they should be tried by a jury of their equals ; but that, by
the proceeding by information, the whole virtue of juries was
taken away. The spirit of the Star Chamber had transmigrated,
and lived again in the Courts of Westminster Hall, who borrowed
from the Star Chamber what that Court had taken from the Roman
law. A timid jury will give way to an awful judge, delivering
oracularly the law, and charging them to beware of their oaths.
They would do so ; they had done so ; nay, a respectable, member
of their own house had told them, that on the authority of a
judge, he found a man guilty in whom he could find no guilt.”
Mr. Dowdeswell’s bill was brought in, but it did not pass into a
law. Mr. Burke persevered in the same cause for a number of
years, without success ; but in 1790, the late Mr. Fox brought in
a bill, which was now called the Libel Bill, and it was under the
authority of that solemn Act of Parliament that they now sat to
try this information. This bill had fixed the powers of juries in
cases of libel, and made it imperative on them to determine on the
c
�18
FIRST TRIAL.
whole of matters charged in the information. Now he was
charged—with what? With intending to excite impiety and
irreligion, not with having excited it; so that, as the law stood
before, if there had been but one copy printed, they would have
been told to find him guilty, if it could be proved that the work
was published by him ; but now, if he had sold 100,000 copies, it
was the intention with which they had to do. As to blasphemy
and profaneness, he spurned the charge ; and when he said he
spurned it, he could assure them they should not hear him say one
word to-day which he did not utter from his heart, and. from the
most perfect conviction. They were not to inquire whether he
was a member of the Established Church or a Dissenter j it was
enough that he professed himself to be a Christian : and he would
be bold to say, that he made that profession with a reverence for
the doctrines of Christianity which could not be exceeded by any
person in that Court. He had, however, been held up as a man
unfit to live, as a blasphemer, a monster, a wretch ; he had been
called a wretch who had kept body and soul together by the sale
of blasphemous publications. If any man knew any one act of his
life to which profaneness and impiety might be applied, he would
ask and defy that man to stand forward and contradict him at that
moment. He was innocent of that charge j and it was the
proudest day of his life to stand there, because he was not putting
in a plea of not guilty against a charge of infamous and blas
phemous libel; for if he were guilty of blasphemy, he would go to
the stake and burn as a blasphemer, at the same time avowing the
blasphemy. He said this, because he considered nothing was
dearer to man than sincerity. It had been the misfortune of his
life to have his actions misinterpreted by the papers, by the
lookers on—the mere every-day observers ; but there were a few
individuals of the Established Church who knew everything
alleged against him to be a foul and base calumny. It was im
possible for a man so humble in life as himself to wage war with
opinions broached by a Secretary of State j but when he heard
Lord Sidmouth, in the House of Lords, rising every night and
calling these little publications blasphemous, he had felt disposed
�FIRST TRIAL.
19.
to interrupt him. The odds were terribly against bim in a
prosecution of this kind, for he had to contend with the Secretary
of State—a man whose opinions were adopted by a great number
of persons of the first rank and consideration, and whose private
life was, he believed, unimpeachable. This eminent character
was, however, like other men, liable to error, else he would not
have denounced this publication as blasphemous in his place in the
House of Lords. Even if it were so, was it justice to pronounce
so decided an opinion, one which must necessarily carry so much
weight and influence, before the proper course of inquiry and
decision were had upon it ? It was by these means that a war
whoop and yell were sent forth against him throughout the
country. But, friendless and unprotected as he was, he was
obliged to submit, and hence his conduct had been held up to the
amusement of the ill-thinking throughout the country. He did
not desire, for he did not know how, to obtain popularity; he
never went all lengths with any description of persons whatever.
He was as independent in mind as any gentleman in that Court
was independent in property: he had made to himself many
enemies, because it is in human nature that the persons with
whom we are intimate scarcely ever forgive one dereliction from
what they consider duty. He always endeavoured to make up
his mind as coolly as possible : sure he was, that if he ever did a
man injury in his life, it was from mistake, and not from inten
tion. And he asked the jury, if they had ever seen any of his
publications before, whether they had observed in them any
thing that would induce them to think that he was desirous of
exciting impiety or profaneness 1 No man in the country had a
greater respect than himself for the constituted authorities ; if he
differed from some public men in opinion, it was not at all times
that he differed j it was not because there was a common cry
against a measure that he joined in it. He had told them it was
the intention of which they were to judge ; and he would sit down
immediately, if the Attorney-General could lay his hand on any
publication in which, in any one passage or sentence, he could
point out anything tending to degrade or villify the Christian
�20
FIRST TRIAL.
religion. He stated this, not in bravado, bnt in the sincerity of
his heart. If he were a man of a blasphemous turn of mind,
it was scarcely possible, amongst the numerous works which he
had published, and the greater part of them written by himself,
that something of this kind should not have appeared; but what
ever opinions the Attorney-General might form respecting his
notions of religion, he knew that he could not produce any
blasphemous writings against him. He came now to another part
of this subject. It was his fate, when he was taken to the King’s
Bench, although it might be an advantage to the country, to
differ with the Master of the Crown Office, as to the way in which
the special juries were returned. After the juries in his case
were struck-----Here Mr. Justice Ab b o t t again interrupted the defendant,
observing, that he did not think this had any bearing on the
question. He was sorry, he repeated, to interfere with his de
fence, but he had better confine himself to the point at issue.
Mr. Ho n e said it had, he thought, a bearing on the question,
and his lordship and the jury would see it in a short time. The
juries to which he alluded were struck in what appeared to him
a fair and an honourable way; but-----Mr. Justice Ab b o t t —I do not see the relevancy of what you
are now stating. It is my duty to take care that the time of the
Court should not be consumed improperly; any other motive I
cannot have.
Mr. Ho n e said—That no person could be more anxious than
himself to save the time of his lordship and of the jury. If the
Attorney-General had asked him, he would have admitted the
publication of the work in order to save time: but if he were
prevented from going on with what he hau begun to state, it
would disarrange the whole of his defence. He brought forward
his arguments in the best way he could, and he hoped for the
indulgence of the Court. He would very briefly state what he
saw of the mode of striking juries. The Master of the Crown
Office took the book in his hand, and putting his pen between the
leaves, selected the name that appeared against the pen. The
�FIRST TRIAL.
21
Master struck three juries for him in this way; but when he (the
defendant) was leaving the office, he could not help observing, that
out of 144 persons, there were only two whose names he had ever
heard of before—he who had lived, in London all his life, and had
been actively engaged. One of them was Mr. Sharpe, and he
only knew his name as a member of the House of Commons.
When, therefore, he saw those names he began to reflect whether
the Master had struck the juries from a proper list; and Mr.
Pearson, his attorney, conceiving that it was not a proper book,
he (the defendant) afterwards sent a solemn protest to the Master
of the Crown Office, when he knew Mr. Litchfield, the Solicitor of
tJie Treasury, would be present, against those juries, and the
result was, that the Crown abandoned its special juries; Mr.
Litchfield waved the three juries which had been struck in his
case. The Crown consented to his discharge on his own recognis
ance. Three weeks ago these informations were revived, and
notices given of fresh juries, and of this trial. He attended at
the Crown Office, and he was glad to find that a new book of good
jurymen was coming down to the office. He was told that a book
.containing the names of 8,000 persons in London would be sent
down. The book came down, and the Master chose the juries as
before, but he did not take the names against which his pen struck.
Mr. Justice Ab b o t t —I really cannot see how this bears upon
the cause. I shall not discharge my own duty if I suffer you to
proceed. I am unwilling to interfere, and prevent a defendant
from stating anything that bears upon his case, but I cannot see
the least bearing in what you are now stating.
Mr. Ho n e could assure his lordship that he would not say
anything disrespectful to the Court, but he thought the point most
important, and he hoped he should be allowed to proceed.
A Juryman said—He also thought it might be material, on
account of the notice which the public prints had taken of this
subject. The defendant, therefore, should have an opportunity of
stating the facts truly.
Mr. Justice Ab b o t t regretted that the public prints should
agitate these matters previous to trial. As one of the gentlemen
�22
FIRST TRIAL.
of the jury, however, wished to hear some explanation, the
defendant might proceed.
Mr. Ho n e resumed—He had observed, that the Master did
not take the name against which the pen struck, and assigned no
reason for taking the name of Webb in the place of Moxon.
While the Master was pricking the jury, defendant could not
see the name he took. The Master stated that as there was a
cavil about the pen, he should nominate the jury as he thought
proper He then opened the book, the Solicitor of the Treasury
standing at the right hand, and Mr. Maule, assistant solicitor,
standing on the left, and these two could see all the names. The
Master went page after page selecting the jury, sometimes he
gave four names in succession without turning over a leaf, at
others he went over seven, eight, ten, or a dozen pages, regularly
examining every page before he gave a name. In one instance
he went over twenty-six pages, in another thirty-six pages with
out giving out a name. The defendant entered a protest against
this mode of proceeding. He made an affidavit of the facts, and
on a motion to the Court put it in. The Court decided (and to
him it appeared the most extraordinary decision that ever was)
that the Master was not bound to put the pen in his book. Nay,
Lord Ellenborough, in the presence of Mr. Justice Abbott, said,
that if the Master gave the defendant names in that way, it
would be giving a jury by lot, and that he was bound to select
such persons as he thought proper. The defendant could oppose
nothing to that, except that it appeared to be an unfair mode.
He did not think that it ever was in the contemplation of law
that the Crown should select such persons as it choose. Under
that impression he left the Court with what he conceived to be
great injustice. The judges all said that to nominate meant to
select. Now he found that the Master of the Crown Office was
nominated to the Crown by the Court, that is to say, the Court
nominated four or five persons to the Crown, who selected one
of them to fill the office. Here, then, the Court nominated, and
the crown selected, so that nomination was not in fact selection.
He now came to his trial, and it was perfectly immaterial to him
�FIRST TRIAL.
23
of what opinion, the jury were, satisfied as he was that frMr 3CFEjtef
would return a true verdict. He had a very serious impression 7*i> Q
upon his mind of what his situation would be if a verdict -.wep.tr
against him. In that case he firmly believed that he should^
never return to his family from that Court. The AttorneyA^
General was entitled to a reply; and though the learned gentle
man had shown great courtesy, he could not expect him to wave
that right. If he would, the defendant would engage to conclude
in twenty minutes. He did not see any disposition of that kind,
and he would therefore proceed. He should state nothing that was
new, because he knew nothing that was new. He had his books
about him, and it was from them that he must draw his defence.
They had been the solace of his life ; and as to one of Mr. J ones’s
little rooms in the Bench, where he had enjoyed a delightful view
of the Surrey hills, they would afford him great consolation there;
but his mind must be much distracted by the sufferings of his
family. He knew no distinction between public and private life.
Men should be consistent in their conduct; and he had
endeavoured so to school his mind that he might give an explana
tion of every act of his life. If he had ever done an injury to
any one, it was by accident, and not by design; and, though
some persons had lost money byt him, there was not one who
would say that he did not entertain a respect for him (the
defendant). Brom being a book-dealer he became a bookseller;
and what was very unfortunate, he was too much attached to his
books to part with them. He had a wife and seven children, and
had latterly employed himself in writing for their support. As
to parodies, they were as old at least as the invention of printing;
and he never heard of a prosecution for a parody, either religious
or any other. There were two kinds of parodies ; one in which
a man might convey ludicrous or ridiculous ideas relative to some
other subject; the other, where it was meant to ridicule the
thing parodied. The latter was not the case here, and therefore
he had not brought religion into contempt. It was remarkable
that in October last a most singular parody was inserted in the
“ Edinburgh Magazine,” which was published by Mr. Blackwood.
�24
FIRST TRIAL.
The parody was written, with a great deal of ability, and it was
impossible but that the authors must have heard of this prosecu
tion. The parody was made on a certain chapter of Ezekiel, and
was introduced by a preface, stating that it was a translation of a
Chaldee manuscript preserved in a great library at Paris. There
was a key to the parody which furnished the names of the persons
described in it. The key was not published, but he had obtained
a copy of it. Mr. Blackwood is telling his own story; and the
two cherubims were Mr. Cleghorn, a farmer, and Mr. Pringle, a
schoolmaster, who had been engaged with him as editor of a
former magazine; the “ crafty man” was Mr. Constable; and
the work that “ ruled the nation ” was the “ Edinburgh Review.”
The defendant then read a long extract from the parody, of which
the following is a specimen :—
“Now, in those days, there lived also a man who was crafty
in counsel, and cunning in all manner of working : and I beheld
the man, and he was comely and well favoured, and he had a
notable horn in his forehead wherewith he ruled the nations.
And I saw the horn that it had eyes, and a mouth speaking great
things, and it magnified itself even to the Prince of the Host,
and it cast down the truth to the ground, and it grew and
prospered. And when this man saw the book, and beheld the
things that were in the book, he was troubled in spirit and much
cast down. And he said unto himself, why stand I idle here, and
why do I not bestir myself? Lo ! this book shall become a
devouring sword in the hand of my adversary, and with it will
he root up or loosen the horn that is in my forehead, and the hope
of my gains shall perish from the face of the earth. And he
hated the book, and the two beasts that had put words into the
book, for he judged according to the reports of men; nevertheless,
the man was crafty in counsel, and more cunning than his fellows.
And he said unto the two beasts, come ye and put your trust
under the shadow of my wings, and we will destroy the man
whose name is as ebony, and his book.”
He observed, that Mr. Blackwood was much respected by a
great number of persons.
�FIRST TRIAL.
25
Mr. Justice Ab b o t t said—He could not think their respect
could be increased by such a publication. He must express his
disapprobation of itj and at the same time observed, that the
defendant by citing it, was only defending one offence by another.
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l said—He had been thinking for the
last few minutes where a person in his situation could interrupt a
defendant. He now rose to make an objection in point of law.
The defendant was stating certain facts of previous publications,
and a question might arise as to the proof of them. The same
objection applied to the legality of his statement. The defendant
had no more right to state any previous libel by way of parody,
than a person charged with obscenity had of bringing volumes on
the table and exhibiting them in his defence. The defendant had
no right to be stating, and so to be publishing, things which had
better remain on the shelves in a bookseller’s shop than be in the
hands of the public.
Mr. Ho n e said—That the Attorney-General called this parody
a libel, but it was not a libel till a jury had found it to be so.
His was not a libel, oi' why did he stand there to defend it ? In
takins this course of defence, he did not take it as a selection of
modes; it was his only mode. He had no intention to send forth
any offensive publication to the world, but merely to defend him
self. When he heard that his own parodies had given pain to
some minds, he was sorry for it. This sort of writing was
familiar to him from his course of reading. This parody, called
“Wilkes’s Catechism,” was published by him on the 14th of
February, and on the 22nd he stopped the sale of the other
pamphlets. He should adduce evidence to show that this sort of
writing had never been prosecuted. He then held in his hand a
little publication drawn up by the late Dr. Lettsom, showing the
effects of temperance and intemperance, by diverging lines, as a
man gets from water to strong beer, and from strong beer to
spirituous liquors and habits of brutal intoxication. He took this
as a popular mode of conveying instruction with preservation of
health, and had no intention to ridicule the thermometer on the
plan on which it was framed.
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FIRST TRIAL.
He (the defendant) knew there were some most excellent
persons who occasionally made applications of the Scripture in a
way which they would not do in the pulpit. In 1518, a parody of
the first verse of the first psalm was written by a man whom
every individual in this Court would esteem-—a man to whom we
were indebted for liberty of conscience, and finally for all the
blessings of the Reformation itself—he meant Martin Luther. In
the first volume of “ Jortin’s Life of Erasmus,” page 117, the
following parody, on the first verse of the first psalm, to which he
had alluded, appeared : “Blessed is the man that hath not walked
in the way of the Sacramentarians, nor sat in the seat of the
Zuinglians, or followed the counsel of the Zürichers.” Would
any man say that Martin Luther was a blasphemer | and he was
a parodist as well as William Hone. But parodies had been
published even in the pulpit. He had then in his hand a parody
on the Lord’s Prayer, delivered in the pulpit by Dr. John Boys,
Dean of Canterbury, in 1613, and which was afterwards inserted
in a folio volume of his works which he published. He stated,
that he gained great applause by preaching on that occasion, which
occurred on the 5th of November, 1600. The parody ran m
these words: “Our Pope, which art in Rome, hellish be thy
name, give us this day our cup in the Lord’s supper,” and so on.
Mr. Justice Ab b o t t thought it better that the defendant
should not read any more of this parody ; it could only shock the
ears of well-disposed and religious persons; and he must again
repeat, that the law did not allow one offence to be vindicated
by another. He wished the defendant would not read such
things.
Mr. Ho n e —My lord, your lordship’s observation is in the
very spirit of what Pope Leo X. said to Martin Luther
For
God’s sake don’t say a word about the indulgencies and the monas
teries, and I’ll give you a living,” thus precluding him from
mentioning the very thing in dispute. I must go on with these
parodies, said Mr. Hone, or I cannot go on with my defence.
The next book he should refer to was a volume of sermons by
Bishop Latimer, in which there was one illustrated by a game of
�FIRST TRIAL.
27
cards. He recollected to have seen an old book of sermons with
a wooden cut, in which the clergyman was represented holding out
a card in his hand from the pulpit. He had no doubt but that
wooden cut was a portrait of the Bishop preaching the very
sermon to which he was about to call the attention of the jury.
Let it be recollected that the author of this sermon was the great
Latimer, who suffered for the truth. Would any one venture to
say that he meant to ridicule religion ? Many of the sermons
were preached before the King and the Privy Council: that to
which he referred was the 64th, and entitled “ The first of two
sermons of the Card, preached at Cambridge, in Advent, 1526.”
The Rev. Bishop says, “And because I cannot declare Christ’s
rule unto you at one time as it ought to be done, I will apply
myself according to your custom at this time of Christmas. I
will, as I said, declare unto you Christ’s rule, but that shall be in
Christ’s cards, wherein you shall perceive Christ’s rule. The game
that we will play at shall be the triumph [this word triumph, said
Mr. Hone, is what we now call trump, which is a corruption of
the original term], which, if it be well played at, he that dealeth
shall win, and the standers and lookers upon shall do the same;
insomuch that there is no man that is willing to play at this'
triumph with these cards but they shall be all winners and no
losers; let, therefore, every Christian man and woman play at
these cards, that they may have and obtain the triumph. You
must mark, also, that the triumph must apply to fetch home unto
him all the other cards, whatsoever suit they be of. Now, then,
take you this first card, which must appear and be showed unto
you as followeth:—You have heard what was spoken to men of
the old law—Thou shalt not kill; whosoever shall kill, shall be in
danger of judgment; and whosoever shall say unto his neighbour
radra (that is to say brainless, or any other word of rebuking)
shall be in danger of a council; and whosoever shall say unto his
neighbour fool, shall be in danger of Hell fire.” This card was
made and spoken by Christ himself. He would not take up the
time of the Court by reading the whole of what the reverend
prelate had said, but would confine himself to a passage where he
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FIRST TRIAL.
described bad passions under the name of Turks. “ These evil
disposed affections and sensualities in us are always contrary to
our salvation. What shall we do now or imagine to thrust down
these Turks, and to subdue them ? It is a great ignominy and
shame for a Christian man to be bound and subject unto a Turk.
Nay, it shall not be so; we will first cast a trump [here the word
trump is used] in their way, and play with them at cards who
shall have the better. Let us play, therefore, on this fashion with
this card. Whensoever it shall happen these foul passions and
Turks do rise in our stomachs against our brother or neighbour,
either for unkind words, injuries, or wrongs, which they have
done unto us contrary unto our mind, straightway let us call unto
our remembrance and speak that question, unto ourselves, ‘ Who
art thou V The Bishop had taken his text from John i. 9. And
this is the record of John, when the Jews sent Priests and Levites
from Jerusalem to ask him ‘Who art thou?’ In the course of the
sermon, therefore, this question, ‘who art thou ?’is often intro
duced. The answer (continues the Bishop) is, ‘I am a Christian
man.’ Then further we must say to ourselves—‘ What requireth
Christ of a Christian man?’ Now turn up your trump, your
heart, (hearts is trump, as I said before), and cast your trump,
your heart, on this card, and upon this card you shall learn what
Chrish requireth of a Christian man : not to be angry or moved
to ire against his neighbour in mind, countenance, or otherwise,
by word or deed. Then take up this card with your heart, and
lay them together; that done, you have won the game of the
Turk, whereby you have defaced and overcome by true and lawful
play.” As he said before, he was confident that the wooden cut
he had seen in the old book of sermons represented the bishop in
the act of holding up the card referred to. He had introduced
this extract from Bishop Latimer to show that the most pious
men frequently resorted to means of illustrating even sacred
things in a way which others might consider very extraordinary.
He was aware that many worthy men condemned parodies; but
it was not his business to eulogise this or any other parody; it
was sufficient to show, that the practice of composing them had
�FIRST TRIAL.
29
existed, and had been followed by the most venerable and
respected characters this country ever produced.
He should now turn to that celebrated collection, the “ Harleian
Miscellany,” the second volume of which, being Mr. Dutton’s
octavo edition, contained an article entitled “The plague of
Westminster, or an order for the visitation of a sick Parliament,
grievously troubled with a new disease, called the consumption of
their Members.” The persons visited are, the Earl of Suffolk, the
Earl of Lincoln, Lord Rundson, the Earl of Middlesex, the Lord
Barkley, the Lord Willoughby, the Lord Maynard, Sir John
Maynard, Master Glyn, Recorder of London; with a form of
prayer, and other rites and ceremonies, to be used for their
recovery; strictly commanded to be used in all churches, chapels,
and congregations, throughout his Majesty’s three kingdoms of
England, Scotland, and Ireland. Printed for V. V. in the year
1647, quarto, containing six pages. Let all the long abused
people of this kingdom speedily repair for the remedy of all
their grievances to the high place at Westminster; and so
soon as entered into the Lord’s House Jet them reverently kneel
down upon their bare knees, and say this new prayer and
exhortation following : “ O Almighty and everlasting Lords, we
acknowledge and confess from the bottom of our hearts, that
you have most justly plagued us these full seven years for our
manifold sins and iniquities. Forasmuch as we have not rebelled
against you, but against the King, our most gracious Lord, to the
abundant sorrow of our relenting hearts, to whose empty chair we
now bow in all reverence, in token of our duty and obedience.
For we now too well (0 Lords) understand that we have
grievously sinned, which hath made your honours give us as a
spoil unto robbers—viz., your committees, sequestrators, exisemen,
and pursuivants,” &c. The parties are then desired, if they find
no redress, to turn to the House of Commons; after which, this
direction follows
“ Here, let all the people sing, Ps. xliii. Judge
and revenge, &c.; and then facing about to Henry VII.’s Chapel,
let all the people rehearse the articles of their new reformed faith,
and after say as follows —The passage thus directed to be said,
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FIRST TRIAL.
and the whole ai'ticle concludes thus:—“We beseech ye by all
these, pray against the plaguy diseases your hypocrisy hath
brought upon the two Houses of Parliament and the whole
kingdom, by heresy, poverty, impeachments, banishments, and the
like, amen. Then let the people sing the 41st Psalm, and so
depart.” He had already proved to the Court and jury that
eminent and pious divines have been in the habit of approving
and writing parodies. He should now show them that that
species of composition had also been sanctioned by the approbation
of eminent lawyers. In a collection of tracts, by the great Lord
Somers, there is a parody commencing thus :—“ Ecce !—The New
Testament of our Lords and Saviours, the House of our Lords
and Saviours, the House of Commons, and the Supreme Council
at Windsor. Newly translated out of their own heathenish
Greek ordinances, with their former proceedings; diligently
compared and revised, and appointed to be read in all conventicles.
Chap. I. The Genealogy of the Parliament from the year 1640
to this present 1648. The conception of their brain, by the
influence of the devil; and born of Hell and Damnation, when
they were espoused to Virtue. 1. The Book of the Generation
of John Pirn, the son of Judas, the son of Beelzebub. 2. Pirn
begat a Parliament, a Parliament begat Showd, Showd begat
Hazelrig, and Hazelrig begat Hollis. 3. Hollis begat Hotham,
Hotham begat Martin, and Martin begat Corbet; and so on the
article goes parodying the whole of the genealogy of Christ, as
given in the first chapter of Matthew. It is afterwards in the
13th verse stated, then King Charles being a just man, and not
willing to have his people ruinated, was minded to dissolve them.
14. But while he thought on these things, behold an angel of
darkness appeared to him, saying, King Charles, these men intend
nothing but thine and the kingdom’s good, therefore, fear not to
give them this power, for what they now undertake is of the
Holy Ghost. 15. And they shall bring forth a son, and shall call
his name Reformation; he shall save the people from their sins.
16. Now all this was done that it might be fulfilled which was
spoken long ago in the prophecy.—Owtwell Bais.” Then follows
�FIRST TRIAL.
31
the second chapter, which is also a close parody on the second
chapter of Matthew. The third chapter of Matthew is parodied
by an application to Saltmarsh and Dell, two noted preachers of
those times. It commences thus :—“ In those days came Salt
marsh the Antinomian, and Dell the Independent, and preached
to the citizens of London. The fourth chapter is a parody on the
temptations of Christ. He would read only a few passages :—“ 1.
Then was King Charles permitted by God to be tempted by his
Parliament with unreasonable propositions many days. 2. And
when Pembroke the Tempter came unto him, he said, if thou wilt
still be King of Great Britain thou must set thy hand to these
propositions. 9. Prom that time there was a deadly war between
the King and his Parliament, with an equal concernment on both
sides. 10. And his fame went through all the quarters of
England, the people bringing unto him all such as were diseased
with the evil, and he healed them. 11. And there followed him
great multitudes of his .people from Kent, from Staffordshire, and
from beyond Tyne.”
Mr. Ho n e then quoted some verses from a work, entitled
“ Political Merriment; or, Truth told to some Tune.” He next
read from the Kev. Mark Noble’s continuation of “Granger’s
Biographical History of England,” the following verses written
respecting Dr. Burnet, the author of the “ Theory of the Earth
A dean and prebendary
Had once a new vagary;
And were at doleful strife, sir,
Who led the better life, sir,
And was the better man,
And was the better man.
The dean he said, that truly,
Since Bluff was so unruly,
He’d prove it to his face, sir,
That he had the most grace, sir;
And so the fight began, &c.
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FIRST TRIAL.
When Preb. replied like thunder,
And roars out, ’twas no wonder,
Since gods the dean had three, sir,
And more by two than he, sir,
For he had got but one, &c.
Now while these two were raging,
And in dispute engaging,
The Master of the Ch a r t e r ,
Said both had caught a Tartar ;
For gods, sir, there were none, &c.
That all the books of Moses
Were nothing but supposes ;
That he deserved rebuke, sir,
Who wrote the Pentateuch, sir ;
’Twas nothing but a sham,
’Twas nothing but a sham.
,
That as for father Adam,
With Mrs. Eve, his madam,
And what the serpent spoke, sir,
’Twas nothing but a joke, sir,
And well-invented flam, &c.
Thus, in this battle royal,
As none would take denial,
The dame for whom they strove, sir,
Could neither of them love, sir,
Since all had given offence, &c.
She therefore, slily waiting,
Left all three fools a-prating ;
And being in a fright, sir,
Religion took her flight, sir,
And ne’er was heard of since, &c.
The next work to which Mr. Hone called the attention of the
jury was a small tract purporting to be translated from the French
of Father La Chaise. It was a parody on the Catechism intended
«
�FIRST TRIAL.
33
to satirize Louis XIV. He was asked, Whose child are you ?
And answered, That he was begotten by Cardinal Richelieu on
the body of Ann of Austria. He was then made to lament his
breach of faith with the Huguenots. The whole was a gross libel
on the King of Trance, but no ridicule of the Holy Scriptures.
The next work to which he should allude was the Lair Circassian,
stated to be written by a Gentleman Commoner of Oxford. The
author was known to be the Rev. Mr. Croxal, the translator of
AAop. It was a very free parody on the Canticles ; he held it in
his hand, but he did not think it fit to be publicly read.
He should now refer to a work entitled the “ Champion,” pub
lished in 1741. It was a periodical publication, and in it he found
the following parody :—
“ Verse 5. The triumph of the wicked is short, aud the 'joy of the
hypocrite but for a moment.
“ This is evident in the case of the children of Israel, who were
formerly oppressed with the Egyptian task masters ; those miscreants,
with Pharoah at their head (like Colossus), afflicted the poor Israelites
with their burdens, and built for Pharoah Treasure Cities, Pithom and
Raamses. But short was the triumph of the wicked. The Israelites
were delivered, and Pharoah with his host of existing task masters
thrown into the Red Sea.
“Remember this, O Pharoah. of N—f—lk !—thou, who as Benjamin
has raven’d like a wolf, in the morning hast devoured the prey, and at
night divided the spoil. Gen. xlix. 17.
“ Though his excellency mount up to the heavens, aud his head
reach unto the clouds.
“ This is to say, however set forth in a preamble.
“ 7. Yet he shall perish for ever like his own dung; They which
have seen him shall say, where is he ?
“ Aimsi soir il !
“ 8. He shall fly away as a dream, and shall not be found ; Yea, he
shall be chased away as a vision of the night. Amen.
“ 9. The eye also which saw him, shall see him no more ; neither
shall his place any more behold him.”
In the Foundling Hospital for Wit, is a paper, entitled
“ Lessons of the Day, 1st and 2nd Book of Preferment, &c.” He
D
�34
FIRST TRIAL.
should trouble the jury with a few extracts from it. The first
lesson, here beginneth the 1st chapter of the Book of Preferment:
“ 1. Now it came to pass in the 15th year of the reigu of George the
King, in the 2nd month, on the 10th of the month at even, that a deep
sleep came upon me, the visions of the night possessed my spirits : I
dreamed, and behold Robert, the minister, came in unto the King, and
besought him, saying :—
“2. O King, live for ever ! Let thy throne be established from
generation to generation ! But behold now, the power which thou
gavest unto thy servant is at an end, the Chippenham election is lost,
and the enemies of thy servant triumph over him.
“ 3. Wherefore, now, I pray thee, if I have found favour in thy
sight, suffer thy servant to depart in peace, that my soul may bless thee.
“ 4. And when he had spoken these words, he resigned unto the
King his place of First Lord of the Treasury, his Chancellorship of the
Exchequer, and all his other preferments.
“ 5. And great fear came upon Robert, and his heart smote him, and
he fled from the assembly of the people, and went up into the sanctuary,
and was safe.”
“Se c o n d Le s s o n .—1. Now these are the generations of those that
sought preferment.
“ 2. Twenty years they sought preferment, and found it not : yea,
twenty years they wandered in the wilderness.
“ 3. Twenty years they sought them places; but they found no
resting place for the sole of their foot.
“ 4. And lo ! it came to pass in the days of George the King, that
they said amongst themselves, Go to, let us get ourselves places that it
may be well with us, our wives, and our little ones.
“ 5. And these are the names of the men that have gotten themselves
places in this their day, &c.”
And again, “ The evening was warm, and the river was smooth,
and the melody of instruments was heard upon the waters, and I
said, Lo ! I will go to Vauxhall.* So I took a companion, and
* This place, afterwards known by the name of Vauxhall, was originally the
habitation of Sir Samuel Moreland, who built a fine room there in 1667. The
house was afterwards rebuilt; and, about the year 1728, Mr. Jonathan Tyers
became the occupier of it; and, from a large garden belonging to it, planted with
stately trees, and laid out in shady walks, it obtained the name of Spiing Garden.
The house being converted into a tavern, soon became a place of entertainment
much frequented by the votaries of pleasure. Mr. Tyers opened it in 1732, with
�FIRST TRIAL.
35
the voyage pleased me. And it came to pass, as I sailed by
Lambeth, the Palace of the High Priest, I asked of the man that
was with me, saying, is this Prelate alive or dead ? and he answered
and said, our friend sleepeth,. So I came to Vauxhall. * * *
And I said unto mine eye, go to now, and examine every part,
&c. Then I beheld a drawer, and he looked wistfully upon me,
and his countenance said, Sit down. So I sat down; and I said,
Go now, fetch me savoury meats, such as my soul loveth; and he
straightway went to fetch them. And I said unto him, Asked I not
for beef ? wherefore then didst thou bring me parsley ? Kun now
quickly and bring me wine, that I may drink, and my heart may
cheer me ; for as to what beef thou broughtest me, I wot not what
is become of it. Now the wine was an abomination unto me ;
nevertheless I drank, for I said, ‘ Lest, peradventure I should
faint by the way,’ ” &c.
The next book to which he should call their attention was one,
the circulation of which had been very great. It was composed of
the papers published by the Association for preserving Liberty
and Property against Republicans and Levellers, which met at the
“ Crown and Anchor,” in the Strand. It was entitled “ The British
Freeholders Political Creed.”
“ Q.
“ A.
“ Q.
Britain ?
“ A.
Who are you ?
I am a freeholder of Great Britain.
What privilege enjoyest thou by being a freeholder of Great
By being a freeholder of Great Britain, I am a greater man,
an advertisement of a Ridotto al Fresco, a term which the people of this country
had till that time been strangers to. The repetition and success of these summer
entertainments encouraged the proprietor to make his garden a place of musical
entertainment for every evening during the summer season. He decorated it with
paintings ; engaged a band of excellent musicians ; issued silver tickets for admis
sion at a guinea each ; set up an organ in the orchestra; and in a conspicuous
part of the garden erected a fine statue of Handel, the work of Roubiliac. Vaux
hall Gardens were finally closed July 25, 1859; and in the following month the
theatre, orchestra, dancing platforms, and other properties, were sold, realizing
very trifling sums. The old pleasure haunt is swept away, but the recollection ol’
it is still preserved in the names of the streets which now occupy the site • and
Leopold Street, Auckland Street, Gye Street, Vauxhall Walk, and Italian Walk,
must change their titles before the remembrance of Spring Gardens and Vauxhall
be entirely effaced.
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FIRST TRIAL.
in my civil capacity, than the greatest subject of an arbitrary prince ;
because I am governed by laws; and my life, my liberty, and my
property cannot be taken from me but according to those laws ; I am
a free man.
“ Q. Who gave thee this liberty ?
“A. No man gave it me ; it is inherent, and was preserved to me
when lost to the greatest part of mankind, by the wisdom of God, and
the valour of my ancestors, freeholders of this realm.
“ Q. Wilt thou stand fast in this liberty, whereunto thou art born
and entitled by the laws of thy country ?
“A. Yes, verily, by' God’s grace, I will.”
A well-known character, Mr. John Reeves, was the chairman
and founder of this society. In one of his publications he (the
defendant) had stated that Mr. R. was the publisher of a parody
on the Catechism. Now Mr. R. was a very loyal man. He meant
loyal in a different sense from his own loyalty, for in respect and
obedience to the laws lie yielded to no man. But Mr. Reeves had
got something for his loyalty—something to make him sit easy.
He is the printer of the Prayer Book, to which he has written an
introduction with an address to the Queen. There is an anecdote
connected with Mr. Reeves which he should wish to state. Mr.
Reeves called at his (the defendant’s) shop, in consequence of the
statement respecting his publication of a parody on the Catechism.
He then declared, that his Majesty’s Ministers had nothing to do
with the establishment of the society at the “ Crown and Anchor.”'
He therefore took this opportunity of publicly repeating what Mr.
Reeves had said; but he himself knew something respecting the
institution of that society, which he should perhaps take the
opportunity of stating on another occasion.
Mr. Hone then referred to the papers relative to the West
minster election of 1784, published in a quarto volume. There
are among them a great number of Scriptural parodies, from which
he should select only the following, entitled “ Pox.”
11 Again the sons of Judas assemble themselves together at the hotel
in the market place, to present themselves before the Lord [Hood], and
Envy came also to present himself among them. And Truth said unto
�FIRST TRIAL.
37
Envy, from whence comest thou ? And Envy answered and said, from
walking to and fro in the garden, and appearing upon the hustings.
Then Truth said unto Envy, hast thou considered my servant Fox, that
there is none like him upon the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one
that revereth me and escheweth evil ? and still he holdeth his integrity,
although thou movest against him to destroy him without a cause.
Then Envy said, skin for skin, yea, all that a man hath will he give for
a, majority. But put forth thy hand and touch him, and he will curse
thee to thy face. And Truth said unto Envy, behold, he is in thy hand,
but spare his election. So Envy went forth from the presence of Truth,
and raised up a majority against Fox of 318 men. Then Insinuation said
unto Fox, Dost thou still retain thy perseverance ? Curse the poll and
decline. But Fox answered and said, thou speakest as one of the
foolish sisters speaketh ; my cause is just, and I will persevere. And
in all these things, Fox sinned not.”
In the “ Humorous Magazine,” there was a parody on the Te
Deum; and in Grose’s Olio, a parody, entitled “ The Chronicles
of the Coxheath Camp.”
He must now refer to that well-known book “ The Chronicles of
the Kings of England, from the Norman Conquest to the Present
Time,” written, as set forth in the preface, by Nathan Ben Sadi.
He should beg leave to read some passages from it as examples
of parody.
“ Now it came to pass in the year one thousand sixty and six, in the
month of September, on the eighth day of the month, that William of
Normandy, surnamed the Bastard, landed in England, and pitched his
tent in a field near the town of Hastings. Then Harold, the King,
attended by all his nobles, came forth to meet him with a numerous
army, and gave him battle : and it was fought from the rising of the
sun even to the going down of the same. But Harold was slain by an
arrow shot into his brains, and his army was routed with exceeding
great slaughter.”
“Elizabeth—Now Elizabeth was twenty and five years old when
she began to reign, and she reigned over England forty and four years,
four months, and seven days, and her mother’s name was Anne Boleyn.
And she choose unto herself wise and able ministers, and governed her
kingdom with power and great glory.
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FIRST TRIAL.
“The sea also was subject unto her, and she reigned on the ocean
with a mighty hand.
“ Her admirals compassed the world about, and brought her home
treasures from the uttermost parts of the earth.
“The glory of England she advanced to its height, and all the
princes of the earth sought her love : her love was fixed on the happi
ness of her people, and would not be divided. The era of learning was
also in her reign, and the genius of wit shone bright in the land.
Spencer and Shakespeare, Verulam and Sidney, Ealeigh and Drake
adorned the court, and made her reign immortal. And woe unto you
Spaniards, woe unto you, you haughty usurpers of the American seas ;
for she came unto your armada as a whirlwind, and as a tempest of
thunder she overwhelmed you in the sea.
“ Wisdom and strength were in her right hand, and in her left were
glory and wealth.
“ She spake, and it was war ; she waved her hand, and the nations
dwelt in peace.
“ Her Ministers were just, and her counsellors were sage.: her cap
tains were bold, and her maids of honour ate beefsteaks for theii
breakfast.
“And Elizabeth slept with her fathers, and was buried in the chapel
of King Henry VII., and James of Scotland reigned in her stead.
“James I. And Jamie thought himself a bonny King, and a
mickle wise mon ? howbeit, he was a fool and a pedant.
“ But the spirit of flattery went forth in the land, and the great men
and the bishops offered incense unto him, saying, 0 most sacred King !
thou art wiser than the children of men; thou speakest by the spirit
of God ; there has been none equal to thee before thee ; neither will
any rise after thee like unto thee.
“Thus they abused him daily with lying and fulsome adulation;
and the ear of James was tickled therewith, and he was puffed up and
thought himself wise ; whereupon he began to dispute with the doctors,
and to decide controversies, and to write books, and the world was
undeceived.”
The work has lately been continued down to the present time,
with an allusion to the French revolution in the following man
ner :—
» And after those days a great and wonderful madness broke out
about a people in France; so wonderful was it, that from being wor
�FIRST TRIAL.
39
shippers of kings they became in the twinkling of an eye king-killers
and queen-murderers. And all that had the blood of royalty in their
veins they did cruelly destroy. So great was the destruction through
the land, that many thousand guillotines could not clear the prisons of
their innocent victims; wherefore they drowned them in hundreds,
and butchered them in thousands ; and he who could invent the most
speedy method to destroy the human race, was accounted worthy of all
honour. And every good man, and every virtuous woman, were
obliged to fly out of the land, or to hide themselves in rocks and caves
from the fury of Robespierre, and the infernal masters with whom he
overspread the land. And they made the house of God a repository
for the engines of their destruction, and banished all the priests and
religion from the land, and set up a w—e in its stead, to whom they
gave the name of liberty and equality.”
The next work he should quote from was one of great celebrity,
on account of the wit and genius displayed in its composition, and
which was in the library of every gentleman who paid attention
to the public affairs of the country—a work which was admired
even by those who differed most from the politics it supported :
lie meant “ The Roliad,” published by Mr. Ridgway, a respectable
bookseller, and a most worthy man. In that collection of curious
pieces, the twenty-second edition of which, and that not the latest,
I hold in my hand, there is one entitled, Vive le Scrutiny, to
which he begged leave to call the attention of the jury. It
related to the scrutiny on the celebrated Westminster election
carried on in the vestry of St. Ann’s Church, Soho. It is as fol
io ws :—11 Cross Gospel the First.—But what says my good Lord
Bishop of London to this same Westminster scrutiny—this daily
combination of rites sacred and profane—-ceremonies religious and
political under his hallowed roof of St. Ann’s Church, Soho ?
Should his Lordship be unacquainted with this curious process,
let him know it is briefly this:—At 10 o’clock the High Bailiff
opens his inquisition for the Perdition of Votes, where he never
fails to be honoured with a crowded audience. At 11 o’clock the
High Priest mounts the rostrum in the church for the Sa l v a t io n
o f So u l s , without a single body to attend him; even his corpulent .
worship the clerk, after the first introductory Amen, filing of to
'
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FIRST TRIAL.
the vestry to lend a hand towards reaping a quicker harvest! the
alternate vociferations from church to vestry, during the different
services were found to cross each other sometimes in responses so
opposite, that a gentleman who writes short-hand was induced to
take down part of the blunder-medley dialogue of one day, which
he here transcribes for general information, on a subject of such
singular importance, viz. :—
“High Bailiff—[The High Bailiff of that day, you must know,
said Mr. Hone, is represented as having been a very ignorant stupid
.man.] I cannot see that this here fellow is a just vote.
“ Curate—In thy sight shall no man living be justified.
“ Mr. Fox—I despise the pitiful machinations of my opponents.
“Curate—And with thy favourable kindness shalt thou defend
him as with a shield.
“ Witness—He swore, d—n him if he didn’t give Fox a plumper.
“ Clerk—Good Lord, deliver us.
“Mr. Morgan—I stand here as counsel for Sir Cecil Wray.
“ Curate—A general pestilence visited the land, and serpents and
frogs defiled the holy temple.
“Mr. Phillips—Mr. High Bailiff, the audacity of that fellow
opposite to me would almost justify my chastising him in his sacred
place, but I will content myself with rolling his heavy head in the
Thames.
“ Curate—Give peace in our time, O Lord !
“ Sir Cecil Wray—I rise only to say thus much, that is concerning
myself; though as for the matter of myself, I don’t care, Mr. High
Bailiff, much about it.
“Mr. Fox—Hear / hear ! hear !
“Curate—If thou shalt see the ass of him that hateth thee lying
under his burden, thou shalt surely help him.
“Sir Cecil Wray—I trust,—I dare say,—at least I hope I may
venture to think—that my Right Honourable friend,—I should say
enemy,—fully comprehends what I have to say in my own defence.
“ Curate—As for me, I am a worm, and no man ; a very scorn of
men, and the outcast of the people ; fearful and trembling are come
upon me, and a horrible dread overwhelmeth me ! ! !
“High-Bailiff—As that fellow there says he did not vote for Fox,
whom did he poll for ?
“ Curate—Barabbas 1 Now Barabbas was a robber ! ”
�FIRST TRIAL.
41
He (Mr. Hone) should now quote a parody of the L
Prayer, which appeared in a public paper in the year
Oracle). It ran thus:—il Our step-father, who art p-&(/ PaKs®
cursed be thy name ! thy kingdom be far from us, th^
done neither in heaven nor in earth. (Here the Attorney-^
interfered, and the defendant remarked, that the parodyX^
appeared in a Government paper, edited, he believed, by Mr.
Heriot.)
The Co u r t —Wherever it may have appeared, the publication
was highly reprehensible—one instance of profaneness cannot
excuse another.
Mr. Ho n e —Certainly not; but if this mode of writing has
been practised by dignitaries of the church, and by men high in
the State, he humbly conceived that that circumstance might be
some excuse for his having been the publisher of the trifle now
charged as libellous. He solemnly declared that he never had
any idea of ridiculing religion, and that as soon as he was aware
of the publication having given offence to some persons whose
opinion he respected, however much he might differ with them
on that point, he immediately stopped the sale. He even refused,
after he had suspended the publication, to give a copy to an old
friend; and gave such offence by that refusal, that his friend had
scarcely spoken to him since. He persisted, however, in allowing
no copies to go out of his custody, except three, which he gave to
three different individuals, in order to obtain their opinions on
the parody. In short, finding the opinion that the publication
was offensive prevailing, he gave up all thoughts of proceeding
with it. Had he been one who wished to ridicule religion, he
should have taken a different course. He should have continued
the publication and made money by it, as there was a great
demand for it. In that case, he could have afforded to employ
a Counsel, and would not have been reduced to the necessity
of standing in his present situation before the Court and the
jury.
The Co u r t —This observation has no relation to the point
in question. You cannot be allowed to proceed in reading a pro
,
�42
FIRST TRIAL.
fane parody on the Lord’s prayer. You may state in general
terms, if you please, that there is such a parody existing.
Mr. Hone did not wish to take up the time of the Court un
necessarily, and if the general reference to the parody would be
sufficient for his case, he was satisfied. He should in the same
way refer to others on the 2nd Book of Exodus, the 3rd Book of
Chronicles, and the Book of Daniel. There was also one entitled
the Land of Nineveh, written by Sir John Sinclair. Mr. Hone
then produced a large sheet of paper divided into several columns
in different languages, Latin, Russian, German, English. It was
dedicated to the Duke of Wellington, and to the Commanders of
the Russian and other allied armies, and began—“ Te Deum,:—
“ Oh, Emperor of France ! we curse thee.
“We acknowledge thee to be a Tyrant.
“ Thou murdering Infidel! all the world detest thee.
“ To thee all nations cry aloud,
“ Bo n e y , Bo n e y , Bo n e y !
“ Thou art universally execrated ! ” &c., &c.
Mr. Justice Ab b o t t —You have read enough of it.
Mr. Ho n e —It is a Ministerial parody.
Mr. Justice Ab b o t t —I know nothing of Ministerial or AntiMinisterial parodies. You have stated enough of that publication
for your purpose.
Mr. Ho n e said he perfectly understood his lordship, and was
aware that the Court paid no regard to the quarter whence the
parody came j it was essential to him that the jury should also
understand, that had he been a publisher of Ministerial parodies,
he should not now be defending himself on the floor of that Court.
_ It was essential to the friends of justice, that all men should
stand equal, when they were brought before the tribunal of the
laws. But he denied that he was placed in that situation of
equality, when he was singled out by the Attorney-General to be
tried for an offence, which, if it had been committed in favour of
the Ministerial Party, would not have been noticed. It appeared
that this parody on the Te Deum had been translated into
various languages—into French, Dutch, German, Russian, and
�FIRST TRIAL.
43
Italian—for the express purpose of being read by the troops on
the Continent—and it could not be doubted that it had a most
extensive circulation.—He held in his hand another parody, pub
lished many years ago, called “ The Political Creed” and a second,
denominated “The Poor Man's Litany” neither of which had
been prosecuted.
He should now call the attention of the jury to a print which
was published at the commencement of the present year—and he
did so, not for the purpose of ridiculing the print, or its object,
but to show the way in which many individuals wished to convey
certain notions to the minds of those whom they were anxious to
reform. In this instance, recourse had evidently been had to
parody. The print was called, “ The Spiritual Barometer; or,
The Scale and Progress of Sin and Death.” It was, in fact, a
parody on Dr. Lettsom’s “ Parody of the Thermometer,” before pro
duced, and was to be seen in every print shop in the Strand. It
pointed out all the gradations of vice, leading to infidelity, and
ending in perdition; and the progress of religious influence ending
in eternal happiness.
Another parody, which he adduced as a proof that this style
of conveying information, even on sacred subjects, had long been
tolerated, he should now read. It was couched in the form of a
playbill, announcing the performance of a grand drama, entitled
the
Assize,” and the performance was, “By command of the
King of kings.” The publication stated, that “the entrance to
the gallery was very narrow, while that to the pit was extremely
wide—contrary to the custom observed at mundane theatres.
Between the acts, the awful air of The Trumpet shall sound, and
the dead shall be raised. To conclude with the grand procession
of saints and martyrs, shouting and exulting. No money to be
taken at the door—and none to be admitted, but those sealed by
the Holy Ghost.” This was printed and published by George
Cooke, Tower Street, a member of the Society of Priends.
He held in his hand another composition of the same species;
this was a parody on a recruiting bill, beginning thus
Royal
Volunteers, now is the time to obtain honour and glory.
�44
FIRST TRIAL.
¿Wanted, immediately, to serve Jehovah, who will reward them
according to their zeal and ability, a vast number of people of all
descriptions, who will, on joining the Commanding Officei,
receive new ' clothes, proper accoutrements, and eveiything
necessary for their appearance at the Hew Jeiusalem.
He next came to “a copy of a letter written by our Lord and
Saviour Jesus Christ, and found under a stone, eighteen miles
from Judea, now transmitted from the Holy City. Translated
from the original copy, now in the possession of the family of the
Lady Cuba, in Mesopotamia. Blessed are those who find this
letter and make it known. Many persons attempted to remove
the stone under which it lay—but none could force it from its
place, till a young child appeared and wrought the miracle.”
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l —The misguided or the mistaken
feelings which can induce such publications by any man, do not
form a ground of defence for others. I, therefore, submit, that
publications of this kind ought not to be read in Court.
Mr. Justice Ab b o t t —It is no use to interrupt the defendant.
I have repeatedly stated, that it cannot avail him, as a matter of
defence, to quote a variety of profane publications. It is for him
to show that his publication is not profane and this cannot be
done by quoting the example of others.
Mr. Ho n e —The publication which he had last noticed, was a
Christmas Carol/. It had been before the public upwards of
thirty years—and he should be very sorry to read it, if it were
likely to bring the publisher of it into any danger. He was sure
it was far from that individual’s intention to do anything wrong,
that person printed various publications of the same nature which
went through the country—and, in fact, they were of that
description, which the common people had been accustomed to
for centuries.
Mr. Justice Ab b o t t —I don’t care what the common people
have had for centuries. If the publication be profane, it ought
not to be tolerated.
Mr. Ho n e —It was most evident that this practice worked its
own remedy. Publications of this kind could not have any effect,
�FIRST TRIAL.
45
except amongst persons of the most ignorant description. Mil-,
lions of these Carols had been sold—and he had never heard that
religion was brought into contempt by them.
The Christmas Carol attached to this publication began in the
usual way—
God rest you merry gentlemen,
Let nothing you dismay;
Remember Christ our Saviour
Was born on Christmas day.
It contained verses which, to a person of the least cultivated
intellect, were ridiculous; but to the lowest class of the com
munity, who purchased these, the lowest species of literary ware,
such compositions, and the ideas they conveyed, were familiar,
and were not of ludicrous construction. For instance, there was a
verse in this very carol which he remembered to have heard sung
in the streets every Christmas since he was a child, which de
scribed the pleasure of the Virgin Mary in tending on her infant
in these homely words :—
The first good joy our Mary had,
It was the joy of one ;
To see her own child, Jesus,
To suck at her breast bone.
And so it went on.—\The Attorney-General here manifested great
uneasiness.]—The Attorney-General need not be alarmed. It
could have no effect even upon the most ignorant, and millions of
copies had been circulated long before he came into office.
But he would now call the attention of the jury to a parody
differing very much from any of those he had hitherto noticed.
He alluded to the celebrated parody of Mr. Canning—yes, of
Mr. Canning, who ought, at that moment, to be standing in his
place, but who had been raised to the rank of a Cabinet Minister
and was one of those very men who were.now persecuting him__
for he could not give any milder appellation to the treatment he
had received. He was dragged before the Court, from behind his
counter—and for what? For doing that which a Cabinet
Minister had been suffered to do with impunity. He would
�46
FIRST TRIAL.
assert that the Attorney-General would act wrong—that he would
proceed partially and unfairly—if he did not bring Mr. Canning
forward. “ If I,” said Mr. Hone, il am convicted, he ought to
follow me to my cell—-if my family is ruined, his family ought to be
made to feel a little—if I am injured by this indecent, this unjust
prosecution, he ought not to be suffered to escape unpunished.”—
This parody, after being first printed in the Anti-Jacobin news
paper, was re-published in a splendid work, which he now held in
his hand, entitled The Poetry of the Anti-Jacobin ; the expense of
printing was defrayed by the late Mr. Pitt, by Mr. Canning,
nearly all the Cabinet Ministers, and many other persons con
nected with that party. The parody was also ornamented by a
masterly engraving by Mr. Gillray. Was it not enough to have
written the parody to which he alluded, without proceeding to
have it illustrated by the talents of an artist? Yet it was so
illustrated.—(A number of persons in Court here applauded.)
Mr. Justice Ab b o t t declared, if such indecent interruptions
were persisted in, he would order the Court to be cleared—and
he directed the officer to bring before him any person he saw
misconducting himself.
Mr. Ho n e —The parody he alluded to was entitled “ The
New Morality; or, The Installation of the High Priest." He
understood it was levelled at a man named Lepaux, who was well
known at the commencement of the Revolution, and was, he
understood, an avowed Atheist. Mr. Hone said his attention was
directed to the parody by a speech of Earl Grey’s. His lordship
had noticed this parody in his place in Parliament, and had well
observed—“ With respect to blasphemous parodies, he thought in
common with others, that such productions should be restrained,
but by the ordinary course of justice. But this disposition to
profane parodies had been used for certain purposes on former
occasions; and improper and profane as they were, they were
pretended by some to be made m support of religion. He would
recommend the noble lord, and the friends who surround him,
to consider well the case of sending persons before a magistrate on
charges of this nature. He held then in his hand a publication
�FIRST TRIAL.
47
called the Az^WacoSm, which contained a parody of this descrip
tion, and which he would take the opportunity of reading to their
lordships.” His lordship then repeated the verses. Thus the
jury would see that he was supported in his opinion by Earl Grey,
and the report from, which he had read the extract might be safely
relied on. It was from the reports lately published by Mr.
Harding Evans, a most correct, and, in every respect, excellent
reporter. Indeed, the authority of his reports was unquestion
able.. Mr. Hone said, it appeared from Mr. Evan’s volume, which
he used in Court, and quoted from, that Earl Grey said, if Lord
Sidmouth was determined to suppress the practice ef parodying,
he should not confine his efforts to the prosecution of Mr. Hone,
but should seek out the authors of the Anti-Jacobin, whether in
the Cabinet or elsewhere. Mr. Hone said, his intention being thus
pointed to the subject, he soon after saw this same parody in the
Courier newspaper, with the blanks filled up, and he should read
it to the Jury. It was in ridicule of certain persons in this
country, who were said by the writer to be followers of Lepaux,
one of the men who had made themselves famous in the French
Revolution, and who was said to have publicly professed Atheism:
such at least, seemed to be the assertion of the parody. It began
thus—
Last of the anointed five behold, and least
The directorial Lama, sovereign priest—
Lepaux—whom Atheists worship—at whose nod
Bow their meek heads—the men without a God.
Ere long, perhaps to this astonished isle,
Fresh from the shores of subjugated Nile,
Shall Buonaparte’s victor fleet protect
The genuine Theo-philanthropic sect—
The sect of Marat, Mirabeau, Voltaire,
Led by their pontiff, good La Reveillere.
Rejoic’d our c l u e s shall greet him, and i natal,
The holy hunch-back in thy dome, St. Paul,
While countless votaries thronging in his train
Wave their red caps, and hymn this jocund strain :
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FIRST TRIAL.
“ Couriers and Stars, sedition’s evening host,
“Thou Morning Chronicle and Morning Post,
“ Whether ye make the Rights of Man your theme,
“ Your country libel, and your God blaspheme,
“ Or dirt on private worth and virtue throw,
“Still blasphemous or blackguard, praise Lepaux !
“And ye five other wandering bards that move
“ In sweet accord of harmony and love,
“ Coleridge and Southey, Lloyd and Lamb, and Co.
“ Tune all your mystic harps to praise Lepaux 1
“ Priestley and Wakefield, humble, holy men,
“ Give praises to his name with tongue and pen.
“Thelwall, and ye that lecture as ye go,
“ And for your pains get pelted, praise Lepaux.
“Praise him each Jacobin, or fool, or knave,
“ And your cropped heads in sign of worship wave.
“All creeping creatures, venomous and low,
“Paine, Williams, Godwin, Holcroft, praise Lepaux !
£
\
&
B
“And thou Leviathan !* on ocean’s brim,
“ Hugest of living things that sleep and swim ;
“ Thou in whose nose, by Burke’s gigantic hand,
“ The hook was fix’d to drag thee to the land ;
11 With Coke, Colquhoun, and Anson, in thy train,
“ And Whitbread wallowing in the yeasty main—
“ Still as ye snort, and puff, and spout, and blow,
“In puffing, and in spouting, praise Lepaux !”
Mr. Justice Ab b o t t —Of what use is this to you, as a matter
of defence ?
Mr. Ho n e —The parody was written by Mr. Canning, who
has not been molested.
Mr. Justice Ab b o t t —How do you know that he is the author
of it ? It does not appear to be a parody on any part of the
sacred writings.
. Mr. Ho n e —I will show that it was written by Mr. Canning
The Duke of Bedford.
�FIRST TRIAL.
49
but I know it is unpleasant that his name should be mentioned
here.
Mr. Justice Ab b o t t —It is unjust that any person’s name
should be mentioned otherwise than properly. It is my duty to
take care that no man shall be improperly noticed here. Whether
a man be Ministerial or Anti-Ministerial has nothing to do
with it.
Mr. Ho n e It is my duty, though your lordship says this is
not a parody on the sacred writings, to endeavour to show, with
due deference, that it is.
Mr. Justice Ab b o t t —As far as you have gone, it does not
appear to be a parody on anything sacred. It seems to be a
parody on passages in Milton and Pope. But, if you ask my
opinion, I distinctly state, I do not approve of it—nor of any
parody on serious works.
Mr. Ho n e said, he should prove that it was a parody on
Scripture ; and there were two lines which that contemptible
newspaper The Gouriear the proprietors of which had been abused
in that production, the authors of which it now eulogised—and
omitted. It was
“ And----- and----- with----- join’d,
And every other beast after its W,”
This last line was a parody from the account of the Creation
in the book of Genesis; this parody had alluded to Milton, who
himself was a parodist on the Scripture; but this by Mr. Canning
directly parodied certain parts of Scripture. The passage repre
senting the Leviathan referred to the celebrated passage in the
Book of Job. The rest contained the turn of expression and
some of the very words of the 148th Psalm, as well as the general
turn of the expression of other parts.
“ Praise ye him all his angels ; praise ye him all his hosts.
“ Praise ye him, sun and moon ; praise ye him all ye stars of light.
“Beasts and all cattle; creeping things and flying fowl.”_ Psalm
cxlviii., verses 2, 3, and 10.
This publication was accompanied by a plate by Gillray, a most
E
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FIRST TRIAL.
admirable caricaturist, since dead,* who, to the day of his death,
enjoyed a pension from his Majesty. In that print, which he
held in his hand, the late Duke of Bedford was represented as the
Leviathan of Job, with a hook in his nose, and with Mr. Fox and
Mr. Tierney on his back. The passage in Job was, “ Canst thou
draw out Leviathan with an hook; or his tongue with a cord
which thou lettest down?”—Chap. 41, verse 1. He had been
advised to subpoena Mr. Canning as a witness, but he had really
abstained from a regard to Mr. Canning’s feelings. He had re
flected what an awkward figure Mr. Canning would cut if he
were placed in the witness box, to answer questions which he
should put to him. He did not wish unnecessarily to hurt any
man’s feelings, and he had not thought such a course necessary to
his defence. The work which contained this was, as he said, pub
lished by a general subscription of the Ministers of the Pitt and
Canning school, and the notoriety of the nature of that publication
was sufficient for his purpose. Now it was plain that the object
of Mr. Canning’s parody was the same as that of his own—it was
political; and it proved that the ridicule which the authors of the
parodies attempted to excite, was not always intended to fix on
the production parodied.
He had not exhausted the subject, but he was afraid of ex
hausting the patience of the jury. He must, however, mention
one thing which, in addition to those he had already stated, proved
that persons of the most strictly religious character did not regard
the mixing up of profane and sacred subjects with the same sort
of horror which the Attorney-General appeared to do. Mr.
Rowland Hillt had remarked in his chapel, that the devil had some
great beauties, and had followed up the remark by appropriating
secular times to hymns : one hymn was sung at Surrey chapel to
* Born, 1745. Died, 1815.
+ Minister of Surrey Chapel, Blackfriars Road, was born at Hawkstone, near
Shrewsbury, in 1744, and during a period of fifty years was the minister of this
chapel. He occasionally illustrated the most solemn truths by observations which
savoured more of the ludicrous than the pathetic. His writings are numerous,
and one of them, entitled “ Village Dialogues,” had a great run of popularity. He
was not sparing of wit, humour, or sarcasm, whenever he could make them sub
servient to his purpose. He died in 1833, aged eighty-eight.
�FIRST TRIAL.
51
the air of God save the King, having an appropriate burden—
another was adapted to the tune of Bule Britannia, the chorus to
which was—
“ Hail Immanuel! Immanuel we adore,
And sound his praise from shore to shore.”
He could not recollect all the tunes he had heard there—but one
of them, that of “ Lullaby,” was a peculiar favourite. There was
also a selection of tunes adapted to the Psalms and Hymns of Dr.
Watts and others. These tunes were selected by a respectable
Baptist minister, now living, the Bev. John Rippon, Doctor of
Divinity. Amongst these was a hymn, commencing—
“ There is a land of pure delight,
Where saints immortal dwell
which was set to the tune of
“ Drink to me only with thine eyes,
And I will pledge with mine.”
There was also one to the tune of “ Tell me, babbling Echo, why’’
—another, commencing
How blest are they whose sins are covered o’er.”
was to a tune in one of Mr. Corn’s operas. There were, indeed,
several similar instances in this and other books of melodies for
Divine worship. This book of Hymn Tunes contained “ When
war’s alarms called my Willy from me,” and one hymn was set to
“Buonaparte’s March.” These different instances proved that
those who had the most decided religious feelings might make use
of profane or secular means for the purpose, not of bringing re
ligion into contempt, but of supporting it. It was the intention
that constituted the libel, and not the mere act of publication.
They all knew very well how guarded the Jewish Law was with
respect to homicide. If a man committed homicide, he was put
on his trial for it—but whether it was justifiable, or unjustifi
able, or accidental homicide, depended on the circumstances under
which it was committed. If a man striking a blow with an axe
at a tree, caused the head of the axe to fly off, and a man was
thereby slam, though the circumstance was to be deplored, yet it
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was but accidental homicide, and the person who committed the
deed, not having intended it, would not be punished. But, if a
person stabbed another with a knife, designedly, it was murder.
The same distinction should be taken in this case—and he utterly
denied that he had the slightest idea of offending or injuring any
person when he published the parody. He had thus shown that
there was no practice in the annals of literature more common
than that of parodies on sacred or devotional writings; that they
had been written by the highest and most dignified Members of
the Church—by the Father of the Reformation—by the Martyrs
of the Church of England—by men to whose motives not a shadow
of suspicion could attach—in all times—in all manners—in defence
of the Government and the Church itself—that at no time had
it been condemned by Courts of Justice—and now for the first
time a friendless, and, as his persecutors hoped, a defenceless man,
was fixed on to be made a sacrifice for this sin, which had been
cherished and applauded for centuries. He was told that these
productions of Reformers, of Martyrs, of Dignitaries, of Clergy
men, of Ministers, and Pensioners, had been illegal. The judge
told him so. He denied it. What proof did the judge produce
__in what instance had one of those productions which he had
read, or of coach loads of others which he might have read, been
condemned or even prosecuted. He should now attempt to prove
that he had not that intention which was charged in the indict
ment, to create impiety and irreligion. From the beginning to the
end of the production in question, the subject and the object was
political. It was intended to ridicule a certain set of men,
whose only religion was blind servility, and who subjected their
wills and their understandings to persons who, they thought, would
■best promote their sinister interest. The principles which he
ascribed to these persons were so enumerated as to contrast with
the duty which Christianity enjoined j and the Christian principles
shone more bright as contrasted with infamous time-servingness.
Was it to be supposed that the Ten Commandments, which con
tained all the great principles of morality, as well as religion,
could be debased by a comparison with another set of Command
�53
ments, framed in somewhat the same form, hut the principles of
which were as detestable and noxious as those of the first
AW-' 7
respectable and beneficial ? Was the Lord’s Prayer to be ^idjculed.
by placing in contrast with it the Prayer of a Ministerial
It was evidently impossible that such could have been his intuit
As an honest man, speaking before those whose esteem he valft^
he declared that it was not his intention. The Political Catechism
was charged as an impious and wicked publication, tending to ex
cite irreligion in the minds of his Majesty’s subjects. But he
would prove to the jury that it had not been disseminated with
any intent to bring religion into contempt, for it was a matter
purely political. If they could find a passage in it that, in any
way, tended to turn anything sacred into ridicule, he called on them
to find him guilty; but, if they could not discover such a passage,
he demanded an acquittal at their hands. Let the jury look to
the Catechism. It commenced thus—
Q. What is your name ?—A. Lick Spittle.
Q. Who gave you that name ?—A. My Sureties to the Minis
try, in my Political Change, wherein I was made a Member of the
Majority, the Child of Corruption, and a Locust to devour the
good things of this Kingdom.
The majority meant those who were always ready at the beck
of the Minister—the corruption was that which was known to
exist in the House of Commons, and was as notorious as the sun
at noon-day.
Q. What did your sureties then for you?—A. They did promise
and vow three things in my name. First, that I should renounce
the Reformists and all their Works, the pomps and vanity of
Popular Favour, and all the sinful lusts of Independence.
Secondly, that I should believe all the Articles of the Court
Faith. And, Thirdly, that I should keep the Minister’s sole Will
and Commandments, and walk in the same all the days of my
life.
Surely it could not be denied that the friends of the Minister
did renounce the Reformists—they could not be his friends else.
If Mr. Canning were here he would admit this. Mr. Hone said if
A/
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he went through the whole of the Catechism, it would be found,
like the extracts he had quoted, entirely political, and not at all
intended to bring religion into contempt. But it was said that the
publication of similar parodies, during two centuries, did not
justify the act. It might be so—but it would be a most cruel
hardship if he, who, from the long continuance of the system had
been induced to adopt it, should be punished for that which his
predecessors and contemporaries did with impunity. In his opinion
the existence of such publications for so long a time proved that
they were not libellous—for, if they were, they would have been
prosecuted. But they had not been prosecuted—not even in times
when judges on the Bench told the jury that they had only to
find the fact of publication, but that they were not to decide the
questions of libel or no libel. His Majesty’s Secretaries of State,
who ought to be the conservators of the public morals, had com
mitted high treason against the peace and happiness of society, if,
believing such publications to be libellous, they had suffered them
so long to exist unnoticed. They had now, however, selected him
for punishment—but, he was sure, the good sense and excellent
understanding of Mr. Attorney-General must have led him to
think that the selection was not a just one. Whether he went
home to his distressed family, or retired in the custody of Mr.
Jones’s gentlemen,* he should leave the Court conscious that
he was innocent of any intention to bring the religion of his
country into contempt. If suffering the sentence he was sure
to receive, should he be found guilty, and' he were placed
within the walls of a dungeon, with a certainty that he should
never see his family again, still he should, to his dying moment,
deny that he had ever published those tracts in order to ridicule
religion—[Loud cheering]. The Attorney-General, and every
man with whom laws originated, would do well to render them
so clear that they could be easily understood by all—that no
person could be mistaken. Was it to be supposed that he, with a
wife and a family of seven children, would, if his mind were ever
* Marshal of the King’s Bench Prison, who was present in Court with his
tipstaves.
�FIRST TRIAL.
55
so depraved, have sat down and written a libel, if he were aware
that it was one ? None bnt a maniac would act so indiscreetly.
There were, however, very few men who understood the law of
libel. It was, in fact, a shadow—it was undefinable. His lord
ship called this publication a libel—but he would say, with all due
deference, that his lordship was mistaken. That only could be
called a libel which twelve men, sworn well and truly to try the
cause, declared to be one. He would not occupy their time much
further. It was an important feature of his defence to show that
parodies might be written, in order to excite certain ideas, without
any desire to turn the original production into ridicule. He
thought he had already shown that this was not the case; he
thought it was pretty clear that Martin Luther did not mean to
ridicule the Psalms; that Dr. Boys, the Dean of Canterbury, did
not mean to ridicule the Lord’s Prayer; that the Author of the
“ Visitation Service for a sick Parliament,” published by a zealous
partisan of Charles I., did not mean to ridicule the Service of the
Church of England; that Mr. Canning did not mean to ridicule
the Scripture nor Milton. Why, then, should it be presumed
that he had such an intention? In The Spirit of the Journals
was to be found the following parody on Black-eyed Susan. It
was well-known to have been written by Mr. Jekyll, now a Master
in Chancery, and certainly no man could say that that gentleman
meant to turn Gay’s beautiful poem into ridicule :—
“ All in the Downs the fleet was moor’d,
The streamers waving in the wind,
When Castlereagh appeared on board,
Ah, where shall I my Curtis find !
Tell me, ye jovial sailors, tell me true,
Does my fat William sail among your crew ?
William, who high upon the poop ”----Mr. Justice Ab b o t t —“You need not go on with that parody.
It is no defence for you. How can a parody, ridiculing any
person, be material to your defence?”
Mr. Ho n e —“I will prove that it is.”
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FIRST TRIAL.
Mr. Justice Ab b o t t —“ Prove that it is, first, and then read it.
It is my duty to prevent the reading, in a Court of Justice, of
productions ridiculing public or private characters.”
Mr. Ho n e —“May I ask your Lordship whether, in your
judicial character, you have a right to demand the nature of the
defence I mean to make?”
Mr. Justice Ab b o t t —“ Certainly not; but when you quote
that which is apparently irrelevant, you are bound, if called on, to
show its relevancy.”
Mr. Ho n e —“ This is a whimsical parody, and my object is to
show, that the humour of it does not tend to bring the original
into contempt. It is a case in point—and no person can suppose
Mr. Jekyll intended to ridicule the original.”
Mr. Justice Ab b o t t —“ You have read enough of it for your
purpose, which is to show that the parody is not intended to turn
the original into ridicule.”
Mr. Ho n e —Your lordship and I understand each other, and
we have gone on so good humouredly hitherto, that I will not
break in upon our harmony by insisting on the reading the
remainder of this humourous parody. He was sorry he had
occasion to detain them so long, though for his own part he was
not half exhausted. He was, however, obliged to mention some
publications which he had before omitted, and which would
strongly show the impunity which publishers of works of a
description similar to his own had enjoyed. These were graphic
parodies by way of parody on Mr. Fuseli’s* celebrated picture of
The Night Mare. The parody was intended, not to ridicule the
work of that celebrated artist, but to create a laugh at the
expense of a late very respectable Chief Magistrate of London,
whom he would not name, remarkable for his exertions to clear
the streets of women of the town. He now called their attention
to another caricature, entitled “ Boney’s Meditations in the Island
» Or Fuessli, the more correct way of spelling the family name, was born at
Zurich, in 1741; became a Eoyal Academician in 1790. The works of Fuessli
were popular in his time, but are now almost forgotten. His death took place at
the house of Lady Guildford, Putney Hill, where he was on a visit to her ladyship
16th of April, 1825, in the eighty-fourth year of his age.
�FIRST TRIAL.
of St. Helena,; or,
parody on. Milton,
ridicule, but meant
was the Sun, whom
57
The Devil addressing the Sun.” This was a
not turning the passage from that part into
to ridicule Buonaparte. The Prince Regent
Buonaparte was supposed to address :—
“ To thee I call, but with no friendly mind,
To tell thee, George, Prince Regent, how I hate,
Whene’er I think from what a height I fell.”
He next produced a parody, by Mr. Gillray, entitled, “ Would
you know Men’s Hearts, look in their Faces.” In this Mr. Fox
was depicted as the arch-fiend—Mr. Sheridan, as Judas Iscariot__
Sir Francis Burdett, as Sixteen-string Jack, &c. &c. In another
of those graphic parodies, Lord Moira was represented endeavour
ing to blow out a candle, in allusion to a story which he related in
the course of his speech on the Watch and Ward Bill, relative to
a poor woman who. was ill-treated, because, after a certain hour, she
continued to keep a candle lighted in order to attend on her sick
child. Another of those parodies was called The Reconciliation,
the inscription to which was taken from The New Testament; and
the print itself was a parody on the parable of the Prodigal Son :
“ And he rose, and came to his father’s servants, and he fell on his
father’s neck, and kissed him (who was represented falling on his
father’s neck), saying, ‘ I have sinned against Heaven, and am no
longer worthy to be called thy son.’” Who was meant by either
father or son, he would not say, but the gentlemen of the jury
might satisfy themselves on that point. It was engraved by Mr.
Gillray. He would now advert to another parody. It was
denominated, “The Impious Feast of Belshazzar.”* It was a
complete parody—but no man could suppose that Mr. Gillray, who
engraved it, meant to ridicule the Scriptures: it was designed to
ridicule Napoleon. At the time he published it, Mr. Gillrav was
pensioned by his Majesty’s Ministers.
Mr. Justice Ab b o t t —“You must not make these assertions.”
Mr. Ho n e —“ I can prove it.”
* Published under the title, “ The Handwriting v.pon the Wall;' 24th August
1803.
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Mr. Justice Ab b o t t —11 But, if you can prove that he, being
pensioned, published those things, will that form a defence for
you ?”
Mr. Ho n e —“ My Lord, I have no pension.”
Another of these prints, one of Mr. Gillray’s master-pieces,
was produced by Mr. Hone, entitled the “ Apotheosis of Hoche,”
the French General of Division, to whom the expedition against
Ireland, planned by the Directory, was entrusted. It represented
Hoche in tri-coloured robes, with his jack-boots falling from his
legs, and with a halter round his head in the form of a wreath, a
guillotine in his hand as a harp, on which he seemed to be playing,
o
In this shape he was represented as ascending to heaven; but to
what heaven ? There was the rainbow, indeed, spoken of in the
Revelations; but above, instead of seraphim and cherubim, which
are represented as surrounding the throne of justice and mercy,
were grotesque figures with red night-caps, and tri-colour cockades,
having books before them, on which were inscribed Ca ira and the
Marseillaise Hymn. Instead of angels were Roland and Con
dorcet, and Marat, and Petion, and many nameless figures with
poison, and daggers, and pistols, and the different implements of
death. The holy army of martyrs were parodied by headless
figures holding palm-branches. But this was not all—the symbol
of the mystery of the Trinity—of the Triune Essence of the
Divinity was represented by a triangle, with a plummet, in the
midst of which was inscribed Eq u a l it y ; and from it, instead of
rays of glory, daggers and bayonets were represented diverging.
Under this triangle, were the Ten Commandments, beginning
« Thou shalt have no other God but me,” meaning “ Equality,”
which was inscribed above “Upon the thirtieth and fortieth
o-eneration shalt thou have no mercy at all.”
Mr. Justice Ab b o t t —“ This is a profane parody on the Ten
Commandments, and I cannot suffer it to be read in this Court.
You may state, generally, that a parody was published, where the
Deity alluded to was Equality. It is a wicked publication.”
Mr. Ho n e —“It was on the right side—that made all the
difference.”
�FIRST TRIAL.
59
Mr. Justice Ab b o t t —“I know nothing of a right or wrong
side, in those cases.”
Mr. Ho n e —“ It was very well, as it was written for Adminis
tration. Mr. Gillray, who published these things to serve the
purposes of the Administration, had a pension for his parodies.”
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l said that it was not before the Court
that Mr. Gillray had a pension. They knew nothing of Mr.
Gillray. He had no pension.
Mr. Ho n e said he had his information on this subject from
the relations of that gentlemen. He then produced another
print by Mr. Gillray, which was a parody on the taking up of
Elijah, and the leaving his mantle to Elisha. And who was in
the place of Elijah and Elisha in Mr. Gillray’s print ?—Why, Mr,
Pitt was taken up to Heaven, ancWiis mantle was left to his
political associates, among whom were the present Ministry—those
who instituted this prosecution. AVkile they encouraged these
applications of Scripture by their partisans, for it was absurd to
suppose that such things would have been done if they were
disagreeable to them, by such a man as Mr. Gillray j while they
pensioned this gentleman was it decent to single out one of their
political opponents and to persecute him under the guise of a
regard for religion? Was it decent to do so in the case of a
parody, the whole object and intent of which was political, and
that too when they could not produce a single instance in support
of their practice ? Was it possible to mistake the object of this ?
Mr. Hone hoped that the Attorney-General would bring Mr.
Canning to justice—(Cheering). He knew not what power the
learned judge might have to effect that object—but he knew the
Attorney-G-eneral had much—and he trusted he would use it to
bring his masters to justice.
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l —I have no master but my sovereign.
Mr. Ho n e I beg pardon, it was an awkward expression, and
I assure Mr. Attorney-General, I meant it in no offensive sense.
Mr. Hone said he had already suffered much—he had been long
imprisoned—he was then liberated on his recognisances, and
he was led to imagine that the prosecution was dropped. It was
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renewed after a long interval—he had passed nights of anxiety
and agony pending these prosecutions, and he was brought to
defend himself under all the disadvantages which a poor and
unfriended man could labour under. The public had been pre
judiced against him. The newspapers throughout the country
were filled with, false and ignorant charges against him j his
character was blasted. Yet, be the result of this trial what it
might, he was glad he had had an opportunity of defending
’himself, and he felt that he had done so to the satisfaction of every
honest man—and next to the consciousness of innocence, that
was what he valued most. He now stood clear with those, who,
if they had supposed him guilty of blasphemy, would have giinned
at him as a monster, and he should rest in peace as to the result.
He should bring witnesses to show that as soon as he had found
that the parodies were deemed offensive he had suppressed them;
and that one person, previously intimate with him, had renounced
his acquaintance, because he would not furnish him with copies.
This was long before they were prosecuted, and having done this
to satisfy the objections of respectable persons to publications
which he considered to be perfectly lawful, he would leave it to
the jury to say whether it was clear from the work itself, and
from his actions—having those great examples which he had
adduced—whether it was clear that his intention was not to
ridicule the Ministerial Members, but to produce impiety, and to
bring religion into contempt.
Mr. Hone, towards the end of his speech, was much affected.
In the course of it there were some tokens of applause in the
Court, but they were soon silenced by those who felt the impro
priety of such demonstrations. He was also interrupted by Mr.
Justice Abbott in some other instances not noticed, but the
substance of the learned judge’s objections to the course adopted
by Mr. Hone in his defence has been stated.
�FIRST TRIAL.
61
EVIDENCE FOR THE DEFENCE.
George Butler, of Castle Street, Southwark, deposed, that he
jailed at the defendant’s house about April last, with a view to
purchase, for sale again, some copies of “ Wilkes’s Political Cate
chism,” but that the shopman, as well as the defendant himself,
refused to let him have any; that this refusal served to interrupt
a friendship of twenty years’ standing which he had had with the
defendant; that his discontent at the refusal was aggravated by
the circumstance of his being able to purchase copies of the
Catechism elsewhere, after that refusal took place. To a question
from the judge, witness replied, that he could not say whether
the refusal he had mentioned took place before the present
prosecution was commenced.
Wm. M‘Donnell deposed, that he was the shopman of Mr.
Hone, and had immediately succeeded Benjamin Grimsen; that he
was never allowed to sell “Wilkes’s Catechism,” although several
persons applied to him for it j some of those applicants having
tendered half-a-crown and more for a copy of it, while one offered
a pound note. To a question from the judge, witness answered,
that he entered into the defendant’s service about the beginning of
April last.
Benjamin Grimsen deposed, that he was the defendant’s
shopman at the time the sale of the parodies was stopped by order
of defendant. Witness entered into defendant’s service at the
beginning of January last, at which time the sale of the parodies
was very considerable. They were, indeed, in the highest sale at
the time they were stopped. There was a great deal of application
for them both by private individuals and by booksellers, after the
sale was stopped. To questions from the judge, witness replied,
that the sale of “ Wilkes’s Catechism” continued for about five days,
and that he could not tell how many copies of it had been
disposed of.
Mr. Hitchins deposed, that he had applied in vain at the
defendant’s shop, about the beginning of March last, for copies of the
parodies, including “Wilkes’s Catechism”—that he did not know
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anything about those parodies, until he heard of their having
been prosecuted, and then from curiosity he became anxious to
see them.
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l then rose to reply—Had the defend„ ant called no witnesses after the speech he had made, it would
have been his (the Attorney-General’s) duty to have made a few
observations to the jury. Many parts of the address of the
defendant were wholly irrelevant and required no comment; but
there were others which, though scarcely more pertinent, demanded
some notice on the part of the Crown. The defendant had
expressed his personal obligations to him for what were termed
favours. He (the Attorney-General) had done no more than his
duty in this respect. The defendant transmitted to him certain
questions, framed in a style of great propriety, and the information
given in reply was such as every individual in the situation of the
defendant might fairly require. He (the Attorney-General) always
felt disposed to give assistance to defendants when it was con
sistent with the observation of the strict line of his duty; he felt
no animosity to persons he prosecuted ; and when they conducted
themselves towards him as Mr. Hone had done, he should always
be ready to afford them all reasonable facilities. Observations had
been made upon the supposed renewal of this prosecution after the
defendant had been permitted to go at large. It had not been
renewed; it had been continued in all the regular forms. In
striking juries the Master of the Crown Office had nothing to do
with making up the book from which he was to select the names;
that duty belonged to others ; and it had been found that a small
book previously used had not been composed in a proper manner.
Other lists were accordingly returned to the Crown Office. Under
such circumstances as the first, juries appointed for the trial of the
defendant had been nominated from the smaller book; it was
thought right on the part of the prosecution to abandon them, and
procure others to be selected. If there were any error, it was not
on the part of Mr. Hone; and although he had been arrested and
imprisoned, as the trial could not come on until the present term,
he (the Attorney-General) thought it right that he should be
�FIRST TRIAL.
63
discharged on his own recognisance, to appear on a future day.
That day had now arrived; and the jury were called upon to
decide, not on any new proceeding, but upon that originally com
menced and regularly continued; the delay had not arisen from
any intention to abandon the prosecution, but that the whole
might be conducted in a manner completely unexceptionable.
The defendant had stated that he had suppressed this libel soon
after its first appearance : it might be so, but that fact could have
no effect upon the verdict: the insertion of it in the affidavits on
a future occasion would no doubt have its due weight with the
Court, should the defendant appear to receive sentence ; the jury
had now only to decide whether the paper had been published,
and whether it was a libel. Of all men Mr. Hone seemed the
fittest object for prosecution : he was at least the original publisher,
if not the author : the title stated, that it was from an original
MS. of the late John Wilkes, never before given to the world;
and if Mr. Hone had not actually written it with his own hand,
he had been the means of its first and most extensive circulation ;
if not the author of the tract, he was the author of its publication;
the form and price at which it was given out, further pointed out
the defendant as the most proper object of a proceeding like the
present; he might have stopped the publication as far as concerned
himself, but how was it possible for him to prevent its wide
dissemination by others ? In the course of his defence he had
produced a great number of books and prints, some were of high
authority; but- all men must regret that names so eminent were
affixed to publications so unquestionably injurious; and it was
certainly the first time any attempt had been made by a person to
vindicate himself by showing that others had offended. Was it to
be endured that a man should thus vindicate his misconduct—that
he should be allowed to show that he had been guilty of no offence,
because he had, as it were, a prescription in crime ? He (the
Attorney-General) would assert most boldly, that all the parodies
upon the Holy Scriptures that had been read were in fact libels, and
in this class were included the productions of some of the most
venerable names ; men to whom mankind were indebted, not only
*■
.
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for the precepts, but the examples of piety and virtue. If they
had profaned the sacred writings, as the defendant had asserted,
and by some of his quotations proved, they were so far libellers.
One of these was Martin Luther, a name as much known as
reverenced—a strenuous, able, and pious reformer, to whose exer
tions we were indebted for many important blessings j if he had
parodied a text of Scripture he was a libeller, and in his character,
as in that of many others of his times and temper, zealous advocates
and heated partisans were marks of intemperate haste which led to
the employment of expedients not in themselves to be vindicated :
they had fought a glorious battle, and achieved a brilliant victory;
but in doing so, their conduct had not been unexceptionable, which,
no doubt, in their latter lives they often repented, more especially
when the time arrived that they were to settle the account between
their consciences and their God.
[Violent coughing, and other marks of disapprobation, on the
part of the spectators, here interrupted the Attorney-General. Mr.
Justice Abbott declared his determination to order the Court to
be cleared if decorum were not observed.]
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l proceeded to observe, that in pub
lishing his work against Zuinglius, and in parodying the Holy
Scriptures, Luther had brought odium and contempt upon his
cause ; the same remark would apply to Dr. Boys, who, in employing
the Lord’s Prayer as he had done, had been guilty of a libel upon
that divine ejaculation. The authority of Lord Somers had also
been quoted—a dignified and a pious man ; but it not unfrequently
happened that individuals of most exemplary lives, at some period
or other, wrote what they afterwards most devoutly wished had
never proceeded from their pen: officious friends now and then
thrust into the world what the author intended for oblivion, but
what he had not had the caution to destroy after he had had the
imprudence to write. It might be so with Lord Somers; but
whether it were or were not, if he had parodied any part of Holy
Writ, he had so far injured his own reputation, and brought
ridicule upon the most sacred and valuable production. All
parodies upon portions of the Bible were not offensive in the eye
�FIRST TRIAL.
65
of the law : some might be intended to answer the most pious and
laudable purposes. They were not impious libels any more than
the Hymns of Dr. Watts were, stripped of their beauty or piety,
because they were adapted to profane tunes. The defendant had
alluded to some of these, but it was astonishing that he did not
perceive that they had no application to the question. The
translation of the Psalms sung on every Sabbath, might, in some
sense, be considered a parody; but who would say that it was
impious and profane, and calculated to excite irreligion? The
distinction was this :—A parody became a libel when its tendency
was to excite in the mind ludicrous ideas regarding the thing
parodied—when, as in this case, its object is to bring into contempt
and ridicule the Sacred Pooh, from which the offices of religion
were performed. Mr. Hone had asserted that, if the party had it
not in his contemplation to excite irreligion, it was not a profane
parody ; but was every man to be regardless of the effect of such
productions ?—was he to issue to the world his impious works,
and to excuse himself from guilt, after all religion and morality
had been destroyed, by stating that he had some other design ? If
that were allowed, what would soon become of that sacred fear, that
reverential awe, with which the inspired writings ought to be
perused 1 The pamphlet before the jury was so injurious in its ten
dency, and so disgusting in its form, that any man, on the first reading,
would start (he had almost said) with horror from it; it was like an
infecting pestilence, which every man shunned that valued his
safety. Mr. Hone had talked much about his family, and he (the
Attorney-General) had heard him with astonishment. He might
be a Christian j no doubt he was as he had professed• and all
men, of whatever persuasion, who worshipped God with purity of
heart, were entitled to admiration, to the love of their fellow
creatures j but if the defendant were really a Christian, if he were
a man who felt an affection for his family and for their future
welfare, for their religion and their morals, how was it possible for
him to publish this parody ? Could he seal hermetically the eyes
and ear& of his children, that the poison should not enter their
minds ; or if not, how could he hope for a moment that they would
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FIRST TRIAL.
not be infected with that impiety which such writings must
inevitably excite 1 Would children be able to resist that which
people of mature years and judgment could not avoid 2 If men,
when repeating the prayer dictated from the mouth of theii
Saviour, could not expel some tincture of the ludicrous raised by
this libel, could it be hoped that infants would escape ? Religious
awe was the best and strongest impulse to obedience; and what
obedience could be expected to the Commandments of God from
those who were taught to ridicule and contemn them 1 It had
been asserted by the defendant, that that only was libel which a
jury had pronounced to be so. True it was, that the law of
England had settled, that the jury should determine upon the
question of libel or not libel; but in the very same Act of the
Legislature was a clause which enabled, indeed called upon the
judge, to declare his opinion upon the subject; it was not to
depend merely upon caprice, or the hasty impression upon the
mind of any man. The question was, however, at last with the
jury ; and if some consistency were not observed, if some standard
were not laid down, no man could be able to decide before publi
cation what was or was not libellous. He entreated the jury to
take the libel into their hands, to consider it calmly and dispas
sionately; and, comparing it with what it was designed to
ridicule, to determine whether it were not a wicked, impious, and
profane libel; it required no comment, it spoke but too plainly for
itself. In thus calling upon the jury, he did not by any means
intend to infringe upon the fair and legitimate discussion of
doctrinal or mysterious points of religion, but he did intend to
call in their aid to suppress what (to borrow a word from the
prints exhibited by the defendant) might be fitly termed a
caricature of the holy offices of the church. The intention of the
party was to be gathered only from his acts ; and even though the
jury should be of opinion that the primary object of the defendant
was not to ridicule and bring into contempt any part of the
established forms of Divine worship, if that had been done inci
dentally, if it had been a secondary purpose and consequence, it
would still be their duty to find him guilty.
�FIRST TRIAL.
Mr. Justice Ab b o t t commenced his charge, by statin/Sor^?, c/'xJ
particularly the form of the information. The offence
was the publication of a libel, with design and intent to pronto
impiety and irreligion: the chief part of the defence had be<
occupied in an attempt to show that no such design or intent
existed; but if they were apparent on the face of the production,
if it were obvious on inspection that such was a necessary con
sequence, the law presumed that the party publishing had it in
contemplation at the time of publication. Provided the jury
were satisfied that the libel had the tendency charged, its form
and cheapness were calculated to accelerate its circulation, and
more widely to disseminate its baneful effects. The discon
tinuance spoken of by the defendant could not alter the fact of
publication • and though he might feel an early repentance, and
suppress the work a few days after its appearance, the crime was
already completed, and the verdict could not be altered, though
the sentence of the Court might be affected by any indication of
contrition. The proceeding by information was known to the
ancient law of the land; it derived its authority as far back as
the proceeding by indictment j and whether the one or the other
were pursued, could be a matter of no importance to the jury;
in the one and the other the Attorney-General would equally have
his right to reply, even though no evidence were called for the
defendant. It had been suggested that the Master of the Crown
Office ought not to have the nomination of special juries; that he
was to possess that power had been settled by an act of the reign
of George II. He was furnished by the sheriff with a book or
list, and from that he selected, as he was bound, the names of 48
persons, fit to serve- on special juries; each side had a right to
strike out 12, and the remaining 24 jurors were returned for the
trial of the question. In ordinary cases the sheriff, an officer'also
named by the Crown, had the duty of returning juries, and the
proceedings in the Crown Office was as nearly as possible analogous.
His lordship made these observations in consequence of what had
fallen from one of the jury regarding what had appeared in the pub
lic prints j what the nature of those productions were, he did not
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FIRST TRIAL.
know; but his lordship was well assured of this—that one of the
greatest evils known in the present day was, that matters to be
brought under the view of a jury were previously made the subjects
of discussion in the newspapers, so as to produce unfair impressions
on the one side or on the other, and to interfere with the impartial
discharge of a most important duty. At the same time, his lord
ship was persuaded that none of the gentlemen he now addressed
had entered the box with any improper bias or predisposition: if
the defendant, as he stated, had been vilified and defamed, it was
the duty of the jury not to allow what they had heard out of Court
to have the slightest influence upon them: the verdict was to
depend upon a conscientious conviction as to the nature and
tendency of the libel. The Attorney-General had said, and truly,
that the Christian religion was part of the law of the land, and
any offence against it was therefore an offence against the law;
the defendant maintained that the application of the libel was
purely political, although a religious form had been adopted; but
admitting the fact, it did not follow that the tendency of it was.
not to promote profaneness and irreligion. As an authority
against it, and a higher could not be stated, his lordship should
quote one of the very commandments parodied. “ Thou shalt not
take the name of .the Lord thy God in vain, for the Lord will not
hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.” Did not this
libel take the name of the Almighty in vain? Did it not, allowing
it to be political in some degree, apply the sacred appellation of
the Creator to light and trivial matters? Was it not an appli
cation of the offices of religion and public worship to matters
comparatively insignificant? His lordship then proceeded to
read and comment upon the early part of the libel, observing, when
he arrived at the parody of the Lord’s Prayer, that it was un
necessary further to shock the ears of the jury j the publication
would be handed to them, and they might judge for themselves.
It was contended that this was not an offence, because parodies
existed on different parts of the sacred writings, and the service
of the church; that Luther, Dr. Boys, and others, had written
them : if they had, it was a matter of deep regret: their zeal and
�FIRST TRIAL.
69
warmth might have misled their judgment, and induce them to
utter or publish what, in calmer moments, they would have
repented and condemned. The employment of the style of Scrip
ture narrative was in itself a high offence, but not if a complexion
so serious as that with which the defendant was charged: even
the parody of Psalms made by Milton, could not be approved
more than that which the defendant had read, and which, in truth,
seemed to be a parody of Milton. None of these instances could,
however, furnish the slightest excuse to the defendant. Caricature
prints had indeed no relation to the question before the Court:
but in as far as they tended to bring religion and its duties into
contempt or ridicule, so far as they were offences. The question
here was not, what had been done in former times, but what the
defendant had done in the present: it was no question whether
he were or were not in himself a religiously disposed man; it was
to be hoped that he was so; but it could neither increase nor
diminish the measure of his criminality. Although it was the
business of the jury to determine the questions of libel or no
libel, it was expected of the judge that he should deliver * his
opinion upon the nature of the publication : the verdict was, how
ever, to be the verdict of the jury according to their consciences,
and the opinion of the judge was to assist and not to direct them.
His lordship was fully convinced that the production was highly
scandalous and irreligious, and therefore libellous; but if the jury
were of a different sentiment, their verdict would of course be an
acquittal. It, however, seemed to admit of no doubt or difficulty j
the design and effect were plain upon the face of the libel; and
to young and unexperienced minds the consequences of a perusal
might be most injurious. What but a feeling of impiety, if not
of ridicule, could exist on the mind of a child during divine ser
vice, if on the Saturday night or Sunday morning this publication
had fallen in its way ? His lordship then handed the publication
to the jury, desiring them to read it attentively, and to make up
their minds upon its object and effect.
Mr. Ho n e requested that the jury should be furnished, before
they retired, with a copy of the information.
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FIRST TRIAL.
His lordship accordingly handed to the jury an official copy
of the information, and a Prayer-book.
The jury then withdrew, and returned to the box in less than
a quarter of an hour. Their names were called over, and Mr.
Law, in the usual manner, inquired whom they had appointed to
speak for them as foreman ?
It being signified that Mr. Bowring had been directed by his
fellows to deliver the verdict, Mr. Law asked him whether the
jury found the defendant, William Hone, guilty or not guilty.
Mr. Bo w r in g replied in a firm voice,—NOT GUILTY.
The loudest acclamations were instantly heard in all parts of
the Court; Long live the honest jury, and an honest jury for ever,
were exclaimed by many voices : the waving of hats, handker
chiefs, and applauses continued for several minutes. When
order had been somewhat restored, Mr. Justice Ab b o t t interposed,
and desired that those who felt inclined to rejoice at the decision,
would reserve the expressions of their satisfaction for a fitter place
and opportunity. The people accordingly left the Court, and as
they proceeded along the streets, the language of joy was most
loudly and unequivocally expressed; every one with whom they
met, and to whom they communicated the event, being forward to
swell the peal.
The trial of the Information against Mr. Hone, for a parody
on the Litany, was ordered by the Court to come on the next
morning at half-past nine o’clock.
�SECOND TRIAL.
THE KING
a g a in s t
WILLIAM HONE,
ON AN EX-OFFICIO INFORMATION FOR PUBLISHING A PARODY
ENTITLED
“THE POLITICAL LITANY.”
Tr ie d in Gu il d h a l l , Lo n d o n , o n Fr id a y , De c e m b e r 19, 1817, a t t h e
Lo n d o n Sit t in g s a l t e r Mic h a e l ma s Te r m .
BEFORE LORD ELLENBOROUGH AND A SPECIAL JURY.
It having been announced by the Attorney-General, at the close
of the first day’s proceedings, that he intended to persevere in the
trial of the second information against Mr. Hone, the curiosity of
the public became so intense this morning, as well on account of
the importance of the case, as of the triumphant defence of Mr.
Hone the former day, that at a very early hour all the avenues of
the Court were literally blocked up by a multitude of spectators,
anxious to become auditors of the proceedings ; and when the
doors of the Court were opened not one-twentieth part of the
multitude could find standing accommodation.
It was generally supposed, as indeed might naturally have been
expected, that Mr. Hone having been acquitted on one of the
informations, the Attorney-General would not proceed against him
on any of the others. It appeared, however, that this was a sup
position unfounded in fact ; and at a quarter after nine Mr. Hone
entered the Court, followed by several large bundles of books,
regularly tied up. He took his station at the end of the court
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SECOND TRIAL.
table, and having untied them, he ranged them before him, cover
ing nearly a fourth of the table.
At twenty minutes before ten Lord Ellenborough entered the
Court, and took his seat on the bench. His lordship’s appearance
was unexpected, Mr. Justice Abbott having presided on Mr.
Hone’s trial the day before. The Attorney-General, and other
Counsel for the prosecution, next entered, and took their places.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —Are the Sheriffs in Court ?
The Un d e r Sh e r if f —They are not, my Lord.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —Then let them be immediately sent for.
The Sheriffs were then sent for.
The Hon. Mr. La w , Clerk at Nisi Prius, then called on the
case of the Kin g v . Wil l ia m Ho n e , and desired the gentlemen on
the Special Jury pannel to answer to their names. Six of these
gentlemen only appeared; when the officers of the Crown were
asked if they would pray a tales ?
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l remained for some minutes in doubt;
and, after consulting with the other Counsel for the Crown, nodded
assent to the question; and, accordingly, six common Jurymen
were put into the box. Jo h n Au s t e n , shoemaker, of Aidgate,
answered to his name, and was challenged by the Crown. The
Jury, which was composed of twelve of the most respectable and
independent men in the city of London, were then sworn.
THE
Ric h a r d Wil s o n , Great Eastcheap.
Jo h n Lin d s a y , Lawrence-Pountney
Lane.
Ric h a r d Th o r n t o n , Old Swan Pas
sage.
Wil l ia m Gil l m a n , 54, Bread Street.
Jo h n Ma c k ie , 12, Watling Street.
Ne il Bl a c k , 11, Bread Street.
Talesmen.
Ja me s Jo n e s .
Ja me s Sm it h .
Jo s h u a Th o r n e .
Ja m e s Do n a l d s o n .
Wil l ia m Ha l e ,
Wil l ia m Gr e e n .
Mr. Sh e ph e r d opened the pleadings, and stated, that this was
an information filed by his Majesty’s Attorney-General against
William Hone, for printing and publishing a certain impious and
profane libel upon a part of the Church Service in the Common
�SECOND TRIAL.
73
Prayer Book, called “ The, Litany, or General Supplication.”
There was a second count, charging the said publication to be a
wicked and seditious libel of and concerning the Prince Regent,
and the Houses of Lords and Commons. To this information the
defendant had pleaded Hot Guilty.
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l then addressed the Jury—The ques
tion they were assembled to try was one of the utmost importance
to the constitution of society. The information charged the offence
committed by the defendant in two ways :—In the first count it
was alleged to be a profane and impious libel, and in the second a
seditious libel. He should call the attention of the jury particu
larly to the first. The libel was a parody upon that part of the
Divine Service, established by law, called “ The Litany, or General
Supplication.” After the authority of Sir Matthew Hale, and of
other great lawyers, no man could dispute that Christianity was
part or parcel of the law of the land : it had been held to be so in
all times, and all the rights we enjoyed more or less depended upon
that principle; the very oaths which the Jury had so solemnly
taken were founded upon it. In all Christian countries it was
necessary that some form of public worship to the Creator should
exist: in England it had been established by statute in the reign
of Charles II.; and if any man in writing should revile, scoff at,
or ridicule it, by the law of the land he was guilty of a libel: no
man could venture to contradict that position. The information
charged that the defendant, devising and intending to excite impiety
and irreligion, and to scandalise and defame, and bring into con
tempt, in the minds of the King’s subjects, that part of the public
and Divine Service, called “ The Litany, or General Supplication”
and to apply the style and form of expression there used to scan
dalous purposes, published the libel in question. It was not neces
sary to remind the jury that the Litany was a most solemn prayer
to the Almighty, to the Redeemer of the World, and to the Holy
Ghost, and had justly been considered the most sublime part of the
public service of the Church; and it was impossible to make the
most distant approach to its style and form in a parody, without
exciting in the most pious mind ideas that would never have other
�74
SECOND TRIAL.
wise entered it; and the taint of profaneness and ridicule, even of
the most sacred subjects, was rapidly disseminated. The Litany,
after the supplication to God, the Redeemer, the Holy Ghost, and
the Trinity, went on to pray deliverance in the hour of death and
in the day of judgment. It was succeeded by a most devout and
impressive reiteration : “ Son of God, we beseech thee to hear us !
O Lamb of God, that takest away the sins of the world, have
mercy upon us !” He would not proceed; it seemed too solemn
even for the solemnity of a court of justice; yet (would the jury
believe it?) the defendant had turned it to ridicule, by making an
impious parody of it. It began, “ O Prince, Ruler of the people,
have mercy upon us, miserable subjects. O House of Lords, here
ditary Legislators, have mercy upon us, pension-paying subjects.
O House of Commons, proceeding from corrupt borough-mongers,
have mercy upon us, miserable subjects.” It was too disgusting
to read the whole, but he would turn to that part which was sub
stituted for the devout reiteration at the end of the Litany of the
Church; instead of “ Son of God, we beseech thee to hear us,”
&c., the defendant had said, “Son of George, we beseech thee to
hear us. 0 House of Lords, that takest away so many thousands
of pounds in pensions, have mercy upon us.
[These parts of the parody produced an involuntary burst of
laughter from the auditory, which evidently proceeded, not from
a wish to disturb the Court, but was really the irresistible impulse
arising from the matter of the parody.]
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —Where are the Sheriffs?
I desired
their attendance, and they shall attend.
The Un d e r -Sh e r if f —My lord, I have sent for them;. but
they live a great distance from this and they have not yet arrived.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —Very well.
Mr. Ho n e joined the Court in reprehending in strong terms
this interruption of the order of the proceedings.
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l resumed as followsWill any one
now say that the dangerous, the impious and profane publication
before you, has not been the means of raising scoffing among the
scoffers ? I will ask, if there can possibly be a stronger proof of
�SECOND TRIAL.
75
its dangerous effects ?—If the social bonds of society are to be
burst asunder by the indecent conduct of a rabble, the Court may
as well discontinue its proceedings. But, gentlemen, if any man
supposes that an interruption of this description can have the
effect of intimidating me, or of making me swerve for a moment
in the execution of my duty—my sacred duty to the public and to
the cause of God, he is perfectly mistaken. That shall never be
the case with me, while I stand in an English court of justice,
whether as the law officer of the Crown, or as a private advocate;
and while God gives me strength and understanding to perform
that duty, I will never be deterred by anything of this descrip
tion which can possibly pass. Gentlemen, in calling your
attention to the parody upon this most sacred prayer, I shall have
little occasion to guide you in your verdict. You will, I doubt
not, read every word of it before you give in that verdict, and
you will compare it with the sacred book (the Prayer-Book)
which I now hold in my hand, and which is an exact duplicate of
the legal Book of the Common Prayer which will be produced to
you in evidence. If there be any among you, which is doubtless
the case, who is the father of children, and the master of a
household, I will ask him, if he would suffer that publication to
be perused by his servants, who are not so well educated as him
self? or if he would suffer his children for one moment to read it?
I will ask him, if he does not believe that it would have the
effect I have described ? What man is there, even though he is
not a Christian himself but as a father, must wish his child to be
a Christian? Gentlemen, the express purpose of the book is
clear, from its being circulated at a cheap rate, so as to be within
the reach of the common and ordinary people. This is the object
of the publication; and it is because this is the object that I
have thought it to be my duty to bring it before you. There may
be many writings which sensible men may read in their closets;
some of them may be highly improper for general circulation,
although some may be properly open to a free discussion : but the
subject of the present question is not to be looked at in this point
of view, for the mode of publication plainly shows what the real
�76
SECOND TRIAL.
object is, and fully proves that it was intended that it should find
its way among the ignorant and uninformed, where it was
calculated to have a gross effect. It may be, that the defendant
will produce, as heretofore, books which have been at different
times published, and which, if they had not now been taken down
from their shelves, would have been forgotten; they were written
at different periods of time, and principally if not entirely, when
the person so writing were engaged in all the vehemence and
rancour of political disputes. But it never can be offered as a
justification or excuse by an individual offending at the present
period, that he had followed a bad example. If that observation
could be made as an answer to offences, it might be pleaded as an
excuse in other cases, of a nature wholly different from the case
which you are at this time trying. The law, gentlemen, is called
upon, most imperiously called upon, to put a stop to proceedings
like those of the defendant, or the time will come, when a stop will
be put to all that remains of the Christian establishment of the
Church of England—of everything entitled to reverence. Whatever
may be the opinion of others, I feel that I should not discharge my
duty to the public—that I should not do my duty to society, as a
member of it, gentlemen of the jury, if I had not brought this
case of libel before you. I am ready to agree, gentlemen, that,
constitutionally, you are not called upon to find a verdict upon
the simple fact of the printing and publishing; but, whatever
be the intention of a publication attended with a mischievous
tendency, it is no less a libel. This, however, you know, that
in a case of libel, as well as in all other cases, it is the duty of a
jury to give in their verdict according to the law, and according
to evidence. It was never the meaning of the statute, that the
verdict of a jury should be founded in caprice ; it is to be given
upon evidence, and that is held to be the law of the land. No man
among you can now say that he is mistaken ; and it is to prevent
such a mistake that I have made any observations of this sort: for
he who does not apply his mind to find a verdict upon the evidence,
according to the law of the land, is guilty of a misapprehension of
' duty. It is not necessary for me at the outset to make any further
�SECOND TRIAL.
77
remarks upon this point j I will not therefore proceed. You will
hear from my lord, if I am mistaken in any principle which I have
laid down . if I am wrong, I shall be most happy and most desirous
to receive correction in what you will hear stated by the noble
and learned judge as to the law j it will be your province to apply
your minds to the facts of the case, as to the nature of the paper,
and to judge of it according to the law which you will hear laid
down. Gentlemen, if such things as this are permitted, no parody,
in any terms or in any shape, upon any part of the public worship
of the Church of England, or of any part of the Scripture, will be
punishable, nor will there be any attack upon Christianity which
may not be published with impunity. It is not enough for a man
to say, that he did it for another purpose : that cannot be a point
for consideration, when the effect of what he has so published is
to scoff at the public service of the Church of England. The ques
tion is, Did this parody produce this certain effect ? If it is
answered in the affirmative, by the law of England it is a libel,
though at that moment the defendant did not consider what the
ultimate effect might be. If a man publish anything that' is
obscene and immoral, and say that his object was to ridiculè, and
that he did not mean to be obscene—that he only meant to
ridicule such and such a person ; if he did not mean it to be obscene,
what does it signify if it is so '? He is guilty of producing an effect
which is reprehensible. Having stated the case to you, gentlemen,
I shall now proceed to prove it j and if there is anything like
religious principles in your minds—if you are in the practice of
looking with veneration upon the service of the Church, you cannot
look over this [holding up the publication] without saying that it
is a profane and impious parody—that it is calculated to, and
actually does bring into contempt, and that it does ridicule, that
part of it called the Litany.
The alleged libel was then put in by the At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l ,
and read by the Clerk of the Court.
Th è POLITICAL LITANY ; diligently revised ; to be said or sung,
until the appointed Change come, throughout the Dominion of
En g l a n d and Wa l e s , and the Town of Be r w ic k -u po n -Tw e e d ._
�78
SECOND TRIAL.
By Special Command.—London : Printed for one of the Candidates
for the Office of Printer to the King’s Most Excellent Majesty, and
sold by Wil l ia m Ho n e , 55, Eleet Street, and 67, Old Bailey, three
doors from Ludgate Hill. 1817. Price Twopence.
THE LITANY.
Here followeth the Litany, or General Supplication, to be said or sung
at all times when thereunto especially moved.
0 Pr in c e , ruler of the people, have mercy upon us, thy miserable
subjects.
0 Prince, ruler, <&c.
O House of Lords, hereditary legislators, have mercy upon us, pen
sion-paying subjects.
0 House of Lords, &c.
O House of Commons, proceeding from corrupt borough-mongers,
have mercy upon us, your should-be constituents.
0 House of Commons, <&c.
O gracious, noble, right honourable, and learned rulers of our land,
three estates in one state, have mercy upon us, a poverty-stricken
Pe0P
q
gracious, noble, <&c.
Remember not, most gracious, most noble, right honourable, and
honourable gentlemen, our past riches, nor the riches of our forefathers ;
neither continue to tax us according to our long-lost ability spare us,
good rulers ; spare the people who have supported ye with their labour,
and spilt their most precious blood in your quarrels; 0 consume us not
utterly.
Spare us, good Prince.
From an unnational debt; from unmerited pensions and sinecure
places ; from an extravagant civil list ; and from utter starvation,
Good Prince, deliver us.
From the blind imbecility of ministers ; from the pride and vain
glory of warlike establishments in time of peace,
Good Prince, deliver us.
From all the deadly sins attendant on a corrupt method of election ;
from all the deceits of the pensioned hirelings of the press,
Good Prince, deliver us.
�SECOND TRIAL.
'O,
From taxes levied by distress ; from jails crowded with debtors
from poor-houses overflowing with paupers,
*°
Good Prince, deliver us.
From a Parliament chosen only by one-tenth of the tax-payers;
from taxes raised to pay wholesale human butchers their subsidies ;
from the false doctrines, heresy, and schism, which have obscured our
once-glonous constitution ; from conspiracies against the liberty of the
people ; and from obstacles thrown in the way of the exertion of our
natural and constitutional rights,
Good Prince, deliver us.
By your feelings as men ; by your interests as members of civil
society ; by your duty as Christians,
0 Rulers, deliver us.
By the deprivation of millions ; by the sighs of the widow ; by the
tears of the orphan; by the groans of the aged in distress ; by the
wants of all classes in the community, except your own and your
dependents,
0 Rulers, deliver us.
In this time of tribulation ; in this time of want of labour to thou
sands, and of unrequited labour to tens of thousands ; in this time of
sudden death from want of food,
0 Rulers, deliver us.
We people do beseech ye to hear us, O Rulers ; and that it may
please ye to rule and govern us constitutionally in the right way ;
IF<? beseech ye to hear us, 0 Rulers.
That it may please ye to keep yourselves in all sobriety, temperance,
and honesty of life ; that ye spend not extravagantly the money raised
from the production of our labours, nor take for yourselves that which
ye need not ;
We beseech ye to hear us, 0 Rulers.
That it may please ye to keep your hearts in fear of oppression, and
in love of justice ; and that ye may evermore have affiance in our affec
tion, faither than in the bayonets of a hired soldiery ;
We beseech ye to hear us, 0 Rulers.
That it may please ye to be our defenders and keepers, giving us the
victory over all our enemies, and redressing the grievances under which
we labour ;
We beseech ye to hear us, 0 Rulers.
�80
SECOND TRIAL.
That it may please ye to lessen the cares of the world unto all
Bishops and Church Dignitaries ; giving their superabundance to the
poor clergy, and no longer taxing us for their support;
We beseech ye to hear us, 0 Rulers.
That it may please ye to place within the bounds of economy the
expenditure of all the Royal Family ;
We beseech ye to hear us, 0 Rulers.
That it may please ye to deprive the Lords of the Council, and all
the nobility, of all money paid out of the taxes which they have not
’
We beseech ye to hear us, 0 Rulers.
That it may please ye to direct all Magistrates to give up their
advanced salaries, which the times no longer render necessary, and to
content themselves with their former stipends;
We beseech ye to hear us, 0 Rulers.
That it may please ye to bless all the people with equal representa
tion, and to keep them safe from borough-mongering factions ;
We beseech ye to hear us, 0 Rulers.
That it may please ye so to govern us, that unity, peace, and con
cord, may prevail throughout the nation, and the voice of tumult and
dissatisfaction be no more heard in our streets ;
We beseech ye to hear us, O Rulers.
That it may please ye to give unto all people all their rights as
citizens, whatever may be the mode in which their consciences may
impel them to worship their Creator, and whatever the creed to which
their judgments assent ;
We beseech ye to hear us, 0 Rulers.
That it may please ye to bring into the way of truth those apostates
who have erred therefrom, and have deceived us ;
We beseech ye to hear us, 0 Rulers.
That it may please ye to strengthen all such as do stand up for the
legal and constitutional rights of the people ; to comfort and help the
weak-hearted, who want courage in our behalf ; to raise up such as do
fall; and, finally to beat down corruption under our feet;
We beseech ye to hear us, 0 Rulers.
That it may please ye not to tax “ until the brow of labour sweats
�SECOND TRIAL.
81
in vambut to succour and comfort all that are in necessity and
tribulation ;
We beseech, ye to hear us, 0 Rulers.
That it may please ye to show pity to all who are prisoners and cap
tives for the people’s sake, or through the oppressive expenses of the laws ;
We beseech ye to hear us, 0 Rulers.
That it may please ye to appropriate the £200,000 annually paid to
Members of Parliament, contrary to an ancient law, as a provision for
fatherless children and widows, and all that are desolate and oppressed ;
We beseech ye to hear us, 0 Rulers.
That it may please ye to have mercy upon us all ;
JTe beseech ye to hear us, 0 Rulers.
That it may please ye to turn the hearts of our enemies, persecutors,
and slanderers, by withdrawing their pensions and emoluments, that
they may no longer call us a “rabble,” the “swinish multitude,” or
“ragamuffins,” but may once more style us “the real strength of the
nation,”—“the body, without which a head is useless
We beseech ye to hear us, 0 Rulers.
That it may please ye to give and preserve to our use the kindly
fruits of the earth, untaxed by men in black, whom those who wish for
their instruction ought alone to support;
We beseech ye to hear us, O Rulers.
That it may please ye to abolish and destroy all sinecure places, .and
worthless pensions; to utterly purge and root out all wrong-doers; to
thoroughly correct the present misrepresentation of the people, by an
effectual Reform in Parliament; and otherwise to do, or cause to be
done, such further and other acts and deeds, as shall or may conduce to
the true interest and benefit of the whole commonwealth ;
We beseech ye to hear us, 0 Rulers.
That it may please ye to lead and streng'hen GEORGE, Prince of
Wales, our present REGENT, in the true fear and knowledge of the
principles whereon the people of this commonwealth placed their crown
on the head of his ancestors, and continue it towards him ; and that it
may please ye, as much as in ye lie, to keep and defend him from
battle and murder, and sudden death, and from fornication, and all
other deadly sin;
We beseech ye to hear us, 0 Rulers.
G
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SECOND TRIAL.
That it may please ye to put on short allowance, all Bishops, Priests,
and Deacons, that their fleshly appetites being reduced, their spiritualmindedness may be thereby increased, and so that both by their
preaching and living they may set it forth, and show it accordingly ;
We beseech ye to hear us, 0 Rulers.
That it may please ye to take to yourselves true repentance, inas
much as ye have erred from the way of your forefathers ; and amend
your method of governing according to our free constitution;
We beseech ye to hear us, 0 Rulers.
Son of George, we beseech thee to hear us.
Son of George, we beseech thee, <&c.
O House of Lords, that takest away so many tens of thousands of
pounds in pensions,
Have mercy upon us.
O House of Commons, that votest away the money of the whole
nation, instead of that of those only who elect you ;
Have mercy upon us.
O Prince, hear us.
0 Prince, hear us.
George, have mercy upon us.
George, have mercy upon us.
O House of Lords, have mercy upon us.
0 House of Lords, have mercy upon us.
O House of Commons, have mercy upon us.
0 House of Commons, have mercy upon us.
[Here endeth the Litany.]
THE COLLECT TO BE USED BY HIS MAJESTY’S MINISTERS
Beginneth thus :
Lig h t e n our darkness, we beseech thee, &c.
IT By whom the following may be used in ordinary.
Th e Grace of our Lord GEORGE the Pr in c e Re g e n t , and the
Love of Lo u is the XVIII. and the fellowship of the Pope, be with us
all evermore.—Amen.
�SECOND TRIAL.
83
Mr. To ppin g rose to call witnesses to prove the fact of the
alleged libel being published and sold by the defendant.
Mr. Ho n e interrupted the learned counsel, by saying that it
was not his wish to take up the time of the Court by anything
unnecessary; he would admit the fact of the publication.
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l (producing the Common Prayer Book
under seal)—Do you admit that this is the Common Prayer
Book ?
Mr. Ho n e I admit that this is the Common Prayer.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —Yo u admit that it is the Common
Prayer of the Church of England?
Mr. Ho n e —Certainly, my lord.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h accordingly recorded Mr. Hone’s admis
sion, that he was the printer and publisher of the parody in
question, at No. 55, Eleet Street, in the parish of St. Dunstan’s
in the West.
Mr. Ho n e —I trust your lordship will excuse the interruption ;
but with respect to the disturbance which has occurred in the
Court, I beg to observe, that I consider that man to be my enemy
who in any way-----Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —There is not anything of that kind
before the Court at present; the time for making your observa
tions is not arrived.
Mr. Ho n e —I was only desirous, my lord, to add my feeble
assistance in keeping order in the Court.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —A very proper disposition.
Here Mr. Sheriff Desanges entered the Court, and Lord
El l e n b o r o u g h addressed him thus
“ I have sent for you and
your colleague, sir, as there is an absolute necessity for your pre
sence. There was a most unseemly disturbance in the Court
yesterday, I understand, and there has been another to-day. You
are the persons who are responsible, and shall be responsible;
and therefore you will be good enough to use your utmost activity
in apprehending any persons who dare to interrupt the course of
the proceedings.”
Here Mr. Sheriff De s a n g e s assured the Court, that no endea
�84
SECOND TRIAL.
vour should be wanting on his part to put a stop to conduct so
disgraceful and so indecent.
‘ Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —You will understand me; my only
motive in admonishing you as to your duty is, that you may
attend to it.
The case for the Crown being closed,
Mr. Ho n e rose—Before he remarked on the opening speech of
Mr. Attorney-General, he would address himself to the persons
present; and he must say, he knew of no species of indecency—
he knew of no breach of propriety, that more deserved severe
reprehension and reprobation, than an act which tended to impede
the proceedings of a Court of Justice. Taking his trial there, on
a charge which perhaps might consign him to a prison, he felt
most solicitous that good order and tranquillity should prevail.
Perhaps those indiscreet expressions of feeling might increase his
danger—they certainly could not serve any good purpose. The
persons who had so loudly expressed themselves ought not, what
ever they might think or feel, to have given loose to their feelings
in that place. He begged to state, that he was opposed to every
such expression in that Court; and he declared that man to be his
decided enemy—he cared not where he came from, or who he was—
who should attempt to interrupt such solemn proceedings. He
did not expect ter be so much embarrassed to-day as he was yester
day, but, he confessed, his embarrassment was not abated. This
was not surprising, since yesterday was almost the first time that
he ever in his life addressed half-a-dozen sentences to ten persons
assembled together. The first time he had ever made such an
attempt was when he applied to his lordship and the other judges
on the subject of the informations filed against him ; and when he
stood on the floor of the Court, he doubted, so novel was his
situation, whether he should be able to utter a single word in
objection to the course adopted against him. He was now, from
the urgency of the case, thrown into the gap, and he was obliged
to fight out as well as he could. The Attorney-General said the
alleged libel (for he denied that it was one, and if it were, he would
�SECOND TRIAL.
85
not be standing there to defend it) was printed at a cheap rate, in
order to be disseminated amongst the common people. The fact
was, that the price .of the publication was fully commensurate
with its size. Where publications were likely to have an exten
sive circulation, they were sold by the booksellers at fourpence per
sheet. The publication for which he was now prosecuted con
sisted of half-a-sheet, and it was sold for twopence, which was the
legular price. He would not say that it did not get into the hands
of the ignorant and uninformed, for he knew it necessarily must,
since a great proportion of the people, even in this enlightened
country, were ignorant: but he knew this also, that great numbers
of those parodies were sold to persons of a very different descrip
tion. They were sold to persons of high standing in that Court__
to Magistrates of the City of London—to Members of Parliament,
and even to his Majesty’s Ministers. This publication had a
particular object, which every man, who read it with an unprejudiced
mind, must at once perceive. That object was a political one ; no
intention existed to bring religion into contempt. Of course, it
did not well become him to praise his own publication ; but thus
much he felt called upon to assert, that the style of it was not the
worst he had ever seen, nor did it seem best calculated to make an
impression upon the merely vulgar and unlettered. Many men
of talent and information were satisfied that the purpose with which
it had been published was innocent; and he was persuaded, that
every man capable of judging, and who read it without prejudice,
would arrive at the same conclusion. The Attorney-General had
regretted that certain parodies had been taken from the shelves on
which they were placed, and where they might have rotted and
been forgotten, had they not been produced in Court on yesterday’s
trial. He meant nothing disrespectful to the learned AttorneyGeneral in venturing to differ from him on the present occasion;
but he must deny the learned gentleman’s position, that these
paiodies were brought forward for any improper or irreverent pur
pose. The production of these books was essentially necessary to
his defence before a jury of his country, who were impannelled to
try this important issue between the crown and himself, the
�86
SECOND TRIAL.
defendant. Without these works it was impossible for the jury
to come to a sound decision upon the allegations of the informa
tion—to which he should afterwards allude more at length than
the Attorney-General had thought it necessary to do. Many of
the works before him had been placed upon the shelf only within
the last ten years ; and certainly he should feel it to be his duty
to bring those, at least, under the notice of the jury. Amongst
them was a well-known publication, called “The Book of Chronicles
of Westminster,” containing Scriptural parodies, applicable to the
Westminster Election.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —I think it necessary thus early to apprise
you, that if you wish to show that as a sample of publications of
the like tendency which have been written, or for the purpose of
proving that the sacred Scriptures have been ridiculed and brought
into contempt by other subjects of the realm as well as yourself, I
shall not receive it. The commission of crimes, by how many
soever persons they may have been committed, does not qualify
the guilt of the individual committer. It is my decided purpose
not to receive this in evidence ; and therefore you may use your
discretion, whether you shall dwell further upon a matter of
evidence which I declare, judicially, to be inadmissible.
Mr. Ho n e —I would ask your lordship, if you really mean to
send me to prison without a fair trial i If your lordship does not
mean to do that, you will let me make my defence to the jury.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —You may state what you know to be
of service to you in your defence upon this particular issue. You
may state what you please ; but I tell you, that that shall not be
given in evidence which falls within the description of evidence I
have mentioned.
Mr. Ho n e (after a pause)—I really do not understand your
lordship ; I state it seriously, that I am not aware of the exact
meaning of your lordship’s intimation.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —I think what I have stated is intelligible
enough to every other person in Court.
Mr. Ho n e —It certainly is not intelligible to my humble
apprehension.
�SECOND TRIAL.
87
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —I can’t help it.
Mr. Ho n e —I really don’t clearly understand what your lord
ship means by the word evidence.
I am ignorant of the technical
rules of evidence, and therefore I apply to your lordship for a more
explicit statement of your meaning. There are certain allegations
in this information, which it is necessary for me to explain away,
by showing that they can have no possible reference to the sup
posed Hbel. This I propose to do by calling the attention of the
jury to passages in other publications, to show that this parody
has no application whatever to religious matters. I don’t know,
as a man of plain understanding, what may and what may not be
given in evidence. But my intention is to read to the jury certain
other publications that I consider absolutely essential to my
defence, and so essential to my defence that I cannot defend myself
unless I do read portions of these publications. I state this with
all due deference to your lordship.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —You may go on, and exercise your own
discretion. I tell you what rule I shall adopt in my direction to
the jury. I don’t wish to interrupt you; but I thought it my
duty to inform you of the course I meant to adopt. You may
exercise your discretion, how far you will conform to that rule
or not.
Mr. Ho n e —If your lordship had condescended to explain to
me your meaning, by saying that these works are not admissible
in evidence at all, I should know at once what I am to expect.
If your lordship says, that I am not to read these publications to
the jury—if that is your lordship’s decision against me, then I have
no defence to this information, and I am ready to go with your
lordship s tipstaff wherever your lordship may think proper to
send me.
Mr. Hone paused for a few moments as if waiting for an
answer, and then continued his address to the jury :_
He insisted, that many of the books from which he had read
extracts were modern : it could not surely have escaped the recol
lection of the Attorney-General, that the first authority to which
he had referred yesterday was “Blackwood’s Edinburgh Magazine,”
�88
SECOND TRIAL.
published in October last, long subsequent to the date of the alleged
libel; yet that contained a parody upon a large portion of the
Scriptures, against which no complaint had been ever made. He
(the defendant) did not require the Attorney-General to prosecute
Mr. Blackwood, a most respectable bookseller; he should be a
scoundrel if he did ; he only brought it forward as in point, for
the writer, bookseller, and printer, must all have been well aware
of its nature. Mr. Blackwood’s politics were totally different
from his (the defendant’s) ; but whatever others might do, he
would be the last to suggest a prosecution on account of an
honest dissent upon such points. Mr. Hone then read to the
jury the extract from the “ Edinburgh Magazine” he produced
yesterday.
The Attorney-General had said that the jury were impannelled
to try the intention of the party publishing the parody : that was
a fair statement of the question; the intention constituted the
offence, or established the innocence of the accused. If the jury
found that the parody was put forth with a criminal purpose, they
would return a verdict of guilty ; if, on the other hand, they
thought that no such design existed, they would be bound to give
him an acquittal. In the year 1771 Mr. Burke clearly explained
the principle of a bill which he assisted in bringing into the House
of Commons (commonly called Mr. Dowdeswell’s Bill), “ to explain
and declare the office and duties of jurymen in cases of libel.” It
had long been held by many eminent judges, that, in such cases,
the jury had only to find the fact of publication, leaving it to the
Court to decide on the question of libel or not libel. As the law
then stood, the intervention of a jury was unnecessary for the
Court might as well procure, by a simple affidavit, the fact of the
alleged publication of libel, and then a summary proceeding could
be adopted. The old system did, in fact, do away the power of a
jury, by denying their right to decide on the question of libel or
not libel. Mr. Burke’s great mind was alive to the folly and
injustice of this system, and he assisted Mr. Dowdeswell in bringing
in his bill; which did not then pass; but in 1790 or 1791 Mr.
Fox introduced a bill, nearly, similar, “to enlarge and define the
�SECOND TRIAL.
89
power of juries in cases of libel.” The authority formerly ~rc~tiM • ~
in the judge to declare what was libel, was, as Mr. Justice
stone observed, greatly controverted j and Mr. Professor Chris^p.?ft{
& °<c
*' o,
in one of his notes on Blackstone, stated, that, in consequencXo&^t *** ’
%N
the opposition manifested against the exercise of this authority®^
<O
the 32nd of George III., c. 6, was enacted, by which the jury were
empowered to return a verdict on the whole matter at issue, and
not on the fact alone of publishing that which was alleged to be a
libel. The jury were now to decide on all the allegations contained
in this information. If they were of opinion that he intended to
excite impiety and irréligion in the minds of his Majesty’s subjects,
they would find him guilty, and his lordship would, at some future
day, pass sentence on him ; but if no such intention appeared__
and his lordship would correct him if he were wrong__then they
would return a verdict in his favour.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —As you call upon me to give my
opinion, I say, that if the publication has a tendency to produce
that effect upon the minds of persons who read it, it is in law and
in fact a libel. I should not have interrupted you, but you called
for my direction.
Mr. Ho n e —Then all I can say, gentlemen, is, that that is his
lordship’s opinion.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —It is not merely my opinion; it is the
opinion of all lawyers in all ages : publishers must be answerable
for the tendency of works they put forth, and they are not to put
perverse constructions on their own acts, and thus excuse them
selves. If the paper have a tendency to inflame, the law says,
the party had an intention to inflame; if to corrupt, that he
meant to corrupt. This is no new doctrine; no judge ever held
differently.
Mr. Ho n e —Of course, gentlemen, it is not for me to reply
upon his lordship; but I may observe upon what fell from the
Attorney-General: he said, that by Mr. Fox’s bill his lordship, if
he think fit, may give his opinion to the jury upon the question of
libel or not libel.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —The judge wanted no such power to be
<b
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SECOND TRIAL.
given him by Mr. Fox’s bill; it is incidental to his office; it is his
sworn duty, and was so before Mr. Fox’s bill, or before even Mr.
Fox himself existed.
Mr. Ho n e —If the Court had that power before, it should
seem that it was wholly unnecessary to introduce it into Mr. Fox’s
bill: it would be absurd in the legislature to pretend to communi
cate a power which was possessed without it. Recollect, too, that
that bill was drawn by a most enlightened and acute man, and it
was not adopted until it had been frequently and patiently
debated; and let me ask you, if it is likely that a large body of
intelligent men, many of them lawyers, would have suffered such
unmeaning surplusage to remain on the statute-book, if in truth
it had been unnecessary ? His lordship, however, has declared his
opinion; but let me say, said Mr. Hone in a triumphant tone of
voice, “ that, after all, it is but the opinion of one man, it is but
his lordship’s opinion.” Of course I speak this in no offensive
sense. (Loud huzzaing.)
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —So I understand; but it might be as
well if a little decency were preserved at the bottom of the Court.
If the officers take any person into custody who makes a dis
turbance, let him be brought up to me, and I will reward such
conduct.
Mr. Sheriff De s a n g e s —The first man I see laugh, after such a
severe notice, shall be brought up.
Mr. Ho n e —In the course of the charge, gentlemen, you will
no doubt listen with due attention to his lordship’s opinion upon
the intention ; but that, give me leave to say, is not to be final.
His lordship presides in this Court, but not to try me. You are
my judges ; you are to try me; and to you I willingly submit my
case; you are sworn to decide honestly the issue between me and
the Crown ; you are to determine upon my intention ; you are to
settle the difference between intention and tendency; the tendency
may be bad, but was the intention so ? that is the very gist of the
case_ the pinch of the argument. Many acts in themselves
criminal may be done with no criminal intention, a person may
fire a gun at another by accident, thinking it unloaded, and if the
�SECOND TRIAL.
91
person is unhappily killed, the individual firing the gun, having
no intention to kill, is not guilty.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —You had better, for your own sake, be
correct; it is felony—it is manslaughter, which is felony. I throw
this out, that you may attend a little to what may be really your
defence.
Mr. Ho n e said, he remembered that it had lately been made
felony.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —It was never made felony; there is no
Act of Parliament for it; but it is the common law of the land.
I will not interrupt you again: but I advise you, before you come
to talk of law, you should have thought a little about it. I do
not mean it uncivilly.
Mr. Ho n e —I thank your lordship. I must be well aware of
that. He went on to further illustrate his argument regarding
intention, by referring to the case of a man accidentally killed by
the falling off of the head of an axe • the person using the axe
was not guilty of murder. He complained that he had not been
indicted, but that three ex-officio informations had been filed
against him instead. Mr. Justice Blackstone (4 Comm. 308) said,
that they were intended in their origin to apply to “ offences so
high and dangerous, in the prevention and punishment of which a
moment’s delay would be fatal;” and that on this account the
power of immediate prosecution was given to the Crown. The
learned judge who yesterday presided had stated, that ex-officio
informations were as ancient as the common law, and of this
opinion was Blackstone. The oppressive use of them, however,
previous to the reign of William III. was so deeply felt, that,
before the revolution of 1688, the House of Commons, bavin"
drawn up by committee certain conditions on which the Crown
was to be intrusted to the Prince of Orange; the 22nd article
was, “that informations in the Court of King’s Bench shall be
taken away.” Yet what had been done 1 Not long afterwards,
in the Court of King’s Bench, the question was agitated, when
Sir John Holt and the other judges were of opinion that they
were grounded upon the common law, and could not be shaken.
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SECOND TRIAL.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —If they are not taken away, what is
the use of this discussion? It perhaps was discussed in Parliament,
whether they ought not to be abolished; but have they been
abolished? You might as well detail points agitated in some
utopian system as this. AVhether informations are right or not,
do you not see that the law so stands ?
Mr. Ho n e —My lord, I am making my defence as well as I
can under a thousand disadvantages----Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —I only warn you of what are not
important points for you; but if you think I ought to attend to
them, I will do so.
Mr. Ho n e —My lord, I appeal to the jury upon it.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —But you cannot appeal to the jury
upon matters that are not law. If you object to an information,
you ought to have demurred before, and the Court then could
have come to some decision; therefore you are now wasting time.
I only suggest this to you for consideration; for I will hear you,
however immaterial, and however little good what you have to say
can do you.
Mr. Ho n e —Gentlemen,’ his lordship may desire you to dismiss
from your minds what is immaterial in his charge to the jury
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —My charge cannot follow you through
the devious ways you like to take. I dare say I shall not mention
anything you offer; at least I shall not notice a great many
things, for indeed they are self-answered.
Mr. Ho n e continued his address, insisting (on the authority of
Ralph’s “History of England,” so frequently quoted by Mr. Fox in
his work), that treason had been committed against the people of
England, ’in not abolishing ex-officio informations when King
William was seated on the throne, and after the 22nd article of
the Declaration drawn up by the Commons. The chief argument
stated by Blackstone was the necessity of a summary and rapid
expedient in high and dangerous offences; but how could that
necessity be shown in this case? Had the Attorney-General
proceeded with such rapidity ? On the contrary, the publication
of the alleged libel ended on the 22nd of February, and the
�SECOND TRIAL.
93
information, was not filed until just before the 3rd of May, when
the defendant was dragged into Court to plead. His lordship had
not told him then that he might demur, instead of pleading-----Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —Demurring is a plea; you might have
demurred to the right of the Attorney-General to bring you into
Court under an ex-officio information, and then the question might
have been settled. I was not to advise you what to do.
Mr. Ho n e —My lord, I was dragged into Court by force and
arms to plead.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —And they did rightly: they were
warranted by law to bring you into Court. I was clear that
ex-officio informations are part of the law of the land; and it
would have entrapped you, if I had told you to demur. You
would have been injured by such advice.
Mr. Ho n e —However, be that as it may, I was committed,
and afterwards discharged. The defendant next observed, that he
had hoped that his discharge would have been final; that the
Attorney-General had dropped the proceedings entirely, and that,
in consequence of the death of her Royal Highness the Princess
Charlotte, a general amnesty would have been passed upon all
offences of the kind. He had hoped, that the many unhappy
wretches, dragged from remote districts to plead to informations
regarding these parodies, would have been forgotten; that an act
of oblivion would have passed; that the recollection of a present
grief would have obliterated the remembrance of past grievances;
but he found, to his bitter disappointment, not more on his own
account than that of others, that no visitation of Providence, no
national calamity, could chasten the resentments, or soften the
hearts of ministers. Why had not a prosecution, an ex-officio
information, been filed against one individual now high in the
state—a Cabinet Minister, who some years ago had been guilty of
the offence charged against him? Mr. Hone said, he was con
vinced, that had that individual been in the humble situation of
him (the defendant) in society, he would this day, instead of
sitting in the Cabinet, have been standing before his lordship and
the jury. Informations were oppressions—they were a relic of the
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SECOND TRIAL.
infamous Court of Star Chamber, where a person accused, if he
uttered a word offensive to the judges, was not only subjected to
fine and corporal punishment, but even endured the torture of
fiaving wedges driven with a mallet into his mouth to stop his
utterance. The gag would be quite as effectual, if his lordship
upon this occasion had laid his solemn injunction upon him (the
defendant) not to proceed in the line of defence he had adopted.
He thanked Heaven, he was now before an English jury 130 or
140 years after the abolition of that tyrannical and execrated Court,
he stood face to face before his judges as before his friends; he
talked to them as friends, for he could not make speeches ; and he
relied, not on his talents, but on his innocence. Another objection
to the proceeding by information was, that it was much more
expensive; he could not procure copies of the charge, but for a
considerable sum; and when he was brought up to plead, he was
the more anxious to obtain them, because he had heard that in
Wilkes’s case the information had been altered by order of Lord
Mansfield, though, he admitted, after notice to the attorney for the
defendant, who was unable to leave his bed. At the time he (the
defendant) was brought up, on the 3rd of May, he really had not
the money to pay for copies; and he ought to have been furnished
with them by order of the Court.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h said, that no subject of the realm was
furnished with a copy of any indictment; he gathered the
contents from the perusal of it by the officer. This was the
common everyday practice.
Mr. Ho n e —I admit that it is common; and I say, on behalf
of the whole people of England, that to those who may be placed
in my situation, it is a great grievance. I assert, that every man
accused ought to be furnished with a copy of the ex-officio
information.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —In a common indictment for larceny it is
not furnished; if it be a grievance, it applies to every case.
Mr. Ho n e _ And so it does; but give me leave to say, that
there is a great difference between an indictment for a larceny, and
an information for a libel. If I pick a man’s pocket, the offence
�SECOND TRIAL.
95
is clearly and specifically stated; the day, the circumstances, are
mentioned. but libel is an undefined crime; and who shall say
that he can be master of the matter of a complicated information,
because it is once read over to him,
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —The information contained nothing
the libel, which you have admitted that you published.
Mr. Ho n e —protested against this unfair use of his admission
he had not sold one after the 22nd of February. If copies
been given him, he should have been ready to plead in six hours.
His case, in this respect, and many others, was not solitary.
Some unhappy beings had been compelled to travel 200 miles
to plead to some of these informations. Was there no law in
the country to punish this offence? Could no indictment at
the sessions have been preferred, where the poor wretch might
have taken his trial without an information ? But, forsooth, it
was necessary to proceed in a summary way, without any of the
ordinary formalities; and some of the victims of this tyrannical
proceeding had actually been in solitary confinement for nine
weeks, like felons, in Chester Gaol, with 641bs. weight of fetters
upon their emaciated limbs. Was this proceeding in a summary
way ? was this that speedy justice for which ex-officio informations
were designed ? *
. * The persons alluded to were Me l l o r and Pil l a n s : they were imprisoned
in Lancaster not Chester Castle, and suffered severely in their persons from the
crue ty of solitary confinement, and by anxiety of mind for their poor helpless
families. But there was a person in Chester Castle, named Ro b e r t Sw in d e l l s
whose case is marked with almost the extremity of distress. Thi«
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SECOND TRIAL.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —I take it for granted that you will
prove all this.
Mr. Ho n e —I will prove it.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —Your being able to prove it will be no
warrant for me to receive the evidence; but I will allow you to
prove what you assert, if your witnesses are here.
Mr. Ho n e —They are not here, my lord. I did not expect
to be called upon; but I can prove it.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —This is only wasting time: proceed to
the business of your defence. I will hear very anxiously what
relates to your defence, but I will not let you be wasting tune.
Mr. Ho n e —Wasting time,, my lord ’ I feel the grievance of
which I complain; I am to be tried, not you ! When I shall have
been consigned to a dungeon, your lordship will sit as coolly on
that seat as ever; you will not feel the punishment : I feel the
grievance, and I remonstrate against it. I am the injured man.
I am upon my trial by those gentlemen, my jury.
Mr. Ho n e , after a pause of a few moments, objected to the
mode "in which the Attorney-General could suspend ex-officio
informations over the heads of the King’s subjects. True it was,
the accused could demand a trial; but then it must be at bar,
before a special jury-a situation a hundred times worse than that
in which he (the defendant) was now placed. Another evil was,
that a man was not tried by his peers, and sometimes not by those
amona whom he lived. He complained of the odium and pre
judice0 under which he had long laboured because the late
• O- ten flin st the sleeping child she escaped with from her bed, and terrified to
covering, tending the s pg
sndden and calise]ess devas_
agony by fears for her husband_s '
haJess wife, on the departure of the
tation committed on
°° busband and repeatedly afterwards to others, that
marauders, declaied to
.‘
, hpl. death • her health declined—
the affrighting scene. of tUt ^Ind Xe died, leaving her new-born infant,
1 Xt'Xch Se fondled on the fatal night, without a mother! The unfortunate
�SECOND
TRIAL.
97
Attorney-General had chosen, in a speech, to term these parodies
blasphemous publications. He was about to detail some of the
facts relating to the putting of his plea, when Lord Ellenborough
interposed, and observed, that every indulgence had been shown him
on that occasion. Do you remember, said his lordship, that you were
committed until a future day, that you might have time to plead ?
Mr. Ho n e Oh, yes, my lord, I well remember that; you
committed me to the King’s Bench Prison.* I well remember the
many bitter nights and days I there passed.
Mr. To ppin g (for the Crown) observed, that the defendant had
been committed until the next term, that he might have time to plead.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —Then, you see, you state false grava
mina. The Court was extremely studious to give you every
indulgence, and means of understanding the information,
Mr. Ho n e I could not plead guilty, when I knew I was not
guilty.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —Why, you have just admitted the
publication.
Mr. Ho n e —But have I admitted that it is a libel ?
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —But you yourself had the libel in your
possession; you published it, and you might have read it till you
were tired of it, as I am.
Mr. Ho n e further entreated the jury to dismiss the unfair
prejudice which might have been excited against him from the
highest authority; for by one of the secretaries of state—by Lord
Sidmouth, night after night, he had been denounced as a blas
phemer and a wretch. Many of the newspapers had re-echoed
the false and scandalous charge; even after the verdict of acquittal
from the charge of a profane libel yesterday, some of them had
ventured to repeat it. He held in his hand the Day newspaper, +
* By the Act 5 Victoria, c. 22, the Queen’s Bench, Fleet, and Marshalsea were
consolidated as the Queen’s Prison for debtors, prisoners committed for libel
assaults, court-martial, &c., under the control of the Home Secretary of State.
’
f An obscure newspaper, called The Day, was set up as a trading specula
tion by some puffing auctioneers, and became a little notorious by a prosecution
against it for libel. The editors of this paper are now
“ Two single gentlemen rolled into one.”
The unhappy Doctor Slop’s imagination is so extravagantly at variance with
H
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published a few hours ago, in which he was designated a
blasphemer-----Lord El l e n b o r o ü g h —Really, you are getting so far out of
the case : what have I to do with the libels published against
you 1 we are not trying that newspaper.
Mr. Ho n e —I hope, and firmly believe, that I have an impar
tial jury, who will be unprejudiced by every thing they may have
heard or seen in or out of court.
Lo r d El l e n b o r o ü g h —Why, nobody can have read that news
paper you speak of; what have I or the jury to do with-----Mr. Ho n e —My lord 1 My lord ! it is I who am upon my trial,
not your lordship. I have to defend myself, not your lordship.
Long-continued acclamations here interrupted the proceedings
of the Court. Lord Ellenboroügh directed one of the sheriffs to
leave the bench, and to go to the bottom of the court to quell
the disturbance. When order was in some degree restored, his
lordship said, “It is impossible that the officers can be doing
their duty; let them bring any man before me, and I will soon
put an end to this.”
The Sh e r if f , remaining on the bench, asked Mr. Under-Sheriff
Smith if he had succeeded in taking any of the offenders, and was
answered in the negative.
truth a,nd memory, that he can neither remedy unto himself, nor be controlled by
moral management. He runs a-muck at all he meets, with a soft goose qui 1,
cursing and swearing in the same fashion as Peter in the Tale of a Tub; and,
unless brought to his senses for a moment by an antagonist who knocks him down,
he outstrips pursuit, and bays the moon till he is exhausted. In two respects,
however, he is honest to himselfa renegade in politics, he secretly admires the
Beformists, whose ranks he left for the Treasury clerks that crowd his office, and
toss him sops;—a high-flier in religion, he really despises the bigotry and fanati
cism which he puts forth in his tawdry journal. Hence it is not surprising that
the poor man is almost constantly furious or cataleptic; or that, in his lucid inter
vals, he wears a red night-cap with a lily in it, as emblems of his loyalty to the
houses of Bourbon and Brunswick, and struts in his turned coat as unblushingly as a fifty-times-lashed incorrigible deserter, when he is drummed to a con
demned regiment to the tune of the Rogue’s March. Mr. Hone, on his third trial,
gave the lie direct to Dr. Slop’s aspersions. The crazy charlatan took advantage
of Mr Hone’s declaration in court, that he would only rebut the press by the
press- and the hypocrite, finding the trials ended, and that Mr. Hone had no
means of reply to him, like a bully and a coward, fell to his dirty work again.
�SECOND TRIAL.
S9
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —Open your eyes, and see; and stretch
out your hands, and seize. You must have observed somebody.
Mark where the noise comes from, and note the man,
Mr. Ho n e continued—The interruption could be occasioned
by no friend of his : whoever disturbed the Court was his bitter
enemy : his friends could not so conduct themselves ; and the noise
could only proceed from some designing emissaries, who were
anxious that he should be taken from the Court to a prison. He
held m his hand two newspapers that were published this
morning-----
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —I must not have the trash of the news
papers produced here, unless you can apply it in some way. If
you thought there was anything in them that would prejudice
the jury on your trial, you ought to have applied at the sitting
of the Court upon affidavit, and it might probably have been
postponed.
Mr. Ho n e But this attack was much better timed: it was
introduced after I had been acquitted by one jury last night, and
before the time of my being tried now—to be acquitted, as I hope
by another.
r ’
Lord ELLENBOROUGH-Still, if you thought that the minds of
the jury had been in any way poisoned, the Court would have ffiven
you an opportunity of being tried at a more impartial moment.
Mr. Ho n e —It did not occur to me that that mode of pro
ceeding was necessary. In fact, both the newspapers who have
thus accused me of blasphemy well knew the contrary, for they
contain reports of the trial of yesterday, when I was acquitted
even of profaneness. One of them begins thus : “It will be seen
by our Law Report ”■
-----Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —We cannot enter upon that, after I
have said that you might have stated the fact in a way to deserve
attention.
Mr. Ho n e —I trust that I, being a publisher, shall never
apply to a court of justice to restrict a publication.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —But you will do well to complain if
the publication be intended to corrupt the sources of justice. At
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SECOND TRIAL.
a proper time I shall be glad to hear you; but do not introduce
it as a hash into your speech.
Mr. Ho n e replied, that he had only heard of it five minutes
before he came into court.
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l formally objected.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —If the defendant has been libelled, he
may either bring an action for damages, or put the criminal law
in motion; that is the proper mode : but he cannot do it now
here.
Mr. Ho n e —God forbid that I should force the bitterest enemy
I have into the Crown Office! I have suffered too much there
already myself. No, my lord, I would suffer the foulest impu
tations before I would take that step even against the man who
had most deeply injured me. The defendant then said, he should
now proceed to show, that for years parodies had existed unques
tioned, and even the particular species of parody of which he stood
accused. He should also, from this universal practice, and fiom
examples which he should give, establish beyond a doubt, that it
was possible to parody without ridiculing the thing parodied. He
asserted that the parody on the Litany was written to excite a
laugh_ not at the production which was parodied, but entirely
independent of it. The first parody he should produce was on
that useful instrument the thermometer, by the late Dr. Lettsom;
who, by a scale, graduated after the manner of the thermometer,
attempted to show that temperance was conducive to health and
morals, and that intemperance was destructive to both. There
was an ascending and a descending scale, from strong beer to
spirits, and punch occasionally, up to dram drinking at morning,
noon, and night, against which the effects on the morals were
placed; these different degrees of intemperance, ending with
Botany Bay, the hulks, and the gallows. The advantages of tem
perance were illustrated in the same manner. Who would say,
that in this publication, Dr. Lettsom intended to bring into con
tempt the thermometer? yet it was a parody on that instrument
in every sense of the word. There was another, which he held in
his hand, which was a parody on the barometer; a parody for
�SECOND TRIAL.
101
religious purposes. It described the progress of a mind from
religious indifference, through different stages of religious observ
ance, up to happiness on earth, and salvation hereafter; and, on
the other hand, down to death and perdition. Here the thing
parodied was secular, and the parody was for religious purposes;
in his case the parody was of a religious work for secular purposes.
The intent of this parody was not to bring into contempt the
barometer, nor did he mean to ridicule the Litany. The practice
of parodying religious works, even parts of the Holy Scriptures,
on different occasions, was adopted by men whose sentiments with
regard to those writings were above suspicion. The first parodist
he should cite was the first restorer of the purity of the Christian
religion. Martin Luther, the father of the Reformation, in 1518,
had a controversy with certain other persons of the reformed
religion, in the course of which he parodied the first verse of the
first Psalm
Blessed is the man that hath not walked in the
way of the Sacramentarians, nor sat in the seat of the Zuinglians,
nor followed the counsel of the Züricher.” The next parody he
should allude to was by Dr. John Boys, who was Dean of Canter
bury in the reign of James I, It would have been inconvenient
to bring a folio volume into court, and therefore he quoted from
Buck s Anecdotes.
It was there said that Dr. Boys had gained
great applause by a parody of the Lord’s Prayer, in a sermon
which he preached at Paul’s Cross. The parody was to this
effect:—
‘•Our Pope, which art in Rome, cursed be thy name ; perish may
thy kingdom ; hindered may thy will be, as it is in heaven, so in
earth. Give us this day our cup in the Lord’s Supper ; and remit our
moneys which we have given for thy indulgencies, as we send them
back unto thee, and lead us not into heresy j but free us from misery *
for thine is the infernal pitch and sulphur, for ever and ever. Amen,”
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h asked, do you contend that the parody
by Dr. Boys is an innocent publication : or that, if he now stood
where you do, he might not have been prosecuted for it, though it
is against the Pope ?
Mr. Ho n e —My lord, he was a dignified clergyman.
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SECOND TRIAL.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —But that would not warrant the impiety
of others. A dignified clergyman has committed forgery, but does
that fact render it less a crime ?
Mr. Ho n e added, that Martin Luther and the Dean of Canter
bury were grave and high authorities in his favour.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —I will tell you now the observation I
shall make regarding the existence of parodies at other times, how
ever numerous; unless there be something advanced to prove
them to be perfectly innocent—unless something be shown as a
standard of their innocence, I shall not attend to them, for they
do not at all mitigate your offence.
Mr. Ho n e —I perfectly understand your lordship’s intention.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —I do not know whether these were or
were not produced yesterday, but they ought not to be our fare
every day.
Mr. Ho n e —They were produced yesterday.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —I am sorry for it; that is all.
Mr. Ho n e said, that his defence rendered their production
indispensable.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —I told you early, to save trouble, that
if you tendered it in evidence, I should refuse it; but in an address
to the jury a wider latitude of observation is allowed; therefore
I shall not check you.
. .
.
Mr. Ho n e said he did not want to put it in as evidence. He
merely wished to show that parodies had at all times been per
mitted, and that they had been published without any improper
intention. If there had been anything criminal in Dr. Boys’
parody, would it not have been noticed? At that time the
Ecclesiastical Courts were most severe in censures on those who
they conceived deserved them; and no man, however high, who
offended those tribunals could hope to escape with impunity.
There were also grave and learned judges and law officers—there
was Lord Coke among others; and was it supposed, if this was an
offence against the law, notorious as the act was, that it would
not have been taken notice of, or that these great lawyers were
ignorant of their duty ? It was impossible that the sermon should
�SECOND TRIAL.
103
not have been well known, as it was preached at Paul’s Cross,
the place where the commonalty of the city of London were
usually addressed by popular preachers of that day. The audiences
on such occasions were most numerous.
The next parody he should mention was in the Harleian
Miscellany, or the tracts of Robert Harley, Earl of Oxford. This
was peculiarly opposite, because it parodied a part of the “ Book
of Common Prayer,” for parodying another part of which he was
now tried. The part parodied in the tract printed in that collec
tion was the Service for the Visitation of the Sick. It was
originally printed in 1647, and entitled “The Plague at West
minster; or an Order for the Visitation of a Sick Parliament,
grievously troubled with a new disease, called a consumption of
their members; with a form of prayer, and other rites and cere
monies, to be used for their recovery: strictly commanded to be
used in all churches, chapels, and congregations, throughout his
Majesty’s three kingdoms of England, Scotland, and Ireland, &c.,
&c.” Mr. Hone read this parody, as he did on the first trial
(p. 21) ; and said that this was precisely a similar case to his own:
it was a parody on a part of the Common Prayer; it was directed
also against supposed abuses in the Commons’ House of Parliament
and other branches of the state; and it was also calculated to
circulate among the common people, and to excite laughter, not
at the thing parodied, but at the Parliament at Westminster. It
was to be remembered that this was written by one of a highchurch party, a party which made sacrifice of wealth and life to
maintain the rites and ceremonies of the Church, which were
attacked by the Republicans and Puritans of that day. So far
were these men from supposing that this sort of parody would
bring the productions parodied into contempt, that to ridicule
their enemies they parodied one of the forms of the Church which
they were in the act of maintaining with all their strength.
The next parody which he should mention was from the col
lection of the tracts of Lord Somers, a great lawyer and statesman,
who contributed more perhaps than any other individual to the
expulsion of James the Second, and the settlement under which
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SECOND TRIAL.
the present dynasty was seated on the throne. In his collection
there was a parody, not on the Common Prayer, but on the New
Testament. (It closely followed the first Chapter of Matthew, and
was the same that he read yesterday; see First Trial, p. 30.)
This parody, it was also very evident, was written by a zealous
partisan of the high-church party, as it was composed in 1648, in
behalf of King Charles.
Mr. Ho n e said, the next article he should mention was con
tained in the Rev. Mark Noble’s Continuation of the Rev. Mr.
Granger’s “ Biographical History of England, which, though it
was not a parody on Scripture, showed that it was never appre
hended by the most pious men, that a casual association of
ludicrous images with matters of the Christian religion tended to
weaken the respect due to that faith. Mr. Noble, in his work,
said, that there was a song respecting Dr. Burnett, the author of
« The Theory of the Earth,” and Master of the Charter-House,
beginning : —
A dgan and prependary
Had once a new vagary ;
And were at doleful strife, Sir,
Who led the better life, Sir,
And was the better man,
And was the better man.
When Mr. Hone had quoted to the end of the last verse but two,
(see First Trial, p. 31.)
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h interrupted him. That is such mis
chievous matter that I shall prohibit its being read. No person,
under pretence of explaining one libel, shall offend the ears of
public decency by the recital of such profanations. I took down
two lines
That all the p00ks of Moses
Were nothing but supposes.
And I prohibit the remainder.
Mr. Ho n e —I pledge myself that the few lines of the song I
have not read have a perfectly moral tendency.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —I will not hear them. It would deserve
severe punishment if it were a modern publication.
�SECOND TRIAL.
Mr. Ho n e —My lord, it has been published over and
again of late years, and no notice taken of it.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —I am sorry for it: mischievous people
are to be found at all times.
Mr. Ho n e —The Rev. Mark Noble, the author, is a beneficed
clergyman of the Church of England, and, I venture to say, has
no sense of the impropriety; and if a man so well instructed
could forget himself, and publish what was of a mischievous tend
ency, no man will charge that he did it with a view to bring
religion into contempt.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —Under pretence of defending yourself
from one crime, you are not to commit another.
Mr. Ho n e —If your lordship will but allow me to finish the
song, I will consent to be called a liar, I had almost said a blas
phemer, or any other epithet however approbrious, if your lordship
do not pronounce it perfectly innocent.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —You seem to attach an extraordinary
value to the remainder : let it be read, in deference to your
opinion.
Mr. Ho n e —I am sure I shall have your lordships assent to
my assertions, when I have finished.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —No : let it be read.
Mr. Ho n e read as follows—
Thus, in this battle royal.
As none would take denial,
The dame for whom they strove, Sir,
Could neither of them love, Sir,
Since all had given offence,
Since all had given offence.
She therefore slily waiting,
Left all three fools a-prating,
And being in a fright, Sir,
Religion took her flight, Sir,
And ne’er was heard of since,
And ne’er was heard of since.
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SECOND TRIAL.
Mr. Ho n e then continued, in nearly the same order as on his
first trial yesterday, to refer to various parodies. There was one,
also, called Old England’s Te Deum in the “ Humourists’ Maga
zine ” ; and there was a parody of the Te Deum published against
Buonaparte in six languages. (Mr. Hone here read again Mr.
Richardson’s Te Deum against Buonaparte; for which see the
first trial, p. 42.) There was also in a work of the well-known
Captain Grose, the author of the “ Antiquities of England,” &c.
called “ Grose’s Olio,” a parody on the Chronicles, called The
Chronicles of Coxheath camp. He now came to a book which
abounded in parodies; it was “ The History of the Westminster
Election,” which contained, among many others, a parody on the
Chronicles, called The Chronicles of Westminster. This was pub
lished in a quarto volume by Debrett, by Beckett, bookseller to
the Queen, by Eaulder, the publisher of Paley’s works, and other
booksellers. Even Edmund Burke was a parodist. In a speech
of his in the House of Commons, on the dissolution of the Rock
ingham administration, at a time when it was expected that the
House of Commons also was to be dissolved, he thus parodied that
most solemn part of the Common prayer, the Burial Service :—
Speaking of the House of Commons, he said, “ And now I hereby
commit their body to the grave, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, m
certain hope and expectation of the glorious resurrection, which
by its good deeds it shall surely see.” &c. The enlightened mind
of Mr. Burke saw in this no tendency to irreligion, and he
delivered it in the House of Commons itself; and yet Mr. Burke
would now be told, perhaps, were he living, that he had been
guilty of an impious libel.
He would now call their attention to a parody which was pub
lished by Mr. Reeves, some years ago, when he was at the head oi
a society for supporting loyalty and property against Jacobins and
levellers. (See the parody, First Trial, p. 35;) The AttorneyGeneral had spoken of the small sum for which his (the defendant s)
publications were sold : but Mr. Reeves’s parody was published for
a penny Mr. Reeves, however—he knew not how—had greatly
improved his condition since that time, and his name stood in the
�SECOND TRIAL.
107
title-page of the book of Common Prayer in most general use, as
patentee. In that Prayer Book he had inserted a preface, dedi
cated to her Majesty, in which he paid her many compliments.
The gentlemen would observe also, that Mr. Beeves was a lawyer__
he was a barrister, and had been a commissioner of bankrupts ;
but he (the defendant) did not believe that when Mr. Beeves pub
lished his parody, he had any conception that he was reviling
religion. His intention merely was to convey an instruction by
parodying the Catechism • and if he were now standing where the
defendant did, he, as a lawyer, would tell them they could not
convict him : but he had never been prosecuted; and those two
books, Mr. Beeves’s Common Prayer, and the parody Mr. Beeves
published on the Catechism, would now go together. His lordship
would doubtless recollect, that one of his sons was a member of
that Association at the “ Crown and Anchorbut so ardent was
the zeal of Mr. Beeves to put down levellers and reformers, that
Mr. Law withdrew himself from the society. Mr. Beeves was now
in R very different situation from the defendant: Tvlr. Beeves was a
rich man, and held a situation under Government; the defendant
was a poor humble shopkeeper. Would his Majesty’s AttorneyGeneral bring Mr. Beeves before the Court ? No : and he ought
not to bring him there ; for his lordship would tell them, that Mr.
Beeves had no intention to ridicule the Catechism. Neither had
the defendant any such intention when he published his parody.
Mr. Beeves thought that the publication of his little Tract would
serve his side in politics • and the defendant had merely done the
same thing with the same view. Both had made use of the press ;
and it was not proper that the press should be shackled, or those
who availed themselves of its power oppressed and persecuted under
false pretences. The press was common property • it was a great
security which every man in England felt he had against injustice.
Even he, as he stood there, felt that there was no one in that
Court, even if disposed (which he hoped there was not) to do him
an injustice, who would dare, do so : and why ? Because the act
could not be hidden in a corner; it would be made known by
means of a free press, and excite a public opinion which would be
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SECOND TRIAL.
terrible to the most powerful of evil-doers. Let then this prosecu
tion, which aimed at so valuable a privilege as the liberty of the
press, be put on its true ground, and bestripped of its hypocritical
pretext.
_
_
.
.
Mr. Ho n e then quoted the sermon of Bishop Latimer, as m his.
First Trial, p 26. In that sermon the learned prelate had spoken
of the affections and passions of men ; and the defendant might
turn to the Attorney-General, and ask him, when those passions
arose in the breast, whether he might not have considered to what
' ", Did
end his little productions tended. Lid none of us sin without
forgiveness 1 As men standing together in society, as Christians,
there should be a feeling of mercy. This prosecution was insti
tuted against him by the administration, and those men- shou
have the feelings of Christians. The Attorney-General he
thought, had done him an injustice, and yet he did not think him
an unjust man. The poor unhappy men who were to come up
to plead here after him, what had they done ? The publication o
his work might have done an injury, but he was not sure that i
had done so. The secret committees of both Houses, m their
reports, had spoken of blasphemous publications : but when he read
those passages, it never entered into his mind that they alluded to
his publications; he thought they referred to some productions
which had really reviled the Scriptures, and brought religion m o
contempt. As soon as he found that his parodies were meant,
when he heard that they produced impressions on the minds of some
which they conceived injurious to religion, and they thought it
was wrong, he immediately, though he had not published them
with a wrong intention, withdrew them from circulation He did
this without any intimation whatever, either from the AttorneyGeneral or any person connected with the government.
His lordship had, perhaps, heard that Divines of the Established
Church made, as he before said, occasional allusions to Scripture,
which were not of the most reverential kind. It might, per aps,
be within his lordship’s memory, that Archdeacon Paley, who he
believed, was his lordship’s tutor, preached a sermon at Cambridge,
. at a time when Mr. Pitt, then a young man and a minister, hap-
�SECOND TRIAL.
109
pened to be on a visit at the University. The text of this sermon
was and, no doubt, with a view to the minister, whom he knew
to be present e' Lo ! here is a lad that hath five loaves and two
small fishes to divide j but what are they among so many of us ?”
Dr. Paley was not a man of impiety—but one actively employed
inculcating &ound morals into the minds of the first youth in
the country. He was the author of “ The Elements of Moral
Philosophy,” and yet he preached this sermon-----Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —Ho, he did not. Ell correct your fact—
there was never any such sermon preached.
Mr. Ho n e My lord, was there no such text mentioned ?
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —I can’t enter into controversy. It was
hardly worth interrupting you to give this denial of your fact.
Mr. Ho n e It really is generally understood that such a
sermon was preached. I am glad to hear it was not. I had
it only from the current anecdote, which hitherto hath passed
with belief.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —You are confounding two things ; there
was no such sermon preached. You have heard some story, and
that has misled you.
Mr. Ho n e —The anecdote misled me. Your lordship must
have heard it talked of.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —There was some such anecdote, and I
am very sorry for it • but there was no sermon preached.
Mr. Ho n e —I will not persist, my lord, because I feel much
obliged to your lordship for stating that there had been a story of
the kind.—Gentlemen of the jury, with a view still further to
show that an article may be humourously parodied, in order to
excite ridicule, without either the humoui' or the ridicule bein«directed towards the article parodied, I shall read a parody on
Hamlet s Sofiloquy, which appeared in the Horning Herald in
1808.
,
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —Now, what has that to do with your
case ? It is a parody, as you say, on some part of the play of
Hamlet, and not on the Scriptures. It is obvious enough that it
can have no reference to your case ; and the jury, as sensible men,
�SECOND TRIAL.
110
must see that it has not.
They should not have their time taken
up in this manner.
Mr. Ho n e —My lord, I understand your lordship’s notion of
sensible men in a jury box very well. What your lordship means
by calling the jury sensible men, is, that they will find me guilty;
but my notion of their being sensible men, is, that they will acquit
me. He (Mr. Hone) wished, by anything he said or read, to show
the jury that in his publication he had no intention to ridicule the
Scripture or the Common Prayer. If he had not, then there was
no crime. The parody on Hamlet’s Soliloquy commenced this way :
To stand, or not to stand—that is the question.
Whether ’tis nobler for us to lose th’ Election,
And all the honours that attend upon it,
Or to demand a poll, and risk th’ expense, &c. &c.
Mr. Ho n e , proceeding with the parodies, said, there was a
parody from the True Briton, in the Spirit of the Public Journals,
of 1807, on the Lord’s Prayer. The proprietor of the paper at
that time was Mr. John Heriott, who had a place or pension from
his Majesty’s Government. Was it honourable, or manly, to make
such a distinction between parodists ? He was quite sure that, if
he had the files in Court of the Morning Chronicle, Morning Herald,
the Morning Post, and of The Times some years ago, he could have
produced hundreds of parodies on the Scriptures.. After a lapse,
however, of more than three hundred years, during which such
parodies had been published, he was now first selected as the sub
ject of prosecution ; and he was persuaded that he w„as so selected
merely because he entertained certain political opinions. He would
now produce to them a parody, written by a gentleman who was
virtually, though not ostensibly, one of his prosecutors, inasmuch
as he was a Minister and a Member of the Cabinet Council—he
meant the Kight Hon. George Canning. Why was he to be pro
secuted by that gentleman for doing that which he had done
himself, and for the doing of which he had not been prosecuted ?
Nine days after he was sent to the King’s Bench Prison on the
present charge, he had read this celebrated parody by the Kight
Hon. George Canning, one of the Members of the Cabinet, under
�SECOND TRIAL.
Ill
whose authority this prosecution proceeded. Was it fair that
Ministers, to excite a prejudice against a man who had only been
in the habit of doing what they themselves had done, should charge
him with blasphemy a crime which they knew he had never com
mitted. He would advise the noble lord (Sidmouth), and his
friends around him, to consider well before they marked out any
individual for punishment on account of such publications. He
should read that parody from the Parliamentary Reports lately
published by Mr. Robert Harding Evans. There were other
reports of the proceedings in Parliament, but he gave the preference
to this, because it appeared to be got up with a great deal of care,
and bore the character of an authentic book. (The parody was
cited by Earl Grey, from the Anti-Jacobin, and is the same as in
the First Trial, p. 31.) The Courier newspaper, mentioned in the
first line of the parody, was then an opposition paper, but it was
not so now; that is, it was not now in opposition to anything
except the rights and liberties of the people of England. Mr.
Southey, who was mentioned in the parody, was now PoetLaureate;* but some years ago he published a poem, called “Joan
of Arc,” to which were affixed “ The Visions of the Maid of Arc;”
and among the persons who, in the early editions, were there con
signed to the place of perdition, was that only person in this
kingdom who, by a maxim of law, “ can do no wrong.” What
would the jury think of this, and yet the poet was now the Court
Laureate. On the 14th of May last, when Earl Grey introduced
Mr. Canning’s parody into his speech, he recommended that its
author should be prosecuted for such a blasphemous production,
if it really were such. But he (the defendant) did not find that
the Attorney-General had prosecuted Mr. Canning. If, therefore,
they were to punish him, and did not punish Mr. Canning, great
injustice would be done. Justice to him must be justice to Mr,
Canning, and so the people of England would determine. The
English government was founded on public opinion ; without that
i.t could not exist—that is, it could not exist as a free government__
it would be an arbitrary despotism.
* Southey died, 1843.
The present Poet Laureate is Alfred Tennyson.
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SECOND TRIAL.
Mr. Ho n e then exhibited Gillray’s print, illustrative of Mr.
Canning’s parody. The poem itself, he said, appeared originally
in the Anti-Jacobin newspaper, which was supported by Mr.
Canning, Mr. Hookham Frere, and other gentlemen of Pitt prin
ciples, and paid for by a subscription raised among the Pitt school.
And now, forsooth, these very men, affecting peculiar regard for
religion, attacked him on that ground on which they themselves
had in the same way formerly taken a stand. This zeal for religion
was false. They were enraged against him for his political
opinions ; and in their madness they cared not what they did.
He smiled at their malice he despised them for thus abusing
their power ; and he would say, as it is fabled one of old said
to Jupiter, who thundered instead of answering the man who
was arguing with him, ££ A_h, Jupiter, I know thou canst kill
me; but if thou wilt argue, why dost thou not answer me :
instead of using thy reason, thou art flashing thy thunder.
Ah, Jupiter, thou dost it in a passion, because thou art in the
wrong !”
Mr. Ho n e then requested the j ury to examine the print to Mr.
Canning’s parody. One Lepaux, a Frenchman, was represented as
the apostle or priest of Atheism, surrounded by a group at the
altar, amongst whom were The Morning Post and The Courier.
In the pocket of the latter was a French paper. The jury,
perhaps, might not have heard of the matter to which this alluded.
There was, at the time alluded to, an evening paper called The
Telegraph, the circulation of which pressed close upon The Courier.
The present proprietor of The Courier wanted to sink the
reputation of The Telegraph; and, to effect his purpose, he forged
a French paper, called E Eclair, and had it sent as from France to
The Telegraph, where it was eagerly inserted. The news it
contained immediately affected the funds. The reputation of the
latter paper of course became injured on account of the fabrication;
but at length the present proprietor of The Courier was discovered
to have been the author, and paid damages to The Telegraph for
the abominable fabrication. It was no libel upon Scripture for
the Pitt school to have published the print with the Leviathan
�SECOND TRIAL.
113
(an animal only known in Scripture), representing the Duke of
Bedford with a hook in his nose, and Mr. Fox, Mr. Tierney, Mr.
Nicholls, and Mr. Thelwall, on his back; Mr. Whitbread floating
on a barrel of porter in the yeasty main behind them; the present
Lord Erskine, then at the bar, and in his gown and wig, was also
m the group. All this was a libel on the right side, and therefore
passed with impunity. Mr. Godwin and the late excellent Gilbert
Wakefield were in the print, preceded by Messrs. Coleridge and
Southey as asses supporting a cormcqpfo of Ignorance, without
any other difference between them that he could perceive than
that the ears of the latter were longer than those of the former.
All this was in illustration and furtherance of Mr. Canning’s
parody.
•
°
Mr. Hone then produced the Religious Play-Bill, entitled
The Great Assize; and the Religious Recruiting Bill, for
volunteers to serve in the regiment raising by the Lord Jehovah.
He likewise alluded to the letter of Jesus Christ, in posses
sion of the Lady Cuba at Mesopotamia, all of which are
detailed in the report of the first trial. He also alluded to
the manner in which the different sacred hymns had been
applied by the Dissenters to lay tunes, with the most laudable
intent; a practice, however, which would be reprehensible on
the same grounds on which parodies were reprehended; he
repeated the instances of this practice, which he had adduced
on his former trial. But these proved that persons who had the
most decided religious feelings might make use of secular means
for the purpose, not of bringing religion into contempt, but of
supporting it.
Mr. Hone then, proceeded to produce instances of parodies on
that part of the Common Prayer which he was charged, by the
present information, with having parodied. The first he mentioned
was from “ The Rump; or, An exact Collection of the choicest
Poems and Songs relating to the late times; by the most eminent
Wits: from Anno 1639 to Anno 1661: London, 1662, octavo.”
These were all written by the Cavaliers in support of prerogative
and arbitrary power in Church and State against the Common
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SECOND TRIAL.
wealthmen. and the Puritans and Dissenters.
following, entitled,
He cited the
A LITANY FOR THE NEW YEAR.
>
i
From all and more than I have written here,
I wish you well protected this New year ;
From Civil War, and such uncivil things,
As ruine Law and Gospel, Priests and Kings ;
From those who for self-ends would all betray,
From such new Saints that pistol when they pray,
From flattering Faces with infernal Souls,
From new Reformers, such as pull down Paul’s,
From linsey-wolsey Lords, from Town-betrayers,
From Apron-preachers and Extempore prayers,
From Pulpit Blasphemy, and bold Rebellion,
From Bloud and—somethings else that I could tell ye on,
From new False Teachers which destroy the old,
From those that turn the Gospel into Gold,
From that black Pack where Clubs are always Trump,
From Bodies Politique and from the Rump,
From those that ruine when they should repair,
From such as cut off Heads instead of Hair,
From twelve-months’ Taxes and Abortive Votes,
From chargeable Nurse-Children in red Coats,
From such as sell their Souls to save their Sums,
From City Charters that make heads for Drums,
From Magistrates which have no truth or knowledge,
From the Red Students now in Gresham College,
From Governments erected by the Rabble,
From sweet Sir Arthur’s Knights of the Round Table.
Good Lord, deliver us.
Then followed another from the same Book, called “The City
of London’s Litany,” of which he read a short extract:—
From Rumps that do Rule against Customes and Laws,
Brom a fardle of Fancies stil’d a Good Old Cause,
From Wives that have nails which are sharper than claws,
Good Jove, deliver us.
�SECOND TRIAL.
From Men who seek right where it’s not to be had,
From such who seek good where all things are bad,
From Wise Men far worse than fools or men mad,
Good Jove, &c.
From soldiers that wrack the poor out of doors,
From Rumps that stuff Coffers to pleasure their Whores,
Which they secretly squeeze from Commonwealth scores,
Good Jove, &c.
lhe next was from the “ Collection of the newest and most
ingenious Poems, &c., against Popery,” in quarto, published soon
after the Revolution :—
A NEW PROTESTANT LITANY.
From Cobweb-Lawn Charters, from sham-freedom banters,
Our Liberty-keepers and new Gospel-planters,
And the trusty kind hands of our great Quo Warrantos,
Libera Nos, 8,-c.
From High-Court Commissions, to Rome to rejoin us,
From a Rhadamanth Chancellor, the Western Judge Minos,
Made Head of our Church by new Jure Divino’s,
Libera Nos, <§•<?.
From our great Test Records, cut out into thrums,
From waste-paper Laws, us’d with pasties and plums,
Magna Charta, Magna Farta, made fodder for bums,
Libera Nos, <$-e.
From a new-found Stone Doublet, to th’ old Sleeve of Lawn,
And all to make room for the Pope-Lander-Spawn ;
To see a Babe born, through bed-curtains close drawn,
Libera Nos, tyc.
From resolving o’er night, where to lye-in to-morrow,
And from cunning back-door to let Midwife thorow,
Eight months’ full-grown man-child, born without pang or sorrow,
Libera Nos, fyc.
From a God-father Pope, to the Heir of a Throne ;
From three Christian names to one Sir-name unknown,
With a Tyler milch-nurse, now the Mother’s milk’s gone,
Libera Nos, Syc.
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SECOND TRIAL.
There was one from the 2nd part of the same Collection^
beginning—
From immoderate fines and defamation,
From Braddon’s merciless subornation,
And from a bar of assassination,
Libera nos, Domine.
From a body that’s English, a mind that is French,
From a Lawyer that scolds like an oyster wench ;
And from the new Bonner upon the Bench,
Libera nos, Domine, <§•<?.
Mr. Ho n e read many others in the same spirit. There wasone which he had omitted to mention in regular order, which heshould now mention. It was a parody on our Litany, by Ben
Jonson, in his play called Cynthia’s Levels.
Amo. From Spanish shrugs, French faces, smirks, irps, and all
affected humours,
Ch o r u s —Good Mercury, defend us.
Pha. From secret friends, sweet servants, loves, doves, and such
phantastique humours,
Ch o r u s —Good Mercury, defend us.
Amo. From stabbing of armes, flap-dragons, healths, whiffes, and
all such swaggering humours,
CnoRUS—Good Mercury, defend us.
Pita. From waving fannes, coy glances, glickes, cringes, and all
such simp’ring humours,
Ch o r u s —Good Mercury, defend us.
Amo. From making love by attorney, courting of puppets, and
paying for new acquaintance,
Ch o r u s —Good Mercury, deliver us, &c.
This, the play said, was “acted first in 1600, by the then
children of Queen Elizabeth’s chapel, and allowed by the master
of the revels;” so that in those days, Ben Jonson, who, from his
works, was evidently a man of rectitude as well as genius, did not
think it unbecoming to write a parody; nor did a Queen, who
was scrupulous in requiring respect to things established, think it
unfit to be recited, even before herself, by the children of her
chapel.
�SECOND TRIAL.
117
Mr. Ho n e read other parodies on the Litany : one of which he
produced illustrated by a coloured print of a nobleman, who was
represented to have composed it, as follows :—
LITANY.
0 Ar is t o c r a c y ! Government divine ! !—have mercy upon us
miserable place-men.
O Aristocracy, Government divine, &c.
Stars, Garters, and Promotions, proceeding from aristocracy, and
power, have mercy upon us miserable placemen.
Stars, Garters, and Promotions, &c.
Femember not our offences, nor the offences of our fore-fathers
when in office,—neither take from us our places or pensions. Spare us,
aristocracy—spare the creatures thou hast raised, and be not angry
with thy servants.
Aristocracy, spare us.
From all democracy, and new-fangled doctrines,
Aristocracy, deliver us.
From fish-women, mobs, and lamp-posts,
Aristocracy, deliver us.
From national assemblies, national guards, and national cockades,
Aristocracy, deliver us.
From people who judge for themselves, and pretend to the rights of
man,
Aristocracy, deliver us.
From To m Pa in e ’s rabble and inflammatory pamphlets,
Aristocracy, deliver us.'
From the insertion of paragraphs foreign to thy laws, and the
liberty of the press in general,
Aristocracy, deliver us.
From all revolution meetings, and Ca Ira clubs,
Aristocracy, deliver us.
From all investigations and reforms,
Aristocracy, deliver us.
We place-men do beseech thee to hear us—O aristocracy—and that
it may please thee to govern the Church in thine own way,
Aristocracy, we beseech thee to hear us.
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SECOND TRIAL.
That it may please thee to illuminate the head of our governor, and
make it rich in understanding,
Aristocracy, we beseech thee to hear us.
That it may please thee to bless and preserve the governor’s wife,
and keep from her all uncharitableness,
Aristocracy, we beseech thee to hear us.
That it may please thee to shower down fat livings on all righteouspastors of the church, so that they may enjoy every luxury, and by
their preaching and living show it accordingly,
Aristocracy, we beseech thee to hear us.
That it may please thee to preserve for our use, the kindly fruits of
the earth, and all the game thereof, so that no other may enjoy them,
Aristocracy, we beseech thee to hear us.
That it may please thee to protect such as are in power, both in
church and state ; to raise up them that fall; and finally, to beat down
farmers, curates, and shopkeepers, beneath our feet,
Aristocracy, we beseech thee to hear us.
He produced another, of still later date, printed on a half
sheet, and sold at three-half-pence, entitled,
THE POOR MAN’S LITANY.
From four pounds of Bread, at Sixteen-pence price,
And Butter at Eighteen, though not very nice,
And Cheese at a shilling, though gnaw’d by the mice,
Good Lord, deliver us I
From stale Clods of Beef, at a Shilling a pound,
Which, in summer, with fly-blows and maggots abound,
Or dried by the wind, and scarce fit for a hound,
Good Lord, deliver us !
From the Tax upon Income, invented by Pitt,
Though the Great Ones contrive to lose nothing by it,
Yet we who have little are sure to be bit,
Good Lord, deliver us 1
From Taxes Assess’d, now rais’d at a nod,
While Inspectors rule o’er us with their iron rod,
And expect homage paid them like some demi-god,
Good Lord, deliver us !
�SECOND TRIAL.
119-
From Forestalled, Regraters, and all that curs’d train,
Who, to swell out their bags, will hoard up the grain,
Against which we cry out with our might and main,
Good Lord, deliver us !
From a Workhouse where hunger and poverty rage,
And distinction’s a stranger to birth, sex, or age;
Lame and Blind, all must work, or be coop’d in a cage,
Good Lord, deliver us!
From six in a bed in those mansions of woe,
Where nothing but beards, nails, and vermin do grow,
And from picking of Oakum in cellars below,
Good Lord, deliver us !
From Stickings of Beef, old, wither’d, and tough,
Bread, like Saw-dust and Bran, and of that not enough,
And scarcely a rag to cover our Buff,
Good Lord, deliver us !
From the tantalised sight of viewing the Great
Luxuriously rolling in coaches of state,
While thousands are starving—for something to eat,
Good Lord, deliver us I
From feasts and rejoicings, ye Gluttons, abstain,
Since the blessings you boast of but give the Boor pain,
And of which one and all so loudly complain,
Good Lord, deliver us !
But these Burthens remov’d, then united we’ll pray,
Both the young and the old, the grave and the gay—
“May the rulers be happy, and live to be grey
Rejoice then, ye Britons, that’s our Jubilee day,
We beseech thee to hear us, Good Lord.
Mr. Ho n e said, that having shown that parodies were not
necessarily disrespectful to the work parodied, and that they had
been uniformly allowed, he should now show that his did not
deserve to be made an exception to the general rule. In doing
this, he said, it became necessary for him to rebut a charge in this
information, of seditiously libelling the Prince Regent, the House
of Lords, and the House of Commons; and here he felt a little,
and only a little, embarrassed. His difficulty proceeded from his
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SECOND TRIAL.
conceiving the political opinions of the gentlemen of the jury
might be opposed to his own. Bnt here the difficulty was trifling,
because he was sure that prejudices were fast wearing away ; that
men, as they intermixed more kindly, respected the conscientious
opinions of each other; and believing, as he did most sincerely,
that opinions wholly opposed to his views were honestly entertained
by most respectable and worthy men, he also believed that such
men would give him credit for as much honesty in his persuasions,
and thus each would tolerate the other. He therefore, from a jury
of enlightened merchants of the City of London, claimed their
protection of his right to express his opinions, opposed, as he
imagined they might be, to their own; and he was persuaded, that
just and liberal feelings would rally in the hearts of his jurymen,
and that they would do unto him as they would that men should
do unto them.
Mr. Ho n e then proceeded to remark upon the several passages
of the Litany which was the subject of prosecution, selecting such
as appeared to give most offence to the political gentlemen who
sought, under the guise of religion, to effect a political object in
his ruin. His parody prayed our delivery, 1st, from “an un
nationaldebt;” 2nd, from “ unmerited pensions ;” 3rd, from “ sine- •„
cure places;” 4th, from “an extravagant Civil List;” and 5th,
from “ utter starvation.” Now, as to the first, how few were they
who doubted that many debts had been contracted by our rulers
for purposes by no means national. But good Ministers could
have nothing to fear from the promulgation of such things. No
government could, indeed, have so much reason to fear anything
as the effects of such a prosecution as he had been subjected to in
this instance, in consequence of the frank expression of his mind.
Then as to unmerited pensions, that was not to be understood as
applying to the reward of public servants; such, for instance, as
really performed their duty, upon the Bench or elsewhere, but to
those wrho derived fortunes from the public purse, without any
public service whatever; and how many such men -were to be
found in England ! Of the “ extravagant Civil List,” he did not
think it necessary to say anything; nor of “utter starvation”
�SECOND TRIAL.
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eitherj for no one acquainted with London, dr any of the great
towns in the country, for the last twelve months, could require
any information upon that point. He had himself, indeed, seen
two human beings who had actually expired in the streets from
absolute want. But similar scenes must have been witnessed by
numbers of those who heard him, as well as by the members of
the jury. In every direction the ravages of distress were visible,
and most sensibly felt. Next, our delivery was prayed from the
blind imbecility of ministers, as well as from the pride and vain
glory of warlike establishments in time of peace. This prayer
might be found fault with by his political prosecutors; but yet,
who could doubt the imbecility of Ministers'? He, for one,
confessed that he could not. There were, he believed, some men
of honest purpose among the Ministers, while they evinced the
want of wisdom; but there were others connected with that body,
who. while they had reputation for talent, had equal reputation
for the want of principle. What then was to be expected from
such a combination of integrity without talent, and talent without
integrity? Nothing, surely, but imbecility. In asserting that
implicitly, however, he did not mean to reflect upon the private
life of any man; for, correctly speaking, the private life of a man
had no connection with his fitness or capability for the performance
of the great duties of a statesman. A man might be very amiable
towards his family and friends, and exemplary in the performance
of all the moral duties, while his mind was not large enough to
conceive the obligations which attach to the character of a states
man. The mind of a good private man might indeed be quite
incompetent to embrace a statesman’s views, or to understand his
duties. A very good, man might, therefore, from such incapacity,
grope as the present Ministers do, like a mole in the dark. Such
a man might, notwithstanding the honesty of his intentions, or
the purity of his principles, be wholly incapable of devising moans
to maintain the lustre, the dignity, and the honour of the country.
Every little thing would be to them of a distorted importance, as
to an animalcule a grain of granite was a universe. He could
mean no reflection, therefore, upon the personal character of the
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Members of the Administration, when he charged them with
imbecility. Now, as to the warlike establishments in time of
peace, he put it to the jury, whether such establishments did not
at this moment notoriously exist. There was an Act of Parliament,
no doubt, to sanction their establishments; but this country had
often witnessed Acts of Parliament which were not entitled to
public respect—which were, indeed, in direct contradiction to the
principles of the British constitution. This he said, because he
thought so; and was it not better that he and others should be
encouraged to express their mind, than to conceal it, and reserve
the expression for secret conspiracies 1 Every rational man would
answer in the affirmative. It was always more desirable to any
considerate man to be told when and where he was wrong, than to
have the advantage of such information withheld from him. Such
must be the case with every man who was not deaf to his own
interest. Eor himself, he could have no hesitation in saying, that
he should esteem the friend who frankly told him that he was
wrong, because he should thus learn how to correct himself; and
the Ministers who' did not so feel towards any man who informed
them of their errors, must be insensible to their interest, as well
as indifferent to their character. A government which would not
hear the truth must be a despotism. He did not mean that
calumny should be tolerated, but that the expression of truth
should be encouraged. No honest men could have anything to
fear even from misrepresentation; for honesty was always sure to
defeat that, whether it applied to government or to individuals.
Why should government be afraid of truth or falsehood in any
case 1 Nothing but weakness could produce such fear, and that
weakness must be pitiable. Another prayer appeared in the
Litany, that the country should be delivered from all the deadly
sins attendant upon a corrupt method of election—from all the
deceits of the pensioned hirelings of the press. But who could
deny that the most flagitious corruption prevailed in the prevalent
system of election for Members of Parliament. Such corruption
was indeed as notorious as the sun at noon-day; and therefore this
prayer could not be condemned, unless upon the ground that truth
�SECOND TRIAL.
123
was a libel j and this was a doctrine never recognised by any jury
(who were entitled to judge of the law), although generally
asserted by the judges. But for himself, he could not conceive how
truth, with respect to any public act or public officer, could be
deemed a libel; and he hoped the jury whom he had the honour
to address would not give up their right of decision upon this
material point to the dictum of any individual. Another prayer
appeared in this Litany, for our deliverance from taxes levied by
distress—from gaols crowded with debtors—from poor-houses
overflowing with paupers. As to the first, it was universally
known that the greater part of the taxes were levied by distress
at the time this Litany was published. One tax-gatherer, indeed,
employed in the vicinity of Fleet Street, had told him, that he had
levied more distress for the payment of taxes within the preceding
nine months than he had done within the sixteen preceding years.
When, then, such calamity existed—when all things were going
wrong, where was the harm of saying so ? or was it not rather
desirable to make it known? Were an individual told that his
affairs were going wrong, his first object would be to cast up his
accounts, in order to see the magnitude of his danger, and to provide
some remedy, while he would thank the person who roused him to
a sense of his danger. And why should not the government be
equally grateful for similar information and excitement to inquiry ?
It would be so, if its members were not imbecile, self-conceited,
and supine. Then as to prisons crowded with debtors, was there
a quarter of England, or a man in the country, that could not
testify to this fact ? He himself had seen the condition of the
King’s Bench Prison. The day upon which he was committed to
the King’s Bench Prison in consequence of this prosecution, he
was put inside the gate, and found himself within the walls—
at liberty to go where he liked for an abiding place. At length
he applied at the door for the tipstaff by whom he was taken into
custody, and brought in, requesting to know where he was to get
a lodging ? In consequence of this application he was conducted
to the coffee-room, where alone he could, from the crowded state
of the prison, find any sort of decent accommodation. Such was
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SECOND TRIAL.
the statement to him at the time, and such he afterwards found to
be the fact. At the coffee-room he took up his abode as a boarder;
for he was under the necessity of paying three shillings a night for
sleeping in a room, in another part of the prison, with three other
persons. This inconvenience, which he most sensibly felt, both in
person and in pocket, was inevitable, from the extremely crowded
state of the prison. Another proof of the crowded state of our
prisons he had lately seen at Maidstone, where a prison to occupy
fourteen acres of ground, was nearly completed, avowedly with a
view to provide accommodation for the miserable prisoners of the
county of Kent, in addition to that afforded by the county gaol.
With respect to the overflow of poor-houses, he did not think it
necessary to say anything upon that point, as every gentleman of
the jury must, no doubt, be competent, from his own experience
and information, fully to decide the truth of that allegation. The
next prayer of this publication was as to “a Parliament chosen
only by one-tenth of the people—taxes raised to pay wholesale
butchers their subsidies—false doctrines, heresy, and schism—
conspiracies against the liberty of the people, and obstacles thrown
in the way of our natural and constitutional rights.” That
Parliaments were not chosen by more than one-tenth of the people
was, he apprehended, an indisputable fact. He himself had been
for the most part of his life a housekeeper, and yet he had never
enjoyed the right of voting for a member of the House of
Commons. This he must and ever should consider a great
grievance. He, and others similarly circumstanced, were no doubt
told that they were represented virtually as some class. But this
was a mere delusion, only aggravating the unjust privation of his
right by an insult to his understanding. Then, as to human
butchers, in what other light were those to be regarded who let
out their subjects to be shot at, or to shoot at others for hire ?
False doctrines were surely chargeable upon those who sanctioned
those notions of “legitimate right,” which were inconsistent with
the constitution and conduct of this country. But such doctrines
were to be expected from those ministers who were inattentive to
the wants of the people, who disregarded the example of the noble
�SECOND TRIAL.
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Sully, the great minister of that truly great sovereign, Henry IV.,
who said, in the spirit of real benevolence and princely duty, that
his utmost ambition was that every peasant in his dominions
should have each day a pullet in his pot. The existence of con
spiracies against the liberties of the people was, he observed,
sufficiently obvious from the suspension and re-suspension of the
Habeas Corpus Act. The next prayer to the government was,
“that ye spend not extravagantly the money raised from the
production of our labours, nor take for yourselves that which ye
need not.” This was surely not to be condemned, especially aftei*
government had sanctioned the scandalous Lisbon job, in which
Mr. Canning took from the public purse no less than £14,000 for
doing nothing, in a situation in which his predecessor, who had
something to do, received only £6,000. Yet this deduction from
the public purse, at a period of dire distress, Ministers made for
this most improper purpose, and Mr. Canning accepted the bribe
without the excuse of necessity, for his means were ample. Did
not such a transaction, amidst a thousand others, justify an allusion
to public money spent extravagantly, and given to those who
needed it not ?
Mr. Ho n e then adverted to the mode of prosecution by informa
tion, which was adopted against him, and said, that the statesmen
who effected the Devolution had expressly stipulated for the
abolition of this practice, though the stipulation appeared not to
have been subsequently fulfilled. The whole of the recent pro
ceedings of the Administration had his total disapprobation, and
therefore he commented upon them through the medium of paro
dies. Their measures were those of little men of little minds ;
their measures were the objects of his contempt, and the men
themselves, as Ministers, were the objects of his pity. It was
with pleasure, therefore, that he ever from that quarter heard any
thing accidentally advantageous to the country, and thence he
was gratified by the declaration of the Attorney-General on the
preceding day, that he held in equal estimation all classes
of Christians, no matter what were their particular forms of
worship.
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SECOND TRIAL.
Mr. Ho n e said, he was by no means exhausted, but he was
afraid of tiring the jury, whom he most respectfully and sincerely
thanked for their patience. If they required it, he would go
through every supplication to our rulers in the parody, to show
that what he said he was justified in saying—that it was true, and
not libellous—that if there was ridicule, those who rendered them
selves ridiculous, however high their station, had no right to cry
out because they were ridiculed. He intended to laugh at them.
They were his vindictive prosecutors, and his hypocritical perse
cutors ; and laugh at them he would, till they ceased to be the
objects of his laughter by ceasing to be Ministers. He expressed
a willingness to expound the whole of the parody, in order to
remove the imputation of libel, if the jury thought it necessary;
but perhaps the specimen of his remarks on the parts he had read
would be sufficient. The gentlemen of the jury would take the
parody with them, and consider it coolly at their leisure, and draw
their own conclusions, whether he proceeded through the whole or
not. Mr. Hone was resuming when he was stayed by ■
A Ju r y m a n —It is not necessary for you to read any further;
we are satisfied.
Mr. Ho n e said, Gentlemen, I thank ye—He was glad on many
accounts to hear the jury were satisfied, and would trouble the
jury but a short time longer. He never intended by these parodies
to excite ridicule against the Christian religion, and none but the
weakest men could honestly suppose so, and even they did it
without consideration. His intention was merely political. It
was done to excite a laugh. Was a laugh treason ? Surely not.
“ The lean-faced Cassius never laughs.” The learned judge who
tried the cause yesterday (Mr. Justice Abbott) had said, that to
take the name of the Lord in vain was profanation. Let Mr.
Attorney-General look to this ; for he found that he had made a
free use of this hallowed name at the late trial of Mr. Wooler.
When he made this allusion, he begged to assure the learned gen
tleman that nothing was further from his mind than any notion
that in the extracts from the Attorney-General’s speech, which he
was about to read, the name of God was introduced in any other
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SECOND TRIAL.
\
way than that which might be done in an earnest ana^a^id\" o
delivery. But the Attorney-General had made in his speech on
Mr. Wooler’s trial, the following expressions :—
“ There are some persons who suppose, or choose to state they sup
pose, that persons filling the situation which I fill {God knows un
worthily) are servants of the Crown.”
“ The prosecution is not instituted on my own judgment (for God
knows that is weak), but in concurrence with that of my learned
friends.”
“ If any man can doubt that the defendant meant this as a libel
upon Ministers, God defend my understanding.”
“ If he did not mean to violate the law of the country, in God's
name let him show it.”
“ If he can show, by a preceding or following sentence, that this is
not the meaning intended to be expressed, in the name of Heaven let
him do it.”
“ God knows a great deal of my life has been spent in public.”
“ God forbid, that it should be said the highest and lowest man are
not equal in the eye of the law.”
“ Thank God, the richest and the poorest man are equally protected.”
Mr. Ho n e begged to remind the Attorney-General of what he
had stated yesterday respecting the Ten Commandments, and the
reverential awe which ought to be entertained for them. One of
these commands was, “ Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord
thy God in vain;” but it appeared that the learned gentleman
himself had broken this commandment. He was sure that the
learned gentleman had no intention of breaking the commandments,
or degrading sacred subjects, and therefore he was morally absolved
from the consequences of the impression which such irreverent
appeals to the Deity might produce. The defendant absolved him
from any intention of taking God’s name in vain, and he wished
the same construction to be put on the parodies which he had
written.
He concluded by imploring the jury, if they thought him
capable of sending forth the publication with the intent attributed
to him, to find him guilty; but if, as he anticipated, they dis-
><
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SECOND TRIAL.
believed that he had published with such an intention, then he
relied on a verdict of Not Guilty. His politics was his crime;
and if he were guilty, the real libellers were those who instituted
the prosecution against him, for their punishment should precede
his. Why did Mr. Canning escape, if he, Wm. Hone, were guilty ?
The Ministers knew they had among them those who had gone
unwhipped of justice.
The Right Hon. George Canning was
the man represented in Gillray’s graphic parody on the ascent of
Elijah, which he had in his hand, as holding forth his arms to
catch the mantle falling from Mr. Pitt, who was, like Elijah,
mounting in his chariot to the skies. He thanked the jury for
their patience; everything he valued in life was in their hands_
his character, his reputation, his subsistence. He asked from
them no mercy, he wanted only justice. If they thought he pub
lished the parody with the intent attributed to him, then let him be
“ Lash’d for a rascal naked through the world.”
If, as his conscience told him, they thought otherwise, then they
would send him home to his family instead of the King’s Bench
Prison.
Mr. Hone’s address lasted from a quarter to eleven o’clock to a
quarter past five o’clock. He was about to call evidence to prove
that he stopped the circulation of the parodies when he found they
were considered offensive ; when
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l rose, and submitted that evidence of
stopping the publication could not be received in a case where the
mere fact and intent of that publication were to be considered.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —You are right as to the rule of evidence.
It has nothing to do with the issue on the verdict of Guilty or Not
Guilty. At the same time I shall take this evidence as a circum
stance to be considered in mitigation of punishment, if the
defendant should be convicted. This may be a convenient way
of taking the evidence for him, as he might be put to the expense
of affidavits on a future occasipn, if it were now rejected.
Mr. Ho n e —I merely adduce it to show how soon I stopped
the publication.
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129
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —That will not do away the offence,
though it may be a very considerable mitigation of the punishment.
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l —In that light I can have no possible
objection to its being received.
Be n j a m in Gr im s e n deposed, that he was the defendant’s shop
man at the time the sale of the parodies was stopped by order of
defendant. Witness entered into defendant’s service at the
beginning of January last, at which time the sale of the parodies
was very considerable. They were indeed in the highest sale at
the time they were stopped. There was a great deal of application
for them both by private individuals and by booksellers, after the
sale was stopped. It was stopped on the 22nd of February. There
were about 3,000 sold altogether.
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l —We admit the defendant stopped
his own sale on the 22nd of February.
Mr. Ho n e —I am obliged to the Attorney-General, but I would
rather the jury should take it from the mouth of the witness.
Wm . M‘Do n n e l l deposed, that he was the shopman of Mr.
Hone, and had immediately succeeded Benjamin Grimsen ; that
he was never allowed to sell “ Wilkes’s Catechism,” although
several persons applied to him for it; some of those applicants
having tendered half-a-crown and more for a copy of it, while one
offered a pound note. To a question from the Judge, witness
answered that he entered into the defendant’s service about the
beginning of April last. He was cautioned against selling any of
these parodies.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —Then you had them in the shop ?
Witness—No, my lord.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —What do you mean by being cautioned ?
—a caution would be superfluous, if the parodies were not there.
The Witness—Large sums were offered. I could have got £1
for one; and the caution was, lest a stray one should be picked
up in rummaging the shelves.
Ge o r g e Bu t l e r , of Castle Street, in the Borough, deposed,
that he called at the defendant’s house about April last, with a
view to purchase some copies of “ Wilkes’s Political Catechism,”
K
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SECOND TRiÀL.
but that the shopman, as well as the defendant himself, refused to
let him have any; that this refusal served to interrupt a friendship
of twenty years’ standing, which he had had with the defendant.
Mr. Hit c h in g s deposed, that he applied in vain at the defend
ant’s shop, about the beginning of March last, for copies of the
parodies, including “ Wilkes’s Catechism that he did not know
anything about those parodies, until he heard of their having been
prosecuted, and then, from curiosity, he became anxious to sec
them.
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l rose to reply—He said, that the
consideration of this case had occupied so much time, that he
would endeavour to compress what he had to say into as little
compass as possible.. The defendant had alluded to some expres
sions which he supposed had fallen from him on a former occasion.
In speaking of toleration, the defendant had supposed that he
held in equal esteem and veneration men of all professions of
religion.' This was a mistake : what he had said was, that if a
man was a Christian, though his mode and form of worship might
differ from the forms of the Established Church, to which he him
self belonged, yet if he performed his duty towards his God, and
believed in the essential articles of the Christian faith, he held
that man in estimation and regard—not in equal estimation. As
to the allusion to his having taken the name, of God in vain on a
former trial; all he had to say was, that he knew nothing of the
accuracy of the report; but if Mr. Hone could derive any advan
tage from his admission, he was free to say, that he had much
blame to take to himself for making too free a use of the name
of his Maker in attesting the sincerity of the opinions lie was then
delivering. This he confessed was wrong; for he hoped that all
persons would remember that the great Mr. Boyle never uttered
the name of God without a pause, at the same time showing his
reverence by the obeisance of his body. But this really had
nothing to do with the question. The impropriety of one man
could not be an excuse for that of another. As to the filing of an
information ex officio, it was part of the law of the land : it had
been part of the common law from the earliest times, and was
�SECOND TRIAL.
131
recognised by the statute law. The subject did not pass over
without great consideration at the time of the revolution. The
great men of that day redressed such abuses as they thought
required redress. There having been a right to file informations
by the Master of the King’s Bench, and private persons having
made use of him to create vexatious proceedings, a law was passed
in the 4th of 'William III., reciting those facts, and transferring
and confining the power to the Attorney-General. He denied
that the defendant had any ground of complaint on account of the
delay, which had, in fact, arisen from a desire to show all reason
able indulgence. It was for them to consider whether this wTere a
libel, and whether the intention of the publisher was to produce
those consequences which must result from it. The defendant
had occupied a considerable portion of their time in stating that,
at different periods of our history, parodies had been published on
the Scriptures. This fact, however to be lamented, afforded no
justification ; many of those parodies which he had read to-day
were profane, were impious, were libellous. Without meaning to
detract from the debt of gratitude owing to Martin Luther, he
must say, that he had profaned the Holy Writ. The same might
be said of Dr. Boys. And as to the other parodies of later times,
by whomsoever written, they were profane, and, being profane,
were the subject of prosecution. The Scriptures should be looked
upon with a sacred eye, and never be used for secular purposes.
Equally objectionable would it be to apply obscene tunes to the
Psalms of David, or even the hymns of Dr. Watts. But these
points had as little to do with the case, as the prints which the
defendant had exhibited. He (the Attorney-General) had selected
the defendant for prosecution because he had taken the lead in
these recent parodies. The defendant asserted, that he did not
mean to do wrong ; but we must judge by the actions of men ;
and what he charged was, that no man could read this work
without seeing that it must lessen that sacred regard and reverence
which every Christian owed to the public service of the Church.
If any man were to parody the prayers of any of the sectaries of
the Church, supposing them to be consistent with Christian wor
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SECOND TRIAL.
ship, he would commit an offence against religion. If the
doctrines urged by the defendant to-day were to be established in
a court of justice, it would produce such an inundation of blas
phemous publications as nothing perhaps could check. He saw
from the title-page that the defendant had published several tracts
of a similar nature, which were to be had at his shop, in order, no
doubt, that there might be a collection of parodies like those which
he had read to-day. He should, to the last hour of his life, declare,,
that he should not have been fit, nor ought he to have been
suffered to have retained his situation a moment longer, as the lawofficer of the public, if he had not followed up these prosecutions.
He called himself the law-officer of the public, because he stood
there as counsel and prosecutor for the sake of preserving reverence
and awe for religion and the sacred service of the Church of
England. Take, said the Attorney-General to the jury, this
Prayer Book and this pamphlet, compare them together, and I
have no doubt you will say that the latter was intended to bring
the former into contempt. I have done my duty; I leave you
to do yours.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h then proceeded to charge the jury. They
would recollect the evidence they had heard on the part of the
defendant, that he had stopped the circulation of this work on the
27th of February; but when he told them this, it was no matter
of consideration on the question of Guilty, or Not Guilty. Every
man might endeavour to do away his offence by a sort of repara
tion : he had, however, had the painful duty of sitting, when the
crime of forgery was brought before him, in cases where the money
had been sent back ; but so little had this been attended to, that
the severest penalties of the law had been enforced. The fact
which the defendant had proved could only have effect in mitigntion of punishment. The information charged that this was an
impious and profane libel: it was a libel on one of the most
beautiful compositions that ever came from the hands of men : it
was a part of the ritual even before the Protestant form of worship
was established ; and to bring this into ridicule, to endeavour to
write down the Litany, was impious and profane. It was said
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133
that there was no such intention ; but the law considered that
every man intends that which he has done. The smallness of the
price for which these works were sold only accelerated the sale,
and increased the danger. One offence could not be justified by
another : on the contrary, it was an aggravation to say, that
persons had done so before, and thence to add to the number of
offenders. Amongst all the parodies which the defendant had
read, he could not find any that bore any proportion to the
enormity of the present. The Litany, and all the forms of prayer,
were in our statute books, as much as the law of inheritance,
which gives to a son the estate of his father. Lord Hale, venerable
as well for the sanctity of his character, as for the profundity of
his learning, had declared, as the Attorney-General had told them,
that Christianity was part of the common law of the land. If this
publication were not to ridicule religion, let them take it with
them, and see what other purpose it could answer. To raise a
laugh—a laugh at whom, if it were not at religion ? The last
passage in the work seemed to be the worst; for there, instead of
the solemn and impressive words, “ May the grace of our Lord
Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy
Ghost, be with you all evermore ; it said, “ May the grace of our
Lord George, and the love of Louis XVIII., and the fellowship of
the Pope, be with you all evermore.” The defendant had adverted
to many grievances that did not exist. The right of filing informa
tions ex officio was expressly saved to the Attorney-General by the
statute of William. And as to granting copies of the information,
in what instance had such copies ever been granted to any subject
■of the realm ? Did the defendant wish a particular law for him
self ? He said he was ignorant of the charge to which he had to
plead. What! did he not publish this work ; and how could he
not know what the charge contained ? Then what other grievance
had he to complain of ? Was it that he was discharged upon his
own recognisance ? It was now for them to consider whether the
defendant was guilty. Different persons, it was said, had pub
lished similar things. As to going up to the time of Martin
Luther, Boys, and so on, the habits of those times were totally
�1.34
SECOND TRT A T..
diffeient, the first scenic performances were mysteries or repre
sentations of incidents in Sacred Writ. Luther himself was not
very temperate when he was engaged in controversy. There were
many things in the parodies which have been read that must be
considered as profane and impious; but this of the defendant
transcended them all in magnitude. He would deliver them his
solemn opinion, as he was required by Act of Parliament t.o do ;
and under the authority of that Act, and still more in obedience
to his conscience and his God, he pronounced this to be a most
impious and profane libel. Believing and hoping that they (the
jury) were Christians, he had not any doubt but that they would
be of the same opinion.
(His lordship, who appeared much oppressed with indisposition
during the latter part of the trial, delivered his charge in so faint
a tone, that it was scarcely audible beyond the Bench.)
. The jury then, ata quarter past six, retired; at eight they
returned; and their names having been called over, the foreman,
in a steady voice, pronounced a verdict of—NOT GUILTY.
The Court was exceedingly crowded; and as soon as the deci
sion was heard, loud and reiterated shouts of applause ensued.
His lordship called upon the sheriffs to preserve order ; but the
expression of feeling was so universal, that all interposition was
impossible. The crowd then left the Court, and, mixing with themultitude in the hall and in the passages, communicated their
feelings with their news, and the loudest acclamations of applause
filled the avenues, and were echoed through Guildhall and KinoStreet, which were extremely crowded. Never, indeed, was a
greater degree of public interest excited upon any trial. The Court
was crowded throughout the day ; and for several hours before the
jury retired, Guildhall was as full as upon the assemblage of a
Common Hall. The sensation produced by the result of this
important trial cannot be described. Before his lordship left the
Couit, he asked the Attorney-General what case he would take
next. The Attorney-General replied, that he should take next
that which stood next in order—“ The Kin g against Ho n e , for
the ‘ Sinecurists’ Creech’”
�SECOND TRIAL.
135
Mr. Hone endeavoured to leave the Court privately; but he
was recognised by some persons in the Court, who, in their exul
tation, were forgetful of the great fatigue he had undergone during
his trials on this and the preceding day. He was pressed upon by
innumerable greetings, and hands shaking, and was desired on all
sides to get into a coach ; but this he positively declined, and
almost, overpowered by the eagerness of salutation, escaped into
the Baptist-Head Coffee House, Aldermanbury; where he was
joined by a few friends. After having taken some slight refresh
ment, he 'walked home unrecognised, to his anxious family. On
his arrival he was much indisposed, and apparently too much
exhausted to undergo the fatigue of defending himself on the
third trial, which was appointed by the Attorney-General and
Lord Ellenborough for the next morning, at half-past nine o’clock,
on an ex-offido information for publishing a third Parody, entitled
“ The Sinecurists’ Creed.”
��THIRD TRIAL.
THE KING
a g a in s t
WILLIAM HONE,
OX AN EX-OFFICIO INFORMATION FOR PUBLISHING A PARODY
ON THE ATHANASIAN CREED,
ENTITLED
“THE SINECURISTS’ CREED.”
Tr ie d
in
Gu il d h a l l , Lo n d o n , o n Sa t u r d a y , De c e m b e r 20, 1817, a t t h e
Lo n d o n Sit t in g s a l t e r Mic h a e l ma s Te e m .
BEFORE LORD ELLENBOROUGH AND A SPECIAL JURY.
On the night of Friday, the 19th of December, 1817, imme
diately after the verdict of Not Guilty on the trial of the second
information against Mr. Hone, for the parody on the “ Litany,” it
was settled by the Lord Chief-Justice and the Attorney-General,
that the trial of the third information, for the parody on the
“ Athanasian Creed,” should commence the next morning ; yet it
was believed on all hands, that the third information would not be
then brought on j and, indeed, it was generally supposed it would
be abandoned altogether. The most obvious reasons were, that as
two verdicts had been given for Mr. Hone, by two different
juries, the Ministers of the Crown could with no good grace put
him upon his trial a third time; and further, that fatigued as he
had been, by long previous anxiety, and the exertions of two suc
cessive days—on the first of which he spoke near six hours, and
on the second near seven hours—it would be indecent to briim
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THIRD TRIAL.
him into Court a third time, without the lapse of a single day,
and calculate upon the previous exhaustion of his bodily strength
lor that success which they could not hope for while he retained it.
However, it being understood on the following morning,
Saturday, December 20th, that the third information would
really be tried, the avenues of the Court were crowded at an
earlier hour than on the two former days, and public curiosity
was at its height. The sheriffs, city marshals, and an increased
body of peace-officers, were in attendance. At a quarter-past nine
the Attorney-General appeared in Court, and about the same time
the youth (Mr. Hone’s brother) brought in a larger quantity of
books than before, which he placed in order on the table of the
Court. Mr. Hone himself did not arrive until half-an-hour
afterwards. He appeared exceedingly ill and exhausted.
At a quarter before ten o’clock, Lord Ellenborough being
seated on the bench, Mr. Law stated that the prosecution was the
King against Hone, on an ex-officio information ; and proceeded to
call over the names of the jury. Though the Court was crowded
to excess, the most profound silence prevailed.
Only seven special jurymen attending, the At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l
prayed a tales.
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l challenged William Green, one of the
talesmen who served on the jury-the day before.
Mr. Ho n e immediately rose, evidently labouring under great
indisposition, and begged that he might be allowed time to
recollect himself. A moment after, he said he objected to
that peremptory challenge of a common juror, and required the
cause of it.
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l observed that the Crown had a right
to challenge, without assigning any cause, until the panel was gone
through. If there did not then appear to be a sufficient number
to form a jury, he should, if called upon, state his reasons for
challenging any individuals.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h said—The defendant might in that case
call upon the Attorney-General, but not before—that he believed
was the rule of law.
�THIRD TRIAD.
139
Mr. Ho n e was at this time sitting down, and appeared ex
tremely agitated.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —I believe, Mr. Hone, you have not heard
the observation of the Attorney-General.
Mr. Ho n e replied, that he did not distinctly hear it.
His lordship repeated the words, and assured the defendant
that he should have the benefit of any legal objection that appeared
material to his defence.
Mr. Ho n e —I am thankful to your lordship.
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l challenged J. Matthews, merchant.
Mr. Ho n e again rose to object to the challenge.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h repeated the assurance he had made, and
the defendant sat down evidently seriously indisposed—he was
much convulsed.
A.gentleman at the bar, who sat near the Attorney-General,
having made some remark upon the appearance of Mr. Hone,—
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l addressed his lordship—What he had
to state, he said, did not arise from a wish on his part to postpone
the proceedings of the Court; it arose from a very different source.
Mr. Hone appeared to be very unwell ; and it had been just
suggested, that a delay of the proceedings might be necessary, in
consideration of his probable inadequacy to enter upon his defence
with the full command of those energies which he possessed in a
very considerable degree. This was a ground of postponement
that could by no means be controverted.
Mr. Ho n e —I make no request, my lord.
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l —The defendant certainly appeared
unable to make any great physical exertion, and as it was necessary
for him to have a full control upon so serious an occasion, the
postponement might be desirable.
Mr. Ho n e said, he was thankful for the offer of indulgence. He
certainly felt much agitation, but it was not agitation of mind.
He was merely exhausted from the effort of the day before. In a
little time, he hoped to be so far recovered as to be able to enter
upon his defence.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —Mr. Hone, you will now make a pru-
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THIRD TRIAL.
dent and discreet election ; for if the trial begins, I shall not be
able to put a stop to it.
Mr. Ho n e My lord, I make my election to proceed now, if
your lordship pleases.
The following gentlemen were then sworn :__
THE JURY.
Ge o r g e Mo r e w o o d , Pancras Lane.
Ge o r g e El w a l l , Love Lane.
Eg b e r t Ed g a r , Fenchurcli Street.
Da n ie l Ec k e n s t e in , College Hill.
Ja m e s Ba r r y , Cateaton Street.
Ja me s Br o c k b a n k , Bucklersbury.
Wil l ia m Cl e r k , Philpot Lane.
Merchants.
Bic h a r d Le w is .
Al f r e d Co l e s .
Ja m e s Pe a r c e .
Fr e d e r ic k Sa n s u m .
An t h o n y Kin g Ne w m a n .
Talesmen.
xr
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —The jury is now formed ; and, lest you
may suppose that you can object to them hereafter, I must state,
that you will not have such an opportunity. If you have any
objection, advance it now—there will not be an opportunity at a
future time. Should you have any objection to the AttorneyGeneral’s challenge, you must rely on it now.
Mr. Ho n e —I thought there would be a future time to
discuss it.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —There will not. I rather think you
will find nothing in the challenge to excite suspicion; but don’t be
advised by me.
Mr. Ho n e —The jury are all strangers to me. I have no doubt
that they are respectable and conscientious men, and I wave the
objection altogether.
Mr. Sh e ph e r d then opened the pleadings. This was an in
formation filed by the Attorney-General against the defendant, for
publishing an irreligious and profane libel on that part of the
Divine Service of the Church of England, denominated “The
Creed of St. Athanasius,” with intent to scandalise and bring into
contempt the said Creed.
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l now commenced his address to the
�THIRD TRIAL.
141
jury, observing, that the information which he had thought it a
part of his official duty to file against this defendant, charged him
with the publication of a profane libel on that part of the service
of the Church of England which was called the “ Creed of St.
Athanasius.” The tendency, if not the object, of such a libel,
appeared to him to be to excite impiety and irreligion in the minds of
those who might read it, and to bring into ridicule and contempt
the mode of celebrating Divine worship in this country. That
Christianity was a part of the law of England, was a proposition
which no man could deny; for it had been so held from the earliest
periods of our history. At the Reformation, and by several sub
sequent Acts in the reigns of Edward VI. and of Elizabeth, the
form of the national religion was established. But after the re
storation of Charles II. the Act of Uniformity, as it was called, was
passed, and provided that form of public prayer which was inserted
in the Common Prayer Book, and ordained to be kept in all parts
of the country, as a record to be produced, if necessary, in Courts
of Justice. Whatever relaxation from penalties imposed by this
statute might have taken place since that time, the Act, in other
respects, remained untouched, the established form of prayer was
left sacred, and was to be defended against all who sought to bring
it into contempt. Whatever differences of opinion might prevail
on the doctrinal points of the Athanasian Creed, amongst different
religious sects, it was a part of the Church Service, as established
by law in England. And although the law did not forbid the
decent discussion of the theological subjects to which it referred,
it ought not to allow it to be scoffed at, or treated with general
ridicule. It was for the jury to decide whether this was not the
true character of the. publication recited on the record, and whether
this did not amount to the offence of libel. There could, he
apprehended, be no doubt with regard to the tendency of the
work : but it might be urged in the course of the defence, that
such was not the object of the author in publishing it. But he
must take leave to say, that if a man advisedly did a wrong act,
he was answerable for its natural consequences, because it was his
duty to reflect upon its tendency and nature before he committed
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t h ir d t r ia l
.
It. Now, writing and publishing were plainly acts of deliberation,
in excuse of which, if they were wicked or unjustifiable, it was
impossible to allege a momentary impulse or the infirmity of
human nature. He was astonished, indeed, that such a pretence
should be employed, as that the defendant was unconscious of the
tendency of the writing in question. From the number of books
which he saw on the table, it might be attempted to show that
similar works had been circulated by other persons. But whoever
they were, or whatever their merits in other respects, he had no
hesitation to say, that they had been guilty of the same offence,
and that such instances could, therefore, constitute no justification
of the defendant’s conduct. The libel in question must be judged
upon its intrinsic contents alone, and not by the authority of
parodies equally offensive. The Attorney-General then read several
passages from the paper he held in his hand, which was entitled
11 The Sinecurists’ Creed,” and proceeded to show that those pas
sages were a parody upon many parts of St. Athanasius’s Creed,
by reading the corresponding paragraphs. The injury likely to
arise from the dissemination of this awful system of impiety would
be, the Attorney-General observed, particularly great in the case
of those who were not enlightened by education, and who were
therefore easily initiated into bad principles by publications of
that kind. But that was not the only class that would suffer.
When children were brought up in the principles of Christianity,
the best expectations might be entertained from their mature
years ; but if they were not protected from these inroads, the great
bond that linked man to man would be shaken, and there was no
vice that did not afford a speedy promise of becoming greater and
more uncontrollable. The man whose acts led to this unfortunate
event must be responsible. His fault arose not from oversight or
thoughtlessness, but from a cool deliberation. It would be for the
jury to say whether the defendant’s publication was calculated to
have the impression he described.
Mr. Sw a n s o n , clerk in the office of the Solicitor to the
Treasury, proved that he purchased the pamphlet on the 17th
February, at Mr. Hone’s late shop in Fleet Street, &c.
�THIRD TRIAL.
143
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —Perhaps it may not be thought necessary
by the defendant, that St. Athanasius’s Creed should be read.
Mr. Ho n e wished it to be read, that he might have the more
time to prepare his defence.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h -—I had better give you time expressly
than take up the time of the Court unnecessarily. The Creed
shall, however, be read, if it is your wish.
Mr. Law read St. Athanasius’s Creed; after which he read the
publication charged as a libel.
Th e SINECURISTS’ CREED, or BELIEF ; as used throughout the
Kingdom. Quicunque vult. By Authority. From Hone’s Weekly
Commentary, No. II., London : Printed for one of the Candidates
for the Office of Printer to the King’s Most Excellent Majesty, and
Sold by Wil l ia m Ho n e , 55, Fleet Street, and 67, Old Bailey, three
Doors from Ludgate Hill. 1817. Price Twopence.
THE CREED OR BELIEF.
ST Upon all suitable occasions may be sung or said the following
CONFESSION—upstanding and uncovered.
Quicunque vult.
WHOSOEVER will be a Sinecurist: before all things it is necessary
that he hold a place of profit.
Which place except every Sinecurist do receive the salary for, and
do no service : without doubt it is no Sinecure.
And a Sinecurist’s duty is this: that he divide with the Ministry
and be with the Ministry in a Majority.
Neither confounding the Persons: nor dividing with the Opposition.
For there is one Ministry of Old Bags, another of Derry Down
Triangle : and another of the Doctor.
*
But the Ministry of Old Bags, of Derry Down Triangle, and of the
Doctor, is all one : the folly equal, the profusion co-eternal.
Such as Old Bags is, such is Derry Down Triangle : and such is the
Doctor.
Old Bags a Mountebank, Derry Down Triangle a Mountebank : the
Doctor a Mountebank.
* Triangle is a thing having three sides; the meanest and most tinkling of all
musical instruments; machinery used in military torture.
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THIRD TRIAL.
Old Bags incomprehensible, Derry Down Triangle incomprehensible :
the Doctor incomprehensible.
Old Bags a Humbug, Derry Down Triangle a Humbug: and the
Doctor a Humbug.
And yet they are not three Humbugs : but one Humbug.
As also they are not three incomprehensibles, nor three Mounte
banks : but one Mountebank, and one incomprehensible.
So likewise Old Bags is All-twattie, Derry Down Triangle Alltwattle : and the Doctor All-twattle.
And yet they are not three All-twattles : but one All-twattle.
So Old Bags is a Quack, Derry Down Triangle is a Quack: and the
Doctor is a Quack.
And yet they are not three Quacks : but one Quack.
So likewise Old Bags is a Fool, Derry Down Triangle is a Fool: and
the Doctor is a Fool.
And yet not three Fools : but one Fool.
For like as we are compelled by real verity : to acknowledge every
Minister by himself to be a Quack and Fool;
So are we forbidden by state etiquette: to say there be three
Quacks, or three Fools.
Derry Down Triangle is made of none : neither born nor begotten.
Old Bags is of himself alone : a Lawyer bred, a Lord created, by
his Father begotten.
The Doctor is of Old Bags, and of Derry Down Triangle : neither
made, nor created, nor begotten, but proceeding.
So there is one Old Bags, not three Old Bags: one Derry Down
Triangle, not three Triangles : one Doctor, not three Doctors.
And in this Ministry none is afore'or after the other : none is greater
or less than another.
But the whole three Ministers are co-Charlatans together, and
co-Tricksters.
So that, in all things, as is aforesaid: the Majority with the Ministry,
and the Ministry in the Majority, is to be worshipped.
He therefore that will be a Sinecurist, must thus think of the
Ministry.
Furthermore it is necessary to his Sinecure’s preservation : that he
also believe nightly the mystification of Derry Down Triangle.
For the Sinecurist’s right faith is, that he believe and confess : that
Derry Down Triangle, the qkeue* of the Ministry of the great man now
no more, is now both Minister and Manager.
* Kyntie, sf. tail, stalk, cue, trail, &c.
�THIRD TRIAL.
145
Minister, first selling the substance of his own country to this:
Manager scattering the substance of this over all the world;
Perfect Knave and perfect Fool: of unsparing despotic views—on
overstrained taxation subsisting;
Equal to Old Bags as touching grave Trickery : and inferior to the
Doctor as touching his Mummery.
Who although he be Knave and Fool, yet he is not two, but one
Minister ;
One ; not by a conversion of the Charlatan into the Minister ; but by
shooting a more showy juggler, who wanted, and still wants, to be a
Minister.
One altogether ; squandering in profusion our substance : by votes
of corrupt Majorities.
For as by power of Dupery, and our Money, he makes whom he
will his own : so by Intrigue and Cajolery, he is Minister :—
Who, to talk for our Salvation, descended to kiss the Nethermost
End of Tally-high-ho ; and rose again as a giant refreshed •
He ascended into a higher place, he sitteth at the right hand of the
Chair ; from whence he shall hear how those who being starved,—‘ by
the Visitation of God,’—became Dead.
At whose nodding all Sinecurists shall rise again, and again ;
and with their voices cry Aye! Aye! and the Laureate, in
token of joy, shall mournfully chaunt the most doleful Lay in his
Works.
And they that have said Aye ! Aye ! shall go into place everlasting;
and they that have said No ! shall go into everlasting Minorities.
And Co l e r id g e shall have a Jew’s Harp, and a Rabbinical Talmud,
and a Roman Missal: and Wo r d s w o r t h shall have a Psalter, and a
Primer, and a Reading Easy : and unto So u t h e y ’s Sack-but shall be
duly added: and with Harp, Sack-but, and Psaltery, they shall
make merry, and discover themselves before Derry Down Triangle,
and Hu m his most gracious Master, whose Kingdom shall have
no end.
This is. the Sinecurist’s duty, from doing more than which, except he
abstain faithfully, he cannot be a Sinecurist.
if Glory be to Old Bags, and to Derry Down Triangle, and to the
Doctor.
As it was in the Beginning is now and ever shall be, if such things
be, without end. Amen.
[Here endeth the Creed or Belief.]
L
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THIRD TRIAL.
During the Attorney-General’s opening, and whilst the Creed
and the alleged libel were being read, Mr. Hone was occasionally
occupied in making notes, but he seemed weak, and not collected
in his mind. He was engaged in writing when Mr. Law concluded
the reading of the Sinecurists’ Creed.
Mr. Ho n e rose and stated, that he was not quite prepared; he
craved the indulgence of the Court for a short time, whilst he
arranged the few thoughts he had been committing to paper; his
mind had not been quite cool ; he should be ready in five minutes,
at farthest; he would certainly not detain the Court longer than
that.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —The Attorney-General warned you, and
admonished you, in the situation you were placed as to health. I
offered you the indulgence of postponing the trial, but we really
cannot have delay interposed from time to time in the course of
the trial. If you shall wish even now to have it postponed, I
venture to predict that you will be suffered to request a delay of
the trial; but it must be a request, and unless you make it, the
trial must go on. Do you make such request ?
Mr. Ho n e (in a determined tone, and with an expression of
countenance which did not indicate much respect for his lordship
personally)—No 1 I make no such request! (His powers seemed
renovated by the refusal of the Court to give him time, and pausing
a few seconds, he said) My lord and gentlemen of the jury—
(turning from the jury to Lord Ellenborough, he exclaimed with
earnest vehemence), my lord, I am very glad to see your lordship
here to-day ; (with increased vehemence) I say, my lord, I am very
glad to see your lordship here to-day, because I feel I sustained an
injury from your lordship yesterday—an injury which I did not
expect to sustain. I do not know how very well to measure my
words, and yet I know I should do so in anything I have to
remark upon your lordship’s conduct; but if the proceedings of a
solemn trial, like that of yesterday, and this to-day are to be
interrupted—and I say that, because I think the charge your
lordship gave-----Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —I cannot hear any observations in that
�THIRD TRIAL.
147
way now, on what passed yesterday. You may make common
and ordinary observations, but I cannot sit here to be attacked.
Mr. Ho n e —(pausing, and looking significantly at Lord Ellenborough) I will not attack your lordship.
Mr. Ho n e —Gentlemen of the jury, I will not say what his
lordship did on the trial last night; but if his lordship should
think proper, on this trial to day, to deliver his opinion, I hope
that opinion will be coolly and dispassionately expressed by his
lordship. I say, if his lordship should think proper to give an
opinion, because notwithstanding what has been stated, his lord
ship is not bound to give an opinion; I repeat, gentlemen (most
vehemently), by Mr. Fox’s Libel Bill, the judge is not bound
to give an opinion: the Act does not make it imperative, but
leaves it discretionary with the judge whether he shall give his
opinion or not. It is true, there may be Acts of Parliament or
difficulties of law, the explanation of which requires the opinion
and the intervention of the judge ; but such is not the case upon
the occasion to which I allude. I will not relate what passed
upon my last trial, but I will suppose the case of a defendant
asking the opinion of the court for information, and answered in
a manner calculated rather to cause confusion in his mind than to
clear up the difficulty : and I will ask, whether such ought to be
the conduct of a person presiding in a court of justice1? An Act
of Parliament should be so clear, that he who runs may read; and
that is, that he who reads it may understand its meaning, without
the intervention of a judge; and I take this Act to be so. But,
nevertheless, if legal opinion be desired, there is the exposition of
the Vinerian Professor of Law upon it, Mr. Christian—no mean
authority; for this gentleman is distinguished for his learning and
legal knowledge, and is himself a judge, being Chief Justice of
Ely. That learned person, observing on Mr. Fox’s Libel Bill, in
his notes on Blackstone’s Commentaries (B, 4. p. 151, Ed. 1795)
says, “ That Statute provides that the judge may give his opinion
to the jury respecting the matter in issue,” not shall-----Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —You are mis-stating the statute.
Mr. Ho n e (l o u d )—I beg your lordship’s pardon (vehemently),
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THIRD TRIAL.
you are interrupting me, my lord. I was not quoting the statute,'
I was reading, as the gentlemen of the jury know, to whom I am
addressing myself, the Exposition of Professor Christian upon the
words of----Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —The words in the statute are “ shall or
may give his opinion.”
Mr. Ho n e —I shall read the statute presently.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —Well, go on.
Mi. Ho n e (earnestly and slowly)—My lord, I think it neces
sary to make a stand here. I cannot say what your lordship may
consider to be necessary interruption, but your lordship interrupted
me a great many times yesterday, and then said you would inter
rupt me no more, and yet your lordship did interrupt me after
wards ten times as much as you had done before you said you
would interrupt me no more. I feel it proper to make this obser
vation upon this interruption. Gentlemen, it is you who are
trying me to day. His lordship is no judge of me. You are my
judges, and you only are my judges. His lordship sits there to
receive your verdict. He does not even sit there to regulate the
trial—for the law has already regulated it. He sits there only as
the administrator of that law—to take care that nothing in the
regulation of the law prejudice the prosecutor or the defendant.
I hope that unless I transgress the law I shall not be again inter
rupted to day—but if I do, I crave interruption, for it will be
necessary. I hope for that necessary interruption, but then it
must be necessary interruption. If I transgress the law, I shall
do it unwittingly. I trust that I shall not be allowed to do it,
and then like a poor fly in the web of a spider, be pounced upon
and crushed !
Mr. Ho n e , resuming his argument, contended that by Mr.
Fox’s bill the judge was not bound to give any opinion on the
question, whether the thing under consideration was libel or not,
but that it was left discretionary for him to do so or not, as he
thought proper. His lordship seemed to think otherwise, and
that it was a part of his duty to give that opinion. His lordship
would, therefore, no doubt, pursue that course to-day—he would
�THIRD TRIAL.
149
not say what his lordship did yesterday, but he trusted his lord
ship to-day would give his opinion coolly and dispassionately,
without using either expression or gesture which could be con
strued as conveying an entreaty to the jury to think as he did.
He hoped the jury would not be beseeched into a verdict of guilty.
He was now brought to answer to a third accusation for a similar
alleged offence, by his Majesty’s Attorney-General; and he came
into Court wholly unprepared, unless from such preparation as
he might have collected from the probation of his two former
trials. The Attorney-General had behaved towards him most cour
teously, so far as he was concerned. He had experienced this
both on his trial and previous to it. He had no charge to bring
against that gentleman. He did not know how far the AttorneyGeneral acted in this business from his own private j udgment, or
in what degree he was subject to ministers. He was unacquainted
with the relation in which he stood; but had he received any
intimation from ministers to that effect, he believed he would not
thus have proceeded to bring him into Court a third time; he
should not have been once more dragged from his bed to appear
before a jury. Before coming into Court, he was so ill that he
thought he should not have been able to proceed. He had taken
no refreshment since yesterday, except one glass of wine, and was
so feeble last night, that he could not get into bed without help.
He was apprehensive that notwithstanding he had received medi
cal aid, he should not have been able to stand up in Court: but
had he not been able to walk, he should have ordered himself to
be brought in his bed, and laid upon the table, for the purpose of
making that defence, even in a state of feebleness, which he unex
pectedly found himself now able to enter upon with more strength
than he had hoped to possess : indeed, his powers were restored in
an extraordinary measure. He should, even under the most help
less debility, have defended himself against the charge of circu
lating a publication which was called a libel, but which he knew,
and should prove, to be no such thing. He should regret much,
if in the course of his trial any such expression of feeling should
be manifested as occurred yesterday. They who were present
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t h ir d t r ia l
.
ought to command themselves, and remember that he was on a
trial of life or death. Such was truly the case; for, if found
guilty, he knew he should receive sentence for such a term of
imprisonment as to deprive him of health, and eventually of life
Those who interrupted yesterday did what was wrong, but it was
not the only wrong to be complained of. He had that morning
complained to the sheriff then sitting by his lordship (De s a n g e s )
that two of his witnesses were refused admission into Court on the
trial yesterday, though they produced their subpcenaes at the door.
That little indulgence might have been granted to those who lived
in his service, and entertained some friendship for him, merclv
because he had not used them ill.- It was attempted to turn the
laugh which had been excited yesterday in Court to his disadvan
tage. It was attributed by the Attorney-General to an irreligious
feeling occasioned by the parodies which he had published. This
he could not consider very fair; it had a tendency to make the
jury believe that this laugh was one of the irreligious effects
arising from the productions he had published; whereas, it was
the effect of the ridiculous allusions to his Majesty’s ridiculous
Ministers, without the least reference or thought for an instant
respecting the Athanasian Creed. The parody for which he was
at present upon trial, had been reserved, he believed, for no other
reason but because it was the weakest of the three. The AttorneyGeneral, no doubt, had selected the parody on the catechism as
the first object of accusation, for no other reason but because he
looked upon it as the strongest case; that on the Litany was the
next; the last was beyond comparison the weakest. It was an
old saying, that experience made fools wise. Experience, however
never made fools wise. It made men of understanding wiser, but
not fools. If there was any truth in the proverb, he should not
then have been a third time in Court, after being twice acquitted
upon similar charges. He did not impute folly to the AttorneyGeneral. On his part, the proceedings arose perhaps from an
error in judgment; but there were others who, after the experience
of the last two days, were so foolish as to allow him to be brought
a third time to trial, though the chance of being found guilty was
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reduced even, to less than, the proportion of 1 to 99$
General, neither upon this, nor upon the former
much by way of authority to enforce his opinion. All the au
thority was upon his (Mr. Hone’s) side. It was contained in the
books that lay upon the table. He had selected many passages
from them which he should have occasion to read once more.
They all proved that parodies upon the Scripture had been in fre
quent use even among pious and enlightened men. The opinion
of Sir Matthew Hale had been mentioned and quoted as the
highest, authority upon the subject of religion as connected with
the state. He was, no doubt, an honest, wise, upright, and pious
judge. He could not say he was in error in the particular opinion
alluded to on a former trial, but he was not infallible, and might
have been deceived as well as others. That pious and upright
judge actually condemned to death some persons for being witches.
He might have been a great man, but this was a proof that he
was weak at least in one respect. With respect to the authorities
he had quoted upon the subject of parody, there was a great
difference of opinion between him and the Attorney-General.
He should, however, quote them again, and should tell the jury
that Martin Luther was a parodist as well as William Hone.
In the title page of Wilkes’s Catechism, he had stated that it was
never before published; he afterwards, however, discovered that
it had been printed and published before. This information he
had from a gentleman of the bar, Mr. Adolphus, who came into
his shop to purchase the Catechism, and seeing it mentioned on the
title-page that it had never before been published, informed him
that it was printed and published in the 1st volume of the
Morning Chronicle,, remarking at the same time, that the title
page was an imposition. Such was the fact. Was Mr. Adolphus
in court ? he believed that gentleman would have no hesitation
in admitting it. Truth was always his leading principle, as it
should be that of every other man. He defied any person with
whom he had the least dealing, to bring a charge of falsehood
against him. With respect to the parody on Wilkes’s Catechism,
he wrote it himself upon a manuscript which had been put into
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his hands by a gentleman, who told him, at the same time, that it
was never before published. That gentleman belonged to the
profession of the law. He was a regular attendant upon church,
and his lordship heard of him every term he sat. Whatever might
be the consequence to himself, no consideration could induce him
to disclose the name of the person who furnished him with the
manuscript of Wilkes’s- Catechism, although that person had not
once called upon him, or in any other way noticed him since this
prosecution. He was persuaded though, that if he conceived it
to be a blasphemous publication, or to have the evil tendency
attached to it upon the trial, the gentleman to whom he alluded
would have been the last man to put such a production in a
train for circulation. The Attorney-General, in his reply on the
former day, seemed to think that the Litany was not published
before. The truth, however, was, that three weeks previous to
his publishing it, it had been circulated widely in very populous
distiicts. It was sent to him, not by the author, whom he did
not know at the time, but by another person, whose name had
been heard by every man in England. The author had called on
him before the prosecution, and avowed it to be his; but it would
have been courteous in that person to visit him in prison, or at
least to have sent him a line, were it only with a view of consoling
him in his trouble. It was true he (Mr. Hone) made some altera
tions in it. He introduced some additional supplications, the
Glory be to George : and the Collect for Ministers; “ Enlighten
our Darkness,” &c. This last prayer, however, had no effect on
ministers j for otherwise, after being acquitted twice before, they
would have been enlightened to the folly of putting him a third
time upon trial. He did not pretend to be well acquainted with
the law of libel; but he was far from thinking that all truth was
a libel, though there were many things true that should not be
told or written. Were he, for instance, to give a scandalous
history of all he knew, or could learn, of a certain great personage,
from his birth to the present day, however true it might be, no
person could say that the publication of it would not be equally
scandalous. Such a publication differed very much from what
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might accidentally or carelessly occur in conversation, or slip from
a person’s pen while writing. The doctrine of libel was quite
undefined; but he had no doubt that the day would come when
nothing would be considered libel until it was declared so
by a jury.
Parodies, it was said by the Court and the Attorney-General,
should not now be defended by the production of similar publica
tions by other persons, and at former periods But why, he would
ask, single him out, after he had been twice before acquitted by
two juries, even af'tei' all the picking and packing of the Crown
Office? Why send him now a third time before another jury,
selected in the same way ? With respect to parody, it was as
ancient even as the time of Homer. The finest productions of
genius were produced in ancient as well as modern times. They
were parodied because they were generally known, and were in
themselves original and beautiful, obtaining for that reason an
extensive popularity. The thing was not done from motives of
contempt—quite the contrary. If parodies on Scripture were
criminal, they must have been so at all times, whoever might have
been the author, and whoever might have then been AttorneyGeneral. The informations against him were filed by the late
Attorney-General. He was brought into Court on the 5th of May
last, and that very day Sir William Garrow resigned his situation.
He would not say the resignation arose from his being ashamed of
his conduct, but it was remarkable that the informations filed by
him upon that occasion were the last acts of his political life as
Attorney-General. No information was filed against others who
had written parodies. An information had not, and would not,
he believed, be filed against Mr. Canning, for his parody on Job.
The reason was, perhaps, that it was known that Mr. Canning
could make a good defence, while he (Mr. Hone) was supposed
unable to make one, was brought before a jury three times suc
cessively. He never before in his life spoke in the presence of
more than ten persons. If Providence ever interfered to protect
weak and defenceless men, that interference was most surely
manifested in his case. It had interposed to protect a helpless
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.
and defenceless man against the rage and malice of his enemies.
He could attribute his defence to no other agent, for he was weak
and incapable, and was at that moment a wonder unto himself.
(Here a mixed murmur of applause and pity was heard from the
crowd assembled.) As the law of libel stood at present, it was not
possible to be understood. It was, in its present state, only cal
culated to entrap and deceive people into punishment, and reminded
him of the conduct of one of those despots, who, in all countries,
frequently get into the possession of power, and use it only for
the purpose of punishment and oppression. The person to whom
he alluded was the tyrant of Syracuse. It was his custom, when
laws were promulgated, to have them written in very small
letters, and placed so high that they could not be read; but who
ever dared to transgress them were punished with all the severity
of a despot, though the wretches who suffered the punishment
could not possibly have known the law, for the pretended trans
gression of which they suffered. Such exactly was the law of
Lbel. In fact, there was no such thing as law of libel; or, if there
was, the law was written upon a cloud, which suddenly passed
away, and was lost in vapour. Nothing was a libel until a jury
pronounced it such. He was pointed at, and showed as one guilty
of publishing the most blasphemous productions. When in the
King’s Bench, he was shunned as a pestilence, even by those who
were, or pretended to be, formerly his friends—by those whom, as
David said of Jonathan, his heart loved. His acquaintance, it
was true, recommended him to counsel, but some objections were
urged against all whom they pointed out to him. Some from
motives of etiquette, could not attend upon him in prison. Others,
though they might have talent, had not courage to undertake his
defence. Without courage it would be useless to attempt it. The
question he put, upon such recommendation of counsel being made,
was, has he courage, ? Will he be able to stand up against my
Lord Ellenborough ? Will he withstand the brow-beating of my
Lord Ellenborough? It was necessary that a person under
taking his defence should be a stranger to fear; for, if he per
sisted in saying anything when once his lordship had made an
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objection, the consequence would be to lose what is called the ear
of the Court.
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l —I cannot sit here quietly and hear
such language directed to the Court. I submit, my lord, whether
it be right ?
e
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —Perhaps, Mr. Attorney, you might
have interposed your objection sooner; but you have heard the
sort of attack which was made upon me. I think the best course
will be to let the thing blow over us !
Mr. Ho n e would, he said, entreat pardon, if anything painful
to the gentlemen of the bar had fallen from him. Talent and
courage, he perceived, were necessary to his defence. As to
talent, he possessed, if any, but a very humble share ; but mental
fear was a thing to which he was, and ever had been, an utter
stranger. He did not know what fear was ; and while he con
ceived himself to have truth and justice on his side, no earthly
consideration could deter him from expressing his opinion, and
doing what he thought right, which he ever did, and ever should
do, without thinking of consequences to himself. There was a
circumstance which occurred previous to his coming into Court,
that gave him great pain. It proceeded from Dr. Slop, the editor
of one of those publications that were always ready to perform any
dirty work which they deemed acceptable to men in power. It
stated, that a person who had been tried and convicted, was to
receive twelve months’ imprisonment for publishing one of those
parodies, for which he (Mr. Hone) had been twice acquitted, and
would, he hoped, be acquitted again that day. This man applied
to a solicitor, by whom he was recommended to let judgment go
bv default, as the best course which he could adopt.
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l —I am quite sure nobody on my part
or by my desire, ever had any communication with the person
alluded to, or ever advised him to either plead guilty or not guilty.
Mr. Ho n e observed, that all he meant to say was, that the man
was not convicted, was not tried, but suffered judgment to go by
default. There were, however, communications between this man
and the solicitor who conducted the present prosecution ; and yet
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he received a sentence equal in extent to anything which might
have been expected, even by a man who had been found guilty by
a jury of his country ; and, what was very extraordinary, on the
very morning this person was brought up to receive his sentence,
he (Mr. Hone) received the first notice of his trials. It was
equally extraordinary that this person called on him three or four
times previous to his going up to Court, to ask him for his advice,
although antecedent to those occasions he had actually taken advice,
and had determined upon the course he should pursue. Williams
was what was described as a loyal man • that was to say, a sort of
thick and thin man ; who, if a person in authority were to say go,
he goeth; come, and he cometh. (Murmurs of approbation.) He
was m a corps of yeomanry, and he told him (Mr. Hone) that he
had often printed for Government. His full conviction was, that
if he (Hone) had been found guilty, the man would not long have
remained in prison. He thought he had a strong right to com
plain of one or two gross and infamous falsehoods inserted in a
paper which was published every morning at six o’clock, and which
' there had been time, therefore, for every one of the jury to have
seen before he entered the box. At six o’clock every morning did
the ghost of Dr. Slop (a name acquired by Dr. Stoddart, on account
of the profane curses lavished by him upon Buonaparte, before he
was dismissed from The Times Journal) walk forth in Crane Court
Fleet Street. By this ghost it had been stated (for what purpose"
unless to prejudice him on his trial, could not be imagined) that
Williams had been found guilty by the verdict of a jury for the
same publication. This was as false as was another statement,
that he was in the practice of selling obscenity, which he detested
and despised as much as any man. Such falsehoods put forth at
such a time, when he was standing up in that Court, in the hour
of peril, to vindicate his innocence, could only have proceeded
fi om one who was ct viUcviTb to the btxch-bone. And such he would
proclaim Dr. Slop to his face, whenever and wherever he should
meet him.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —Do not use such expressions. You say
you have got through life free from private and acrimonious
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157
bickering; do not say that now which may hereafter provoke it.
I say this merely for your own preservation, and not with a view
to interrupt you.
Mr. Ho n e assured his lordship that he sincerely acknowledged
the propriety of his interference, though it was difficult for him to
restrain his feelings. It was nevertheless true that he cherished
no hatred against this individual; he was indeed an object of
contempt, and not of hatred, and was regarded by him in no other
light than as a lost, unfortunate, and abandoned man. He had
come into Court with strong feelings of irritation, which he could
not well restrain when he found that this man’s statements went
to impute to him the publication of sedition, blasphemy, and
obscenity. He denied that he had ever suffered any obscene work
in his shop ; and if it could be proved that he had, he called upon
the jury to find him guilty of blasphemy, in order that under that
verdict he might receive the punishment due to obscenity; for,
next to blasphemy, he considered obscenity the greatest offence
which a man could commit. He had, however, no hatred for such
a man; and although Dr. Slop had attempted to do him this injury
in the moment of peril, if the miserable man were in distress
to-morrow, and it was in his power to relieve him, he would not
hesitate to hold him out a helping hand. This feeling had been
cherished in his breast ever since he knew right from wrong.
(Murmurs of Applause.) He wished he could have had it in his
power to say that his trial had not come on that day, merely for
the sake of being able to say something in favour of his persecutors.
Some of those grave personages went to the Chapel Royal with
their Prayer-books on the Sabbath-day. It was to be lamented
that they lost sight of those principles of Christianity which he
hoped they were in that place accustomed to hear. He by no
means wished that justice should not be done; for to neglect to'do
justice would be injustice; but he thought, in the present case,
they might have borrowed a little of the character, the precept,
nd the example, of one whose name he could not mention without
reverence and humility—he meant Jesus Christ. He would not
be so irreverend as to read any passage to illustrate the character
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of that Divine Being; but he well recollected that when Jesus
was on earth, he continually exhorted his followers to the exercise
oi mercy, charity, love, and goodwill. This was exemplified in
many instances, but in one more finely than in all the rest. He
had heard various sermons on this subject, but none of them
produced an impression equal to that which he experienced on
reading the relation to which he referred when alone and in his
room. That to which he alluded was the story of the woman
taken m adultery. The Pharisees went to Christ in the temple,
and brought to him a woman whom they had taken in adultery, a
ciime the greatest that it was possible for a wife to be guilty of.
She did not deny her guilt, but Christ, turning to the Pharisees,
said, “He that is without sin let him cast the first stone; ” her
guilty accusers withdrew in silence, leaving the woman alone with
Jesus, who desired her to “ Go, and sin no more.” If there were
nothing but this to excite veneration in the human mind for that
Divine Being, it was sufficient; and he had only to lament that
such an admirable example had not been followed by those who
had brought him there that day. By the Jewish laws, the woman
who had committed adultery was liable to be stoned to death, and
yet none of her accusers could say they themselves were without
sins. Were his prosecutors without sins, he would ask ? Were
they not open to impeachment ? He would impeach them !
These Pharisees were guilty of the same crime for which they
were now seeking to punish him ! The miserable hypocrites 1
The wretches 1 (Murmurs from the Crowd.) That was a strong,
a very strong phrase ; he did not mean to apply it to any person
in particular; all he meant to urge was that his accusers had
themselves done what they ought not to have done, and ought
therefore to look with the greater lenity towards him. He had
now to ask the jury, for it was too late to ask his accusers, to
follow the precept of our Saviour in another part of the Testament,
v*z'—“to do unto others as you wish others to do unto you.” He
felt much better to-day than yesterday. He was animated by the
consciousness of having done no wrong. Por any wrong he might,
have unwittingly done he was exceedingv sorry. He was ex
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159
ceedingly sorry if anything he had written or published had a bad
tendency. His lordship had misconceived the cause of stopping
the sale of his publications. He had not stopped it because lie
thought the publication wrong, but because persons whom he
respected had been hurt by them. He esteemed the hearts, though
he could not respect the judgment, of those persons. He would
hurt no man’s mind. Sorry, sorry, sorry, was he, that the prosecu
tion was not stopped. Although his prosecutors had thought of
bringing him to trial at alL and had actually put him on his trial;
although they had done so a second day, after a jury of honest
Englishmen had acquitted him; yet he should have been happy,
for their own sake, that his prosecutors had made some atonement
by a twelfth hour repentance.
See the odds against me, he
exclaimed, in a fervid tone; it is one farthing against a million of
gold. My prosecutors have laid a wager with public opinion; but
they will lose it to their irretrievable shame. “ Skin for skin (he
exclaimed, vehemently), all that a man has will he give for his
life1” I am here on trial for my life. If you, the jury do not
protect me, my life must fall a sacrifice to the confinement that
shall follow a verdict of guilty. My prosecutors, my persecutors,
are unrelenting. I feel now as vigorous as when I was in the
middle of my defence on Thursday last; and I talk to you as
familiarly as if you were sitting with me in my own room; but
then, gentlemen of the jury, I have not seats for you; I have not
twelve chairs in my house; but I have the pride of being in
dependent. None is supposed to be independent without property.
I have never had any property. Within the last twelve months
my children had not beds, At this moment there is not furniture
sufficient for the necessary enjoyment of life. Eor the last two
years and a half I have not had a complete hour of happiness,
because my family have been in such misery that it was impossible
for a man of my temperament to know anything of happiness. I
have been asked, why I have not employed counsel ? I could not
fee counsel. I have been asked, when I should publish my trial ?
I could not pay a reporter; and at this moment I have no reporter
in Court. Gentlemen, you do not see me in that dress which my
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respect for you, and for myself, would make me anxious to appear
in. I did resolve to get a suit of clothes for these trials, but the
money I had provided for that purpose I was obliged to give for
copies of the informations against me. These things I mention to
show you what difficulties I had to encounter in order to appear
to possess independence of mind, and to let men know how
cautious they should be in judging of men. Seven or eight years
ago I went into business with a friend in the Strand. I had then
a wiie and four children, and I was separated from them by evils
accumulated from endeavouring to help those who could not help
themselves. I attempted, in conjunction with the friend, who
originated the plan, to establish something of an institution similar
to the saving-banks that are now so general. There was a number
associated for this purpose, and I was their secretary. Our object
was to get the patronage of Ministers for our scheme. Mr. Fox
was then in power. It was the Whig Administration. We hoped
to throw a grain into the earth which might become a great tree—
in other hands it has succeeded. It was very Quixotic—we were
mad; mad because we supposed it possible, if an intention were
good, that it would therefore be carried into effect. We were not
immediately discouraged, but we met with that trifling and
delaying of hope which makes the heart sick.
[Here a person fainted among the crowd, and was carried out.
The Court and jury took the opportunity to take some refresh
ment. Mr. Hone withdrew, for a few minutes, from the Court,
threw of his coat, washed his arms and face with cold water, and
rinsed his mouth; and when the Court was ready resumed.]
I find I was entering into too much detail. I meant simply to
state that I lost every thing, even the furniture of my house.
With that friend I got again into business. We became bankrupts,
owing to the terms on which we commenced it. But, on the'
meeting of our creditors, the first question was, 1 Where is your
certificate?’ All signed it at once, save one, who was uninten
tionally the cause of my failure, two years 'and a half ago, when I
went into prison for debt, and was discharged by the insolvent act.
Having then got some books to sell, being always fond of old
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161
books, I took a shop in Fleet Street, at the cornei- of Lombard
Street. It was three feet wide in front. I had no place there for
my wife and my seven children. The shop was in consequence
broken open three times, and all that was worth anything in it
taken away. I was now in desperation, thrown on a wide ocean
without a shore, and without a plank of safety. I then accidentally
wrote something which happened to sell. By this success I got a
place for my family, which was scarcely a dwelling for human
beings. From my anxiety for my family, and the harassed state
of my mind, I was attacked with apoplexy, and my family were
thrown into the utmost alarm. I was obliged to remove to save
my life. I then took a place in the Old Bailey. I could furnish
only one room. I would not let lodgings, because I would not
expose my state of destitution. Just as I was getting my head a
little above water, this storm assailed me, and plunged me deeper
than ever. I am as destitute as any man in London. I have not
one friend in the world. It has been said that I am hacked. No !
friends are got by social intercourse; and the expense of social
intercourse I have never been able to afford. I have as true a
relish for the comforts, as well as the elegancies of life, as most
men in much higher ranks ; but I have ever been independent in
mind, and hence I am a destitute man. I have nevei’ written or
printed what I did not think right and true; and in my most
humble station have always acted for the public good, according to
my conception, without regard to what other men did, however
exalted their rank.
The defendant now apologised to his lordship, the AttorneyGeneral, and the bar, if he had offended them by anything he had
said; and entered upon what was immediately connected with his
defence. Informations by the Attorney-General had been defended,
he said, as always known in the practice of the law. He denied
this. To hold to bail for libel was illegal; and in support of that
proposition he quoted a passage from a letter written by Mr.
Dunning, afterwards Lord Ashburton, in the following words —
“ I never heard, till very lately, that Attorney-Generals, upon the
caption of a man, supposed a libeller, could insist upon his giving
M
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securities for his good behaviour. It is a doctrine injurious to the
freedom of every subject, derogatory from the old constitution, and
a violent attack, if not an absolute breach, of the liberty of the
press. It is not law, and I will not submit to it.”—(Mr. Dunning’s
Letter concerning Libels, Warrants, &c. p. 31.) He next referred
to the information filed against him, and from which he quoted,
and submitted that the only question the jury had to try was, as
to his intention when the publication in question issued from his
hand. That his intention was such as was imputed to him he
utterly denied. Nothing was further from his ideas than to excite
irreligion and impiety in the minds of his Majesty’s subjects. The
jury were his judges. They were to decide both upon the law
and the fact • and by their decision his fate would be decided. He
stopped the publication, not, as he was a living man, because he
thought it criminal, but he gave way to the wishes of persons not
to be argued with.
He would now prove this parody to be no libel. It was
possible to parody the most sacred work, without bringing the
work itself into ridicule and contempt. The parody might be used
as the vehicle of inculcating, by the peculiar language of the thing
parodied, an impression of a different tendency. Parody was a
ready engine to produce a certain impression on the mind, without
at all ridiculing the sentiments contained in the original work.
Such was the object of Martin Luther’s parody on the first Psalm;
and such also was the object of Dr. Letsom’s Thermometer of
Health, and a number of works applying religious phraseology to
give a more solemn impression to the moral or the sentiments
inculcated. In illustration of this position, he proceeded to submit
to the jury the same works of which he availed himself on the
preceding trials; amongst which were Dr. Boys’, the Dean of
Canterbury’s parody on the Lord’s Prayer. There was no doubt
that Dr. Boys bad written his parody unadvisedly, but certainly
without a bad intention. Such was his (the defendant’s) parody
on St. Athanasius’s Creed. It was not written for a religious, but
for a political purpose—to produce a laugh against the Ministers.
He avowed that such was his object; nay, to laugh his Majesty’s
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Ministers to scorn.; he had laughed at them, and, ha 1 ha !
laughed at them now, and he would laugh at them, as long as
were laughing stocks ! Were there any poor witless men less
ridiculous than these Ministers, his persecutors; one of whom was
himself a parodist, sitting now in the Cabinet, winking at, insti
gating, aiding and abetting, this prosecution. George Canning was a
parodist, with William Hone and Martin Luther. (Applause.)
George Canning come into Court. George Canning come into
Court! make way for him if you please. No, gentlemen of the
jury, you will not see Mr. Canning here to-day; but had I him
now in the box. I would twist him inside out. Mr. Canning had
parodied the Scriptures, but he (Mr. Hone), had only parodied the
Common Prayer. He next adverted to the caricature called
“The Mantle of Elijah.” And who was the Elijah personified?—
why, Mr. Pitt! And who was the mantle-catcher ?—why, this
same George Canning, who was now one of his persecutors.
Before he had spoken of this Bight Honourable with forbearance ;
but now he must speak with contempt of the man who could act
thus towards the poor miserable, and supposed to be defenceless,
bookseller of the little shop in Eleet Street. This very caricature
was published under the auspicies of Mr. Canning; certainly, at
least, with his entire knowledge. Mr. Canning ought to have been
a willing witness for him on the present occasion; he ought to
come into the witness box, to confess his own sins, and plead the
defendant’s cause. It was hoped, he had no doubt, by certain very
grave members of the Cabinet (my Lord Sidmouth and my Lord
Liverpool), that William Hone could not stand the third day—
that he would sink under his fatigues and want of physical power.
“ He can’t stand the third trial,” said these humane and Christian
Ministers ; “ we shall have him now; he must be crushed.” (Great
shouts of applause.) Oh, no ! no ! he must not be crushed; you
cannot crash him. I have a spark of liberty in my mind, that
will glow and burn brighter, and blaze more fiercely, as my mortal
remains are passing to decay. There is nothing can crush me, but
my own sense of doing wrong; the moment I feel it, I fall down
in self-abasement before my accusers : but when I have done no
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wrong, when I know I am right, I am as an armed man; and in
this spirit I wage battle with the Attorney-General, taking a tilt
with him here on the floor of this Court. The consciousness of
my innocence gives me life, spirits, and strength, to go through
this third ordeal of persecution and oppression. He should order
a frame for Elijah’s Mantle in his way home to his family, and he
should place it over his mantle-piece, for his children to laugh at.
He said he should do this to-night, because he had no doubt that
the jury would acquit him without retiring from the box. (Great
applause.) He next adverted to Lord Somers’s tracts, and called
in aid the parody of the Genealogy of Christ, and accompanied it
with a powerful appeal to the jury, upon the iniquity of this last
effort to overwhelm him—to send him to Gloucester goal, to rot
and perish under the weight of his afflictions. The Harleian
Miscellany contained a parody on the Lord’s Prayer.
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l objected to its being read, as too
indecent for the ears of any persons in these times.
Mr. Ho n e said, in courtesy to the Attorney-General, he would
not persist in reading this work. He then went over the same
ground which he had pursued yesterday, bringing under the atten
tion of the jury a great variety of different parodies, written by
churchmen and many other persons, considered in their times as
most religious and venerable men. One of which he had not before
read, was by the Rev. Mr. Toplady, a very popular preacher, of
great talent, amongst the Calvinists, who died greatly lamented,
at a very early age. Mr. Toplady’s object was to ridicule Lord
Chesterfield’s Letters,* and the morals therein inculcated. It was
entitled—•
“Ch r is t ia n it y Re v e r s e d , &c . ; or, Lo r d Ch e s t e r f ie l d ’s New Creed.
“I believe, that this world is the object of my hopes and morals ;
and that the little prettin esses of life will answer all the ends of human
existence.
“ I believe that we are to succeed in all things, by the graces of
civility and attention; that there is no sin, but against good manners;
and that all religion and virtue consist in outward appearance.
• Can be had of the Publishers of this work, in 2 vols., edited by Charles
¿Stokes Carey.
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165
“ I believe that all women are children, and all men fools ; except a
few cunning people, who see through the rest, and make their use of
them.
“I believe that hypocrisy, fornication, and adultery, are within
the lines of morality ; that a woman may be honourable when she has
lost her honour, and virtuous when she has lost her virtue.
“ This, and whatever else is necessary to obtain my own ends, and
bring me into repute, I resolve to follow ; and to avoid all moral
offences, such as scratching my head before company, spitting upon the
floor, and omitting to pick up a lady’s fan. And in this persuasion I
will persevere, without any regard to the resurrection of the body, or
the life everlasting. Amen.
“ Q. Wilt thou be initiated into these principles ?
“A. That is my inclination.
“ Q. Wilt thou keep up to the rules of the Chesterfield morality ?
“ A. I will, Lord Chesterfield being my admonisher.
“ Then the Ojficiator shall say,
“Name this child.
“ A. A f in e Ge n t l e m a n .
“ Then he shall say,
“ I introduce thee to the world, the flesh, and the devil, that thou
mayest triumph over all awkwardness, and grow up in all politeness ;
that thou mayest be acceptable to the ladies, celebrated for refined
breeding, able to speak French and read Italian, invested with some
public supernumerary character in a foreign court, get into Parliament
(perhaps into the Privy Council), and that, when thou art dead, the
letters written to thy bastards may be published, in seven editions, for
the instruction of all sober families.
“Ye are to take care that this child, when he is of a proper age, be
brought to C—t, to be confirmed?
Of the other works to which he particularly alluded, was
Mr. Reeves’s penny publication entitled the “ British Freeholder’s
Political Catechism.” That gentleman had himself been prose
cuted ; not, however, for his catechism, but for having depicted
the British Constitution as a tree, the branches of which might be
lopped off, and yet the trunk remain. For this libel he was
prosecuted under the direction of the House of Commons, although
it was carried on very unwillingly. Mr. Reeves published his
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parody on the catechism no doubt with the best intentions, because
he used the parody as a popular mode of inculcating what that
gentleman considered wholesome truth. Such was the object of
the parody now prosecuted. But what was the difference between
his situation and Mr. Beeves’s ? Mr. Reeves was basking under
the sunshine of a court, and was a placeman. If he (Mr. H.) was
convicted, there was no doubt that he also would become a govern
ment placeman : but where ?—in Gloucester gaol! To the
jury, however, he looked for his rescue from this bigoted perse
cution. He was charged with parodying the language and style
of sacred works. But what was that style and language?—it
happened to be translated nearly three centuries ago, but the lan
guage of that time was not, on that account, peculiarly sacred.
There was no doubt that if the Bible was re-translated, it must be
so altered as hardly to be known, except by its sense. If a parody
on the style only was the offence, even Mr. Canning himself, as a
literary man, as a man of taste, and a man of words, would acquit
him. But whatever might be the motive of this prosecution, there
could hardly be any doubt that it was an unchristian feeling on
the part of my Lord Sidmouth, to suffer him to stand here for the
third time to take his trial for an offence which two juries of inde
pendent Englishmen had pronounced not to be libels. He would
not say that Lord Sidmouth was a bigot; but he must say that
the spirit of persecution and unchristian feeling marked this
abominable attempt to sacrifice, by all or any means, a defenceless
and innocent man, for party purposes. Lord Sidmouth himself
knew, and every man in the country, even the most bigoted must
know, that this parody was not written for irreligious purposes.
The fact was, the hopeful Ministers of the Cabinet wanted to make
him a scape-goat for their political sins; those which were his own
particular sins he should glory in, so long as he lived, because he
knew that his objects were truly constitutional, and aimed at the
happiness of his country. The jury must see that the parodies
which he read were not calculated to injure religion. Most of
them had political or moral objects. Of the former description
was the parody in the Oracle newspaper, and the parody on the
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Te, Deum, adapted in five languages, to the combined royal armies,
lately employed against Buonaparte; and of the latter was the
religious play-bill, which he had read on the other trials, which
was printed by one of the Society of Friends. Such also was the
parody on the recruiting bill, the object of which was to draw the
attention of the idle and dissolute to spiritual concerns. Of the
like description were the hymn tunes played at Rowland Hill’s
Chapel, although they were the popular and national airs per
formed at theatres and other places of amusement. Dr. John
Rippon, an eminent and most respectable teacher of religion
amongst the Baptists, had adapted such tunes to the most pious
strains of psalmody. For instance, such tunes as “ Drink to me
only with thine eyes,” “Rule Britannia,” “God save the King,”
&c. The hymns of Dr. Collyer, Lady Huntingdon, Dr. Watts,
and others, were adapted to operatic and military airs, &c. These
tunes, no man could doubt, were used as vehicles for religious
worship, and exciting moral feelings. His parody was adapted
exclusively to a similar subject, and was not meant, directly or
indirectly, to affect the sacredness of religious worship. Profane
ness and irreligion must be the same at all times, and in all places;
and if the most venerable and sacred pillars of religion had re
sorted to this mode of inculcating religious sentiments, the offence
must have been as culpable in their times, if it was an offence, as
in the present. Bishop Latimer, who had burned at the stake, a
martyr for religion, had spiritualised a pack of cards, as John
Bunyan had the fig-tree, for the most moral purposes. He blamed
the Attorney-General for the cruelty of cutting.one crime into
piecemeal; for all these three informations might have been
included in one. An hundred libels might have been embraced
in one information. But no; the object was to embarrass and
entrap him. One chance of catching him was not sufficient for the
vindictive spirit of his Majesty’s Ministers. They were determined
to have him at all events; and therefore three hooks were baited ;
but he hoped the jury would save him from the third. All these
snares were laid for his ruin, by a ministry remarkable alike for
bigotry of spirit and hostility to freedom. They were laid by that
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ministry, who not long since endeavoured to interfere with those
principles of religious toleration which were held sacred by all
good and rational men, by introducing a bill into Parliament for
restraining the right of preaching among the Dissenters. Yes,
that odious bill, which was scouted out of Parliament, through the
firm and manly appeals of the Dissenters themselves, originated
with Lord Sidmouth, by whom he had been most unjustly held
out to the country as a blasphemer, although now persecuted by
that minister only for a profane parody. This minister endea
voured in Parliament to stigmatise him for an offence which could
not be even alleged against him before a jury. This minister of
the Crown took the advantage of abusing him in a place where he
(Mr. Hone) could make him no answer, and this was a practice
too common with his unmanly colleagues. But here he would
answer that minister by affirming, that which he would challenge
the Attorney-General to contradict, namely, that to impute to him
the crime of blasphemy was a foul and unfounded slander. Such
slanders, however, were not uncommon. Mr. Canning was quite
in the habit of abusing men in the House of Commons, whom he
would not venture to meet face to face : while he was in a ra^e if
o
any the most indirect allusion was made in that house to any
member of that confederacy of literary hirelings and political apos
tates, of which he had been so long the principal leader and active
patron. Yes, any man who could write in that style, about which
Canning was so peculiarly solicitous, that it seemed, in that
gentleman’s view, more material than thought, was secure of ministerial patronage, if the writer could only follow Mr. Canning in
the desertion of principle and the sacrifice of real independence.
But to return to the subject under the consideration of the
Court. He observed that parodies had been so numerous in this
country, that no one could suppose them subject to any legal cen
sure. He remembered a parody levelled at Lord Grenville, in the
Oracle newspaper, when it was a ministerial print, as indeed, it
had always been for several years before its death; for that paper
was dead, notwithstanding the support it received from ministers;
and having mentioned that support, he could not help stating the
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169
manner in which it was usually afforded to newspapers. When
the venal journalist could write what was deemed a good article in
favour of the ministry, 500 or 600 of his journal were bought by
the Treasury, and gratuitously circulated among their partisans
through the country. Those purchases were made indeed as often
as the journalist appeared to his patrons to deserve attention ; and
they were made, too, with the public money. Thus the money
wrung in taxes from the pocket of the people was distributed
among those prostituted writers who were employed in endea
vouring to pervert their understanding. How much of this
money was given to the Oracle for abusing every principle and
advocate of liberty, he could not pretend to say, but its death was
a pregnant proof of the integrity, power, and judgment of the
people, among whom it could obtain no currency. For, after all,
if a paper could not obtain circulation among the people, ministers
must feel it of no use to them, and therefore withdraw their
patronage from a hireling as soon as the people discard his
productions; which they will always do as soon as they clearly
understand his character—such had been the fate of many news
papers and other periodical publications in this country. Heriott’s
paper, the True Briton, met the fate of the Oracle, and for the
same reasons. When Heriott was provided with a place, which
he now held, Cobbett was offered the True Briton, but he refused
it. The True Briton, too, under Mr. Heriott had its share of
parodies, which were always of course pointed against the
opposition.
He then addressed himself to the particular parody charged as
a libel, and adduced a parody on the Athanasian Creed, from the
Foundling Hospital for Wit, as follows :—
PROPER RULES AND
INSTRUCTIONS, WITHOUT WHICH NO PERSON
CAN BE AN EXCISEMAN.
Quicunque vult.
Whosoever would be an exciseman, before all things it is necessary
that he learns the art of arithmetic.
Which art, unless he wholly understand, he, without doubt, can be
no exciseman.
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Now the art of arithmetic is this, we know how to multiply and
how to divide. Desunt pauca.
The 1 is a figure, the 2 a figure, and the 3 a figure.
The 1 is a number, the 2 a number, and the 3 a number, and yet
there are Desunt plurima.
For like as we are compelled by the Rules of Arithmetic, to acknow
ledge every figure by itself to have signification and form :
So we are forbidden, by the rules of right reason, to say, that each
of them have three significations or three powers.
The 2 is of the l’s alone, not abstracted, nor depending, but produced.
The 3 is of the 1 and 2, not abstracted, nor depending, nor produced,
but derived. So there is one figure of 1. Desunt nonnulla.
He therefore that will be an Exciseman, must thus understand his
figures.
Furthermore, it is necessary to the preservation of his place, that he
also believe rightly the authority of his Supervisor.
For his interest is, that he believes and confesses that his Supervisor,
the servant of the Commissioners, is master and man : Master of the
Excisemen, having power from the Commissioners to inspect his books;
and man to the Commissioners, being obliged to return his accounts.
Perfect master and perfect man, of an unconscionable soul and frail
flesh subsisting ; equal to the Commissioners, as touching that respect
which is shown him by the Excisemen, and inferior to the Commissioners as touching their profit and salary.
Who, although he be master and man, is not two, but one Supervisor.
One, not by confusion of place, but by virtue of his authority ; for
his seal and sign manual perfect his commission; his gauging the
vessels, and inspecting the Excisemen’s books, is what makes him
Supervisor.
Who travels through thick and thin, and suffers most from heat or
cold, to save us from the addition of taxes, or the deficiency in the
funds, by corruption or inadvertency.
Who thrice in seven days goes his rounds, and once in six weeks
meets the Collectors, who shall come to judge between the Exciseman
and Victualler.
At whose coming all Excisemen shali bring in their accounts, and
the Victuallers their money.
And they that have done well by prompt payment, shall be well
treated.
And those that have done ill, by being tardy in their payment, shall
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be cast into jail; and the Excisemen whose books are blotted, or
accounts are unjustifiable, shall be turned out of their places.
These are the rules, which except a man follows, he cannot be an
Exciseman.
Honour to the Commissioners, fatigue to the Supervisor, and bribery
to the Exciseman.
As it was from the beginning, when taxes were first laid upon Malt,
is now, and ever will be, till the debts of the nation are paid. Amen.
Mr. Ho n e then read a parody on the Athanasian Creed, from
the 11 Wonderful Magazine,” entitled—
THE MATRIMONIAL CREED.
Whoever will be married, before all things it is necessary that he hold
the conjugal faith, which is this, That there were two rational beings
created, both equal, and yet one superior to the other ; and the inferior
shall bear rule over the superior ; which faith, except every one do keep
whole and undefiled, without doubt he shall be scolded at everlastingly.
The man is superior to the woman, and the woman is inferior to the
man ; yet both are equal, and the woman shall govern the man.
The woman is commanded to obey the man, and the man ought to
obey the woman.
And yet, they are not two obedients, but one obedient.
Eor there is one dominion nominal of the husband, and another
dominion real of the wife.
And yet, there are not two dominions, but one dominion.
For like as we are compelled by the Christian verity to acknowledge
that wives must submit themselves to their husbands, and be subject to
them in all things :
So are we forbidden by the conjugal faith to say, that they should be
at all influenced by their wills, or pay any regard to their commands.
The man was not created for the woman, but the woman for the man.
Yet the man shall be the slave of the woman, and the woman the
tyrant of the man.
So that in all things, as is aforesaid, the subjection of the superior to
the inferior is to be believed.
He, therefore, that will be married, must thus think of the woman
and the man.
Furthermore, it is necessary to submissive matrimony, that he also
believe rightly the infallibility of the wife.
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For the right faith is, that we believe and confess, that the wife is
fallible and infallible.
Perfectly fallible, and perfectly infallible ; of an erring soul and un
erring mind subsisting ; fallible as touching her human nature, and in
fallible as touching her female sex.
Who, although she be fallible and infallible, yet she is not two, but
one woman ; who submitted to lawful marriage, to acquire unlawful
dominion; and promised religiously to obey, that she might rule in
injustice and folly.
This is the conjugal faith ; which except a man believe faithfully, he
cannot enter the comfortable state of matrimony.
There were others, but the next, and only one he should read,
was from the “ New Foundling Hospital for Witit was written
against the late Lord Chatham, as follows :—
A NEW POLITICAL CREED.
FOR THE YEAR MDCCLXVI.
Quicunque volt.
Whoever will be saved : before all things it is necessary that he
should hold the Chatham faith.
Which faith, except every man keep whole and undefiled, without
doubt he shall sink into oblivion.
And the Chatham faith is this : that we worship one Minister in
Trinity, and the Trinity in Unity :
Neither confounding the persons, nor dividing the substance.
For the Privy Seal is a Minister, the Secretary is a Minister, and the
Treasurer is a Minister.
Yet there are not three Ministers, but one Minister ; for the Privy
Seal, the Secretary, and the Treasurer are all one.
Such as the Privy Seal is, such is the Secretary, and such is the
Treasurer.
The Privy Seal is self-create, the Secretary is self-create, and the
Treasurer is self-create.
The Privy Seal is incomprehensible, the Secretary is incomprehen
sible, and the Treasurer is incomprehensible.
The Privy Seal is unresponsible, the Secretary is unresponsible, and
the Treasurer is unresponsible.
And yet there are not three incomprehensibles, three self-created, or
three unresponsibles : but one incomprehensible, one self-create, and
one unresponsible.
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For like as we are compelled by the Christian verity, to acknowledge
every person by himself to be God and Lord ;
So are we forbidden by the articles of the Chatham alliance, to say
there are three Ministers .
So that in all things, the Unity in Trinity, and Trinity in Unity, are
to be worshipped ; and he who would be saved, must thus think of
the Ministry.
Furthermore, it is necessary to elevation that he also believe rightly
of the qualities of our Minister.
For the right faith is, that we believe and confess, that this son of
man is something more than man; as total perfection, though of an
unreasonable soul, and gouty flesh consisting.
Who suffered for our salvation, descended into opposition, rose again
the third time, and ascended into the House of Peers.
He sitteth on the right hand of the------- , from whence he shall
come to judge the good and the bad.
And they that have done good, shall go into patent places, and they
that have done bad, shall go into everlasting opposition.
This is the Chatham faith ; which except a man believe faithfully,
he cannot be promoted.
As he was in the beginning, he is now, and ever will be.
Then all the people, standing up, shall say,
O blessed and glorious Trinity, three persons and one Minister, have
mercy on us miserable subjects.
These parodies were known to almost every reading man, and
yet none of them were ever prosecuted, nor was there an instance
upon record of the prosecution of any parody. How then could
he suppose the publication of the parody before the Court an
illegal, a guilty act ? But he had no such feeling—he declared
most solemnly that he had no intention to commit any offence in
this publication, and the jury were to judge of intention. But to
dissuade the jury from such a rule of judgment, a course of delusive
observation was addressed to them. They were told truly, that
they were to judge of a man’s intention by his act, and not by his
declaration. Granted: but upon what ground should he think
his act an offence, or that sort of publication criminal, which had
never been so pronounced ? There was no analogy between his
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act and the commission of any crime defined and forbidden by the
law, although such analogy had been urged on the other side. If
he had committed any act denounced by the law, or deemed a
crime by the common sense of mankind, he should not have pre
sumed to speak of the purity of his intentions. Ho jury, indeed,
could attend to declarations of innocent intention from any man
committing an act of acknowledged criminality; but that was not
the nature of the publication which he had uttered, and for which
he was prosecuted. Therefore he could conscientiously say that
he had no guilty intention in sending forth that publication, and
he had no doubt that the jury would believe him, and would send
him home to his family, in spite of all the expedients used in this
extraordinary prosecution ; for extraordinary it truly was, the
Attorney-General having split into three indictments matter,
which being of the same character, he might have comprehended
in one. But were the matter even different, did it consist of two
or three different subjects, he was assured by the most eminent
barristers, that the Attorney-General could have included them in
one information. Why then should so many informations be pre
ferred against him, but for a purpose which he trusted the integrity
and judgment of the jury would defeat ? They would not, he was
sure, be persuaded to think his publication a fit subject for punishment, after such parodies had been overlooked as he had just read
to the Court.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h observed, that every one of the parodies
the defendant had quoted, were as prosecutable as that with which,
he then stood charged.
Mr. Ho n e admitted this; but why, he asked, were they not
prosecuted? Where were the Attorney-Generals of those days?
Why did they abandon their duty ? The Attorney-General might
any day go into the Crown Office, and file an information against
any man who wrote anything in opposition to the Government.
A parody was never seized before. Why was his parody now
attacked? Was it because Lord Sidmouth was the only good
Secretary of State for the Home Department ? He charged that
noble secretary with having put all the people of England against
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175
liim as a blasphemer. There were persecutions of various kinds
for blasphemy, and also for atheism. A man charged with atheism
had been punished in Poland, in the beginning of last century,
whom he believed to have been certainly as honest a man as the
Secretary of State. One of the poor creature’s hands was cut oft’
with an axe by the executioner, and afterwards the other was
chopped off; his two bleeding stumps were then thrust into boiling
pitch, and the miserable man was burned alive, whilst—lifting his
eyes and his mutilated arms to heaven—he cried, “ Oh, God of
Abraham ! Oh, God of Judah ! have mercy upon me ! Oh, God of
my fathers ! have pity upon me.” Who, 0 who (cried Mr. Hone,
raising his voice to a tone of the utmost vehemence), who were
the blasphemers ? Who were the Atheists ? Were they not the
bloody-minded men who called themselves Christians, rather than
the defenceless man whom they put to death in that horrible and
cruel manner. (Great applause instantaneously burst from every
part of Guildhall; and Lord Ellenborough declared he would
adjourn the Court if greater order were not observed.) During
the whole of Pitt’s administration, there was not one prosecution
for libel • and yet party feeling never ran higher, and cheap pub
lications were never more numerous. In the volume that contained
the parodies on the Westminster election, he could find 100 more
of them as strong as his, yet for none of them was ever a prosecu
tion instituted. He on all occasions made frequent use of the
language of Scripture. That proceeded from his intimate ac
quaintance with it. He had ever delighted to read its beautiful
narrations. He had long been employed in preparing a publica
tion on the Bible, and he hoped yet to finish it, and to give it to
the world, notwithstanding he had been called a blasphemer. In
no age of the world was there before a prosecution for parody.
He had seen a letter pretended to have been written by Jesus
Christ, and found sixty-four years after his death, now in the pos
session of Lady Cuba in Mesopotamia. He believed the author
was not a blasphemer, but that he ought to be put into a cookshop, and to be fed on beef-steaks. This letter pretended, that a
woman in labour, who had it, should be safely delivered. It gave
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instructions as to the Sunday and Good Friday. All this was
quite absurd; but he would on his knees entreat the AttorneyGeneral not to prosecute the author. Indeed, he had seen such
letters from a child; and a gentleman had one of them that was
150 years old. Parodies of all kinds used to be circulated in
Westminster, and even to be paid for by the Treasury, before
Westminster became independent.
Mr. Canning, the right
honourable parodist, had been a member of Lord Townsend’s Com
mittee, though a secret one, for he was then a trimmer ; and from
them issued many parodies. Why did not the Attorney-General
prosecute Mr. AValter Scott * for the u Tales of my Landlord, a
work which abounded with Scriptural phrases, set in the most
absurd and ridiculous view ? He would ask whether Sir Samuel
Shepherd would prosecute this poetical placeman, or would he
prosecute him (Mr. Hone) if he published a dozen pages from the
work of Mr. Scott, while the original author was left untouched ?
Sure he was, that the Attorney-General would not prosecute Mr.
Walter Scott for using Scriptural phrases upon similar subjects,
notwithstanding all the solicitude which the learned gentleman pro
fessed, to hold the language of the Gospel sacred to religious purposes.
But he would ask the Attorney-General which he thought worse,
blasphemy or atheism ? And did not the learned gentleman know
that there were hundreds of atheistical works at present in circu
lation 1 Nay, did he not know that many eminent persons in this
country openly professed atheism 1 And was no solicitude felt for
the cause of religion, unless its language were employed to expose
the character of ministers, or to subject them to ridicule ?
It had been observed by the learned judge, in his charge to the
jury yesterday, that he (Mr. H.) was not entitled to draw any
argument in his defence from the parodies which had been hereto
fore published, because, as his lordship observed, “ the publication
of parodies upon the Scripture, or the use of scriptural language
for jocular purposes, had never had any legal sanction.” Now he
held in his hand publications, in which such language appeared,
under the direct authority of government.
* Born, 1771.
Created a Baronet, 1820. Died, 1832.
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THIRD TRIAL.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h said that he did not recollect having used
the words imputed to him by the defendant. He might have used
some such words, but he did not remember the precise words that
fell from him.
Mr. Ho n e declared that he quoted the words referred to with
accuracy, and that he had no wish whatever to misrepresent his
lordship. He was in the recollection of the short-hand writers in
Court. But to the point. He was surely justified in concluding
that his lordship’s impression was rather erroneous; the Lord
Chamberlain sanctioned, and a succession of Crown lawyers and
judges having seen and enjoyed that which he was’about to cite.
Here Mr. Hone read the following passage from the “ Hypocrite” ;*
. Lady Lamb. O dear ; you hurt my hand, sir.
Doctor Cantwell. Impute it to my zeal, and want of words for ex
pression : precious soul! I would not harm you for the world ; no, it
would be the whole business of my life—
And again, Lady Lamb says, you are above the low momentary
views of this world.
Dr. Cant. Why, I should be so ; and yet, alas ! I find this mortal
clothing of my soul is made like other men’s, of sensual flesh and blood,
and has its frailties.
Lady Lamb. We all have those, but yours are well corrected by
your divine and virtuous contemplations.
Dr. Dant. Alas 1 Madam, my heart is not of stone : I may resist,
call all my prayers, my fastings, tears, and penance to my aid; but yet
I am not an angel j I am still but a man ; and virtue may strive, but
nature will be uppermost. I love you, then, Madam,
It was well known that the person meant to be represented
and ridiculed in the character of Dr. Cantwell, was that celebrated
preacher, Mr. Whitfield; and the sentences he was made to utter,
as Dr. Cantwell, were varied from his own journal. This distin
guished man had, with John Wesley and others, done great good
in promoting morality. If, indeed, those excellent persons had
rendered no other service to humanity than that of civilising the
Kingswood colliers, they were entitled to the praise of mankind.
• By Isaac Eickerstaff. Born, 1735.
1<
Died, 1787.
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THIRD TRIAL.
Yet Mr. Whitfield and his language were thus caricatured upon
the stage, with the authority of one of the first officers of the
Crown. But again Mr. Whitfield was still more ridiculed in
Foote’s* Farce of “The Minor,” from which Mr. Hone read the
following extracts :
Mrs. Cole. I am worn out, thrown by, and forgotten, like a tattered
garment, as Mr. Squintum says. Oh, he is a dear man ! But for him
I had been a lost sheep ; never known the comforts of the new birth !
Ay, I have done with these idle vanities ; my thoughts are fixed upon
a better place. What, I suppose, Mr. Loader, you will be for your old
friend the black-ey’d girl from Rosemary Lane. Ha, ha! Well, ’tis a
merry little tit. A thousand pities she’s such a reprobate !—But she’ll
mend ; her time is not come : all shall have their call, as Mr. Squintum
says, sooner or later ; regeneration is not the work of a day. No, no,
no.—Oh !—
Loader. Crop me, but this Squintum has turned her brains.
Sir Geo. Nay, Mr. Loader, I think the gentleman has wrought a
most happy reformation.
Mrs. Cole. Oh, it was a wonderful work. There had I been tossing
in a sea of sin, without rudder or compass. And had not the good
gentleman piloted me into the harbour of grace, I must have struck
against the rocks of reprobation, and have been quite swallowed up in
the whirlpool of despair. He was the precious instrument of my spi
ritual sprinkling.
Dr. Squintum was the character in which Mr. Whitfield was
again ridiculed, and Mother Cole was meant to represent an
infamous woman of that day, whose name was Douglas. In the
preface to this farce, the -writer says, that ££ it must be useful,
while there was a bawd in the street, an auctioneer in the rostrum,
or a Methodist in the pulpit.” All this was tolerated, and no one
was heard to complain of any disposition in these dramatic writers
to make use irreverently of scriptural language, although applied
to the most ludicrous purpose. But it was not directed against
* Samuel Foote was designed for the law, but relinquished the study, and was
driven by necessity to the stage. In 1747 he became manager of the Haymarket
Theatre. He wrote, besides his various mimetic entertainments, twenty dramas.
His style he seems to have borrowed from Molière, but his humour was original
and peculiar. Born, 1721. Died, 1777.
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I I
tod
Ministers, nor against the Established Church, and it seSnu
in such cases alone was the use of scriptural language call
to bring religion into contempt. To those, however, who dissented"
from the Church, or the Ministers, scriptural language could, it
would seem, be applied with impunity. So it appeared from the
parodies which he had quoted, as well as from the following pas
sages in “ The Weathercock,” which was a farce not long since
written :
Variella. \ ea, verily, I saw a damsel, friend, clad in gaudy apparel.
Tristram Fickle. You say true ; very gaudy and fantastical, unlike
the modest attire which thy fair form gives grace to.
Var. [aside]. So ! so !
Tris. Zounds ! What a most delectable creature she is ! I was
always fond of the Quakers. There is something so neat about them.
Such a charming modesty.—You did see that person then ?
Var. \ ea, the sight of her flaunting attire did offend my eyes.
Tris. ’Tis a pity such a pair of eyes should be offended. Poor con
ceited little ape ! Why you look a thousand times better in that simple
dress, than she did in all her frippery.
Var. I seek not to look well.
Tris. And" therefore thou art a thousand times more lovely. For
thy sake, fair maid, I will become a stiff Quaker. Wilt thou introduce
me to thy con-ven-tide ?
Var. Yea; and it does rejoice me exceedingly, that the spirit doth
move thee towards us—Hum.
Tris. Hum.
Var. And wilt thou listen to the good things which are said unto
thee ? Wilt thou learn therefrom ? And wilt thou not sigh for the
damsel in the colours of vanity ?
' Old Fickle. What is here ? May I believe my eyes ?
Tris. If they tell thee that thou seest before thee one of the faith
ful, verily thou may’st believe what they say, for they speak unto thee
that which is true.
0. F. And you are. turned Quaker ?
Tris. Yea, a damsel hath wrought my conversion—yea, a fair dam
sel. Wilt thou give thy consent that I espouse her, and make her a
thing of my own ? Verily I do expect the damsel to join with me in
the reauest, that we two may be made one.
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THIRD TRIAL.
Here there was the use of scriptural language tolerated on thestage, for the very purpose of ridiculing a most amiable and
respectable class of Dissenters, the Quakers ; yet this Farce had
the sanction of the Lord Chamberlain. But, with facts before
them, how could the jury, whom he had the honour to address, or
any body of respectable men, conclude that he, in publishing the
parody under prosecution, could suppose he was committing a
criminal or an illegal act ? The parodies, however, which he had
quoted, and in reading which he feared he had trespassed upon the
attention of the j ury, formed but a small part of those which he
had it in his power to bring forward. He could, indeed, have
covered the table with such compositions. How many could he
have taken from Chalmers’ Poets : and was it meant, if he should
be convicted, to have an index expurgatoris applied to this, and the
numerous other works in our language which contained parodies
upon the Scriptures ? He referred to the History of the West
minster Election, in which Lord J. Townshend was a candidate,,
for a number of parodies from both sides. Some of those parodieswere probably from the pen of Mr. Canning, who had a notorious
taste for such composition, and that gentleman was, in the contest ■
alluded to, a member of the committee for conducting Lord John
Townshend’s election. But he was a secret member; for this gen
tleman was then ready to serve the Eoxites, with whom he pro
fessed to concur, while he wished to conceal his operations from the
Minister, whose patronage he was intriguing to obtain. Thus Mr.
Canning played the same double game many years ago which he
had lately performed towards his militant friend Lord Castlereagh.
But how would the jury feel, as honourable men, towards a pro
secution instituted against him by the authority of this very
Minister ? Was he to be punished for imitating the example of
Mr. Canning, in writing parodies, while that gentleman enjoyed
impunity and power ? Was it becoming on the part of Mr.
Canning, or of Lord Sidmouth, who was also, he understood, a
party m the AVestminster contest to which he had alluded, to
institute this prosecution against him t But, independently of the
parodies he could have quoted from the history of this contest, he
�THIRD TRIAL.
181
■could adduce many others from the first periodical publications.
Who that had, for instance, been in the habit of reading the
Morning Chronicle, could forget the many interesting parodies
which appeared, especially in the early numbers of that excellent
paper—yes, most excellent paper, he must call it; he meant for
the character of its politics.
Mr. Ho n e here presented several prints which he had adduced
•on his previous trials. He exhibited Mr. Fuseli’s celebrated print of
“ The Night Mare;” and then showed a parody upon it represent
ing the Lord Mayor (Wood)4' as the night mayor (mare), upon the
breast of a girl. What, he would ask, did this parody ridicule ?
Was it Fuseli’s print, or was it Aiderman Wood ? The Attorney■General had not prosecuted—for ridicule upon Aiderman Wood
was not unacceptable to ministers. Did the Aiderman bring an
action 1 That excellent man, and able magistrate, had too much
sense to do so. The print ridiculed his well-meant, though,
perhaps injudicious, efforts to clear' the streets from prostitutes.
By neglecting it he made it harmless. He was afraid that his
lordship would think the introduction of all the prints he had
before him unmeaning.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h (smiling)—I am afraid I may say so.
Mr. Ho n e —The object was to show that the design and effect
in all those parodies were to impress something on the mind quite
■unconnected with the thing parodied, and that the thing parodied
had suffered nothing from such a use of it.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —The picture is ground for indictment.
Mr. Ho n e granted it; but what was gained by indicting?
Where was a man more ridiculed than Sir William Curtis ? Yet
he only bought as many as he saw of them, to laugh at them.
Prosecution created a demand for the thing prosecuted; and, in
consequence either of prosecution or suppression, curiosity was
always excited to a publication supposed to be unattainable or
scarce. When Mr. Horne Tooke’s “ Diversions of Purley” (a work
which every man who knew the English language read and admired)
was first published, it was in octavo. A second edition in quarto
* Twice Lord Mayor—1815-16.
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was preparing, but, in the meantime, a well-known bookseller,,
still living, pirated the octavo edition, and sold it for one guinea
the copy. It was thus that a great demand was created, by giving
publicity to a work. He then read the subject of libel, and com
mented with great spirit and force upon the different parts of it.
He would ask any man coolly to lay his hand on his breast, and to
say that the Sinecurists’ Creed was written with the design and
intention to ridicule St. Athanasius’s Creed. His lordship was
once a member of the Cabinet, and had differed on a great question
of state from the other members. His lordship was of one opinion,
and the rest were of another opinion; yet there were not two
Cabinets, but one Cabinet. Was this parodical phrase impiety ?
He had taken that mode of expressing truths which he could not
otherwise have declared; for if he had attended the Prince
Regent’s levee, and in his presence called any of his ministers
incomprehensible, a fool, a humbug, or a mystificator, his Royal
Highness might, perhaps, be of a different opinion. At least,
his telling his thoughts in that way would be rather useless and
unpleasant. He then exhibited several prints by Gillray, the
Prodigal Son, representing two high personages; the Devil
addressing the Sun, representing Buonaparte and the Prince
Regent; the Hand-writing on the Wall, representing Buonaparte
in the midst of his council; the ascent of Mr. Pitt as Elijah ; and
General Hoche’s apotheosis. He now recapitulated the principal
points of his defence. Luther had parodied the Bible, and yet no
information had been filed against him. The Attorney-General
and his lordship had excused Luther as he had done it in a
moment of irritation, against persons who had been troublesome to
him. Could not the same persons find any excuse for William
Hone ? He had been attacked as showing a bad example to his
family. He had indeed written this parody in twenty minutes,
while he held his infant on his knee. But let them recollect that
Martin Luther had a family. He had not always continued a
monk. Yet he parodied the first Psalm. He was as pure as
Luther, and claimed the same excuse. But no excuse was neces
sary, for there was no wrong done. Gillray was a parodist; he
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183
employed Iiis transcendent talents in parodying Scripture for poli
tical purposes. In the ascent of Mr. Pitt, as Elijah, George
Canning was represented as catching the dropping mantle. Fox,
the most humane, the best man that ever sat in an English
Cabinet, was represented on a dunghill, with a Jacobin red cap on
his head. He wished Mr. Fox’s spirit predominated now in our
counsels, and the nation would be in a far different state. The
power of government would not be made execrable by the perse
cution of an innocent and defenceless man. O the persecutors,
the persecutors, the persecutors, that obliged him now to stand
the third day on his trial ! Why did they not, to save Mr. Can
ning’s character, abstain from this prosecution? Mr. Canning
would have thanked them, and said, “ Hone is a poor fellow; I
am a parodist too ; this prosecution is a nasty thing ; I don’t like
it.” There was Lord Sidmouth, a grave, a good, a religious, and
surely a charitable man; there was Lord Ellenborough, a very
grave man (his lordship could not resist a smile here) j why did
they not step forward to help a poor oppressed man ? 0 no ! he
could not stand three daysj their united force would surely crush
the insect? Ho, he defied their power. They could only immor
talise him. He would at least go down to posterity with George
Canning. If this right honourable parodist ascended after Mr Pitt,
he would lay hold of his left leg, and ascend along with him. They
would perhaps have spared him this third trial, if he had implored
their mercy. But no ; he disclaimed, he anathematised their
mercy. They were below the contempt of William Hone, the
humble bookseller of No. 67, in the Old Bailey. Walter Scott had
edited the parody of Lord Somers. "Why was he not prosecuted ?
O no ! this Mr. Scott, a man of great talents, was ministerial, and
had held a little ogling for the laureateship with Robert Southey.
Who was plain Robert Southey, when he wrote Wat Tyler, and
such publications as displeased Ministers. He was now a pen
sioner and Robert Southey,
He (Mr. Hone) had occasion
when he edited the “ Critical Review,” which he did for six
months, to see the Stuart Papers. They were published by-the
librarian to the Prince Regent. There was no prosecution against
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THIRD TRIAL.
that gentleman publishing a partial and insidious apology for those
tyrants. No; a great deal of the spirit of “ the bonny king and
mickle wise mon” was still to be perceived. The Stuarts must be
excused and spoken gently of; they must not be talked of as the
tyrants, the hypocrites, the bloody-minded persecutors they really
were. Such language was unacceptable to courtly taste. Mr.
Reeves had parodied the Catechism, but afterwards obtained a
pension. But his politics were different. Royalty had singled
him (Mr. Hone) out for persecution, on account of his politics. He
could not pretend to have become known to Royalty, but ministers
would make him known. This was entirely a political prosecution.
Lord Sidmouth had before tried his hand at persecution, when he
brought in his bill against the Dissenters. The same noble lord
left him to stand three days in that Court. When such a man
was Secretary of State, there was very little chance of the liberty
of England being protected. The Morning Herald, of the 4th of
May, 1812, parodied Scripture to ridicule Lord Grenville, but it
was for and on behalf of ministers, and there was no prosecution.
The language of ministers was, “Everything must be done to keep
down those confounded fellows, the Whigs, curse them.” The
people were taxed to pay these expenses. He, poor as he was,
contributed to pay the secret service money. Every morsel of
bread that went into his children’s mouths was taxed for the paltry
purposes of his pitiful prosecutors. He now made a solemn appeal
to his conscience as to the innocence of his intentions. He would
submit to be posted up as a liar, and to bend his head whenever
he walked in public, if he once uttered there, or anywhere else,
what he did not believe to be true. Upon his conscience, then,
he assured them, that he had no more intention to ridicule St.
Athanasius’s Creed, than he had now of murdering his wife and
children when he went home ; for he was sure the jury would send
him home to his family. He knew none of them : but he hoped,
and he believed, that they were honest-minded and independent
men. The Sinecurists’ Creed had an extraordinary sale, but not
so extraordinary as the Litany. However, he stopped it, from the
motives he had mentioned. He confidently put himself under
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185
their protection. As to St. Athanasius’s Creed, Gibbon stated
that it was not written by Athanasius. Some said that it was in
fact a parody upon his creed, and written by Yigilius, four cen
turies after Athanasius had died. "Warburton expressly states
that it was not his. Waterland mentions that it was doubted.
Archbishop Tillotson on one occasion exclaimed, “ I wish we were
well rid of itand in recent days, upwards of 200 clergymen met,
and solicited the late Dr. Porteus, Bishop of London, to take some
steps to put an end to the obligation at present imposed on them
to read it. Even his lordship’s father, the Bishop of Carlisle, he
believed took a similar view of the creed-----Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —I do not know what his opinion was on
this point; you, perhaps, have had better opportunity of knowing
his belief. Whatever that opinion was, he has gone many years
ago, where he has had to account for his belief and his opinions.
Mr. Ho n e was about to make some particular references to the
Bishop of Carlisle’s opinions, when-----Lord El l e n b o r o u g h interrupted him, and said, For common
delicacy forbear ”-----MI. Ho n e (Id a subdued and respectful tone.)—O, my lord,
I shall most certainly! Sure he was, that this creed was not
generally believed even by Churchmen.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —It is not alleged to be Athanasius’s
Creed here. It is said only to be commonly called the Creed of
St. Athanasius.
Mr. Ho n e —Then it would seem to be the Attorney-General’s
opinion, from the form of the information to which your lordship
has just referred, that the Athanasian Creed is apocryphal, and
cannot be viewed as genuine by my prosecutors.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —Yes ; but the Act of Uniformity made
it that which it is now described to be.
Mr. Ho n e —The Act of Uniformity! God forbid that the
Act of Uniformity could have had the effect of making this what
it is deemed to be, from its import, by some persons. God forbid
that this Act could make all men think alike on such a subject as
this.
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THIRD TRIAL.
. Lord El l e n b o r o u g h —It is not intended to have that effect.
It merely operates to create uniformity amongst those who conform
to certain religious opinions. It is not intended to compel those
of a different persuasion to believe it.
Be it so (resumed Mr. Hone); whether this creed were written
by St. Athanasius or not, he was not himself prepared to state.
He had intended to read a speech made by the Bishop of Clogher
on this creed, but it was long, and not essentially material to the
case ; for the question here was, whether the publication before
the Court was meant to bring that creed into contempt, and to
that he could give the most conscientious negative. But the jury
would, he had no doubt, consider, not the tendency, but the
intention. They were not bound to follow his lordship’s opinion.
If his lordship’s opinion were adopted, he should at once have to
walk to the King’s Bench. To the jury he looked, and to them
alone, for protection; for from them alone could he expect aid or
advice; and he took leave to observe that it would answer the
ends of justice to pay more attention to what he said, than to
what might be urged by the Judge or the Attorney-General He
had declared that he had no intention to publish a libel, and this
declaration was entitled to credit upon this ground, wdiich he
would undertake to affirm was the law of the land, namely, that
the production before the Court was not a libel, until the jury had
so pronounced it. With them alone the power of making that
decision rested ; and he appealed to them as men, as Christians, as
men and brethren, to consider what he had said. Bor whether
they differed from him in political or religious opinions, he trusted
they would, in the spirit of justice and Christian charity, examine
his case, and consider the terrible sentence that awaited him if
they should find a verdict against him. He might happen to differ
in political opinions from many of the gentlemen of the jury, but
he hoped that they would feel that tolerant spirit towards him
which he himself had always practised and recommended to others.
For he never could conceive any man entitled to that infallibility,
which, by some people, was attributed to the Pope ; and without
such arrogance no man would attempt to prescribe or censure those
�THIRD TRIAL.
187
who conscientiously differed from his opinions. Were such a
practice indeed indulged, perpetual disputes must arise, harmony
be destroyed, and men be reduced to the savage state. But the
liberality that was especially of late years so widely spreading,
promised to guard the world from such a state of discord and
misery. Differences on politics and religion were not now found
to interfere with the charities of social life, or the performance of
moral duties, and therefore he could not apprehend that prejudice
could be found to operate in the breast of any Englishman acting
under the solemn obligation of an oath. He felt the most un
qualified confidence in the principles and judgment of the jury,
whose attention, he feared, he had too long occupied. But he felt
that he was struggling for life, for should he have the misfortune
to be pronounced guilty by the jury, the punishment which awaited
him would be equal to the loss of it. In such a struggle he fancied
himself gifted with supernatural powers, but he feared he had
trespassed too much upon the time of the Court. He had, however,
no disposition to give offence, and this he begged to be understood.
He might have been in some instances too eager or peremptory in
replying to the Judge and the Attorney-General, but he most
sincerely assured his lordship and the learned gentleman, that he
had no intention whatever to offend. Feeling that his all was at
stake, he hoped he should be excused for the many materials he
had brought forward, perhaps unnecessarily. He could still go to
the King’s Bench, and lay his head down there with the greatest
composure, but for his family. If the jury felt doubts, they would
be reasonable doubts, and they knew that he was entitled to the
benefit of them. He committed himself to them. The liberty of
the press was attacked through him. The prosecution had nothinobut a political ground-work. Two juries of cool honest men had
already acquitted him. He had no doubt but they, too, would
send him home to dine on Sunday with his family
After a speech of precisely eight hours and five minutes, he
concluded, amid the applause of the immense multitude that
crowded the Court and all the passages to it.
Mr. Ho n e declined to adduce the witnesses who proved on the
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THIRD TRIAL.
former trials that he had stopped the publication of the parodies
as soon as he understood that they were deemed libellous by
Government, upon Lord Ellenborough’s undertaking to read his
notes of that evidence to the jury. The notes were read by his
lordship, and Mr. Hone called
Th o m a s Cl e a r y , Esq., who deposed, that on the 21st of Feb
ruary (a day he had reason to remember), he met Mr. Hone near
Charing Cross, who stated to witness his intention of stopping the
publication of the parodies, as they had been called, in the report
of the House of Lords, profane and seditious, or something to that
effect. That witness remarked, their being so characterised in the
report, did not make them profane or seditious, and stronglyrecommended Mr. Hone not to take what witness considered so
ill-advised a step; as it would by implication be an admission that
he (Mr. Hone) considered the parodies profane and seditious, while
nobody but the Borough-mongers so considered them. That
notwithstanding this advice, Hone stopped the publication the
following day; for which witness told him he was a fool.
The At t o r n e y -Ge n e r a l rose to reply—He observed upon the
remark of Mr. Hone, as to the division of the charges against him
into three informations, stating, that such proceeding was agreeable
to practice, especially where the publications charged as libellous
were quite distinct and separate, as was the case in this instance.
Therefore the defendant had no right to complain, and still less
could he warrant the complaint which he had made, of having the
present trial brought forward to-day, after two days of previous
trials. For it must be in the recollection of the Court, that before
the jury were sworn, he proposed to postpone this trial, in con
sequence of an understanding that Mr. Hone was indisposed, from
the fatigue of the two preceding days, and that that gentleman
declined to avail himself of the proposition. Were Mr. Hone
unequal to make his defence, or did he feel unable to proceed, he
could have had time for repose and recovery; and therefore he
could not attribute to the counsel for the prosecution, the slightest
disposition to subject him to any unnecessary inconvenience. But
the propriety of persisting in this prosecution, notwithstanding
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THIRD TRIAL.
the previous acquittals of Mr. Hone upon similar charges,
.P'
he hoped, be felt by every reflecting mind, from the very principar
upon which Mr. Hone had rested his defence this day; for Mr.
Hone had distinctly asserted his right to publish the paper which
was under prosecution, and having stood upon that ground, he (the
Attorney-General) should have felt himself guilty of gross dere
liction of duty, if he had not persevered in this prosecution. On
the former days, the defendant, with a view to induce a belief
that he had no intention to publish a libel, rested particularly upon
his stoppage of the publication of the parodies, but to-day, he had
openly contended for his right to publish them. But if this plea
of right were admitted, what was to prevent the defendant from
publishing those parodies again on Monday ? He would not say
that the defendant expressed or entertained any such intention,
but if his claim of right were admitted, what was to prevent him
or any other person from republishing this parody ? and to
abandon the present prosecution would be tantamount to an
admission of that claim. What a serious responsibility, then,
should he incur, if he exposed the cause of religion, and of the
country, to the evils too likely to result from such an admission.
What a door would be opened for the incursion of profaneness.
In his notions of the duty of a judge upon the trial of libel, he
undertook to say that Mr. Hone was quite mistaken. Bor the
judge derived no authority from the statute, commonly called Mr.
Box’s, which he did not possess before. His lordship had unques
tionably the right of stating his opinion upon the Jaw to the jury,
upon this as well as upon every other question; and if he did not
enjoy that right, what would become of the function and office of
a judge 2 But the judge was invested with the power of stating
the law upon the subject of libel, with a view to guard against in
consistent decisions, or the establishment of capricious conceptions,
as to the principles of the law. Besides, by the statute alluded to,
provision was made peculiarly favourable to the accused, if any
special verdict were found, or any appeal made to the judges upon
the finding of a verdict against him contrary to law. But the
defendant seemed entirely to misunderstand the character and
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THIRD TRIAL.
object of the statute. Now as to the question before the Court,
the defendant had adduced a number of parodies, some of which
were even worse than that which he had himself published, and
none of which were such as he (the Attorney-General) was disposed
to defend. Being of opinion that the more becoming course was to
reserve Scriptural language for appropriate purposes, he could not
approve of its application to different objects. Then as to the
prints, it might be that the caricature of Mr. Fuseli’s night-mare
was meant merely to ridicule the late Lord Mayor, but even so it
was an indictable publication. So would any print reflecting upon
an individual. But if any painter were to make a ludicrous
application of the sufferings of our Saviour, who could doubt that
such application would outrage the feelings of every Christian, and
amount to a profane libel ? So if any one who should parody the
paintings of Rubens or Mr. West, upon sacred subjects, he would
be indictable for a profane libel; for no man would be justified in
exciting mirth, or ridicule, or prejudice, through the medium of
sacred subjects. So of certain obscene airs, which were too
familiar to the vulgar, and which he was sorry to have ever heard
were applied to the Psalms of David, such an application would
be profane. As to the parodies quoted from Luther and others,
he heard them with regret; but they were the effusions of
excessive zeal, and he apprehended that zeal in excess was
generally vice. Of the parodies adduced by Mr. Hone, he thought it
proper to take some notice. First, as to that from Mr. John Reeves,
it was clear that it was not the object of that parody to bring
religion into contempt, although Scriptural phrases were made use
of, from which it would have been better to abstain. The same
might be said of the parody from Mr. Toplady. But there were
other parodies adduced by Mr. Hone, which all Christians must
condemn—must review indeed with disgust and abhorrence.
With respect to the 11 Tales of my Landlord,” Mr. Walter Scott
had no doubt made use of a great deal of Scriptural language,
which, however, was put into the mouths of zealots, at a time that
such language was much more familiar than in modern times.
But yet the object of this language was by no means to bring
�THIRD TRIAL.
191
religion into contempt. On the contrary, the evident end of the
author was to ridicule fanaticism, and to expose the artifice of
hypocrites, who sought to palliate vice and knavery by the use of
Scriptural language. Mr. Hone was therefore mistaken in sup
posing the “ Tales of my Landlord ” any precedent for his system
of parody, or any excuse for his conduct. He was also mistaken
in his conception of the several acts of the legislature with respect
to toleration; for no act, either ancient or modern, tolerated that
which was forbidden by the common law, namely, railing or
scoffing at the Trinity, or the Ritual of the Church. To illustrate
this, the learned gentleman referred to the Acts of James I.,
Charles I., and Charles II., upon the subject of religious toleration.
As to the paper before the Court, the learned gentleman read
several passages of it, from which he argued that its object was to
ridicule the Creed of St. Athanasius, which was a part of the
Church Ritual, The whole, he thought, evidently a scoffing at
the Trinity, in the terms of “ Old Bags, Derry Down Triangle, and
the Doctor.” But Mr. Hone had said that he did not intend to
ridicule the Trinity or the Creed of St. Athanasius; but a man’s
intention was to be judged by his acts or their effects, and not by
what he declares to be his intention. For, if the declaration of
an intention on the part of the accused were to be taken as evi
dence, no one accused would ever be found guilty. But so far
indeed from that being the conception of the law, there was a case
in the books where a man who had thrown a piece of wood from
the top of a house into the street, was found guilty of murder,
because that wood killed a passenger upon whom it had fallen.
Therefore, the law would not excuse any one who committed a
crime, whatever might be said as to his intention. The man who
flung down the wood had most probably no intention to kill the
passenger, but then he "was bound not to do that from which mischief was likely to accrue. So Mr. Hone was answerable for the
evil but too likely to result from that publication which he deliber
ately published; for it could avail nothing to any man to make
protestations of innocent intention, while he scattered about his
firebrands and arrows of death. The jury would recollect, that
�192
THIRD TRIAL.
the object of prosecution was to repress offences. Blackstone had
very properly observed, that the end of punishment was not to
afflict individuals, but to prevent offences. Such, and such alone,
he declared to be the object and end of the present prosecution.
For he had no personal animosity whatever towards Mr. Hone;
but he felt it his duty to the public to institute this prosecution,
with a view to prevent the issue of such publications in future
as were calculated to undermine the religion of the country,
and so to destroy the basis of morality, comfort, happiness, and
prosperity.
Lord El l e n b o r o u g h then charged the jury. He pronounced
the complaint of the defendant as to his peculiar grievances, in
consequence of the conduct of the present prosecution, to be en
tirely groundless. It was the duty of the Attorney-General to
institute this prosecution; and although the defendant was right
in his opinion that the Attorney-General might include different
charges in the same indictment, yet it was indisputably at his
discretion to do so; and the course the learned gentleman had
taken was agreeable to practice. The defendant appeared to think
that libels upon the Scriptures formed a sort of composition ex
empted by law from prosecution or punishment; but the cases
of Woolston and Paine should have informed him that his impres
sion was unfounded; so was his assertion that there was no law of
libel; for from the earliest records that law had existed, and been
well understood by the judges. The Act of Mr. Fox, as it was
called, had indeed made no change in that law. That was no
doubt a proper legislative provision. Chief Justice Eyre had
stated, that if the jury had only the power of deciding upon the
fact of publication, the printer of the libel itself might be liable to
conviction for libel. He thought the case put by that learned
judge quite too strong, because the interposition of the judge must
in such a case serve to prevent a verdict; but still he approved of
the statute. In this statute, however, there was nothing to pre
vent a libel from being tried like all other offences, in which the
judge was called upon to state his opinion upon the law to the
jury. For, according to his construction of the statute, the judge
�THIRD TRIAL.
193
was bound to state his opinion upon such prosecutions, and that
was also the construction of his learned predecessor; otherwise,
indeed, the functions of a judge would cease in such a case. Mr.
Hone had, no doubt, told the jury, not to attend to the opinion of
the judge, and he might think himself justified in so saying.
Unquestionably the jury were not bound to adopt the opinion, or
follow the advice of the judge; but without wishing to invade
their province he felt himself imperatively called upon to perform
his duty, by stating his opinion upon the paper under prosecution.
After that opinion was stated, it would be for the jury, from a
calm and candid review, as well as of that opinion, as of the paper
charged as a libel, to declare their judgment. The main defence
was parodies written by other men at different times. The
Exciseman’s Creed was very offensive. In Bishop Latimer’s time
much greater familiarity was used in public discourses than at the
present period. The parodies quoted by the defendant appeared
to his mind to offer nothing in defence of the paper before the
Court, which was in fact worse than any of those parodies, even
bad as they were. But if the mode of defence pursued by the
defendant was valid, what criminal could be convicted ? Eor there
was not one offender perhaps, who could not quote one hundred
instances in which persons committing the offence with which he
stood charged had escaped with impunity. Mr. Hone had, he
apprehended, very truly conceived, that if he had employed any
barrister, the course of defence upon which he had determined
would not be followed up by such barrister; for from his (Lord
Ellenborough’s) experience of the profession, he did not think that
there was a gentleman at the bar, who would outrage decency and
propriety so far as to exhibit such disgusting parodies and prints,
or at least persist in such exhibitions, especially after the judge
had expressed his decided disapprobation of them. God knows that
he (Lord Ellenborough) had no wish to do the defendant or any other
man an injury, but he felt it due to the ends of public justice and
the preservation of individual character, to interpose occasionally
his advice to Mr. Hone. Finding that advice, however, unavailing,
he had declined to interfere, and let the defendant pursue his own
o
�THIRD TRIAL.
course. But yet he called upon the jury not to allow the numer
ous libels which Mr. Hone had thought proper to read, or the
gross calumnies which he had uttered against individuals, to
operate upon their minds in considering the question, whether the
paper before them was or was not a profane libel. The defendant
had repeatedly declared that he had no intention to publish a libel
in sending forth this paper, but upon that point the observations
of the Attorney-General were perfectly just, for the law always
concludes as to the intent of any man from his act; and here the
question being, whether the defendant intended to bring into ridicule
the Athanasian Creed, the jury were to decide that question from a
review of the paper before them, and not from the declarations of
the defendant. Here the learned lord read the parody itself, and
expressing his belief that the terms of “Old Bags, Derry Down
Triangle, and the Doctor,” were meant to be applied to some
public men, commented on each article as he proceeded. The
only question for them was, whether this was a libel. Did it force
ludicrous and absurd images into the mind when the creed was
read? The Father was Old Bags, the Son was Derry Down
Triangle, the Holy Ghost was the Doctor. The defendant asked
whom the laugh excited by this was against ? But although the
laugh might be against the persons represented under those terms,
did not the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, form a part of
the association in this laugh? If they found that there was a
mixed profanity of this kind in the subject of the libel, they must
find a verdict of guilty; if both the subject and the object of the
parody were made ridiculous in the conjunction, they must come
to this conclusion. He had not a doubt that the parody before
them was a profane and impious libel. This paper was not charged
as a political libel, and therefore it must be found as a profane
libel, which it was described in the record. His lordship entreated
the jury to consider the importance of the case which they were
called upon to decide—that the temporal comforts and spiritual
interests of their countrymen . might defend their verdict. He
begged them to recollect, that if such publications as that before
them were not prohibited and punished, the country was too liable
�THIRD TRIAL.
195
to be deluged by irréligion and impiety, which had so lately pro
duced such melancholy results in another nation. The learned
lord, after some comment upon the defendant’s stoppage of this
publication, which fact would no doubt have due weight upon
those who, in the event of a verdict of conviction, would be called
upon to pronounce sentence, observed that it should have no
weight whatever with the jury.
The jury retired at half-past eight to consider their verdict.
In twenty minutes the jury returned into court, and the fore
man, after the usual forms had been observed, pronounced Mr.
Hone NOT GUILTY.
The moment the verdict was announced, a spontaneous burst
of applause issued from the crowd in the Court.
This soon extended to the crowd without ; and for some
minutes the hall and adjoining avenues rung with the loudest
. acclamations. The crowd waited for some time for Mr. Hone, in
order to greet him as he passed. By an intended manœuvre,
however, two groups passed out, in one of which it was expected
he was, and it was cheered accordingly. He afterwards passed
out through the immense multitude, alone and unnoticed.
During the absence of the jury, a gentleman was brought into
Court in the custody of the Chief and Deputy Marshals of the
City, charged with riotous conduct on the steps leading from
Guildhall to the Court. It appeared, that towards the close of
the evening a prodigious crowd of persons, amounting to the
number of not less than 20,000, had assembled in the hall, and
in the avenues leading thereto. Many of these persons were
desirous of forcing their way into the Court, but their efforts were
resisted. Among others, the gentleman now brought forward.
He attempted to push up the steps, when Mr. Wontner, the Chief
Marshal, told him he could not pass. He replied that it was an
open Court, and he had a right to admission. This observation
attracted the attention of the crowd, which moved towards the
spot. Mr. Wontner then said, if lie questioned his authority to
prevent his entrance, he must take him before Lord Ellenborou<di
With this view, he laid his hand on his arm, when a scuffle ensued,
�196
THIRD TRIA.L.
and some disturbance, which ended by two of the officers being
struck, and one of them knocked down, principally, as it was
stated, through the conduct of the prisoner. These facts were
proved by several witnesses. The gentleman on being called on
for his defence, stated his name to be Mr. Thomas Wetherell; that
he had been five years at King’s College, Cambridge, and had but
recently returned from the West Indies. He had certainly
attempted to come up the steps, and did not conceive he was
acting improperly by attempting to enter an open Court. The City
Marshal had laid hold of his arm, and in attempting to extricate
himself from his grasp, all the subsequent confusion happened. A
gentleman named Marsh corroborated his statement.
Lord Ellenborough fined Mr. Wetherell twenty pounds, and
directed that he should be detained in custody till the fine was
paid.
On Thursday, the first day’s trial, before Mr. Justice Abbott,
Mr. Hone spoke near six hours. On Friday, the second day’s
trial, he spoke near seven hours. On Saturday, the third day, he
spoke in his defence upwards of eight hours.
�TRIAL BY JURY
AND
LIBERTY OF THE PRESS.
THE
PROCEEDINGS
AT THE
PUBLIC MEETING,
DECEMBER 29, 1817,
tfje Og of bonbon Wabern,
FOR THE PURPOSE OF ENABLING
WILLIAM HONE
TO SURMOUNT THE DIFFICULTIES IN WHICH HE HAS BEEN PLACED BY BEING
SELECTED BY THE MINISTERS OF THE CROWN AS THE OBJECT
OF THEIR PERSECUTION.
Mr . WAITHMAN
in t h e
CH A TH,,
WITH THE
Mesulutions arór tlje Speeds
OF
MR.
SIR
MR.
MR.
MR.
WAITHMAN,
FRANCIS BURDETT,
ALDERMAN THORP,
PERRY,
P. WALKER,
LORD COCHRANE,
MR. CHARLES PEARSON,
MR. STURCH,
AND
MR. WOOLER.
ALSO,
THE SUBSCRIPTION’S RECEIVED FROM TIME TO TIME,
WITH ALL THE NAMES, MOTTOES, &c.
LONDON:
PRINTED BY AND FOR WILLIAM HONE, 67, OLD BAILEY;
AND SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERS.
’ 1818.
PRICE SIXPENCE.
��MR. HONE.
TRIAL BY JURY
AND
LIBERTY OF THE PRESS.
A Me e t in g of the friends of the Liberty of the Press and Trial by
Jury was held at the City of London Tavern, Bishopsgate Street,
on Monday, December 29, 1817, to consider of the best means to
promote a subscription in aid of Mr. Hone, who had so nobly and
successfully struggled against Ministerial persecution. The meeting
was one of the most numerous and respectable we have for a long
time witnessed. The great room was completely filled at an early
hour by an anxious auditory, amongst whom we observed several
elegantly dressed females. A few minutes before one o’clock—
’■'Mr. Wa it iim a n took the chair. He was accompanied into the
room by Sir Prancis Burdett (who was loudly cheered on his
entrance), Aiderman Thorp, Aiderman Goodbehere, Mr. Jones
Burdett, Mr. Perry, Mr. Hare Townsend, Major James, Mr. John
Williams (the banker), Mr. Sturch, Mr. Charles Pearson, Mr.
Woolier, <fcc. Lord Cochrane entered soon after the business had
begun, and was received with long continued plaudits.
Mr. Wa it h m a n , immediately after he had taken the chair, rose
and addressed the assembly as follows :—
“ Gentlemen,—Although I may have to regret that the chair is
not more ably filled, yet I can assure you that I never undertook a
* Elected Aiderman, 1818; Lord Mayor, 1823.
�200
TRIAL BY JURY
duty with more satisfaction than I do the present; because I am
convinced that no object can possibly tend more to support the
liberties of Englishmen than that which we have this day in view.
Gentlemen, I had no previous acquaintance whatever with Mr.
Hone ; and, about a week or two before his trial, when he spoke
to me in the street to request that I would look over his jury list, I
did not recognise his person. With respect to the Parodies I never
read them till they were published after the trials; and though,
gentlemen, I have no particular taste for these sort of productions,
yet I have seen articles of this kind published on various occasions,
and I believe you all know that in no instance until the present
were they prosecuted by the Government, or taken notice of by
the Law Officers of the Crown. (Applause). I am sure, gentle
men, not one of us can entertain a doubt that if those Parodies had
been published in favour of Administration—if they had been
published in ridicule of Reformers—if they had been published
against the rights of the people—his Majesty’s Government would
never have attended to them. (Applause.) If, indeed, the object
of ministers had been to rescue religion from any insidious attack
of the kind alleged the laws of the country were open to them, and
they might have proceeded in the usual way; but that would not
answer the purpose they had in view, and therefore they resorted
to less honourable expedients. In all ordinary cases, I believe,
where the law was doubtful, and the object was to define it and
make it generally known, the Law Officers of the Crown have been
accustomed to proceed in the most cautious and delicate manner.
It was the custom in such cases not to render the law an engine of
oppression, but by its means to bring offenders fairly to justice and
to make their fate a warning to others. On this point it may seem
improper that I should enlarge; but, perhaps, as our object is
precisely the same, as we have not met to discuss any question on
which I think there can arise a difference of opinion, I may be
allowed to make an observation or two on this subject, and, there
fore, I think it right to call your attention to the origin of those
prosecutions and the way in which they have been conducted.
When the suspension of the Habeas Corpus Act was contemplated,
�AND LIBERTY OF THE PRESS.
201
and Committees of both. Houses of Parliament were formed in
order to examine information that was to be laid before them by
ministers, a great deal was said to inflame the public mind and to
render the country outrageous, not only with respect to those
publishers, but with reference to other individuals engaged in the
cause of Reform. Little doubt can now be entertained, gentlemen,
but that the outrages spoken of as a ground for suspending the
Habeas Corpus Act were caused by the exertions of those infamous
spies and informers who were hired by the Government, and whose
conduct it is unnecessary for me to descant upon. (Loud applause.)
Gentlemen, instead of indicting this individual (Mr. Hone), as
they would have done if their object had been that which they
pretended, ministers took a widely different course, having first
taken care that everything should be done by those committees to
agitate and inflame the public feeling. The Habeas Corpus Act
was suspended. Mr. Hone was dragged from his family and con
signed to prison—(these prosecutions have been hanging over his
head ever since)—and, at length, the Law Officers of the Crown had
brought him to trial. All these preparations which I have men
tioned, gentlemen, were to make conviction more certain. Had
the intention of ministers been to rescue religion from any insidious
attack, they would, as I have before observed, have proceeded by
indictment, and not by ex-officio information. If their motives
were pure, they would have tried him on one case only. They
would not have assailed him three times with the manifest intention
of inflicting a vindictive punishment on an individual for transgres
sing a law, the breach of which had not previously occasioned any
person to be brought up to trial. (Applause.) I attended the
court during the whole of the last day’s trial, and for some time on
the preceding days, and I there witnessed, with feelings of the
highest gratification, the exertions made by Mr. Hone on behalf of
the liberties of the whole people of England. (Applause.) I say
the liberties of the people of England, for we cannot be said to
have any liberties unless we have a Free Press and an unshackled
Trial by Jury. (Applause.) The freedom of the press was sup
ported by Mr. Hone in a manner so much to my satisfaction that I
�202
TRIAL BY JURY
felt it my duty to do everything in my power to rescue that
individual from the consequences with which those prosecutions
must necessarily visit him, if his case be not boldly taken up by
his fellow citizens. (Applause.) Therefore it was that the present
meeting originated with a few individuals who attended at the last
day’s trial, and afterwards proceeded to take refreshment at a
neighbouring coffee-house. They felt, as Englishmen ought to feel
(and they took no credit to themselves for such a feeling), that
Mr. Hone deserved to be supported—that, having exerted his
abilities in a manner so honourable to himself and so useful to the
country, he ought to be shielded from the effects which these pro
secutions must otherwise bring upon him—and they determined
to do all that lay in their power to enable him to support his wife
and numerous family in a manner worthy of him and of them.
(Applause.) The gentlemen who then formed themselves into a
committee had prepared some resolutions which will be submitted
to you this day. I shall be very glad to hear any observations that
may be made thereon, or to receive any suggestions that may tend
to further the object we have in view.
Sir Er a -n u t s Bu r d e t t * then stood forward, and was about to
address the meeting, but was prevented, for several minutes, by
the cheering which his presence excited, and the cries which pro
ceeded from the individuals at the lower end of the room, who
were anxious that he should mount upon the table. In order to
procure silence—
Mr. Wa it h m a n rose and said, “ Gentlemen, if you will have
the goodness not to stand on the forms, every one of you will have
a good view, and be enabled to hear perfectly well.”
This appeal produced immediate order.
gjr pq Bu r d e t t then ascended the table, and after the shouts
of exultation had subsided, proceeded to deliver his sentiments.
He commenced by stating, that he could not but feel extremely
flattered at the manner in which his countrymen had been pleased
* An eminent, popular, and parliamentary leader. Elected, 1807, to represent
Westminster in the House of Commons, and he sat for that constituency nearly
thirty years.
�AND LIBERTY OF THE PRESS.
203
to receive him on this occasion. At the same time, he feared that
the very few words it would be his lot to address to them at
present, would scarcely repay them for the deep anxiety they
manifested. If he went over all the topics connected with the
subject of their meeting this day, he was sensible that he would
take up more time than they could possibly spare—and, as there
was no feeling of difference on this occasion, as they had a specific
object in view—it would perhaps be an improper opportunity for
impressing on the minds of the assembly those sentiments, with
respect to the Liberty of the Press, and Trial by Jury, which he
had always nourished, and which, on many occasions, he had pub
licly declared. Next to that paramount object—the preservation
of the Liberty of the Press—their greatest exertions ought to be
made to support an honest countryman, struggling in opposition
to the oppressions exercised against him, on scandalous hypocritical
pretences. (Applause.) Those who made use of those pretences,
seemingly intended only to crush an humble individual; but they
meant, in reality, through his person, to destroy the free press of
the country. (Applause.) The resolutions that were put into his
hands this day, fully expressed those sentiments, and pointed out
the necessity of supporting their oppressed countryman under these
circumstances. He had fully merited their kindest consideration ;
and, when such a claim of gratitude, when such a debt of justice
was due by them for the exertions that individual had made in
favour of their liberties, it was incumbent on them to express the
feeling which they, in common, he believed, with the whole British
public, entertained of the scandalous conduct of the Government
of the country, both with respect to the origin of those prosecu
tions, and to the infamous manner in which they were carried on.
(Applause.) The resolutions comprised several most important
points—first, the conduct of the individual—next, the importance
of the struggle in which he had engaged, and the circumstances
under which he undertook it—and then, what was a corollary of
all that preceded it, the debt of justice and of gratitude which
they owed him, and which, beyond a doubt, they were most
anxious to repay. (Great applause.) Agreeing as he did in all
�204
TRIAL BY JURY
the sentiments of their worthy chairman—agreeing with him, as
they all must, in the importance of the Liberty of the Press, and
of Trial by Jury, he would still go one step further, and say, there
was no solid support for either of those great privileges, but by
the existence of a third—-he meant a fair representation of the
people in Parliament. (Applause.) They had no security for the
Liberty of the Press—they had no security for the personal liberty
of any man amongst them—they had no security for a pure Trial
by Jury—if the House of Commons were not what it was intended
to be—and what the people had as much right to have, as those
who held property under the present system had to it, or as the
King had to the Crown—namely, a free, fair, and honest repre
sentation of the people. (Great applause.) The excluded people
(he would not now call them the deluded people, for their eyes were
opened, and information on the subject of a representative form of
Government, a subject formerly supposed to be far beyond the
grasp of an ordinary mind, was now industriously circulated) had
every reason to complain—but they began to feel their power, and
they were no longer to be duped by fallacies as they had been.
The people had at length attained the knowledge so necessary to
their existence as freemen, that the superintending body over those
two great essentials should consist of an unpolluted representation
of themselves. Their eyes are open to what appeared before
beyond their comprehension, and what now must appear to be
superior in importance to everything else—the necessity of elect
ing those who should take care of the Trial by Jury, of the Freedom
of the Press, and -who would see that the judges of the land acted
according to the Law and the Constitution. (Loud applause.) Of
Mr. Hone’s merits he might say with truth (although he blushed
to say it), that he absolutely defeated, by dint of ability and manly
exertion, the judges and the Crown lawyers. (Hear, hear.) For
oppression and undue advantage against a meritorious but defence
less man, this prosecution on the part of his Majesty’s Ministers
was without a parallel. Indeed, it would be almost impossible to
pick out an instance in which injustice and oppression had been
so decidedly marked, even if they were to look to the volume of
�AND LIBERTY OF THE PRESS.
205
State Trials, ■which had been, called a libel on. the judges of
England. Few men in the country could have fought their way
with such manly intrepidity, and at the same time with such elas
ticity of moral and intellectual vigour. He believed the country
was quite alive on the subject to which he now called their atten
tion—and if they were so, to whom was it owing ? Certainly to
Mr. Hone—who at the peril of his life—at the expense of the
destruction of his fortune—and, finally, when the annihilation of
all his future views was threatened—stood forward, undismayed,
and dauntlessly dared the worst his adversaries could do. (Ap
plause.) For this they were deeply indebted to him. With Mr.
Hone’s conduct hereafter he had nothing to do—but, he conceived,
they had no right to doubt but that it would be honourable and
manly, when they recollected the courage he had evinced, and the
spirit of honest independence which he had displayed, when
beset by dangers calculated to embarrass and appal men much
better known to the public. (Applause.) There was another
individual (Mr. C. Pearson*), whose name ought not to pass un
noticed on the present occasion, although it had not been alluded
to by the worthy Chairman—an individual, whose exertions had
been of the utmost consequence to the liberty of the subject, in as
far as the Trial by Jury was connected with that sacred object.
The gentleman to whom he alluded was entitled to the thanks of
his country for the pains he had taken to obtain an important
reformation of the Special Jury List. The object attained by that
persevering and disinterested individual, he considered as one of
the most important that had been accomplished during the event
ful period in which he lived. For, when a system of corruption
existed, he conceived that a greater good could not be effected
than the compelling the friends of oppression to give up that old
corrupt list of jurymen, and to procure another, containing the
names of upright and honourable, and perfectly disinterested men.
(Applause.) Mr. Pearson had effected this, and by so doing had
perhaps laid the foundation for all those defeats which the officers
. * Appointed “ City Solicitor ” 31st October, 1839. Died, 14th September, 1862.
He was the originator of tho Metropolitan Under-ground Railway.
�206
TRIAL BY JURY
of the Crown, had experienced. This he considered as the first
fruits—as a foretaste of the invaluable blessings resulting from a
constitutional reformation. An appeal to an honest and upright
jury might be truly said to be a trial by the country, not a trial
by a sham time-serving pack of ministerial tools. Now, it might
well be expected that the object of Court vengeance could appeal
with confidence to a jury of Englishmen, who were armed against
treasury influence, and who would stand firm in the cause of
liberty. If this glorious reformation could be extended to the
county of Middlesex, and the Middlesex Special Jury List were
purged of corruption, then would a fair prospect be opened of
setting at defiance, as Mr. Hone did on this occasion, the unfair
practices of Judges in the Courts of Law. He conceived that a
more improper doctrine was never laid down on any occasion,
than what had been promulgated by a learned judge in the course
of these prosecutions. How could he so mistake the case, as to
state, that an Act meant to protect the Liberty of the Press,
should be turned against the very purpose for which it had been
introduced? Never had any attempt of this sort been more
glaring than the construction put upon Mr. Eox’s Libel Bill, the
professed object of which was to support the Liberty of the Press.
But the Learned Judges attempted a construction which was in
direct opposition to the object for which it was framed; for, accord
ing to them, the judge on the bench had a right to act as foreman
of the jury, and deliver his own verdict first—-(hear, hear)—
and this with all due theatrical solemnity—the hand upon the
Peart—at least, the hand where the heart should be—(laughter)—
and under the pompous solemnity of an oath of office; but this
too with all the aggravations and exaggerations of the importance
of the trial—before the jury opened their mouths, or even had an
opportunity of forming their own conscientious opinion upon the
subject. Now this could not be'the true construction of Mr. Fox’s
Act • for if it were, the King’s subjects were in a worse situation
than they were before the passing of the Act. If he (the Hon.
Bart.), read the Act rightly, it was, that the judge should give his
opinion to the jury as in other cases. Now, if that were so, he
�AND LIBERTY OF THE PRESS.
207
would ask, whether the judge in. this case ought not to give such
an opinion as would be most conducive to the ends of justice, and
most favourable to the liberty of the country. But Mr. Hone and
an honest jury had put the right construction upon the Act, and
they happened to put a very different construction upon it from
that of the learned judge. They could not be reasoned out of their
own plain, unsophisticated, common sense—they could see no guilt,
where the intention did not accompany the act, and conforming to
the general principles of the Law of England, they could not find
a man guilty, who had no intention to commit offence. The
intention was the gravamen of the charge, and unless the intention
was corrupt, there could be no guilt. The fact, however, was,
that he never knew a lawyer able to perform a common-sense idea
upon the subject of the law of libel. Unfortunately, there was no
settled and defined law upon the subject; and, indeed, so uncertain
was the law of libel, that a man could hardly be able to tell, in
nine instances out of ten, when he had or had not written a libel.
Nay, a man who set out with an avowed intention of writing a
libel, might fail of his object, though he meant to break the law.
There were cases in which a man would be justifiable in writing a
libel; for instance, when the object was to awake his countrymen
to a sense of some dangerous inroads upon their liberty. Such
might fairly be called an honest libel; but it was most lamentable
that there was no certain rule of law applicable to offences of this
description. All other offences in the criminal code of the country
had some technical name by which they were respectively known
and defined. The plainest understanding could comprehend the
meaning of burglary, murder, &c.—offences which were known to
the common law of England. But there was no knowing what a
libel meant. It was an offence which carried with it the marks of
its accursed origin,—namely, as the invention of the Star Chamber,
founded upon musty remnants of the Civil Law, which was
contrary to the genuine principles of the law of England. All
offences injurious to the country were clearly defined by the latter;
but this new fangled offence was founded in artifice and false
pretence. By this law, a man of the purest motives and most
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TRIAL BY JURY
upright character might be doomed to linger out a miserable
existence within the walls of a dungeon, without even being
aware that he was committing any offence. Libel was really any
thing which the law officers of the Crown could persuade twelve
men, picked and chosen by the master of the Crown Office, to
believe to be an offence against his Majesty’s Ministers. To Mr.
Charles Pearson’s manly exertions, however, was the country
indebted for a change in this unjust system of packing and
culling jurymen. But in truth, it might be said (with his friend
Mr. Horne Tooke) of the old jury list, that it was like offering a
man a basket of rotten oranges, from which he was at liberty to
take his choice. (A laugh and much applause.) It seemed,
however, that the judges of the King’s Bench had laid it down as
a broad position, that the master of the Crown Office had a right to
nominate and choose the jury from the jury list. This was a
position which was without any legal authority, and one which the
common sense of the people would not endure. It was impossible
to bear the people down with doctrines so diametrically opposite to
the principles of common justice. This was a subject into which
it was impossible now to enter. Mr. Hone, by his' manly and
courageous exertions, had achieved a public good; and in that
sense must his recent painful trials be considered. Like the man
who used to exhibit his head in the lion’s mouth, he had had his
head in the lion’s mouth, but fortunately for him the lion had not
wagged his tail, or probably his fate would have been the same with
the unfortunate showman. His perilous situation ought not to be
forgotten. But upon this subject it was unnecessary for him to say
a word. The numerous assembly present marked the sense of
public feeling on the occasion, and he was quite persuaded that
Mr. Hone would meet with that reward which his distinguished
merits deserved. But, because he had won the victory, they were
not to suppose that he had not encountered any danger; because
he had returned to his family, they were not to imagine that he
was not near being snatched away from them. If a verdict could
have been obtained against him, he probably never would have
returned to them again. But, as he had gone through his critical
�AND LIBERTY OF THE PRESS.
209
trials with manly intrepidity, with a boldness truly English,
without offence and without fear—he conceived that his conduct
called on them to put him in such a situation, that, for the rest of
his life, he should feel the benefit of those rare good qualities which he
had so eminently displayed through the whole of this business. He
should now conclude, although the subject was one fluent as the
sea, and, were all its sands eloquent tongues, it comprised matter
to employ them all. He felt it unnecessary to address such an
assembly—an assembly of Englishmen—in a strain of exhortation
on the sufferings which Mr. Hone had endured. He would not say
a word on that point, because he knew full well that their feelings
would dictate to them what they ought to do. He knew that they
needed not to be prompted on such an occasion ; and, therefore,
he should conclude by moving that the resolutions be read.
’’Alderman Th o r p declared his unwillingness to offer himself
to public notice on any occasion, but when called upon to perform
an important public duty, he should rather be thought obtrusive
than reluctant. Therefore, he had no hesitation to second the
motion, which had been so ably supported by the worthy baronet
who preceded him. It was impossible, in his judgment, for any
Englishman not to exult in the issue of Mr. Hone’s trials, and in
the manly manner in which that meritorious individual had con
ducted himself throughout; for while that conduct presented a
most interesting example of the genuine spirit of an Englishman,
the result afforded a most important testimony of the value of the
trial by jury, and an additional barrier for the Liberty of the
Press.
He cordially congratulated the Meeting upon this
inestimable victory, feeling, as he did, the great benefits of the
Trial by Jury, and the Liberty of the Press; for without those
invaluable privileges, no country could be free, and with them no
country could be enslaved. The three Juries, therefore, who tried
Mr. Hone, and who might well be regarded as the representatives
of the uncorrupted population of England, had asserted their
right to maintain the Trial by Jury in the fulness of its purity, as
well as performed their duty in defending the Liberty of the Press.
* Elected Alderman, 1817. Lord Mayor, 1820.
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TRIAL BY JURY
Such Jurors were entitled to the universal thanks of their country
in establishing the triumph of sound reason and common sense
over hypocrisy and sophistry. (Applause.) The Worthy Aider
man concluded with a panegyric upon the motion, which was put,
and carried unanimously.
The Resolutions were then put by the Chairman seriatim, and
were carried unanimously, and with the loudest acclamations.
RESOLUTIONS.
1. That the Liberty of the Press is one of the dearest rights and
proudest distinctions of Englishmen, and is inseparably connected with,
and wholly dependant on the purity of the Trial by Jury.
2. That the inestimable importance of the sacred and constitutional
right of Trial by Jury, has never been more demonstratively proved
than by the recent prosecutions and honourable acquittals of Mr.
William Hone.
3. That Parodies on Scripture having been written and published
by Martin Luther, the Father of the Reformation, by Dignitaries of
the Church, and by other eminent and learned personages down to the
present time, we are persuaded that the exception taken to the parodies
of Mr. Hone by the present Ministers of the Crown was to answer
political purposes against the Liberty of the Press.
4. That a hypocritical prostitution of Religion, and a pretended
zeal for its defence, when used by corrupt Statesmen as a mask for
political persecution, must ever be held by all sincere Christians as the
worst profanation of its sacred name.
5. That it is evident from the manner in which those prosecutions
were commenced and conducted, that the real object of Ministers was
not to protect Religion; but to crush an apparently defenceless indi
vidual, who had exposed their political delinquencies, to stifle public
discussion, to destroy the Liberty of the Press, and to uphold existing
abuse.
6. That the extensive knowledge, the varied talents, the manly
intrepidity, the energy of mind, and the unshaken perseverance which
enabled Mr. William Hone so dauntlessly to resist the reiterated
assaults of Ministerial persecution, entitle him to the gratitude and
support of every friend to constitutional freedom.
7. That a Subscription be now opened, and that the money which may
be subscribed, be placed in the hands of a Committee to be used in such
�AND LIBERTY OF THE PRESS.
211
way as shall appear to them best calculated to promote the permanent
welfare of Mr. Hone and his Family.
8. That the following Gentlemen be of the Committee :—Aiderman
Goodbehere,* Aiderman Thorp, Robert Waithman, Joseph Hurcombe,
William Sturch, Samuel Brooks, William Williams, William Teesdale.
9. That Robert Waithman be the Treasurer.
Mr. Wa it h m a n now observed that he should have stated that
there had already been subscriptions to a very good extent received.
The Chairman was called on to read the names, and immediately
proceeded to state the names, &c., under which the subscriptions
had been received; among others, were, from a lady, £50; No
Politician, £5 ; No Parodist, but an enemy to persecution, ¿£21 ;
Mr. Waithman, ¿£10; Mr. Sturch, ¿£10; Pro Bono Publico, ¿£2 2s.;
Aidermen Goodbehere and Thorp, ¿£10 each; An Englishman,
.£10; James Perry, Esq., ¿£20; Sir Richard Phillips, ¿£5; Jones
Burdett, Esq., £o, and so on to a very considerable amount.
Mr. Waithman next observed that he had a very gratifying th ing
to communicate; it was, that he had received through a friend
known to them all, a subscription of ¿£100. (Loud applause, and
cries of “Name! name!”) He did not know who this liberal
■contributor was, although, perhaps, his name might be collected
from the manner in which the subscription was given; it was
accompanied by the following sentenceFrom a Member of
the House of Peers—an enemy to persecution, and especially to
religious persecution employed for political purposes.” (Loud and
continued cheers.) The worthy Chairman, in conclusion, said,
that it was impossible for any person not present at Mr. Hone’s
trial, to form the least conception of the ability, courage, and
feeling displayed by that worthy man in the trial. He appeared
on the highest pinnacle on which a man could be placed, while all
around him looked little, very little. “I’d sooner forget all I ever
saw beside, than be without the impression which I felt on wit
nessing such a scene.” (Great applause.)
Mr. Pe r r y , of the Morning Chronicle, rose amidst tumultuous
applause, for the purpose, he said, of taking a part in the pro* Elected Alderman, 1809.
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ceedings of that day, than which none could have been more
grateful to his feelings—it was to propose the thanks of the
assembly to that eminent and distinguished patriot, whose'merits
were too strongly engraven on the mind of every man who heard
him to require enumeration—he meant Sir F. Burdett. (Cheers.)
To do justice to the character of that enlightened statesman, would
require a portion of the eloquence which had been displayed by
Mr. Hone in the course of his able defence; he felt that he was
incompetent to the task, and could only say, that they all owed
the deepest obligations to one who had so bravely, with so much
eloquence, and with such unabated zeal fought their battles.
(Loud cheers.) He was delighted to find that the enthusiasm of
the meeting corresponded with his own. It might with truth be
said, that no man deserved more the admiration of his countrymen
than the Hon. Baronet to whom he alluded. Met as they wereto defend the liberty of the press—for unless the press were free,
no man corlld exist in society—it was the light of the mind, it
was to the mind as air was to the human body, without it they
must expire. ‘(Cheers.) He said, met as they were for this
purpose, it was impossible to tell what was the amount of the
debt of gratitude which they owed to those individuals who had.
stood forward to protect that which was the food of the human
mind. (Cheers.) The Hon. Baronet (Sir F. Burdett) had said,
that, in point of fact, the law of libel was utterly undefined, and
that men with the best intention, and with their eyes open, might
write a libel. This was, indeed, a faithful representation of the
case. The interpretation which he had heard given to a libel, and
more especially by those who were interested in meeting the
wishes of Ministers, was, that truth was a libel, that anything
which was written or published, of which any body complained,
was what the law designated a libel. In other words, that any
man who dared to publish the truth, however important the truth
might be to the interest of the community, was a libeller. He
could only say, that he for one would brave this construction.
He would publish the truth, though he should provoke his
Majesty’s Ministers to attack him. (Applause.) He denied that
�AND LIBERTY OF THE PRESS.
truth was a libel. To tell the truth was a
they were born, and was one which he would not be
sacrifice. The Hon. Baronet had said that he did not know a
single lawyer who had ever formed a common-sense idea upon the
question of libel. Although it gave him pain to differ in the
slightest degree from one for whom he entertained so much
respect, yet in this particular he was bound to disagree with him,
and he thought the Hon. Baronet would be a convert to his
opinion. There was a lawyer who had been able to come to a
just conclusion on this subject. He meant that individual who
had been the real parent of the libel bill—one who had defended
him successfully under prosecutions for libel, and one to whom his
country would ever feel indebted—he meant Lord Erskine
*
(Loud and reiterated cheers.) Lord Erskine was a lawyer who
had grappled with the greatest judges of his day, in the first stage
of his legal business, when he had everything to dread from their
power, and everything to hope from his subserviency. Before he
proceeded to read the resolution, to move which was the object of
his rising, he begged leave to suggest the expediency before they
separated of some steps being taken to have another meeting. He
conceived it was of the highest importance that they should have
an opportunity to express their feelings on the great cause of all
those persecutions. That which he wished was, that an expression
of public feeling should go forth, and that a meeting of the
Freeholders of the county of Middlesex should be called, for the
purpose of making a declaration upon the suspension of the Habeas
Corpus Act, and upon that abominable circular which had been
issued by the Ministei' of the Home Department; by which he
had prohibited the circulation of what he was pleased to call
blasphemous Hbels, and empowered the magistracy to send to
prison those by whom they were sold. These publications had
now, by the acquittal of Mr. Hone on three successive trials, and
* Born about 1750. On the death of Mr. Pitt in 1806, when Lord Grenville
received the commands of George III. to form a new administration, Mr. Erskine
was created a peer, and raised to the dignity of Lord High Chancellor of Great
Britain, Died, 1823.
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on three successive days, during which he had been tormented
physically as well as mentally, been pronounced no libels. The
whole foundation of the suspension of their liberties was a mere
fallacy; and under such circumstances, were they, with their eyes
open, to suffer the act by which those liberties were suspended to
'expire of itself? (Shouts, and cries of “No! no!”) Would
they not, by an expression of public feeling, call for its instant
repeal, and not by acquiescence, as with the Mutiny Bill, or a
common Shipping Bill, have it hereafter renewed as a matter of
course once a year? (Cries of “Yes! it must be repealed with
out delay.”) Let a requisition be sent to the Sheriff of Middlesex,
and let it be known that it came from that room, requiring him
to call a meeting for this purpose; and let the committee appointed
on the present occasion bring the matter forward in such shape as
to them might seem proper. He trusted their example would
be followed by others, and that the feeling would go round the
country. Mr. Perry concluded by moving:—
10. That the thanks of this meeting are due to Sir Francis Burdett,
Bart., for his spontaneous offers of co-operation with the gentlemen
originating the subscription, in strict conformity with a life of pure
patriotism and love of country.
Mr. Wa l k e r rose to second this motion, which had his most
complete and unqualified concurrence. The worthy baronet full
well knew the feelings of Englishmen. (Applause.) He had too
much judgment to dwell on any exhortation to them to subscribe
on an occasion of this kind, he left that point in its proper place,
well knowing that they would exercise their zeal upon it in a man
ner becoming such a subject. He would take this opportunity of
paying a proper tribute to the fair sex, a few of whom were then
in the room. (Some interruption here took place.) They recol
lected that one fair lady sent ¿£50 to grace their subscription.
(Great applause and laughter.) They ought also to bear in mind
that one juror on the first day’s trial stepped forward on behalf of
Mr. Hone, when he was about to be put down for using what the
judge thought irrelevant matter, and said that he thought the
�AND LIBERTY OF THE PRESS.
215
matter relevant.
*
Such a man deserved public thanks for the ex
pression of his honest feeling. (Applause.) It maintained and
supported at such a moment in Court a struggling and nearly
overpowered man, and enabled him, under Jwry-masts, to trim his
little bark, then exposed to the pelting of the pitiless storm, and
bring it round into the harbour with safety. The gale which was
chasing bigotry from the shores of South America would not allow
that hideous monster to take refuge in England; but entering
Guildhall it rived the very trappings of the Judge, who was obliged
to exclaim to the Attorney-General, who felt the blast, “ we had
better let it blow over us.” (Much laughter.) The worthy gentle
man concluded by an eloquent appeal to the meeting on behalf of
Mr. Hone and his infant family.
The resolution of thanks was then carried by acclamation.
Sir Fr a n c is Bu r d e t t rose and returned thanks. He felt that
this new subject on which Mr. Perry had touched in so handsome
a manner towards him, and with so much eloquence in descanting
upon the topic, was one on which he (Sir Francis) could say little,
except that he highly cherished and esteemed this expression of
their good opinion; and that he also considered the good opinion
of his fellow-citizens as the only reward he could hope for, wish, or
experience throughout the whole of his life. (Applause.) On the
same principles which this day received the stamp of their much
valued approbation, they might reckon on his future efforts, be the
time long or short that may remain for his public career. Before
he entered on a more pleasing task than self-allusions, he would
make one or two observations on an allusion made by Mr. Perry, to
the opinion of an eminent lawyer relative to the law of libel.
There was, doubtless, no person more conversant than that gentle
man with the subject, or fitter to pronounce an opinion upon it.
Mr. Perry and himself (Sir Francis) were equally convicted libellers,
and they had a right to look closely to this matter. [Here it was in
* He said that he was prepared to die, if need be, rather than pronounce a
man “ guilty” who was manifestly prosecuted, not for blasphemy or sedition, but
for exposing abuses which were eating into the very heart of the nation. This
juror was an eminent London merchant, named Elwall.
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TRIAL BY JURY
timated to the worthy baronet that Mr. Perry had not been convicted
on the occasion he alluded to.] Sir Francis then observed that he
had committed a mistake j he certainly recollected very well that
his friend was indebted to a very able defence which he made in
person for his acquittal on a groundless charge of libel, but he
thought that he had been convicted on a former occasion, and on
that account he thought he might have considered him as his fellow
colleague. He had himself been imprisoned for what was called a
libel, and he wight be so again ; but no fear of that kind would
ever deter him from exposing a corrupt Assembly that acted in
the name of the people, just as the ministers were acting in the
name and on behalf óf his Majesty. (Applause.) Ho penalties
that Assembly could inflict should ever deter him from speaking
the truth in defence of the liberties of the people. Whenever they
attempted to enact measures trenching upon the natural, unalien
able, imprescriptible, rights of Englishmen, there was no penalty,
there should be no laws, which should ever deter him from incur
ring that penalty, from breaking those laws whenever the rights
a,nd liberties of his country required such a sacrifice. (Loud and
continued cheering.) As to the observation respecting the opinion
of a certain great lawyer on the subject of libel, he did not think
there was any disagreement between them on this point. Lord
Erskine, when at the bar, did certainly bear up most nobly against
the oppressive doctrines of judges, but he never did define what a
libel was; anda gentleman who was in the habit of writing, like
his friend, did not now know any lawyer to whom he could go and
consult as to what was libel or what was not; and if he did consult
lawyers they would give different opinions according to their private
views. In short, no one ever could define what a libel was ; and for
himself he believed everything he ever wrote might by some lawyers
be called libels. (Laughter.) There never was such a despotism
as this Law of Libel, as it was called, had reared. It was a
thousand times worse than the plan adopted by the tyrant Caligula,
who posted up his laws, but in places so high and in letters so
small that, though it was impossible to read them, it was death to
commit an infraction upon their provisions. A different plan was,
�AND LIBERTY OF THE PRESS.
217
indeed, practised in the early times of England. The statutes were
then really promulgated—they were posted in the market places
and read in all the churches. This fair notification may be said to
justify the maxim that ignorance of the law was no excuse for its
infraction. But what was the case now, they had rooms full of
statutes on every simple subject? Lawyers did not know the law,
they only went to look after it among the books on receiving their
fee. (Great laughter.) There never had been a common-sense
dennition of the Law of Libel, or of the offence itself. The only
fair definition was that any writing was a libel which a person
belonging to the Government thought so. (Applause.) The notion
that a thing was a libel because it tended to a breach of the peace
was nonsense—it was absurd. A man, forsooth, was accused of
writing something which may possibly provoke, not himself, but
some other man to do a criminal act. This, was pretty common
sense and excellent law—it was in so many words to say that if an
individual laid down his goods where some thief was tempted to
take them away, the owner should be punished for his tempting,
and not the thief who stole the property. (Great applause.) He
had now the pleasing task of drawing their attention to the exer
tions of a gentleman who had deserved well of his country. He
meant Mr. Pearson, who, along with Mr. Wooler, was the first to
attack the abominable system of striking special juries. And not
only Mr. Hone, but the public at large were indebted to that
gentleman for having so bravely placed himself in the gap, and
endeavoured to break down that practice. In reforming that
obsolete and imperfect list, he maintained that the greatest practical
benefit ever conferred in his time was thus bestowed on the com
munity. He thus brought home one of the greatest and most
leading benefits of the British Constitution. He accomplished this
great act by his own exertions, and through the medium of his
own intellect, which enabled him to see his way clearly and properly
to the real evil at issue. The worthy baronet concluded by
moving—
11. That the thanks of this meeting are hereby given cordially to
Mr. Charles Pearson, for his manly and successful struggle in correcting
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TRIAL BY JURY
the corrupt system of packing juries, which has contributed so essen
tially toward the present triumph; and especially for the gratuitous
advice and assistance given to Mr. Hone throughout the whole of the
prosecutions, affording a rare example to his profession of zeal, inde
pendence, and disinterestedness.
Lord Co c h r a n e then rose, and was received with loud cheers.
He said, that in doing himself the honour of seconding the motion
just made, he could not refrain from expressing the great gratifi
cation he felt at seeing such a meeting assembled, for a cause in
which they must have the concurrence of every honest man
throughout the nation. (Hear, hear.) With very different feel
ings he appeared in that room on a former occasion, when an
attempt was made to practise a delusion upon the people, by telling
them that their distresses arose from the sudden transition from a
state of war to a state of peace. This delusion he, at the time,
assisted to dispel. They had now to contemplate a very different
spectacle; they had to witness the triumph of the oppressed over
his oppressors; and to learn from it the wholesome lesson, that
while the purity of an honest Trial by Jury existed, and while
English jurors were faithful to their trust, tyranny could never
shackle the people. (Great applause.) But this triumph never
could have been obtained, had not the Jury List been purified.
Was it to be endured, that in such a metropolis as London, only
480 men (the number on the old list) were qualified to perform the
important office of jurors ? It was thus that previous convictions
had been obtained ; for in all other cases juries were found to take
the law of libel at once from the judge. The present, however,
was the greatest blow that tyranny ever met with in this country.
Short of a radical reform in the House of Commons, this reform in
the Trial by Jury was the most important. When any of the
gentlemen who heard him, therefore, sat on juries, he hoped they
would guard themselves against the misrepresentations which were
made by lawyers j and he hoped this subject would be soon taken
up in a proper manner in Parliament. He spoke feelingly on this
subject. (Applause.) But the case of others had been much
worse, for many were convicted and punished with death, on the
�AND LIBERTY OF THE PRESS.
219
evidence of the most abandoned characters; men were convicted
by packed juries, and on the evidence of suborned and false wit
nesses. His lordship afterwards adverted to the sentence that had
been passed on him upon an unjust conviction for breaking out of
prison. A fine of ¿£100 had been thus imposed on him; but
sooner than have paid that fine, he would have remained and
rotted in prison; his constituents paid it for him, and relieved
him from his most painful situation. That money he wished now
to return; and with feelings of heartfelt thankfulness to Mr.
Hone for his manly and able exertions in defence of the liberties
of the people, he would now lay down the ¿£100 which he then
held in his hand, in addition to the sums already subscribed for
him. (Here there were torrents of applause, which lasted several
minutes.) He said he never in his life did any act with more
satisfaction than this. He wished he had the means of doing1
o
more. (Cries of 11 Bravo ! ”) He had attempted to convert the
money with which he would pay his subscription, into the ancient
coin of the realm, but the Bank would only pay old outstanding
notes in this manner; they knew that no such were to be had,
and this they called a resumption of cash payments. (Applause.)
He might have got Sovereigns or Regents, but he knew that they
had nothing to do with this subscription, and he therefore did not
bring them. (Laughter.) What other names for coin there might
be by and bye, he knew not now. The good old Crowns would
be called, perhaps, Boroughmongers; the Half-crowns, Sinecurists ;
the Shillings, Placemen; and the Sixpences, Expectants. (Con
tinued laughter and applause.) The noble lord animadverted
with great indignation on the prosecution he had endured, and
pledged himself to unfold such a scene, with reference to the
transactions imputed to him, as would shock every honest and
feeling mind. He concluded by repeating his eulogium on Mr.
Pearson, and seconding the motion of thanks to that gentleman.
(Great applause.)
The motion was unanimously carried.
Mr. C. Pe a r s o n —Gentlemen, I rise under considerable
trepidation to acknowledge the obligation I feel myself under for
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TRIAL BY JURY
the kindness I have just experienced. In acknowledging my gra
titude for that exhibition of friendship which you have so feelingly
manifested towards me on this occasion, in consequence of the
part I have taken in this business, I feel a very great degree of
difficulty,—because it is the first time in my life that I have
addressed so large an assembly—and it is certainly the first time
that I ever addressed an assembly on such an occasion. If I do
not return thanks so expressively as you may conceive I ought, it
is not because my heart cannot feel emotions of gratitude. My
heart has felt them in hallowed silence—you have touched its
most sensitive chord—but I am unable to sweep the strings, on
this occasion, with the same facility that I might do on others.
(Applause.) My exertions were called forth, on the recent
struggle, because I saw such abilities and talents in the gentleman
whose conduct has earned your approbation this day, as led me to
believe that he would be able to make a powerful stand against
the inroads of power. (Applause.) I hope this applause is given
to me, not for what I have done, but because I am a new soldier
in the cause of freedom, whom you would wish to encourage; I
hope it is bounty, given to me, as a recruit—and permit me to
observe, if such be the fact, that Mr. Hone is my bringer—and I
trust the bringer will be liberally rewarded. (Applause.) When
I went to the Crown Office with Mr. Hone to strike the jury, and
to endeavour to abolish that system, which has sent many persons
as innocent as he is, to dungeons and to death, I found there the
Ostlers of the Augean Stable, with the hacks of the Court in
waiting, and the Jehus of the law ready mounted in order to ride
over the liberties of people. (Applause.) I found them, like the
Indian worshippers, ready to sacrifice to the God of their idolatry,
by driving the chariot of power over this oppressed man. (Ap
plause.) They said, “ Gentlemen, there shall be no selection—
there shall be an indiscriminate taking—you may proceed to any
part of the stable—well knowing that the sorry jades in that
stable, almost worn out in the service of corruption, were ready to
give us the long-trot the moment they were employed. I was for
tunate enough to produce an opposition to this system. I stated
�AND LIBERTY OF THE PRESS.
221
my determination to attack, in every way, a system detested by
good men in all times—a system reprobated on the trial of Mr.
Horne Tooke—a system, the principles of which those who have
been the victims of it never took on themselves to investigate,
because they felt so many strong prejudices embarked in favour of
what appeared to be a fair jury. (Applause.) We, however, sent
their hackneys back to the stable—(applause)—and, I am happy to
say, I have secured stable and all, and have them now in my pos
session. (Laughter.). I feel much obliged to many individuals in
this room for the triumph that has been obtained—because I
know it is to be ascribed to them in a great measure. Their manly
exertions—their exalted names—their honourable characters—
carried forward my views in that Court (the Common Council)
before which it was necessary that I should appear, for the purpose
of effecting the great object I contemplated. I allude more parti
cularly to the honourable individual who now tills your chair.
From him I received the most polite attention, the most manly
and candid support. (Applause.) It was no trifle, when he, a
veteran in arms, who had led so often to victory, condescended to
follow the suggestions of a raw recruit, who might be said never
to have seen a musket, and to be completely ignorant of the use of
it. (Applause.) Gentlemen, though much has been done—much
yet remains to do. We have not only to put down the system for
the present, we must effectually provide against its recurrence at
a future period. (Applause.) I hope we shall not let the present
year pass away without doing that which will stand on record for.
ages, as essentially beneficial to the country. I trust that in this
year, when the great luminary of our Constitution, the Habeas
Corpus Act, has been eclipsed, that we shall not be plunged in
total darkness ; but that the renovated Jury List will be left to
cheer and console us ; I trust it will rise as the evening star of
our liberties, when all beside is dim and cloudy. (Applause.)
Mr. St u r c h said, a resolution had been put into his hand which
did not require any deep reasoning or great preparation in order to
introduce it to the meeting. If it had been otherwise he should
have declined bringing it forward, because he came into that room
�222
TRIAL BY JURY
totally unprepared to take any active part in the business of the
day, and was quite ignorant of the resolutions that were intended
to be proposed. He knew indeed the general purpose of the meet
ing. He considered it to be a most laudable one, and he entirely
approved of it. The resolution which he was about to move
accorded entirely with his sentiments, and, he was convinced, with
those of every person present. It required no ability to bring it
forward, and therefore he undertook the task, not only without
reluctance, but with pleasure, because it afforded him an oppor
tunity of expressing the gratitude of his heart to those worthy
gentlemen who were the cause of calling this meeting, and particu
larly to his valued friend who now presided in the chair. The
situation was indeed one of which any individual might be justly
proud—because he presided over an assembly of freemen, met for
the sacred purpose of supporting and protecting those rights and
privileges which were dear to them as their lives. The motive
which induced him to take that chair was the same that had
directed his conduct during a long life spent in the public service—
namely, a wish to serve that great and noble cause of liberty in
which they were all so deeply interested. (Applause.) He had
also another gratification of coming forward with this resolution,
because it gave him an opportunity of expressing his indignation
at, and his reprobation of, that most unjust and cruel persecution
which Mr. Hone had experienced—(applause)—which was carried
on under the hypocritical pretence of zeal for religion and morality
__(applause)—at the very moment that those who were engaged in
it knew that religion had nothing to do with it; that it was
fomented by a feeling of political revenge on then pait, and that,
in fact, the publications had no obj ect but a political one. (Applause.)
He could not help confessing that at some moments he was inclined
to look with an eye of pity and compassion on the Attorney-General
and other persons connected with him in these prosecutions. He
could easily conceive the difficulties they laboured under; and if
he thought that the law of England would excuse one more parody
before they were laid by for ever, he would say, “It is easier for a
camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a Crown Lawyer
�AND LIBERTY OF THE PRESS.
223
to be an honest man ! ” (Laughter.) In conclusion, after a hand
some eulogy on the public and private virtues of Mr. Waithman,
it was moved by Mr. Sturch—
12. That the thanks of this meeting be given to Mr. Waithman for
his conduct in the chair, and for his exertions upon all occasions to sup
port the cause of liberty.
Mr. Wo o l e r stood forward amidst a scene similar to that which
the theatre presents when Mr. Kean* appears in a favourite character.
He said he rose on the present occasion to second the motion that
had been just introduced to their notice, and he did so with the
greatest pleasure, because there was no man whom he could feel
greater pride to see in the chair than the gentleman who now filled
that situation. He thought it was as decisive a proof as that
gentleman could give (if proof were necessary) of his entire devotion
to those principles of reform and liberty which they all wished to
rescue from the powerful grasp of tyranny. The present was one
of the most important cases on which a, public meeting could be
convened. It was a meeting of the inhabitants of this great me
tropolis, hurling back on those slanderers who had deprived them
of their rights the charge of sedition, disaffection, and disloyalty,
which they had preferred against them ; and telling those who had
dared to infringe on their liberties that they were ready to defend
them. (Great applause.) The result of those trials had proved
the truth of a proposition which he always had and ever would
maintain namely, that there was nothing so contemptible as
usurped power, and nothing so formidable as courageous innocence
and a determined spirit. (Applause.) The result of those trials
had finely exemplified the moral observation of our great poet__
“Thrice is he arm’d who hath his quarrel just—
And he but naked, though lock’d up in steel,
Whose conscience with injustice is polluted.”-}-
This remark might fairly be said to have been literally fulfilled in
Mr. Hone’s case. Thrice was he assailed, thrice was he armed for
* Edmund Kean, an eminent English tragedian, was born in London about
1787; died, May loth, 1833.
f Shakespeare.
�224:
TRIAL BY JURY
the attack, and thrice he returned successful from the combat.
(Applause.) The array which he had to encounter was dreadful.
Awful was the appearance behind the bar and on the bench of wigs,
and gowns, and gravity—all summoned to oppose him. (Laughter.)
He was encountered by those who deemed their forensic parapher
nalia more important than did the contending heroes of old the
armour of Achilles ; by those who sometimes seemed to forget that
imagination might lead people to look for a man beneath the gown,
or a head under the wig, however ill its interior might be furnished.
(Laughter.) Those gentlemen depended much on their gravity;
but when they learned from natural history that the gravest quad
ruped was an ass, and the gravest bird an owl, men of common
sense would not pay much attention to this qualification. (A laugh.)
The character of an English Judge ought to be one of the noblest
titles that a man could boast. (Applause.) He ought to hold the
scale of justice equally between power on the one hand and passion
on the other. (Applause.) He should hold his hand as steadfastly
opposed against the Minister of the Crown, if the minister meant
to wrong the people, as he would against any portion of that people
who had been misled into the commission of crime, and were pro
secuted for a breach of the laws. (Hear, hear.) While English
Judges maintained this character, and pursued this conduct, England
was safe ; but when the man was seen on the Bench and not the
when he who wore the judge’s gown appeared to be the friend
of Ministers ; when he was seen acting with them on all occasions
and abetting all their proceedings ; when, instead of being counsel
for the prisoner, he appeared as his vindictive prosecutor what
might not the country fear ? (Great applause.) He could applaud
ambition when greatness of mind accompanied it, although he
might lament its career ■ but he hated that grovelling meanness
which clung to place only for its emoluments ? (Applause.) When
dignity of conduct was seen in high situations it was respected as it
ought to be; but where littleness of mind appeared, conjoined
with high rank, it met with merited contempt. If such contempt
had fallen on some persons in this country were the people to
blame? Had they sought to bring greatness into disrepute?
�AND LIBERTY OF THE PRESS.
225
No; it was not the people. They never harboured such an idea.
Those persons only had wrought this effect who employed their
power and greatness where it ought not to have been exerted;
who used their influence where it ought to have been unknown.
(Applause) A good deal was ever said about the credulity of
Englishmen—they were usually reproached with being too fond of
confiding in appearances. They all knew, as a matter of history,
that a measure was passed early in his present Majesty’s reign,
which, as the name went, had for its object, making the judges
independent of the Crown. But it was a strange independence for
these high characters that the Crown should appoint them in the
first instance; and that they should afterwards for life retain the
same high salaries. Brom the Crown then they got everything—
from the people nothing—and did not the regular march of judicial,
like any other official patronage, show the independent qualities for
which Judges were selected by the Crown. Did the people not
see it in the opinions invariably pronounced by Learned Judges in
every case of libel which came under their cognisance. (Applause.)
The people of England stood now on a proud eminence. They saw
before them two high barriers erected for the preservation of
British freedom—one, the Trial by Jury; the other, the Liberty
of the Press; they had also to look forward to the proper guard
and protection of both—a constitutional Representation of the
People. (Applause.) The first of these great barriers was incontestibly erected. Thirty-six Englishmen, on three successive trials,
had finished that great work. A free Press also remained • and
if the people would only do their duty, and assert their rights with
proper spirit, so as to recover the true tone and stamp of Englishmen- then also the great barrier of constitutional representation
would be found to rear its head. (Applause.) The worthv Baronet
near him (Sir E. Burdett) had boldly and honestly told them that
if fresh laws for restraining what were called libels were made, or
even the old ones continued with their common constructions, he
should not hesitate to break them if he found it necessary so to do
in the assertion of a public right, or the advocacy of a public
principle. (Hear, hear.) The Hon. and worthy Baronet would,
Q
�226
TRIAL BY JURY
in so acting, do wisely, honestly, and rightly; for he would have,
if attacked, the proud shield of constitutional judges, whose
special province it would be to say, whether he had acted under a
right motive or a wrong one, in the infraction of law with which
he stood charged. (Applause.) Mr. Horne Tooke had ably drawn
the distinction between the province of a judge and a jury. The
former he truly described, as being but the senior officer of the
Court, whose duty it was to preserve order, and facilitate the
progress of judicial inquiry and investigation. But judges, nowa
days, enlarged the scope of their authority. When, on a late
occasion, the Lord Chief Justice of the King’s Bench gave a
decisive opinion against a point urged by Mr. Hone, in the course
of his defence, or rather of one of his defences, the latter happened
to say, “That is only your opinion, my lord.” “Yes,” rejoined
the judge, “ it is not only my opinion, but the opinion of every
other lawyer of the day.” So that according to the dictum of the
judge, the opinions of the lawyers were to be the law for English
men to obey, and not the plain principles of law as bequeathed by
their ancestors. (Applause.) The gravamen of Mr. Hone’s admir
able defence was, that he had no intention of committing the
crime wherewith he stood charged, and that he knew of no law
forbidding the act he had done. “ 0 !” said the judge, “it is not
for what you intended you are to be punished, but for what its
tendency may be on the minds of others.” On the same rule, the
language and conduct of the judge ought to be impeached, not
indeed for his intention to the words he uttered, but their ten
dency on the minds of others, for they evidently went to subvert
the whole Trial by Jury. (Laughter and applause.) He (Mr.
Wooler) had accidentally been brought before the public, and
by no less a personage than the Attorney-General, to whom, for
his favour, he owed many thanks. (Laughter.) In the situation
in which he was thus placed he hoped he would be found to do
his duty. He had early learned a lesson, which every man would
find it his best interest to make the rule of his conduct, namely, to
resist oppression, whenever and wherever it appeared, and it soon
nust be destroyed. In the accidental way in which he had been
�AND LIBERTY OF THE PRESS.
227
thrown upon the public, he first had the advantage of that individual’s
assistance, to whom allusion had so often been made this day—he
meant Mr. Pearson, who did for him, at an early period, what he had
since done for Mr. Hone, who generously gave up in his behalf the
application of that valuable time and talent, which, in the end,
led to such invaluable result—(applause)—a result which put it
out of the possible reach of the Crown to pack a jury for a political
verdict. (Hear, hear.) The master of the Crown Office may still
amuse himself by looking over the jury book for the names of any
of his old acquaintances; but as it is not likely he will find any, or
at least many of them in the list, the people may consider them
selves in something like comparative safety. To be sure there were
men enough to be found ready to commit any crime for lucre-sake,
and these men had got good patrons, for the Government had
kindly taken all the Castles, and Olivers, and Reynoldses under
their fostering protection. (Applause.) The people could only
lament that such was the melancholy fact, but they had also the
consolation to know that these men went about branded by society,
and would hardly be found now with courage enough to show
their heads to do their dirty work. If judges proclaimed that the
Crown Officer had a right to nominate, or, in other words, to pack
ajury, a juror so selected would feel the situation in which he was
placed, and even the most cowardly and venal slave would be
ashamed of performing the office for which he was culled, and
would sneak off from the Minister’s call. (Applause.) The
enemies of the people were strong—but they were so, because
the people suffered themselves to be weak; they were powerful,
because the people would be impotent. If the latter once shook
off their apathy, if they once more roused that voice, which
compelled the tyrant, John, to sign Magna Charta, and which
drove James from the throne, and dictated terms to William
that a compromising Parliament failed to enforce; if they, he
repeated, now raised that voice, it would be heard in thunder.
If they were but faithful to themselves, the attacks of their
enemies would soon be repelled. They had only to emulate
the spirit which reigned over Mr. Hone’s three recent trials,
�228
TRIAL BY JURY
and the result on future occasions would ever be found to
correspond. (Applause.)
Mr. St u r c h here said, as it would not be proper for the Chair
man to put this resolution, he begged to be allowed himself to do
so. It was then put and carried by acclamation.
Mr. Wa it h m a n then rose, and returned thanks in the following
manner:—“ Gentlemen, I feel under difficulties of several kinds
at the present moment. One of them, you must perceive, is a
severe cold under which I labour, and which has confined me to
my house for the last week; indeed nothing would have at this
moment called me from it but the important business of this day.
(Applause.) The next difficulty is, that I do not like to exhaust
the time which you would wish yourselves to devote to the real
business of the day, the subscription of Mr. Hone. (Applause.)
I hope this will not be deferred until a more convenient season, no
timcan be more convenient than the present; let every man
come forward with his subscriptions. (A laugh and applause.)
Although I am not a raw recruit in political debate, yet I assureyou that I am embarrassed and inexperienced in meetings of this
kind. I seldom have the fortune to address an assembly composed
of all friends of liberty, and therefore I am at a loss what to say.
(Laughter and applause.) You know that my general sphere of
action is among men who are not exactly unanimous in the support
of the principles and measures which I think congenial to the
spirit of our constitution. Such is the force of habit that I really
feel at a loss, I feel in fact awkward, when I look round the room,
for a political combatant and can find none. (Laughter and
applause.) I am never so much at home as when I find that sort
of obstruction which is likely to put one on his metal, and call his
spirit into action in fair political combat. (Applause.) It is
not then, as now, a choice to play one’s part, but it becomes an
imperative duty for an honest man to raise his voice against an
opponent in asserting the rights and liberties of mankind.
(Great applause.) I was present during parts of the two first
days of Mr. Hone’s trial, and I was close to him during the
whole of the third and last day. The only merit I lay claim
�AND LIBERTY OF THE PRESS.
to relative to this business is, that on his quitting the
a free man on Saturday night, I accompanied him into a neigh
bouring coffee-house, to get some refreshment, and I believe
was the first to suggest the idea of convening this meeting.
(Applause.) In doing so, I only did what, under the same circum
stances any one of you would have done. I felt as an Englishman,
and expressed myself like one. (Applause.) There was one
remarkable occurrence on Mr. Hone’s trials, which has not, I
believe, been mentioned by any of the gentlemen who have
touched on the subject. When this worthy and honest man, with
all the courage, and principle, and talent, of a patriotic English
man, was adducing in his vindication proofs of similar parodies
having been published by other men high in Church and State,
and urging that this was his only vindication (and he could have
no other nor better), he was stopped by the solemn declaration of
opinion notified by the judge, who said, ‘this was no defence.’
The man was, in fact, tried and judged before he entered Court;
for, many months ago, I find, by a newspaper report which but
lately fell into my hands, the Law Officers of the Crown declared
in the House of Commons that ‘ copies of these infamous and
atrocious blasphemies’ had been transmitted to them. Thus he
was prejudged, tried, cast, and condemned, and merely brought
into Court to have the legal forms of his conviction observed and
recorded. In vain did Mr. Hone urge to the judge that he only
took these parodies as a medium for conveying political squibs
against certain characters in office, to whose principles he was
opposed, and not as meaning to ridicule the Scriptures; in vain
did he plead the precedent of great statesmen and great divines.
‘No,’ said the judge, ‘it is useless to produce these authorities,
they are all libels no matter from whom they emanated. I have
no hesitation in saying, that the authors of them, be they who
they may, ought to stand where you do now—Don’t produce them
here.’ But the jury thought otherwise, and on their production
acquitted the defendant. (Applause.) Mr. Hone had no other
course than to persevere in adducing his precedents, and he very
properly did so. What answer had the judge to give to this
I
1
!i
�230
TRIAL BY JURY
■manly declaration of Mr. Hone? If all these are libels, my lord,
what answer has the Attorney-General, have all the AttorneyGenerals, in a long course of time, to give for not prosecuting the
authors ? Were they asleep? Who of all the parodists has been
charged for publishing his parody ? If it is evil intention in me,
what prevents it from being evil intention in the Right Hon.
George Canning ? If I am to be at the bar, why does he not
stand at my elbow? This was the only line of defence he could
have fairly made, and he made it like a man. (Hear, hear.) It
was notorious that heretofore publications of this sort were eithei
permitted or winked at j if, then, Ministers were determined to
take a new course, they should have given fair notice of it, and
not have suddenly pounced upon a helpless and solitary man, to
inflict, a penalty which it was notorious had so long remained
dormant. Three honest juries defeated such unworthy prose
cutions, and consequently stamped their opinion on the motives
from which they sprung. (Applause.) The struggle to effect this
triumph was glorious for Mr. Hone, but still more so for the
people of England, in behalf of whose rights and liberties it was
virtually made, rights and liberties that were preserved by his
courage. If there rested on the head of such a man any stigma or
imputation, the people would nevertheless be his debtors for what
he has done in their behalf; but where there is, as I have heard,
no such stigma or imputation, the claims of the individual for
public gratitude and protection are strong and irresistible.
(Applause.) As to myself, I can only say, in return for your
favours, that I cannot describe the gratitude I feel for this expres
sion of your good opinion; nor can I repay it so well as by steadily
persevering in that course and. support of your freedom and
liberties, which has gained for me this mark of your approbation.
And allow me to say, with the worthy Baronet near me, that as
the good opinion of my fellow-citizens was the only award I ever
had the ambition to look for, so it shall be the only one to which
I shall ever aspire in my future life; conscious that, in seeking
the continuance of your good wishes, I shall be pursuing a just
and liberal line of conduct.
�AND LIBERTY OF THE PRESS.
231
The worthy Chairman then announced a subscription of <£100
from Sir Francis Burdett, which was received with loud cheering.
Mr. Hone being loudly called for—
Mr. Wa it h m a n rose to say, that he had early in the day
prevailed on Mr. Hone to leave the Tavern, and depart to his
own house. It now appeared that some gentlemen regretted this,
and wished to hear him. (Cries of “No ! No !”) I advised what
I have told you from delicacy to Mr. Hone, for I think he is in
one respect like myself, though far superior to me in courage and
talent. When I say he is in one respect like myself, I mean that
he would rather meet a host of adversaries in the field, than the
friends assembled here to day. (Laughter and applause.) I hope,
therefore, gentlemen, you will excuse.” (Cries of “ Bravo !
Certainly.”)
Mr. Jo n e s Bu r d e t t next stood forward, and, after briefly
adverting to the persecution which Lord Cochrane had sustained,
and the sufferings he had undergone, proposed—
13. That the thanks of this meeting be given to Lord Cochrane, for
his zealous endeavours on the present occasion.
This resolution having been carried with acclamation,
Lord Co c h r a n e begged the assembly to accept the very inadequate expression of his sense of the high honour they had conferred
on him ; it was such as they could best appreciate by a reference
to their own sensations ; it was too powerful for him to describe.
His feelings were such as no ordinary vote of thanks could excite.
When he found—after all the calumnies that had been levelled at
his honour—after witnesses had been produced against him, who
were supported by thé same hands that fostered Olivei' and Castles—
after a trial before the very judge who would have consigned Mr,
Hone to a dungeon—that he still retained the esteem and con fl deuce of his fellow-countrymen, no words in the English language
could adequately express the feelings that arose in his breast.
(Applause.) At the time he alluded to, that system was in its
infancy. It had not arisen to that maturity of infamy that now
distinguished it. But he was sure that the result of the late
�232
TRIAL BY JURY AND LIBERTY OF THE PRESS.
trials had given it a mortal stab—it could not survive such a
•wound. Juries would know their power, and they would use it.
They would no longer be terrified by the fiat of a judge—they
would assert that prerogative, without which liberty could not
exist. He pledged himself, that, before one month elapsed, he
would lay before the public a statement relative to the measures
resorted to in his own case, by the side of which the villanies of
Oliver and Castles would appear diminutive. This exposure would
for ever deter the Government from having recourse to such base
artifices. He was grateful to his fellow-countrymen for the honour
they had done him—he thanked them for the unshaken opinion
they entertained of his honour and integrity j and he would
endeavour, while he existed, to uphold that character, without
•which every man’s life must be miserable. (Applause.)
The meeting then separated with the most perfect order.
Towards the conclusion of the meeting, the crowd became so
excessive, that the room, which is one of the largest in London,
would admit of the entrance of no more. The consequence was,
that several hundreds were obliged to retire without being able to
hear a syllable.
The crowd followed Sir Francis Burdett, at the conclusion of
the meeting, with the loudest cheers, to his house in St. James’s
Place.
�SUBSCRIPTIONS RECEIVED
£ s.
His Grace the Duke of Bed
ford
...
.............. 105
The Marquis of Tavistock ... 50
The Earl of Darlington
105
The Earl of Sefton ...
105
A Member of the House of
Lords—an enemy to per
secution, and especially to
religious persecution, em
ployed for political pur
poses
.......................... 100
Sir Francis Burdett, Bart.... 100
Lord Cochrane
.............. 100
25 one, and 5 five pound
notes, from a lady unknown 50
Robert Waithman.............. 10
10
Aiderman Goodbehere
Aiderman Thorp
10
Walter Fawkes, Farnley Hall,
Yorkshire.......................... 21
James Perry..............
20
10
William Williams ...
Hon. Marmaduke Dawnay... 10
W. Crawshay, Thames Street 20
S. Curtis, Billiter Lane
21
The Proprietors of the Bri
tish Press and Globe
20
A few Friends to the Liberty
of the Press and Trial by
Jury, from the Ward of
Cripplegate Without (first
subscription)
.............. 20
A Country Gentleman—pre
sented with the above
2
Nathaniel Newnham
10
Joshua Grigby, Drinkston,
Suffolk
...
............... 10
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
£
Francis Canning, Foxcote,
near Shipston, on Stour ...
The Constitution, the whole
Constitution, and nothing
but the Constitution
Leigh and John Hunt, Ex
aminer Office—not what
they would, but what they
could
R. Waithman, jun. ...
J. Waithman
W. Waithman
Charles Pearson
..............
John M'Creery
Thomas Keys
..............
An Englishman
J. C. Hitchins
----- Atkinson, Milk Street
J. K. C....................................
An Enemy to Persecution...
Rev.B. Treleaven, Reading...
Thomas Jonathan Wooler ...
Jones Burdett
...............
William Sturch
Wm. Teasdale, St. Paul’s
Churchyard
...............
Seven Friends at Liverpool...
John Wilks..........................
John Tennant
Whiston Powell
Wm. Lawrence, M.D., College
of Physicians
...............
----- Powle ............................
F. P..........................................
J. Pearson, Rutland Wharf...
Joseph Hurcombe, St. Paul’s
Churchyard
s.
10
0
10
0
5
1
1
1
5
2
2
10
2
1
2
5
1
2
10
5
0
1
1
1
0
0
2
0
2
0
2
0
0
0
0
0
5
30
5
5
2
0
0
5
0
0
5 0
1 1
5 0
0 2
2 2
�234:
SUBSCRIPTIONS RECEIVED.
£ s.
Robert Carter, Minories
... 1 1
H. Dibbing, Basing Lane ... 1 1
T. .. ............................................... 1 1
James Hoppe, St. Pauls
Churchyard.
1 1
Robert Kirby, Kennington ... 2 2
Perrot Fenton, jun. ...
... 2 2
----- Thompson
................ 1 0
A Friend to an Impartial Jury 1 0
----- Sherwin
2 0
P. T. Lemaitre
•••
••• 1 0
A Briton
.......................... 1 A
Josephus
.............................. 2 A
A Friend to Justice ...
••• 1 0
Clement Poole, White Cross
Street
.............................. 5 0
A Friend, by the same
... 1 1
Martin’s Lane
...
••• 1 0
P.W. ...
.......................... 1 0
Godfrey Higgins, Skellow
Grange, Yorkshire.............. 5 0
No Parodist, but an Enemy to
Persecution
...............10
0
A Briton
.......................... 1 A
W. Prater, Noble Street
... 5 0
J. .. ........................................... 1
0
Geo. Weatherstone............... 5 0
Old Bags
..............
••• 2 2
Anonymous.........................2
0
Sam. Sampson, Sise Lane ... 2 0
William Wansey
............... 1 1
John Wansey..................... 1 1
S. Roberts, Fleetmarket
... 1 0
W. Deykes, Thavies Inn
... 2 2
JohnDeykes, Bartlett’s Build
ings ...
.......................... J *
J. Morrison, Fore Street ... 0 0
Croft Ryland ...
.............. 2 2
J. Chatfield, Stockwell
... 5 0
Thomas Vyse, Holborn
... 1 1
W. A. .. .................................... 11
William Routh
............... 2 2
W. Hall, Grove, Hackney ... 1
0
W.V................................... 10
Thomas Reeve
............... 1 0
William Griffith
.............. 10
£ s.
W. .. .......................................... 10
Wm. Blissett, Holborn
... 1 0
J. T. Clarke, Uxbridge
... 5 0
George Pole ...
.............. ?
2
Thomas Wishart
.............. 2 2
Richard Crawshay .............. 2 2
William Hallet, Berks
... 5 5
Edward Franks
...
••• 1 1
R. ............................................ 1
1
.. ............................................... 1
Q
J. .. ........................................... 10
Pro Bono Publico .............. 2 2
J. ... .......................................... 2
01
One who thinks highly of Mr.
Hone’s conduct ............... 2 U
----- Major ........................... 1 A
Iota ......................................2 2
A Briton (2nd subscription)... 1 0
Sir Richard Phillips ...
••• 5 5
Major Charles James
... 5 5
John Elsee, Chigwell Row ... 2 0
P. P. Baraud, Cornhill
... 5 5
T. A. Phipps, News Office ..- 5 0
J. S....................
............... 1 1
R. J...........................................1
0
J. F. Gwynn ...
............... 1 1
Richard Taylor
.............. 2 2
Areopagiticas..............
••• 2 0
J. Norris, Tokenhouse Yard 2 0
William Barker
............... 11
Joseph Gray.......................... 1
0
----- Foster, Corbett Court...... 1 0
----- Brent ...
2 0
Samuel Sharewood
5 Bi
Henry Hare Townsend ... 5 0
----- Young ...
............... 1 1
William Stevens
.............. 1 1
Rev. Wm. James Fox
• •• 11
Rev. James Gilchrist.............. 1 1
J. .. ........................................... 1
1
No Politician.......................... 5 A
Elhanan Bicknell, Newington
Butts
.......................... 1 1
William Clarke
..
••• 1 0
I John Mason..............
— 1 1
I E. L. Gee
...
—
— 1 1
�SUBSCRIPTIONS RECEIVED. ;
£ s.
1 0
1 1
3 3
1 0
5 0
2 0
5 0
2 0
5 0
w. s.............................. 1 0
T. S.......................................... 1 0
T. Halchin .......................... 1 0
W. Leaf, jun............................ 2 2
Edward Hancock
1 0
Samuel Parkes
1 1
J. Wild
.......................... 1 0
----- Smith ........................... 1 1
Thomas Gibbs
.............. 1 0
Sam. Oliver, Distaff Lane ... 1 1
J. Souter
..............
1 1
Anthony Soulby
............... 2 2
Bobert Stevenson .............. 2 2
John Foster, Bromley, Mid
dlesex
..............
1 1
Thomas Dean
1 1
William Mitchell
1 1
P. W......................................... 2 2
Twattie
.......................... 1 1
M.............................................. 2 0
T. Cartwright, Thames Street 1 1
W. Williams ...
2 0
George Blundell
.............. 1 0
B. L. Jones .......................... 1 1
William Ellis ...
.............. 1 0
----- Fether, King Street
1 1
Mrs. Fether,
ditto
1 1
Stephen Newman ... 1 1
Thomas Gainsborough
2 2
Bev. Ebenezer Jones...
1 0
Alex. Galloway, Holborn
2 0
James Webb ...
1 1
J. T. Mount, St. Alban’s, Caerleon...................................... 1 0
The Doctor in Bedlam
1, 1
A Disciple of C. J. Fox
1 1
An Enemy to Corruption
1 0
Samuel Saxton
.
AV. Jacobson ...
.............
Captain Savigne
.............
G. M.Ball, Shadwell...
James Mather
..............
A Friend
..........................
C. J. Hector ...
John Cross
B. S. ...
...
...
...
\
\
\ i
/ry p
Yr)
fel
<zy
An obscure Donation to Pul
lie Merit
. 1
A Friend
......................... . 1
Thomas Taylor
... \ .. . 5
Henry Brandon
. 1
A Friend to the Innocent .. . 1
Thomas Frost
............. . 1
William Morley
............. . 1
----- Mallett ...
. 1
A Friend
......................... . 2
United Englishmen ...
. 5
Charles Hicks
............. . 2
----- Williams
1
John Jones
1
Derry Triangle
.............
1
Thomas Gibson
2
John Greaves.......................... 1
A Gentle Shepherd.............. 2
Thomas Frost
.............
1
J. W.........................................
5
B. W......................................... 5
Samuel Smith...
.............
2
John Stewart...
1
T. P.......................................... 1
H. H......................................... 1
A Cornishman
1
H. T. L.................................... 1
----- Cullen ...
1
An Enemy to Hypocrisy
1
A. andB.
2
Gratitude to Mr. Hone
1
B. E.......................................... 1
H. W........................................ 1
J. B........................................... 1
W.............................................. 1
P. W......................................... 2
— Keys, Aidgate High Street 2
A............................................... 1
V. F.......................................... 1
Facts ...
.......................... 1
C................................................ 1
Sundry Sums subscribed, each
less than £1
................ 10
A Juryman on the third day’s
trial...
1
H.
...
.......................... 5
0
0
0
1
1
1
1
0
0
0
0
0
1
0
2
1
0
1
0
0
0
0
o
0
1
0
0
0
2
0
0
0
0
1
0
2
0
1
1
0
7
1
0
�236
SUBSCRIPTIONS RECEIVED.
£ s.
£ s.
...
... 5 5
Peter Moore, M.P. ...
••• 5 0 A few Scotchmen
Thomas Groom, Esq., late
George Dawson
...
... 5 5
Mayor of Maidenhead ... 1 0
David Taylor.............................. 5 0
George Taylor
............. 5 0 Rev. R. Aspland, Hackney
Road
.......................... 1 1
An Enemy to Hypocrisy ... 5 5 .
James King, Terling.............. 1 0 John Atkinson, ForeStreet... 1 1
... 1 1
George A. Carruthers
... 1 0 A Village Curate’s Mite
Goss & Co., surgeons, BouA Genuine Eriend of the
verie Street...
...
••• 3 0
Liberty of the Press and
William Webb
.......... 11
Trial by Jury
.............. 1 0
“ The Doctor”
.......... 1 1
An Abhorer of Tyranny and
Wm. Broad ...
•••
••• 1 1
Oppression.......................... 10
Afew Friends at a Bookseller’s
An Admirer of Honest and
Shop, implacable enemies to
Undaunted Jurors...
... 1 0
iniquity in the cloak of
H. D. Parker.......................... 1 0
justice, or hyopcrisy under
A Eriend to even-handed Jus
the veil of religion; and
tice ...
...............
••• 1 1
consequently warm advo
Ellen-Borough
............... 3 2
cates for a persecuted hus
An Enemy to Political and
band, his deserving wife,
Religious Persecution
... 1 1
and their helpless family ... 4 0
Sandford and Huxley
... 2 0
To Right freed from Might... 1 0
Alexander Turnbull ...
— 1 0
T. P. Glassington, Strand ... 2 2
Eor Mr. Hone
.............. 1 0
“ My name would ruin me”... 2 2 An Admirer of Undaunted
Juries
.......................... 1 1
Alfred Thorp............... 11
Rev. J. Holme
..
••• 1 1
J. . ............................................1
0
T. C. ...
......................... 1 0
S.W..................................... 1
0
The Struggler, 33, Coventry
W. Sowerby.........................1
1
Street
.......................... 1
®
W. H. Butler......................... 3
0
T. Newman, Alton, Hants ... 2 0
G. A. S. May the Light of
W.C....................................... 1
0
Reason obscure the Lamp
The Ghosts of Jeffries and Sir
of Corruption
.............. 1 0
William Noy
............. 3 3
Oh! Minions of Pitt
— 1 0
Andrew Wilson
...
••• 3 3
Who increaseth the Miseries
of the World
.............. 1 0 James Ramshaw, a friend to
religion, but an enemy to its
Oil for the Hone
.............. 1 0
being used as an engine of
Charles Edward Hanford ... 2 2
persecution.......................... 1 0
Joseph Martin
....
— 3 3
...
••• 3 3
John Horman...
.............. 3 3 Richard Flower
••• 1 1
J. Robinson........................ 1
1 Benjamin Flower ...
George Flower
......... 1 1
D.. ............................................10 0
The Ghost of Dr. Slop's Dirty
Isaac Harrop, Altringham ... 2 0
Shirt
........................ 1 0
Y. Z., Birmingham.......... 5
0
Edward Langley
.............. 33
William Frend
............... 5 5
L. Hind, Rockingham Row ... 1 0
Henry Francis Harrison ... 5 0 I The Ghost of Judge Jeffries... 1 1
Samuel Lewen
.............. 5 5
�SUBSCRIPTIONS RECEIVED.
£ s.
Wm. Buckeridge
...
... 1 0
A conscientious Jury and a
conscientious Attorney ¿£1 6s. 8d.
George Goodwin
.............. 1 0
Emily.......................................... 1 o
G. Davis, Scarborough.
... 2 0
An Enemy to Ex-Officio In
formations .......................... 1 0
James Street.......................... 10
F. Hebb
.......................... 1 1
Jas. Young, to Mr. Hone, for
defending in his own person
the freedom of the Press,
attacked for a Political ob
ject, under the old pretence
of supporting Religion ... 2 2
E M..............................................1 1
An Enemy to Oppression un
der all masks, particularly
those of Religion and Jus
tice ..
..............
... 1 o
George Long..............
... 1 1
William Adams
......... 2 0
Dean and Miller
......... 2 2
An Enemy to Oppression ... 1 0
Michael Bush.......................... 2 2
F. M. a cut at Corruption ... 5 0
John Hollis.......................... 5 5
The respectable 36, per do.... 2 2
S. Sparks, Crewkeme
... 5 5
Percy B. Shelly, Marlow ... 5 0
Samuel Athawes
...
... 5 0
Rev. W. T.................................... 5 5
D. Sykes, Raywell, near Cave,
Yorkshire ...
...
... 5 0
A Whig
.......................... 5 0
From all weak and wicked
Ministers andunjust Judges
deliver us ...
...
... 5 0
An Enemy to the Establish
ment of a British Inquisi
tion .......................................... 2 0
R. Jones
.
... j q
Thomas Wood
.............. 3 0
Benj. Godfrey Windus
... 1 1
T. Pinsent, Plymouth Dock
1 0
237
£ s.
R. Cunliffe, Blackburn
... 5 0
----- Morgan............................2 0
Dr. Brandy ...
...
1 1
Two Brothers, who think true
Religion never was, nor ever
will be, injured by the Li
berty of the Press.............. 2 0
E. Clark, Ormond Street ... 1 1
J. H. Green ...
...
... 2 2
B. G.......................................... 1
0
S. S....................
...............11
John Snowden, Stroud, Glou
cestershire .......................... 2
2
No Parodist, but a Friend to
Freedom, ditto
...
... 1 0
A Foe to tyrannical Judges,
ditto...................................... 1 0
W. E. ...................................... 2 2
An Earldom for Myself and a
Translation for my Brother 1 0
Temperance, Soberness, and
Chastity, in Honour, Trust,
and Dignity
...
... 1 1
A Despiser of the Perverters
of any Oaths, particularly
of “Oaths of Office”
... 1 1
A Cobler’s Mite
.............. 1 0
T.L.G..........................................1 0
A Friend to the Liberty ofthe
Press
.............................. 1 0
R. Essex
...
...
... 1 1
“As false as Hell” ............... 1 1
J.B..................................T1 0
J. B.................................... 0 3
EL..................................... 1 0—2 3
Gregory Speck Lee
1st Trial .............. , 1 1
2nd Trial.............. 1 1
3rd Trial .............. 1 l_g 3
Thomas Jecks
......... 1 1
B-B............................................... 1 1
Captain Milligans Spilligans
Hilligans, of the Ship Re
form, bound to Toleration
Bort..........................................
0
Major Cartwright ................. 20 0
�238
SUBSCRIPTIONS RECEIVED.
£ s.
A Friend to Liberty and Jus
tice ...
...
•••
25 0
Thomas Creevey, M.P.
... 10 0
Harvey Combe, Charlotte
Street
............................ 10 0
Anonymous ...
•••
••• 10 10
A steady Friend to Reform
and a Just Representation
of the People and Property
of the Country, and an
Enemy to Prosecution,much
more Persecution under
Religious or other False
Pretences, but an Enemy
equally to Universal Suf
frage, as leading to Universal Rapine............................ 10 0
William Carr ...
...
••• 5 5
Rowland Hunter
......... 5 5
Timothy Trueman, Bucking
hamshire ...
••• 5 5
Robert Canning, Houndshill,
near Stratford-on-Avon ... 5 0
Thomas Northmore, Cleve
House, near Exeter
... 5 0
Thomas Church, Acton
... 5 0
Thomas Phillips, of Middlehill,
Broadway, Worcestershire
5 0
H. G. B........................................ 5 0
An Enemy to Hypocrisy and
Persecution, by W. Sturch
5 0
William J. Sturch .............. 1 0
John Sturch.............................. 1 0
Anthropos
.............................. 5 0
George Hart ...
•••
••• 2 8
William Sealey
•••
••• 2 2
One who disapproves of the
Parodies, but abhors Per
secution ...
•••
••• 5 0
B. Boothy, Chesterfield
... 1 0
----- Silver, Hammersmith ... 1 1
From a SchoolBoy, who wishes
Mr. Hone to have a very
grand subscription
... 1 0
An Old Eccentric—an Enemy
to all Informers .............. 2 2
<£ s.
— Bond, Esq., Crooked Lane 1 1
George Fitch..............
... 2 0
J.W......................................... 1 1
Vox Populi Vox Dei ...
... 1 0
A few Admirers of William
Hone, Ship, Talbot Court... 2 3
A few Friends, Cock and
Hoop, Old Artillery Ground,
Spitalfields...
...
••• 2 5
A few Friends, Enemies to
dictatorial Judges ...
... 5 10
T. Chapman, Manchester ... 2 0
W. H. C................................... 1 1
Not W. Holmer, sen., Borough 1 1
A Member of Trinity
... 1 0
F. Newbum, Darlington ... 1 0
The Misses Greathead, ditto 1 0
J. Peacock, M.D., ditto
... 1 0
G. C. Ashley, King’s Row,
Pimlico
...
...
••• 1 0
R. Lee, Clapham
................ 2 2
W. J. Sewell, but no Scrip
ture Parodist
...
0 10
T. Burn, Camberwell
... 1 1
A Friend to a Free Press ... 1 1
J. D. and W. S............................ 1 0
For Delicacy’s sake forbear—
“ and Felix trembled” ... 1 0
Not Wm. Fairbrother, High
bury Place ...
...
10s. fid.
Not Jno. Wass, W’indsor
Terrace, City Road
10s. fid.
J. Hutchinson
1 1
J. S. Hutchinson
.............. 1 1
Equity versus Law ... ' ...2 0
V. Rumley .......................... 1 1
Philip Guy ...
•••
10s. 6d.
H. T.............................................. 1 0
Tartufie Sidemouth.............. 1 0
“Open your Eyes and see—
stretch out your hands,
seize, and bring him into
Court.”—Bombastes Furioso 1 1
The Ghost of Horne Tooke ... 1 0
“ The hope of the Hypocrite
shall perish”
...
10s. fid
�SUBSCRIPTIONS RECEIVED.
£ s.
“ Balsam for a legal gripe”. . 1 0
John Pickard, Noble Street. . 2 2
John Pickard, jun................. . 1 1
Joseph Pickard
10s. 6d.
Alfred Pickard
10s. 6d.
G. Dyer
......................... . 1 0
H. B. Rosser and Friends £2 4s. 6d.
One who abhors an arbitrary
and merciless Judge
. 1 0
John Cross
. 1 1
J. W., a Friend to Religion,
Courage, and Talent
. 1 1
J. Apperley, Long Lane
. 1 1
G. Fordham, Odsey ...
1 1
J. Fordham, ditto
1 0
Mr. Nash, Royston ...
1 0
J. Fordham, ditto .............
1 0
John Butler, ditto .............
1 0
E. K. Fordham, ditto
1 0
James Piggott, ditto.............
0 10
J. Butterfield, ditto.............. 0 10
George Fordham, Sandon ... 0 15
Swan Nash, Ch ester ford
0 10
David Lilley, Cambridge
1 0
Samuel Fordham. Kelshall ... 1 0
Geo. Fordham, ditto.............. 1 0
J. Lilley, Bassabourn
0 10
W. C. Carver, Melbourn
0 10
George Wallis, Harston
0 10
E. W. Fordham, Broadfield... 0 10
J. Trigg, Melbourn ...
0 10
W. Corrington,Biggleswade... 1 0
Thomas Wade, Hitchen
1 0
J. M. B.................................... ’
1 0
Mrs. Faircloth, Foulmire
0 10
T. Wallis Sheppreth...
0 10
W. Beddam, Royston
0 10
J. Sampson, Chesterford
0 10
W. Wedd, Foulmire.............. 1 0
— Peppercorn, Stamford Bury 1 0
J. H. S..................................... 1 1
J. Wigget, Drury Lane
2 0
Freemen stand or Freemen fa’ 1 0
Robert Hall, Borough
1 1
W. Addams, Rotherhithe ... 1 0
William Broad
.............. 1 1
239
£
S.
W. H. Parker...
...
... 2 o
S. H. T.B................................... 2 0
H.W.B....................................... 2 0
Thomas Parker
.............. 1 1
Borough of Caine, Wilts ... 10 10
A few Inhabitants of ditto ... 5 10
Geo. Lister, Ginley House,
Lincolnshire
................. 10 0
R. Moline, Gracechurch Street 6 0
R- w...........................................
5
An Enemy to Jefferies
... 5 5
“ I will go to him myself to
morrow!” ...
...
... 1 0
T-A.......................................... 1 1
T. Sharp, Newgate Street ... 1 1
Geo. Stevenson, Bow Lane ... 1 0
An Enemy to Packed Juries,
as well in the City as the
Country .............................. 2 2
Samuel Nicholson ...
... 2 0
An Admirer of Firmness in a
Jury, and Modesty in a
Judge
...
.............. 1 o
James Curtis, Old Fish Street 1 0
G. R. W.
............................. ! 0
Anticipated Retrenchments
for 1818, per Old Bags ... 2 0
J. Goldsmith, Hambledon,
Hants
.......................... 2
0
A Friend to the Liberty of the
Press
.......................... 3
3
T. P. Cooper, Brighton
... 1 1
Three B’s at the Shades
... 0 15
G. of Highgate
...
... 1 y
Allen Fordham
...£1 Hs. gj.
No Admirer of anEarldom
hunting Judge
.......... J 0
Rt. Wakefield...
...
... j q
A few Friends at Horsham ... 2 0
For value received
.......... j q
Thos. Chaplin
...
... j q
James Mumford
...
... j j
William Barnard
.......... 2 q
John Barnard
.......... j j
----- Bags, jun., Derry Down,
jun., Monte Banquo
... 2 0
�240
SUBSCRIPTIONS RECEIVED.
£ s.
An Independent Weekly Paper 2 0
Christopher Terry .............. 2 0
James Albright
.............. 1 0
A Priend
...
............... 1 4
Judge Jefferies Works rebound
in Calf by Law
...
• •• 2 2
Collected by Mr. Sandars at
Liverpool
...
...
••• 30 0
John Fisher.................... 1
0
Wm. Rigby,Oldfield
Haff,
Cheshire
...
...
10 0
No Scripture Parodist, hut a
Detester of Hypocrisy and
Persecution...
...
••• 5 0
E. & W. Johnson, 7, Bishop
gate Street.......................... 5 0
Keep us from Law, and from
the Shepherd’s Paw
... 5 0
p* t .......................................... 5 0
“I must not give you my
name, but God bless you”... 1 0
An Enemy to Political Judges
from Leighton Buzzard ... 1 0
A Miller’s Mite
... . ...10
The Barber to the Skinners’
Club for the use of the Hone 1 0
The Constitution of “ The
Universal Church,” and of
“Religious and Civil Union”
towards the defence of the
Liberty of the Press
... 1 1
The Ghosts of Ludlam and
Turner, by Mrs. Blake
... 2 2
J. Beldam, Reed, Herts
... 1 0
A. Herbert, Coventry
... 1 0
Thos. Gardyne, county of
Angus, N.B.
...
••• 3 3
David Carnegy, do., N.B. ... 3 3
William Weep for all, with his
blessing
.......................... 1 0
May Jefferies never he for
gotten, and Law become
mild and humane.............. 1 0
Friends from Principle and
Interest to the Freedom of
the Press .......................... 11
£ s.
0 10
No!!!..............
Thos. Kenward, Battel, a mo
derate Reformist.............. 1 1
F. J. Nash, Bishops Stortford 1 1
W. Johnstone, ditto.............. 1 1
W. R. Hawkes, ditto.............. 1 1
W. Bird, ditto
.............. 0 10
T. Bird, ditto.......................... 0 10
1 1
Case and Patmore, ditto
1 1
W. Daniel, jun., ditto
T. Special, ditto
.............. 1 1
1 1
Thos. Joslyne, ditto ...
One who dislikes Parodies on
Scripture, but is an Enemy
2 2
to Persecution, ditto
Thos. Holme, Westerham,
Kent
.......................... 1 1
1 0
Wm. Allinson...
A few Friends to the Liberty
of the Press at Melbourne,
5 13
Dorsetshire, per ditto
1 1
A Whitby Friend
As much like Judge Jefferies
as the present Times will
1 0
admit
Francis Burdett Haines,Fore
1 1
mark House, Poplar
May Jefferies’ Fame and Jef-^
feries’ Fate
¡-1 0
On every modern Jefferies
wait.
A Foe to Tyranny .............. 1 0
Thomas Welby, Northmore... 3 3
No Parodist, but an Admirer
of the Man, who, by his
ability and courage, has
proved the fallacy of the
the Lawyer’s Law, that
when a Man is his own
Advocate, he has a Fool
for his Client
.............. 1 0
A Mussulman, who thinks it
would not be an impious
Libel to Parody the Koran 1 0
Enemies to Jefferies in the
19th Century, Fifeshire ... 1. 0
�241
SUBSCRIPTIONS RECEIVED.
£
S. T. Dawson........................... £1 0
Thomas Nutter, Cambridge
1 0
John Eaden, ditto ...
... 1 0
John Lloyds, Potton, Beds... 3 3
An American Citizen
... 1 0
John Sermon...
...
... 1 1
T. C. Hansard
...
... 1 1
I have folly equal, I have pro
fusion co-eternal ...
... 1 0
A speedy Reformation, no
Revolution, the same King
and Constitution.............. 1 1
Alex. Cassy, Pentonville ... 1 1
Edmund Hergeen, jun., Quar. les, near Wells, Norfolk ... 1 0
Manus Inimica Tyrannis ... ’1 0
May the Suspenders of the
Habeas Corpus be speedily
Suspended..............
... 1 0
H. Smith
.......................... 1 1
Isaac Pitcher...
...
... 1 1
Old Bags’s Wife
............ 0 10
William Smith
............ 1 1
Gaunt and Turton
........... 0 10
G. H...................................... 0
10
May the Persecuted never
want Friends
...
... 1 1
Subscriptions received at the
Office of the Bury Paper ... 15 3
A few Erlends to the Liberty
of the Press at Dudley ... 11 0
Wm. Strutt, Derby ...
... 10 0
Joseph Strutt, ditto ...
... 10 0
J. Douglas Strutt, ditto
... 2 2
E. M. Barrett, Hope-end,
Ledbury, Herefordshire ... 10 0
Thos. Rawson, Wards-end,
near Sheffield
...
...5 5
Alexander Campbell, Waltonon-Thames...
...
... 5 5
James Crompton, Paddington 5 0
H. C........................................... 5 5
H. C., jun..................................... 5 5
“A Venial Offence” compared
with partiality, hypocrisy,
&c............................................. 5 0
R
£ s.
S.
The Man who so bravely pro
tested against Ex-Officio
Informations
.............. 1 0
John Blackett
...
... 1 1
“ Open your eyes and see,
stretch out your hands and
take”—Chief Justice
... 1 0
William Moore
...
IQs. 6d.
May the Persecuted never
want Friends
...
.... 1 1
Jas. Thomas, Colford, Glou
cestershire .......................... 1 0
An intense hater of Tyranny
under every form ...
... 1 1
Isaac Cox, solicitor, Honiton 1 1
Ed. William Gray, Newberry,
Berks
.................... 1 0
May the unblemished Hone
never want the Oil of Jus
tice .......................................... 1 0
Thomas Smith, Easton Grey,
Gloucestershire ...
... 1 1
Three times twelve for thrice-.
tried Hone,
Who cleared the course him
self alone,
[-1 16
And won three heats by twelve |
to one
...
...
...J
L. M. Simon ...
...
...
R. G. Thomas
...
...
Thomas Hovell, Cambridge...
J. R. Hovell, ditto ...
...
William Eaden, ditto...
...
A little more Oil for the Hone
1
2
2
1
2
1
1
2
0
0
0
0
From Manchester, per E. Baxter.
T. and R. Potter
Baxter and Croft
...
T. B. W. Sanderson ...
Richard Malley
Thomas Stevens
John Wood ..............
Samuel Pullein
S. W. Blencowe
Samuel Jackson
Swan and Buckley ...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
5
5
3
2
2
2
1
1
1
2
0
0
0
0
10
0
0
0
1
0
�242
SUBSCRIPTIONS r e c e iv e d .
£
8.
John Anderson
.............. 1 0
A Friend.
..........................
Alexander Petty
... ••• 1 ®
Gallemore and Co.
... ••• 1 0
Religion can protect itself ... 1 0
John Hall
...
••• •••
®
J.A......................................... 1
0
A. Clegg
......................... 1
0
Weight and Hermitage
... 1 0
Justice versus Law ............... 1 0
Thomas Wilkins
.............. 1 0
R. Wilson
.............................. 1 ®
J. L....................
2 0
A well-wisher..............
••• 1 0
Joseph Johnson
.............. 0 10
W. Shawcross............................... 0 10
John Mitchell, sen., M.D. ... 1 0
G. W. Wood.............................. 1 0
A. and B.
.............................. 2 0
Spirit of Sir William Jones ... 1 0
John Thompson
............... 1 0
A Conscientious Attorney £1 6s. 8d.
T .. .......................................... 0 10
J. Robinson.................................... ®
Ogden and Thornley.............. 1 0
J. and S. Bates
.............. 1 0
J. Croft
.............................. 0 10
J. Rawson
..........................
®
Gleave and Fellows ...
••• 1 0
John Mason.............................. 10
Chr. Pöttinger
......... 1 1
J. .. ...............................
— 2
William Lindsey, Leeds
... 1
One who during Mr. Hone’s
three days’ Persecution,
sympathised with his agony
of suspense, pitied his bodily
fatigue, and admired his
mental energy
— 2
Robert Knight, Barrells, Hen
ley, in Arden
.................10
W. P., Phillimore Place
••• 10
Thomas Bonham, Petersfield 5
Jon. Walsh, Halifax ...
••• 5
0
0
0
10
0
0
0
£ s.
Jno. Hancock, Nottingham ... 5 0
John Rawson, Sheffield
... 5 0
A swarm of B’s from Somerset
shire, whose stings are for
the oppressors of Law, and
whose honey is for the op
pressed by Law ...
... 5 0
The returned interest of an
honourable Debtor, by J. S. 1 1
B. P. ...
•••
...
••• 0 10
J. Corder, Springfield, Essex 1 1
Sidmouth, Oliver, and Co.,
perW. G.................................. 1 1
Two determined Enemies to
Tyranny and Oppression,
firm Friends to the Protest
ant Religion, but no great
admirers of St. Athanasius 2 0
Rev. T. B. Morris, Rector of
Shelfanger, who disapproves
of the Parodies, but abhors
the making an affected
zeal for Religion, the pre
text for Political Persecution..........................................3 3
John Pigott, Ulting, Essex ... 1 0
J. C. Agnes, Langford
... 1 0
Thomas Nash...
...
••• I ®
One who considers (to use the
words of the great and ex
cellent Charles James Fox)
“ Hypocrisy to be the most
odious and degrading of all
human vices ”
............... 2 0
Thomas Berry, Walton Ter
race, Aylesbury
...
••• 1 0
Thomas Squire, Epping
... 1 0
T. W. ...
.......................... 1 0
Green and Son
.............. 1 0
J. D. “It may operate in
mitigation of punishment!” 1 0
J. M- (Second Subscription)... 3 3
Edm. Waller, Luton, Beds ... 1 1
J. A.W.
.......................... 10
“ For Shame!!! ”
..............
®
J. Mortimer, Wareham
... 1 0
�SUBSCRIPTIONS RECEIVED.
=e s.
Capt. Ellis, do. ; R. N.,per do. 1 0
T. Brown, do., per do.
...10
R. G., do., per do..................... 2 0
A Lady, 10s. Cd. ; J. B., 10s. ;
two Purbeck Men, 10s. each;
and sundry subscriptions,
19s. 6d., per do.................... .3 0
<1. D., Hammersmith
... 2 2
Further Subscriptions from
the Office of the Burypaper 2 0
John Clark, Lempsfield, Surrey 1 0
William Philpot
...
... 1 o
A Broker
...
...
...
q
A Poor Vulcan
...
... p o
A Lawyer opposed in principle
to Law
...
...
. . g Q
----- Searle
...
...
... p q
Reformation ...
...
... p p
J. V. Earle, Winchester
... 2 0
“ Man is as his mind is” ... P 0
For the Hone that set the
Razor that shaved the Rats
T. C..........................................
George and James Goy
D—, “ Take Physic, Pomp !”
May Heaven born truth no
longer be endured by the
people of England..............
Samuel Parr (D.D.), who most
seriously disapproves of all
Parodies upon the hallowed
language of Scripture, and
the contents of the PrayerBook, but acquits Mr. Hone
of intentional impiety, ad
mires his talents and his
fortitude, and applauds the
good sense and integrity of
his Juries ...
..............
Mark Wilks ..............
.”
1
1 0
0 10
2 0
2 2
1 0
5 0
*** The, Proprietors of several Independent COUNTRY
NEWSPAPERS, considering that the Liberty of the Public
Press has been essentially promoted by Mr. Ho n e ’s exertions,
have most handsomely opened Boohs for Subscriptions at their
respective Offices, and voluntarily in their Journals promoted the
object which the Committee have in view. Sums so subscribed
as well as those procured by the spontaneous kindness of other
Individuals in the Country, who are desirous of contributing
by their exertions to the future welfare of Mr. Ho n e and his
family, may be transmitted as often as convenient to Mr. Wa it ii ma n , the Treasurer, or to either of the other Gentlemen authorised
to receive Subscriptions in London.
Subscriptions will be received by ROBERT WAITHM A N
the Treasurer, Bridge-street, Blackfriars; Aiderman THORP
Aidgate, High-street; ROBERT CARTER, Minories; JOSEPH
HURCOMBE, St. Paul’s Churchyard; WILLIAM TEASDALE
St. Paul’s Churchyard; SAMUEL BROOKS, Strand- and
ALEXANDER GALLOWAY, High Holborn.
��Th r e e Hu n d r e d a n d Tw e n t y -s e c o n d Th o u s a n d .
November, 1880.
CATALOGUE OF WORKS
SOLD BY THE
FREETHOUGHT
PUBLISHING
COMPANY,
28, STONECUTTER STREET, FARRINGDON STREET, E.C.
Orders should be sent to the Manager, Mr. W. J. Rams et , accompanied
with Post Office Order, payable at Ludgate Circus, or Cheque
Grossed “ London and South Western Bank.”
The Freethinker’s Text-Book.—Part I.
By 0. Br a d l a u g h
Section I.—‘ ‘ The Story of the Origin of Man, as told by the Bible
and by Science.” Section II.— “ What is Religion ? ” “ How has it
Grown ?” “God and Soul.” Each Section complete in itself, with
copious index. Bound in cloth, price 2s. 6d.
Part II., by An n ie Be s a n t .— “On Christianity.” Section I.—
“Christianity : .its Evidences Unreliable.” Section II.—‘‘ Its Origin
Pagan.” Section III.—•“ Its Morality Fallible.” Section IV.—
“ Condemned by its History.” Bound in cloth, 3s. 6d.
History of the Great French Revolution.—By An n ie Be s a n t .
Cloth, 2s. 6d.
Impeachment of the House of Brunswick.—By Ch ar l es
Br a d l a u g h .
Seventh edition.
Is.
What does Christian Theism Teach ?—A verbatim report of
two nights’ Public Debate between the Rev. A. J. Ha r r is o n and
C. Br a d l a u g h . Second edition. 6d.
God, Man, and the Bible.—A verbatim report of a three nights’
Discussion at Liverpool between the Rev. Dr. Ba y l e e and C
Br a d l a u g h .
This is the only debate extant on the purely Socratic method. fid.
Heresy; its Morality and Utility.—A Plea and a Justification.
By Ch a r l e s Br a d l a u g h . 9d.
On the Being of a God as the Maker and Moral Governor
oi the Universe.—A verbatim report of a two nights’Discussion
between Th o m a s Co o pe r and C. Br a d l a u g h .
6d.
When, ■y[er® °u.r Gospels Written ?—A Reply to Dr. Tischendorf
and the Religious Tract Society. By Ch a r l e s Br a d l a u g h . 6d.
Mas Man a Soul ?—A verbatim report of two nights’ debate at
«t , .
between theRev. W. M. We s t e r b y and C. Br a d l a u g h . Is .
Christianity in relation to Freethought, Scepticism and
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Special Replies by Ch a r l e s Br a d l a u g h . New edition, reduced
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�2
Is it Reasonable to Worship God ?-A verbatim report of two
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National Secular Society’s Tracts— 1. Address to Christians.
2. Who was Jesus? 3. Secular Morality. 4. The Bible and
Woman. 5. Secular Teachings. fi. Secular Work. 7. What is
Secularism? 8. Who are the Secularists? _ 9. Secular Responsi
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My Path to Atheism.—Collected Essays of An n ie Be s a n t . The
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Prayer—Revealed Religion—and the Existence of God, all examined
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Prayer. Cloth, lettered, 4s.
Marriage: as it was, as it is, and as it should be. By
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_
Verbatim Report of the Trial, The Queen against Brad
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With Portraits and Autographs of the two Defendants.
Second Edition, with Appendix, containing the judgments of
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The Biography of Charles Bradlaugh.—Written by Ad o l ph e
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PAMPHLETS BY ANNIE BESANT.
The True Basis of Morality. A Plea for Utility as the Standard
Auguste Comte* Biography of the great French Thinker with
7
Sketches of his Philosophy, his Religion, and his Sociology.
Being a short and convenient resumé of Positivism for the
Giordano Bruno, the Freethought Martyr of the Sixteenth
Century. His Life and Works
...
,"-h- t ,+„
The Political Status of Women. A Plea for Women s Riohts ...
Civil and Religious Liberty, with some Hmts taken from the
French Revolution ...
The Gospel of Atheism ...
Is the Bible Indictable ? ...
England, India, and Afghanistan ...
The Story of Afghanistan ...
•••
.
The preceding two pamphlets bound together in limp cloth,
■ The Law of Population: Its consequences, and its Bearing upon
Human Conduct and Morals. Fortieth thousand
...
An additional twenty-five thousand of this have also been
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Liberty, Equality, and Fraternity...
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0
2
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6
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0 2
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0
0
0
Is.
3
2
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9
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1
�3
« w
Landlords, Tenant Farmers, and Labourers
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0*1
The God Idea in the Revolution ..
...
"" q j
The Gospel of Christianity and the Gospel of Freethought
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English Marseillaise, with Music ...
...
.
0 1
English Republicanism ...
...
...
"* q .
Essays, bound in one volume, cloth
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3 0
Christian Progress
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...
The English Land System
...
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.. ’
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Large Portrait of Mrs. Besant, fit for framing, 2s. 6d ” ’
A splendidly executed Steel Engraving of Mrs. Besant, price 2d.
PAMPHLETS BY C. BBATLAUGH.
Hints to Emigrants, containing important information on the
United States, Canada, and New Zealand
... '
Cromwell and Washington : a Contrast
A-Lecture delivered to large audiences throughout the
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Five Dead Men whom I Knew when Living. Sketches of Robert
Owen, Joseph Mazzini, John Stuart Mill, Charles Sumner
and Ledru Rollin
...
...
’
AmeXlipolitici MaIthu8’ an Essay 011
Population Question
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0
0
6
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0 2
0 2
Life of George, Prince of Wales, "with Recent Contrasts and
Coincidences
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Real Representation of the People...
0 2
Toryism from 1770 to 1879
0 1
Letter to Aibert Edward Prince of Wales, on Freemasonry
0 1
Why do Men Starve?
...
...
J
0 1
Poverty and its effect upon the People
0 1
Labour’s Prayer
0 1
The Land, the People, and the Coming Struggle
0 2
Plea for Atheism
...
...
88
0 3
Has Man a Soul ? New Edition ...
0 2
Is there a God ?
0 1
Who was Jesus ?
0 1
What did Jesus Teach ? ...
0 1
The Twelve Apostles
0 1
The Atonement...
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Life of David ...
- ...
0 2
Life of Jacob
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Life of Abraham
0 1
Life of Moses
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Life of Jonah
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A Few Words about the Devil
0 1
Were Adam and Eve our First Parents ?
0 1
Large Photograph of Mr. Bradlaugh for Framino2 6
Taxation ; how it originated, who bears it, and who ought to
bear it
... 0 6
�0 6
The Laws Relating to Blasphemy and Heresy
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Political Essays.—By C. Br a d l a u g h . Bound in cloth, 2s. 6d.
Theological Essays.—By G. Br a d l a u g h . Bound in cloth, 3s.
Five Debates between C. Br a d l a u g h and Rev. Dr. Ba y l e e , in
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M.A., in Leeds ; Th o m a s Co o pe r , in London; and the Rev. R. A.
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Chromo-litho of Mr. Bradlaugh.—Cabinet size, Id. In Letts’s
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Splendid Chromo-litho of Mr. Bradlaugh.—Large size, 6d.
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The Value of this Earthly Life. A Reply to W. H. Mallock’s
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Past and Present of the Heresy Laws.—By W. A. Hu n t e r ,
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Court Flunkeys their Work and Wages.—By G. St a n d r in g . Id.
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Clericalism in France.—By Prince Napoleon Bonaparte (Jerome).
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.
The Cause of Woman.—From the Italian of Louisa To-Sko. By
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Victorian Blogging
Description
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A collection of digitised nineteenth-century pamphlets from Conway Hall Library & Archives. This includes the Conway Tracts, Moncure Conway's personal pamphlet library; the Morris Tracts, donated to the library by Miss Morris in 1904; the National Secular Society's pamphlet library and others. The Conway Tracts were bound with additional ephemera, such as lecture programmes and handwritten notes.<br /><br />Please note that these digitised pamphlets have been edited to maximise the accuracy of the OCR, ensuring they are text searchable. If you would like to view un-edited, full-colour versions of any of our pamphlets, please email librarian@conwayhall.org.uk.<br /><br /><span><img src="http://www.heritagefund.org.uk/sites/default/files/media/attachments/TNLHLF_Colour_Logo_English_RGB_0_0.jpg" width="238" height="91" alt="TNLHLF_Colour_Logo_English_RGB_0_0.jpg" /></span>
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Conway Hall Library & Archives
Date
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2018
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Conway Hall Ethical Society
Text
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Pamphlet
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The three trials of William Hone : for publishing three parodies : viz. The late John Wilkes's catechism, the political litany, and the sinecurist's creed : on three ex-officio informations, at Guildhall, London, during three successive days, December 18,19, & 20, 1817 : before three special juries, and Mr. Justice Abbott, on the first day, and Lord Chief Justice Ellenborough, on the last two days.
Creator
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Hone, William [1780-1842]
Description
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Place of publication: London
Collation: 243, 6 p. ; 22 cm.
Notes: A collection of all three trials celebrating Hone's innocence on charges of profane and seditious libel and upholding freedom of the press. Printed by and for William Hone,67, Old Bailey. William Hone was an English writer, satirist and bookseller. His victorious court battle against government censorship in 1817 marked a turning point in the fight for British press freedom. Stamp of Hall of Science Club and Institute on title page and elsewhere. Part of the NSS pamphlet collection.
Publisher
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William Hone
Date
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1818
Identifier
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G5773
Subject
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Freedom of the press
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<a href="http://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/mark/1.0/"><img src="http://i.creativecommons.org/p/mark/1.0/88x31.png" alt="Public Domain Mark" /></a><span> </span><br /><span>This work (The three trials of William Hone : for publishing three parodies : viz. The late John Wilkes's catechism, the political litany, and the sinecurist's creed : on three ex-officio informations, at Guildhall, London, during three successive days, December 18,19, & 20, 1817 : before three special juries, and Mr. Justice Abbott, on the first day, and Lord Chief Justice Ellenborough, on the last two days.), identified by </span><a href="https://conwayhallcollections.omeka.net/items/show/www.conwayhall.org.uk"><span>Humanist Library and Archives</span></a><span>, is free of known copyright restrictions.</span>
Format
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application/pdf
Type
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Text
Language
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English
Censorship
Freedom of the Press
NSS
Satire
Trials (Blasphemy)-Great Britain
Trials (Libel)
-
https://d1y502jg6fpugt.cloudfront.net/25778/archive/files/685f748d3e0e7eefc68421600dae611a.pdf?Expires=1712793600&Signature=E%7El6HNaqypEZ1M-lyjmqhxUCxDwbBpJrWU7zzXnKwUZCkldcVMNAGVsQ9AqSgD0KNeCo%7EgCq9DEdOmIj2juB10iuDPcJsk81OGIYyZP76l-mMt-rH2FwY0OysW2Lre8YTcRZMQG5%7E6Cn-B2E7XRar4WopPQEXGSaTTXO3xFjHzGRqOZWWbzFVCJix9VHzIwX2kD3Wb5zvR7rbqzG3oiAIrcJQbPMHa59OHDsQL2EMGGjptK7CHoA4wJzB-p2rHG4982v3WQiFQ3TNR7TZEBYyDuAi94OFkXFWV8qv4AtP5wXKa2OMK-oOk92RxAdF%7E5hvMrZbkx%7EUU%7EQuWFHJx5fLw__&Key-Pair-Id=K6UGZS9ZTDSZM
6e1b705c10f3993e898fb2c27327c3e5
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Text
THE WEDDING
DAME WINDSOR’S,
AND
W THAT WAS SAID ABOUT IT BY
IN
RELATIONS AND FRIENDS,
AND BY THE
ZI OYS OF St. STEPHEN’S SCHOOL.
i«*8t !
W iJfDON : A. RITCHIE, 15, WINE OFFICE COURT, FLEET STREET.
Price Sixpence.
?
�J. COEN, PRINTER,
15, WINE OFFICE COURT, FLEET STREET, LONDON.
------ y
when I first saw the vessel?
cg-crnx uvu<nu ax
�Webbing nt Same Wxnbsof s.
GrH
WHAT RELATIONS SAID ABOUT IT.
3N ame
Windsor is a widow, a little over fifty, of ample
fd rtune, and possessor of several spacious houses.
r|er husband, good soul, who was universally re
31! jected,
died suddenly, to the deep regret of every-
.1 le, and left her with a family of nine children, five
idi ‘which are daughters, two of them being unmarried,
?
e 1 'er eldest daughter, who was greatly esteemed, on
in<
ccount of her comeliness and graces, was united,
91
|me years since, to a fine German, who lives in a
71
driving hotel in Berlin, the sign of which has been
b
|tely altered from the “ King William ” to the
aißi IKaiser,” and which change of style is expected, at
a early period, when the present landlord, who is an
|d man, dies, to prove highly advantageous to the
'¿w occupier.
1 Two other daughters, Alice and Helen, are also
3.”i
S:
�1
o
3
n:
4
married to Germans, whose incomes, although liberal, U.P'1
are not equal to that of the former, nor are theiri Ldh
future promotions in life anything so promising.
.] L-j ■
Mrs. Windsor’s eldest son, who has a large yearly ufi?
income in his own right in some tin mines, which
were profitably worked during the young man’s;
minority by his prudent father, inherited a consider^ y N
able fortune when he came of age. This lucky fello^j
was married, about eight years since, to a handsoma Lj®
li
Danish lady, which event gave great satisfaction at
I
the time, as the young girl came from an old stock,
ir.
o
b
t
b
e
>>
?
3
e
•(
t
and was mighty winning in her behaviour both to
rich and poor.
Teddy, for that is the young man’s
4*
name, is likewise heir to three rich domains, and will, [¿i
be more looked up to when he comes into that ancieni tn
property.
He has seen much of the world, having
gone round it with observant guides, and has picked be
up varied knowledge.
Few men, it is said, can, hn
01
better understand a genuine cigar, and his experience jgqx
of fire-engines is also great, as he rarely fails to enjoy
a run upon them, with some smart mates, when a big h ■
run.
1t
* blaze illumines the town where he lives.
Now, one evening, Mrs. Windsor, who was desirous
|l
> when I first saw the vessel.”
I"
�5
getting her single children off her hands, being
amn one with her eldest unmarried daughter, Louise, at
0
•ii Leir own house in the north, at a place called Bahl
fi 'orrell, she spake motherly unto the lass regarding
li. ■ 3r affections towards a young man of those parts,
Ij.
o ha had beguiled the damsel’s heart, and whose
d afl sits had been much encouraged by the glad dame
t mention thereof, the innocent girl coloured up,
Epd hid her blushing face on her mother’s bosom,
)|hereat the maternal dame kindly hinted that her
rt ild was quite free to marry the honest Gael, if such
rfere her real wishes, and she graciously gave her
¿nsent to the match,
The whole of the family, at
•me and abroad, were at once made acquainted with
te proposed wedding, the news of which was ill
ovtifceived by some of them, because of their very high
hfwate.
The brother-in-law at Berlin, thought, for
q I? part, that the young lass would do better by belirij
ming the wife of one of his kinsmen, especially as
fwq
3 own expectations of a rise were very great; how-
ff-J
er, he would not strongly urge against the wedding,
such were the wish of the two people, and Mrs.
»¿bl indsor approved of the same.
3.”—
.
Si
�o
6
Teddy thought the choice of a more distinguished 1..4.
fl
partner advisable, but, lighting a fresh Havannah,
3
said ma might advise about the matter as she pleased: [
so he left them, to look after his horses and to attend
I *
to his book at the club.
Alf, on being spoken to about it, didn’t see wb !
1
/I
Louie shouldn’t marry who she liked, provided hi li,„ j
I
was really a proper fellow, and likely to make : :..i>
hi
Y
ir
o
kind husband, as he was sure Archy would, and hi H .
■ r *
hoped when the couple put out to sea, the sails o b
matrimony would swell with many a pleasant gale. I
j
Leo said he preferred a match of the kind, ant , .
b
thought mother would be more liked by everybody | ..
■ t
b
le
»
?
P
for letting Master Lome come into the family, whc |.
he was sure, would make his sister happy, and wha 1 ,
I r'
else had they to care about.
Little Beatry almost jumped for joy, and said sh j
was so glad ma would let Louie have Archie ; i ;
>e
r<
a
would be so nice to have them living in England, a 1
?;
their new house.
«
Q.
a
i
she would not lose her, but be able to go often t
Cousin George, who is blind, got some one to wr|
a note for him, which he sent from abroad, bearing| |
F
d
■ti________ _________________ ,
s when I first saw the vessel.”
�-b®«d abbed-out Hanover stamp.
In it he was rather
psihij molding about the affair; but as he had lately lost a
'.av/d town, and was vexed, considering himself cruelly
iteqi nposed upon by friends who, he thought, should
juve treated him better, Mrs. Windsor and her family
et down his disfavour to Louie’s wedding to bad
iesq.d emper, so they took no heed of his cold words.
ynA
Another cousin George—he of Cambridge—hap-
Ao in lened to drop in while the affair was being talked
"''M
>ver, with his red coat rather splashed, for he had just
g...nej )een seeing his soldiers do their work in the Park,
gd u )n being spoken to about the suit, he gave it his
•(insj iearty approval, and thought it high time such silly
ifoiid lotions of shutting out certain people from the family
p-rel were done .away with. He had kicked against such a
do* foolish rule himself, and in defying people’s remarks
.. bfi had found no reason to repent of his course; and
why shouldn’t Louie be as happy with a Scotch
noiva swain as with any foreign fellow with a sounding
hibI name that meant nothing.
He knew the boy, and
jodlliked his good sense, which would always carry him
hoi well through the world, and prove creditable to
in ou Louie.
�0
Aunt Augusta was too infirm to come, but she
wrote, saying that in her young days such things
were deemed shocking.
However, as times are sol
altered now, she would not dream of hindering the
5
new idea, the more so as her niece, Mrs. Windsor,
had determined on setting the change.
/I
1
?”•
i?'
ip
se
1H
ja
a-,
_a
:
a
th.
sa
>i
»e
as when I first saw the vessel.”
�9
YHAT
THE . FAMILY
ADVISERS
SAID
ABOUT IT.
ft]
.as Irs. Windsor, who is a model of household order,
jiu< rould not seriously move about her daughter’s pro-
.o^gosed wedding without consulting certain family
dvisers, whose opinions thereon should finally decide
d a er how to act.
She therefore bade Some men of
he ood repute and knowledge to come down to her
hiA welling on an island at the edge of the sea, where
?
ight confer with her and advise on the matter
hey miL
ri
nq h lat pressed upon her heart.
- sill Then certain prudent chiefs assembled at her house,
J ad, after listening to her words, they counselled
illy thereon.
An elder, named Hatherley, deeply
h rJ i,rned in the law, spake of the practices of times
»st, and declared that no statute in the books of the
n
j a1 ws of the land hindered the marriage; but rather,
• odi
thought, were it to be contracted between the
a srsons proposed, it would bring felicity to them, and
s.”-
�10
command favour with all people. A councillor nameJ
Gladstone next gave utterance, and would have
waxed into a flow of artful words, but that the occa
sion needed only his mind to be declared in simple
speech.
The virtues of Mrs. Windsor’s daughter, he
said, claimed the best of husbands, and that maternal
solicitude and sagacity which had caused those mani
fold virtues and graces to bud and ripen, were the
surest guarantees that a match so wisely arrangea
should continue auspicious to the end.
Ko legal
prohibition against it existed, and Mrs. Windsor, by
sanctioningthe same, would complete her daughter’l
happiness, and revive her own popularity.
The !
chief, Granville, with rare gentleness of tongue and
manner, said he knew the laddie well, and had
marked his shrewdness and good parts.
He felt !
assured that if Mrs. Windsor desired him for a sori j
in-law, no loss of dignity or respect towards he) i
would follow on that account; indeed, by grafting st I
honourable a branch to her own ancient stock, everl I
one would be pleased, and regard her more affec t
tionately.
After several others had all likewise spoken, on
when I first saw the vessel.”
�11
■iirtgi]
blister Lowe, who is keeper of the treasure-chest,
boied
Littered to the same purpose.
rZ" -ua
toair will need a little money wherewith to keep house
Besides, he said, the
'“mofhonestly, and I will speak to my good master, Mister
7 JlulBull, who will not in the least begrudge to give them
eilthe few thousands that I shall name, so that they
Sh^Jmay lack nought to support their state decently and
rtj)ai?}freflect his honour.
£)
e.”—
Sh
�12
WHAT WAS SAID BY DECENT CITIZENS
AND SOME CHURLS.
i
The intended wedding, being well bruited abroad
was in all men’s moutbs, who spake of it one to the
ii
r
,r
o
other, wishing Dame Windsor’s daughter abundant
joy to the end of her days.
In the highway which is called Parliament-street,
in the City of Westminster, a citizen thereof, and a
b
t
f
e
?
p
5
se
ri
a
7;
.«<
man of much substance, meeting one of his fellows,]
also of ample means, being a tradesman of the Wests
End, bade him good day, and pointed out to him
certain M.P.’s who were driving to the House to
speechify and to say “Aye” for a proposed yearfy
gfant to Miss Windsor, the young lady about to be
married.
He then talked of the matter, assured that
the Members would with one consent agree to the
moderate dotation, for that the damsel deserved the
same, and that they would the more heartily bestow
h
a
i
if
;d
----is when I first saw the vessel.”
�13
ifi because her mother had wisely set aside a perverse
e tie on her child’s behalf.
f
“Tea, and a right thing, too,” answered the
stener, “ for the swain is reported well worthy of
fist > fair a bride ; besides, ’tis a good sign when custom,
Gfflj
lb4 unded in pride, loses its force, having only age to
mo ¡commend it.
As well preserve a dung-heap on a
Wife ithway, because it was made by Caesar’s horse.
way with nuisances, say I, whether they encumber
Ind or weigh heavily upon man.
JOJ
By-the-bye, it is
pmoured that Mrs. Windsor is coming more amongst
L ; and I’m sure that her wonted face will bring
imshine to us again, and waken shouts that had wellj 4'
igh died away.”
| When these men of quality had parted, a labourer,
ib.
b
fending to his work along the flags, overtook another,
■hose pipe gave forth a cloud wreathing behind over
is shoulder.
Then the former asked for a light, and
iiey two went on, forgetting care in their smoking,
¿id filling the wind with the smell of their tobacco.
4T 1
-11.. I
i “ It gives me joy, mate, to see thee journeying to
4j ■job.
Is it for long F”
I “ Nay, only for a week, to make gas-piping for the
V 1
»/A J
e.”—
_
Si
�3
jy
14
flare that will light the shops at night, when the grand f
!
■y
wedding comes off.”
“ Of Mrs. Windsor’s daughter ?”
“ Yes ! and rarely for better purpose did fiery stars ,
turn the dark streets into day, to amuse the crowds,
than will the glowing ciphers kindled everywhere on
that coming occasion.
Why, I’ll burn a tallow-wicJ
myself to tell the world that another ban is blotted j
i
from the earth.”
“ Eh ! they’re going to vote her a round sum to
night at the House yonder, and I only wish that all]
r
)
>
t
the money they gave went to as good a use.
It’s
quite time that husbands for Dame Windsor’s single)I
daughters were found at home, without hunting fori
them in the land of sour krout.”
“ But one Taylor is going to pitch in against the
. i
grant.”
“ He ain’t got the pluck; and if he had he’d be
laughed down, as he ought to.
Let him slip intJ
real abuses, and he’s my man; but as for goinJ
|
agin that, why he’s as mischievous as the brawlera
who pretend to be working men; but who filch
their living from simpletons by spouting.”
t____
when I first saw the vessel.”
u.
�F
15
>’ “ At any rate Dame Windsor has touched the
>[ n^ ight key in this instance, which pleases everybody.
a '¿J1 inly she should begin to come out more, to enliven
[at# ne folks a bit, and set some trade moving.”
1'idZI
^slg
fiilT
Here the men ceased to discourse, having come to
place where their feet should turn opposite ways.
Thus the whole populace talked of the marriage,
h nd rejoiced much that Dame Windsor esteemed her
[aughter’s welfare beyond the tyrannous whim of
t'A
EQxds ashion.
inff
But certain obscure Odgerites, noisy and churlish
-wol
fellows, whom few men heeded, strove to stir up the
n nultitude against the reasonable dowry that John
Bull, in the largeness of his heart, was bent upon
giving to the bride.
These disturbers lifted up their
n Voices in pot-houses, while they swilled with the hire
iXlj
juggled from the pockets of the simple; yet their
¡iiivyavings were not regarded by peaceable folks, who
■wlreverenced Dame Windsor the more for her sound
iWit and love for her daughter, in that she might
mlinarry the man of her own choice, and one of her own
a country.
So the brawlers, whose tongues were as brands,
GB
�sank into limbo, and there was mirth throughout the
land, the rich and the poor loyally beseeching a life
long blessing on the wedding of Dame Windsor’s
daughter.
J. Cocn, Printer, 15, Wine-Office-Court, Fleet-street, London.
I first saw the vessel.”
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
A name given to the resource
Victorian Blogging
Description
An account of the resource
A collection of digitised nineteenth-century pamphlets from Conway Hall Library & Archives. This includes the Conway Tracts, Moncure Conway's personal pamphlet library; the Morris Tracts, donated to the library by Miss Morris in 1904; the National Secular Society's pamphlet library and others. The Conway Tracts were bound with additional ephemera, such as lecture programmes and handwritten notes.<br /><br />Please note that these digitised pamphlets have been edited to maximise the accuracy of the OCR, ensuring they are text searchable. If you would like to view un-edited, full-colour versions of any of our pamphlets, please email librarian@conwayhall.org.uk.<br /><br /><span><img src="http://www.heritagefund.org.uk/sites/default/files/media/attachments/TNLHLF_Colour_Logo_English_RGB_0_0.jpg" width="238" height="91" alt="TNLHLF_Colour_Logo_English_RGB_0_0.jpg" /></span>
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Conway Hall Library & Archives
Date
A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource
2018
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
Conway Hall Ethical Society
Text
A resource consisting primarily of words for reading. Examples include books, letters, dissertations, poems, newspapers, articles, archives of mailing lists. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre Text.
Original Format
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Pamphlet
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
A name given to the resource
The wedding at Dame Windsor's and what was said about it by relations and friends, and by the boys of St. Stephen's School
Description
An account of the resource
Place of publication: London
Collation: 16 p. ; 17 cm.
Notes: From the library of Dr Moncure Conway. Printed by J. Coen, Fleet Street, London. A satire on the wedding of Princess Louise Caroline Alberta to the Marquess of Lorne (later 9th Duke of Argyll). Text partially obscured by binding.
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
A. Ritchie
Date
A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource
[1871]
Identifier
An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context
G5453
Subject
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Monarchy
Marriage
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
[Unknown]
Rights
Information about rights held in and over the resource
<a href="http://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/mark/1.0/"><img src="http://i.creativecommons.org/p/mark/1.0/88x31.png" alt="Public Domain Mark" /></a><span> </span><br /><span>This work (The wedding at Dame Windsor's and what was said about it by relations and friends, and by the boys of St. Stephen's School), identified by </span><a href="https://conwayhallcollections.omeka.net/items/show/www.conwayhall.org.uk"><span>Humanist Library and Archives</span></a><span>, is free of known copyright restrictions.</span>
Format
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application/pdf
Type
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Text
Language
A language of the resource
English
Conway Tracts
Louise Caroline Alberta
Marriage
Monarchy
Princess of Great Britain
Satire
Weddings