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THE
NEW
GOSPEL
OF
PEACE
ABSORBING TO
ST.
BENJAMIN.
Manchester:
ABEL HEYWOOD, PRINTER, 56 & 58, OLDHAM STREET
London:
BACON & CO., 48, PATERNOSTER ROW.
��THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE
ACCORDING TO ST. BENJAMIN.
CHAPTER I.
1 The Mystery. 2 War in the Land of Unculpsalm. o Phernandiwud. 10 Seeketh a partner. 17 Searcheth the Scripture.
19 Findeth something 1$ his advantage. 24 And walketh
slantindicularly. 25 Is brought before the Judge. Wl Showeth
his innocence.
1. The mystery of the new gospel of peace.
2. In the days of Abraham, when there was war in the
land of Unculpsalm, and all the people fought with weapons
of iron, and with shipm®$$B®n.
3. (For there came a man eufcof the country beyond the
North Sea, a son of Tubal Cain, and joined himself unto
trie people of Unculpsalm, aridt made unto them ships of
iron, with towers upon the decks thereof, and beaks upon
the prows thereof, very mighty and marvellous),
4. There went out one who preached a new gospel of
peace. And it was in fhisiwise.
5. It came to pass in those days that in the country of
Mannatton, in the city which is called Gotham, that is over
against Jarzee, as thou goest down by the great river, the
River Hutzoon, to Communipah, there was a man whose
name was Phernandiwud.
6. And he was a just man, and a righteous; and he
walked uprightly before the world.
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THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
28. And he clid so. And Phernandiwud went out from,
before him justified in his wisdom and his innocence.
CHAPTER II.
1 The Pahdees. 2 They govern Gotham. 5 Phernandiwud
maketh friends of the Pahdees. 8 Who make him Chief Ruler
of the City. 10 And together they devour the substance of the
Men of Gotham. 14 The Watchmen of Gotham removed
from the rule of Phemandiwud. 17 Who gathereth together
the Hittites and the Ilammerites. 18 And conceiveth with the
Mystery of the New Gospel of Peace.
1. Now, it came to pass that in the city of Gotham were
many Pahdees, like unto, locusts for multitude. And they
were not of the land of Unculpsalm, But came from an island
beyond the great sea^a land of famine and oppression.
And they knew nothing. They read not, neither did they
write, and like the multitudes of Nineveh, many of them
did not know their right hand from their left.
2. Therefore the men of Unculpsalm, who dwelt in
Gotham, troubled themselves fettle to govern the city, and
paid the Pahdees richly to govern it for them.
3. For the men of Gotham were great merchants and
artificers, trading to the ends of the earth; diligent and
cunning in their busing’ , wise and orderly in their houses
holds; and they got great gain, and the fame of their wisdom
and their diligence was Spread abroad. Wherefore they
said, why shall we leave our crafts and our merchandise,
and our ships, and our feasts, and the gathering together of
our wives and our daughters, and our men-singers and our
women-singers, to give our time to ruling the city ? Behold,
here are the Pahdees who know nothing, who read not,
neither do they write, and who know not their right hand
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
7
from their left, and who have never governed even them
selves, and will he glad to govern the city in our stead.
4. Wherefore the men of Unculpsalm who dwelt in
Gotham, went the one to his craft, the other to his ships,
and the other to his merchandise; and the Pahdees gov
erned Gotham.
5. Now Phernandiwud saw that the men whom the
Pahdees appointed to be officers in Gotham fed at the pub
lic crib, and waxed fat, and, increased in substance. More
over, so great and mighty was the city of Gotham that they
who ruled it were powerful in the. land of Unculpsalm;
stretching out their hands from the North even unto'the
South, and from the East even unto the West; but most of
all were they powerful with the men of the South.
6. And Phernandiwud said within himself, Shall I not
feed at the public crib, and wax fat, and increase in sub
stance, and become a man of, power in the land of Uncul
psalm ?
7. So he made friends unto himsgjf among the Pahdees,
and of certain men of Unculpsalm who had joined them
selves unto the Pahdees, and .who called themselves Dim
michrats.
8. And he became a great man among them. And they
made him chief ruler of the.gity, And it was of the Pah
dees that he was firsts called Phernandiwud.
9. Now, when Phernandiwud was ©hief ruler of Gotham,
the Pahdees, and the men, of Unculpsalm which were also
Dimmichrats, did what was right in their own eyes ; and
they worked confusion in the city, and\ devoured the sub
stance of the men of Gotham. And the watchmen of the
city were as clay in the hands of Phernandiwud.
10. For he said, I will have a one man power; and the
one man shall be me, even me Phernandiwud; and the
Pahdees, and the Dimmichrats, and the watchmen of
Gotham, shall do my will; and after they have done my
will they may do what is right in their own eyes, and work
confusion, and devour the people’s substance.
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
11. And the men of Gotham were amazed and confounded;
and they said one to another,
12. Behold, we are held as naught by Phernandiwud and
them that are under him, and he will destroy us and our
eity.
13. But they could not cast him out, because of the
Pahdees, and the men of Unculpsalm who also were Dimmichrats.
14. Wherefore they said, we will pray the governor and
rulers of the province to take the watchmen of the city from
under his hand, and putin other watchmen who shall guard
the city, and the country round about the same; and he
shall no longer work confusion^and devour our substance,
and destroy our city.
15. Wherefore the watchmen were taken from under his
rule, and there were appointed other watchmen, whose
captains were not Pahdees and followers of Phernandiwud.
16. But Phernandiwud, because he loved the people, and
himself first, as number one of the people, withstood the
watchmen which the governor and the rulers of the province
had appointed. And he gathered together his watchmen
and much people of the Pahdees, and of the men of Uncul
psalm which also were Dimmichrats.
17. Hittites, so called, because they hit from the shoulder,
and Hammerites, because they brake the heads of all them
that set themselves up against them.
18. And the watchmen of Phernandiwud, and the Pahdees,
and the Hittites and the Hammerites, fought with the
watchmen appointed by the governor and chief rulers of the
province, doing in this the will of Phernandiwud. And
they fought many times, and they brake each the heads of
the other: yet was neither vanquished.
19. And when the judges of the province saw this, they
declared unto the governor, that by the great law of the
province, he could march an army upon Pherandiwud, and
his watchmen, and his Pahdees, and his Hittites, and his
Hammerites, and put them to the sword.
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
20. And when Phernandiwud read this declaration of the
Judges, he saw that there was an end of his rule over the
watchmen, of his one man power in Gotham, and he said
unto the watchmen, and to the Pahdees, and the Hittites,
and the Hammerites, Get you to: your houses, I have no ■
thing more to give unto you.
21. But he charged the cost thereof unto the city.
22. And this was th®, first tirne that Phernandiwud con
ceived in his mind th© mystery of the new gospel of peace,
CHAPTER. III.
1 The War in the land of Unculpsalm. 3 The Great Covenant.
5 The greatness of the land of Unculpsalm. I Provoked the
hatred of Kings and tffjpressws. 8 27ie Niggahs. 11 And
the Covenant concerning them. 14 The Niggahs. 16 There
arise men in Belial. 19 The Tshivulree. 22 And what the
Tshivulree did to the men of Belial. 24 The Dimmichrats
join themselves to the Tshivulree. 26 Thfr Everlasting Niggah. 27 Phillip of Atoms', aPrw$of Beelzebub. 29 Isaiah
• thrusteth him out of the Tabernacle. 31 But the Men of
Belial prevail. 35 And the spirit Bak Bohn possesseth their
Disciples. 39 The Phiretahs and Prestenbruux.
1. Now the war in the. land* of Unculpsalm was in this
-•wise.
2. The people were of one blood, but the land was in
many provinces. And the people ofi'the provinces joined
themselves together and cast off the yokeof a stubborn
king who oppressed them beyond the great sea. And
they said let us hake no king, but let us choose for our
selves a man to rule over us; and let us no longer be many
provinces, but one nation; only in those things which con
cern not the nation let the people in each province do what
fig right in their own eyes.
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THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
3. And let it be written upon parchment and be for a
covenant between us and our children, and our children’s
children forever—like unto a law of the Medes and Per
sians which altereth not.
4. And they did so. And the Great Covenant became
the beginning and the end of all things unto the men of
Unculpsalm.
5. And the men of Unculpsalm waxed great and mighty
and rich : and the earth was filled with the fame of their
power and their riches; and their ships covered the sea.
And all nations feared them. But they were men of peace,
and went not to war of their own accord ; neither did
they trouble or oppress the men of other nations; but
sought each man to sit under his own vine and his own
fig tree. And there were no poor men and few that did
evil born in that land, : except thou go southward of the
border of Masunandicsun.
6. And this was noised abroad; and it came to pass
that the poor and the down-trodden, and the oppressed of
other lands left the lands in which they were born, and
went and dwelt in the land of Unculpsalm, and prospered
therein, and no man molested them. And they loved that
land.
7. Wherefore, the kings and the oppressors of other lands,
and they that devoured the substance of the people, hated
the men of Unculpsalm. Yet, although they were men of
peace, they made not war upon them; for they were
many and mighty. Moreover ■ they were rich and bought
merchandise of othef nations, and sent them corn and gold.
8. Now there were inthe land of Unculpsalm Ethiopi
ans, which the men of Unculpsalm called Niggahs. And
their skins were black, and for hair they had wool, and
their shins bent out forward and their heels thrust out
backward; and their ill savor went up.
9. Wherefore the forefathers of the men of Unculpsalm,
had made slaves of the Niggahs, and bought them ancL
sold them like cattle.
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
11
10. But so it was that when the people Of the land of
Unculpsalm made themselves into one nation, the men of
the North said, We will no longer buy and sell the Nig
gahs, but will set them free; neither shall more be brought
from Ethiopia for slaves unto this land.
11. And the men of the Sduth answered and said, We
will buy and sell our Niggahs; and moreover we will beat
them with stripes, and they shsftl be our heWers of wood
and drawers of water forever | < and when our Niggahs
flee into your provinces, ye shall give them to us, every
man his Niggah; and after a time there shaft. no more be
brought from Ethiopias < as ye say. And this shall be a
part of the great covenant.«
12. And it was a covehant between the men of the
North and the men of thb South.
13. And it came to p&sg that thereafter the men of the
South and the Dimmichrats of the North, and the Pahdees
gave themselves night and day to the preservation of this
covenant about theNiggahs. ' ■ <
o.b i,>.
14. And the Niggahs increased and multiplied till they
darkened all the land of the South. And the men of
Unculpsalm who dwelt in the -South took their women for
concubines and went in unto them, and begat of them sons
and daughters. And they bought and sold: their sons and
daughters, even the fruit of their loins; and beat them
with stripes, and made them hewers of wood and drawers
of water.
: .r.< ,<d
15. For they said, are not, thesd Niggahs otir Niggahs?
Yea, even more than, the other Niggah&<: For the other
Niggahs we bought, or our fathers^ with money; but these,
are they not flesh of our flesh, M -blood Uf Our blood, and
bone of our bone; and shall we not do What we will with
our own?
316. But there arose men in the northern provinces of
the land of Unculpsalm and in the countries beyond the
great sea, iniquitous men, saying, Man’s blood cannot be
�12
THE NEW GOSPEL OK PEACE.
bought with money; foolish men saying, Though the Niggah’s skin be black and his hair woolly, and his shins like
unto cucumbers, and his heels thrusting out backward,
and though he have an ill savor not to be endured by those
who get not children of Niggah women, is yet a man;
men of Belial which said, All things whatsoever ye would
that men should do to you, do ye even so to them; for
this is the law and the prophets.
17. And the slaves were for a reproach throughout all
the world unto the men of the South, and even to the
whole land of Unculpsalm. But by reason of the great
covenant and the laws of the provinces, the men of the
North had naught to do fe this matter.
18. But the men of the South which had Niggahs (for
there were multitudes which had no Niggahs, and they
were poor and oppressed) heeded it not; for they were a
stiffnecked generation. And they said we will not let
our Niggahs go free; for they are our chattels, even as
our horses and our sheep, our swine and our oxen; and
we will beat them, and slay them, and sell them, and be
get children of them, and no man shall gainsay us. We
stand by the Great Covenant.
19. Moreover we are Tshivulree.
20. Now to be of the Tshivulree was the chief boast
among the men of the South, because it had been a great
name upon the earth. For of olden time he who was of
the Tshivulree was bound by an oath to defend the weak
and succor the oppressed, yea, even though he gave his
life for them. But among the men of the South he only
was of the Tshivulree who ate his bread in the sweat of
another’s face, who robbed the laborer of his hire, who
oppressed the weak, and set his foot upon the neck of the
lowly, and who sold from the mother the fruit of her
womb and the nursling of her bosom. Wherefore the
name of Tshivulree stank in the nostrils of all the nations 21. l or they were in the darkness of a false dispensa-.
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
13
tion, and had not yet learned the mystery of the new gospel
of peace.
22. And when the Tshivulree found within their borders
those men of the North, iniquitous men which said that
man’s blood cannot be bought, and men of Belial which
said, Do ye unto all men as ye would have all men do unto
you, they seized upon them and beat them with many
stripes, and hanged them upon trees, and roasted them with
fire, and poured hot pitch upon them, and rode them upon
sharp beams, very grievous to bestride, and persecuted
them even as it was fitting such pestilent fellows should be
persecuted.
23. And they said unto the men of the North, cease ye
now to send among us »these men of Belial preaching
iniquity, cease also to listen unto them yourselves, and re
spect the Great Covenant, or we will destroy this nation.
24. Then the men of Unculpsalm which called them
selves Dimmichrats, and the Pahdees, seeing that the
Tshivulree of the South had only one thought, and that
was for the Niggah, said, We will*, join ourselves unto the
Tshivulree, and we will have, but one thought with them,
even tbe Niggah; and we shall rule the land of Uncul
psalm, and we shall divide the spoilfr i
25. And they joined themselves Unto the Tshivulree;
and the Tshivulree of the South, and the men of the North,
which called themselves Dimmichrats, and the Pahdees
ruled the land of Unculpsalm' for many years; and they
divided the spoil. And theja had but ofic^ thought-; even
for the Niggah.
26. Wherefore he was called the everlasting Niggah.
27. Now, about these days came Philip, from the new
Athens, a priest of Beelze bub, and he taught in the Taber
nacle at Gotham.
28. And Philip had many words, but only one thought;
and that, like the thought of the men of the South, was
for the Niggah. But he respected not the Great Coveu-
�14
THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
ant. And he said unto the people ye ought to set the
Niggah free.
29. And it came to pass that when he was teaching in
the Tabernacle one Isaiah entered (not the prophet, but he
who was captain of a band of the Hammerites) and pro
tested unto him that he should no more teach such pesti
lent doctrine. And having his band of Hammerites with
him, he knocked Philip down, and thrust him from the
pulpit wherein he was speaking, and drave him out of the
Tabernacle.
30. Now this was the first ministration of the new gospel
of peace. But as yet it was not preached; for it had no
apostle.
31. But in process of time the ministers of Belial turned
the hearts of many men, even of them which called them
selves Dimmichrats fife iniquity;; and they all began to say
that the strength of the great nation of Unculpsalm should
not be used to oppress the Niggah; declaring in the
wickedness of their imaginations and; the hardness of their
hearts, that whatsoever the people of Uuculpsalm would
that bthers should do to them, even so they should do to
others, even unto Niggahs. '■
32. But they had respecteunto the Great Covenant, and
sought not to set the Niggahs free; and they returned unto
the men of the South the Niggahs that fled from their
provinces, according to the Great Covenant.
33. Moreover the men of the North made soft answers
unto the men of the South, and strove to turn away their
wrath, and to live with them as brethren. For though they
feared them not, neither hated them, they did fear that they
would destroy the nation.
34. And the Tshivulree of the South saw that the men
of the North feared their threats ; and they waxed bolder,
and said we will not only keep our Niggahs in our own
provinces, but we will take them into all the country of
Unculpsalm, which is not yet divided into provinces. And,
they went roaring up and down the land.
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
15
35. But in process of time it came to pass that the spirit
of their forefathers appeared among the men of the North,
even the great spirit Bak Bohn; and he stiffened up the
people mightily.
36. So that they said unto the men of the South, Hear
us, our brethren! We would live with you in peace, and
love you, and respect the Great Covenant. And the
Niggahs in your provinces: ye shall keep, and slay, and
sell, they and. the children: which-, ye beget of them, into
slavery,( for" bond men and bond women for ever. Yours
be the sin before the Lord,, not ours; for it is your doing,
and we are not answerable for it* And your Niggahs
that flee from your provinces they shall be returned unto
you, according to the Great Covenant. Only take care
lest peradventure ye make captives the Niggahs of our
provinces which we have made Free men. Ye shall in no
wise take a Niggah of them.
37. Thus shall it be i wij/h your Niggahs and in your
provinces, and ydurs shall be the< blame forever. But out
of your provinces, into the common land of Unculpsalm,
ye shall not carry your Niggahs except they be made
thereby free. For that land is common, and your laws
and the statutes of your provinces, by which alone ye make
bondmen, run not in that land. And for all that is done in
that land we must bear the blame: with you. For that
land is common; and we share whatever is done therein;
and the power of this nation and the might of its banner
shall no longer be used to oppress the lowly and to fasten
the chain upon the captive. Keep ye then your bondmen
within your own provinces.' 1 1 '■■■. ■
38. Then the Tshivulree of the South waxed wroth, and
foamed in their anger, and the air of the land was filled
with their cursings and their revilings. And certain of
them which were men of blood, and which were possessed
of devils, and had difficulties, and slew each other with
knives and shooting irons, did nothing all their time but
rave through the land about the Niggah.
�16
THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
39. Now these men were the fore-runners of him that
preached the new gospel of peace, and prepared the way
before him. Wherefore they were called Phiretahs.
40. And it came to pass that one of the Phiretahs, whose
name was Prestenbruux, was wroth with Charles, who
was surnamed the Summoner, who was one of the chief
law-givers of the land of Unculpsalm, and also one of the
men of Belial, who taught iniquity, saying, whatsoever ye
would that men should do to you do ye even so to them,
even unto Niggahs.
For Charles the Summoner had declared that it was not
lawful for the men of the South to take their Niggahs out
of their own provinces^ And thus it was that Prestenbruux
was offended in him.
41. Wherefore Prestenbruux took unto himself other
Phiretahs, and he sought Charles the Summoner, and
found him alone at a table, writing in the great hall of
Unculpsalm. And he came upon him unawares, and he
smote him and beat him to the ground, so that he was
nigh unto death.
42. And this was the second ministration of the new
gospel of peace. But even now it was not preached, for
it had yet no apostle.
43. And after these things, James, whose surname being
interpreted meaneth Facing-both-ways, ruled in the land
of Unculpsalm.
CHAPTER IV.
1 The choice of Abraham the Honest. 10 The Phiretas rebel
against him. 14 Compromise. 17 The Phiretahs will have
no more Compromise. 18 Ken Edee and Robert of Joarji.
23 Phernandiwud compromiseth unto Robert. 24 The
men of the North wax wroth.
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
17
1; Now the time drew nigh when James should cease
40 rule in the land of Unculpsalm.
2. And the men of the North, save the Dimmichrats,
among whom were the Pahdees, strove to have Abraham,
who was surnamed the honest, made ruler in the place of
James Facing-both-ways.
3. But the Phiretahs of the South said,- Let us choose,
and let the voices be numbered, and if oui? man be chosen,
it is well, but if Abraham, we will’ destroy the nation.
4. But the men of the North believed them not, because
of the Great Covenant, and because they trusted them to
be of good faith in this matter. For among the men of
the North, even those who lived by casting lots for gold,
stood by the lot when it was cast; And the men of the
North believed not that men -of their own blood, whose
sons were married unto their daughters, and whose daugh
ters unto their sons, would faithlessly do this thing which
they threatened.
p 5. But the men of th® North knew not how the Niggah
-had driven out all, other thoughts from the hearts of the
men of the South, even so that they would violate the
Great Covenant, and set at nought the election according
thereunto if it went against them.
6. And there were throughout the provinces of the land
of Unculpsalm at the North great multitudes, Dimmichrats,
of whom were the Pahdees, who' were friends of the
Phiretahs of the Sonth, and wished them well, and labored
with them; for they said, It is by thd alliance of the men
of the South, and by reason of the everlasting Niggah,
that we rule the land.
7. But they deceived themselves; for it was the Phire
tahs which ruled the land, using the Dimmichrats, and by
the one thought of the everlasting Niggah.
8. Yet it came to pass that when the voices of the people
were numbered, according to the Great Covenant, Abraham
was chosen.
�18
THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
9. Then the Phiretahs of the South began to do as they
had threatened ; and they gathered together in their pro
vinces, and said, Our provinces shall no longer be a part of
the land of Unculpsalm, for we will not have this man
Abraham to rule over us.
10. Yet were there men of the South, a great multitude,
among whom was Stephen, of Joarji, who said, not so.
Why will ye do this great evil and destroy the nation ? It
is right for us to respect the Great Covenant. If the man
who had our voices had been chosen,, the men of the North
would have received, him, and obeyed him as the chief ruler
in the land of Unigulpsalm; and it is meet and right
that we should do likewise, even according to the Great
Covenant. Moreover, we have suffered no wrong at the
hands of the new rulers; and the old were men of our own
choosing. Will ye make this land like unto Mecsicho ?
11. But the Phiretahs would not hearken unto these men,
and went on their way, and beat some of them, and hanged
others, and threatened noisily, and> gathering unto them all
the people of the baser sort, and inflaming them with hate
and strong drink, they set up a rule of terror through
out their provinces. Bor the Phiretahs were men of blood.
So the Phiretahs prevailed over the men who would have
respected the Great Covenant.
12. And the men of the North, both they who had given
their voices for Abraham and they who had given their voices
with the men of the (South against him, were amazed and
stood astounded. And they said among themselves, This
is vain boasting, and vaunting, such as we have seen afore
time, done for the sake of more compromise.
13. (Now in the land of Unculpsalm, when a man humbled
himself before another which threatened him, he was said
to compromise.)
14. And the Dimmichrats, save those who had hearkened
unto the ministers of Belial, said, Let us compromise our
selves again unto our Southern brethren, and it shall bewell with us.
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
19
15. For they said among themselves, If the men of the
South go, they and their provinces, there will be no more
everlasting Niggah; and we shall cease to rule the land.
And if they go not, behold then they will remember that
we have compromised unto them, and they will again be
gracious unto their servants, and will admit us unto a share
in the government, and we shall rule the land as aforetime.
16. But the Phiretahs were wise in their generation, and
they saw that the Dimmichrats were of no more use unto
them, and that because the Hen Of Belial had prevailed
against the Dimmichrats, their power was gone in their
provinces; and so as they could no more use the Diminichrats, they would not listen to them, and spurned their
compromising, and spat upon it, and went on to destroy the
nation, and prepared to make war against Abraham if he
should begin to rule over them.
17. Now in those days there Was a man in Gotham named
Ken Edee, who was chief captain of the watchmen of the
city and the region round About; and in Joarji was a man
named Robert, who dwelt among the tombs, and who was
possessed of an evil spirit whose name was Blustah. And
Robert was a Phiretah.
18. And Ken Edee, chief d&pfain of the watch in Gotham,
found arms going from Gotham to the Phiretahs in Joarji,
and he seized them. For he said, Lest they be used to
destroy the nation, and against1 the Great Covenant, which
is the supreme law in the land of‘Unculpsalm, to which first
belongeth my obedience.
19. Then Robert, who dwelt among the tombs, being
seized upon by his demon Blustah, sent a threatening mes
sage unto Phernandiwud.
20. (For at this time Phernandiwud was chief ruler in
the city of Gotham.)
21. Saying, Wherefore keep ye the arms of the Phir
etahs ? Give them unto us that we may make war against
you, or it shall be worse for you.
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THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
22. Then Phernandiwud, because he hated the chief of
the watchmen of Gotham, and because he hoped for the
good success of the Phiretahs, compromised himself unto
Robert, and crawled on his belly before him in the dust,
and said, Is thy servant a man that he should do this thing?
Thy servant kept no arms, neither would he do so. Let
them who have the evil spirit Bak Bohn do thus unto my
lords the Phiretahs. Behold, thy servant is no man, but a
Phlunkee.
23. (Now the Phlunkees were men who had never had
the spirit Bak Bohn, or who had had it, cast out of them,
because when they would, have prostrated, themselves and
humbled themselves in the dust and compromised to their
profit, the spirit rent them sore. So they had each of them
his Bak Bohn cast out of him.)
24. And the Phiretahs went on their way without hindrance. For James, by facing both ways, faced neither; and
both of the men of the South and the men of the North he
was not regarded. And the nation spued him out of its
mouth.
25. And Abraham ruled the land. But the Phiretahs
withstood him, and made wai' upon him, and drove his
captains out of the strongholds which were in their provinces,
and humbled the banners of Unculpsalm.
26. Then all the men of the North, even the Dimmi
chrats, of whom were the Pahdees, were exceedingly wroth;
and they rose up against the Phiretahs of the South, and
marched against them to drive them out of the strong places
which they had seized, and to plant thereon again the banner
of Unculpsalm.
27. For they all had exceeding reverence for the Great
Covenant, and they were filled with pride of their nation,
its might, and its wealth, and its vastness, and chiefly that
its people were more free than any other people, and that
its tillers of the soil and its wayfaring men could read and
understand, and that there each man sat under his own
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21
vine and under his own fig tree with none to molest him
or make him afraid. And they worshipped the banner of
Unculpsalm, and its folds were unto them as the wings of
a protecting angel.
28. Moreover, the Dimmichrats said, We have striven
for our brethren of the South against the men of Belial,
who teach that it is wrong to oppress the Niggah by the
power of Unculpsalm, and now they can no longer use us
they cast us off. Behold, we will fight against them, lest,
also, they make good their threats, and sever their provinces
from our provinces, and there be no more everlasting Nig
gah, and our occupation be departed forever.
29. And thus it came to pass that there was war in the
land of Unculpsalm.
CHAPTER V. .
1 The Men of Gotham assemble. 2 Having each a Bak Bohn.
3 And Phernandiwud getteth a B$jt Bohn. 5 And speaketh
to the People. 8 Benjamin the Scribe goeth not to the
Assembly, but remaineth at home, mourning. 13 His policy
and his prosperity. 18 The War continueth for two years.
19 And why. 26 The Rulers of Jonbool help the Phiretahs.
1. Now, when the news came that the Phiinetahs of the
South with five thousand men, even a great multitude, had
driven one of the captains of Unculpsalm with a band of
ninety out of his stronghold, and whe# a proclamation of
Abraham was spread abroad, calling on the men of Un
culpsalm for the defence of their nation, and the retaking
of its strongholds, and the setting up of its banner which
mad been cast down, the men of Gotham gathered them
selves together in an open place before the world. And
Phemandiwud came also among them.
2. And each man that day out of whom had been cast
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the spirit Bak Bohn, took to himself another worse than
the first. And it seemed that day that in all Gotham there
was not one Phlunkee.
3. And Phernandiwud saw this. So he also straightway
took to himself a Bak Bohn.
4. For he said, Lest they also declare that I shall no
longer be chief ruler of the city.
5. And many men of Gotham spake unto the people.
Phernandiwud also lifted up his voice and said, Hear 0
men of Unculpsalm! give ear, 0 men of Gotham ! The
rulers of this land of Unculpsalm, chosen according to the
Great Covenant, have been defied. The Great Covenant
itself hath been set at naught. The banner of Unculpsalm
hath been cast down. The men of the South begin to
make good their threats that they would destroy this
nation.
6. But I say unto you, in the words of the great ruler Jah
Xunn, whom to our sorrow we have gathered to his fathers,
This nation must and shall be preserved, peaceably if we
can, forcibly if we must. And let us have a strong rule
and a splendid despotism, that we may do this thing as
becometh a great nation. For I have said always afore
time, as ye can bear me witness, Let us strengthen the
hands of the chief rulers, being myself chief ruler of this
city. Hear therefore my pledge unto you this day, I throw
myself wholly into this strife, with all my power and with
all my might.
7. Now there were men who noted that Phernandiwud
pledged himself with all his power and with all his might,
but not with all his soul. And they said, It is because he
hath sold his soul to the mighty spirit Sathanas, that he
should help him. And others said, Not so; for he had no
soul to sell. But these were scoffers and men of Belial.
8. But Benjamin, the brother of Phernandiwud, even
Benjamin the scribe, came not unto the congregation of
the people, but remained at home in his house, exceeding
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23
wroth and very sorrowful.
For he said, Behold this
people is given over to the spirit Bak Bohn, and into the
hands of the men of Belial, who teach that the power of
Unculpsalm, and the might of the banner of Unculpsalm,
may not be used to oppress the Niggah. And this people
will no more compromise itself before the men of the
South; and there will be no more Phlunkees, and the
everlasting Niggah shall cease from off the land. And he
wept him sore; and cried out aloud, The sceptre hath departed
from the Dimmichrats, and the glory from the tents of
Tamunee!
9. And he wrote against the people of the North; and
sought to exorcise the mighty spii'it Bak Bohn, and to cast
it out of them. But he could not.
10. Now Benjamin the scribe was also a just man, and
a righteous, and walked .nprigh^y before the law.
11. For the law said, Thou shalt not live by casting lots
for gold. For he who liveth by casting lots for gold deceiveth the foolish man to his hurt, and defraudeth the widow
and the fatherless. It is an abomination. And he that
liveth by casting lots for gold shall be guilty and shall be
cast into prison.
12. Wherefore Benjamin being a just man and a right
eous, said, I will not live by casting lots for gold. Far be
it from me to do this thing which is unlawful, and which
will get me into prison. But I will sell policies ; and this
shall be the craft by which I will livby . ■
13. For what saith the prophet Daniel (not Sickles) ?
** And through his policy also shall he cause craft to prosper
in his hand; and he shall magnify himself in his heart.”
14. For Benjamin also searched the Scripture, saying:
Peradventure I may find something therein to my advantage.
15. Wherefore Benjamin the scribe, through his policies
caused craft to prosper in his hand, and magnified himself
in his heart.
16. And he said within himself, I will be a lawgiver in
�TH® NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
the land of Unculpsalm, even for the men of Gotham.
Wherefore, he also made Unto himself friends among the
Pahdees; and he became a lawgiver in the land.
17. ' But the men of Gotham cast out Phernandiwud from
his office of chief ruler of the city; because they remem
bered that he had compromised upon his belly to Robert
who dwelt among the tombs, and had eaten dirt before him.
Also that he had said, Let us take our city out of the
nation. So they ,piit no trust in him18. Now so it was that after the space of nearly two
years the war which was in the land of Unculpsalm came
not to an end.
19. For the men of the North and the men Of the South
were of one blood; and both were valiant. And the men
of the North were more in number than the men of the
South. But the men of the South multiplied themselves
because of their Niggahs. For their Niggahs went not
to war, but stayed at home to 'till the soil. Moreover, they
were fighting upon their own ground; and much of their
land was mire and marshes, desert land and wilderness,
through which the armies of Unculpsalm wandered vainly,
and where they stuck fast. And the men of the South
cast up mounds upon their roads and before their cities,
and made strong their high places with towers. And their
land was filled with strong places, and with men of war
and engines of war, such as the men of the North looked
not to see in that land.
20. For the men of the South were astonished when the
men of the North marched against them; because the men
of the North had so often compromised themselves unto
them, that they thought they were all Phlunkees, and that
the spirit Bak Bohn had been utterly cast out of them.
And without that spirit men cannot fight.
21. Wherefore, the men of the South which had Nig
gahs, even the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs, seeing that
their case was desperate, forced all the men of their coun-
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23
try into their armies, and took the men which had respect
unto the government of Unculpsalm, according to the
.Great Covenant, and loved the banner of Unculpsalm, and
would not fight against it, and they cast them into pits and
into dungeons, and scourged them, and hanged them upon
trees, after their manner. And being men of blood, and
seeing that their case was desperate/ they made it a terror
to live in their country except unto them that professed to
desire the destruction of the nation-.So all men professed
to desire it, or held their peace.
< r' r :
22. But in the land of the men of the North no man was
molested. And men of the South dwelt there, and were
spies and helpers unto their hEethrem And men of the
North, men of Peace, which also were. Phlunkees, helped
their masters the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs.
23. And the men of the South had among them great
captains; men of might and, wisdom in battle. And they
chose to be ruler over them Jeph, surnamed the Bepudiator.
24. (Now among the men of Unculpsalm when a man
would neither pay the debt that-he owed, nor acknowledge
it and ask it to be forgiven him, hewas? called-a repudiator.)
25. And Jeph had been captain over a thousand in the
armies of Unculpsalm when they went into Mecsicho, and
had also been one of the Great Council: and he was a
bold man, and a crafty, one who,knew neither fear nor
scruple.
26. Moreover, the mem of the South wero helped might
ily from beyond the sea, even by the men of, the kingdom
of Jonbool, from which their land was wrested by the
forefathers of the men of Unculpsalm.
27. Yet the men of Unculpsalm would have' loved the
men of that nation, even as a son loveth his mother which
bore him. But the nobles and the rich men of Jonbool
scorned the men of Unculpsalm, and would none of their
affection, and made light of their honor,
ohm vino -. ‘L h !
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THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
28. For the men of Unculpsalm had forgiven the meh
of Jonbool their oppression and their scorn, and had
shown their Prince great honor; but the men who gov
erned that nation had not forgiven the men of Unculpsalm
their victory. And the prosperity and the glory of that
land was an offence to them. And certain of their scribes,
which also were Phlunkees, wrote scornfully against the
land of Unculpsalm, and bore false witness against it from
generation to generation, and got thereby gold and honor
in the land of Jonbool.
29. Wherefore, when the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs
lifted up the standard of revolt, the rulers of the land of
Jonbool said one to another,
30. Lo, the time for which we have waited without hope
draweth nigh; and the land of Unculpsalm may be
divided, and the nation destroyed, and the pride of the
people cast down. And the might of their power shall be
broken, and the glory of that land shall no longer be an
offence unto us; and we shall be avenged without peril
and without cost.
31. Likewise, also said the nobles and the great men of
other lands, where the few devoured the substance of the
many.
32. So the rulers of the land of Jonbool made proclama
tion to all the earth, that in that war they would regard
the men of the South which had revolted even as they
regarded the rulers of the land chosen according to the
Great Covenant. For they said, Thus shall we encourage
them, and give aid to them; and it shall cost us nothing:
and after this they will be more ashamed to submit them
selves unto the law which they have broken, and to the
rulers which they have defied.
33. And the nobles and the merchants of that land,
which aforetime had cursed and reviled the Tshivulree and
the Phiretahs, and had imputed the deeds which were
theirs only unto all the men of Unculpsalm, said Amen,
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27
34. And the merchants of Jonbool sold the Phiretas
merchandise, and the armorers made them arms, and the
ship-men builded them ships, swift and mighty, wherewith
to destroy the ships of the men of the North. For they
said, Thus shall we be avenged, and turn, also every man,
an honest penny. State-craft and business shall prosper
together, and profit shall go hand in hand with pleasure.
35. And thus was the rebellion strengthened in the land
of Unculpsalm; so that although the armies of Unculpsalm
drove the men of the South out of much country where
they had set up their banner®, and captured their chief
cities, and held all that they had taken; yet after two years
were not their armies scattered qr destroyed, or their ships
which the men of Johnbobl had builded for them, driven
from the sea.
, r<
CHAPTER Vt.
1 Abraham and his Counsellors not wise in their generation.
6 Which is well pleasing tocertain Pimmfchrats. 10 Who
seek to work confusion. 12 And to compromise themselves
unto the Phiretahs. 13 And do compromise themselves unto
the Ambassador of Joribool. 16 Who is crafty and tumeth
neither to the right ri&r to thowrohg. 17 The wrath of the
men of the North. 21 The
of Peace Men. 25 The
House of Hiram the P^blica/n. 26 A Woman of the
Phiretahs. 28 Samuel Seeketh her and ministereth unto
her. 30 Abraham ministOreth ' occasion unto the Peace
men. They have a Martyr.
; 1. Now Abraham was honest; but he was not wise in
his generation.
2. Likewise also of the chief counsellors that he ap
pointed, that one that was counsellor for the war wrought
only mischief and confusion; even so that Abraham, who
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THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
was long-suffering and slow to anger, would sometimes
put down his foot in wrath.
3. Now Abraham’s foot was heavy, but his head was
light, and his knees were feeble. So his foot came down
in the wrong place or at the wrong time, or else it con
tinued not down until the end was accomplished.
4. Wherefore he prevailed not. And he was called
Abraham the well meaning. And men pitied him.
5. And Abraham and his counsellors should have ruled
with a firm hand and a mighty arm, and have bound the
land together with bands of steel; and have smitten down
the strong and set at naught the proud, and been gracious
unto the feeble. But they wavered, and shrank from the
voice of threatening, both in their own land and in the
land of Jonbool.
6. And this was well pleasing unto certain men of the
Dimmichrats. For they said in their hearts, If this nation
can be saved by the rule of the Dimmichrats of our faction,
let it be saved; but if not, let it perish, and let us rule in
our own provinces.
7. But they said not this openly; for they feared the
people.
8. For in all this time the hearts of the men of the
North failed not, neither did they alter in their wicked
purpose to preserve their nation from destruction.
9. And of the Dimmichrats it was only they who were
faithful to their masters the Tschivulree and the Phiretahs,
and who were meek and lowly, and who sought to com
promise unto them, and crawl on their bellies before
them, which was well fitting for them to do, and to say
unto them, What would our masters have ? and what shall
their servants do, that they may be gracious unto their
servants, and allow them a little share in the ruling of this
land?—it was these only among the Dimmichrats who
were well pleased because Abraham and his counsellors
prevailed not.
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29
10. And these men held not up the hands of Abraham
their ruler, but sought occasion to prevent his purposes
and to bring his counsels to confusion, and his doings to
naught.
11. And when Abraham’s foot came down in the wrong
place, or continued not down until the end was accom
plished, and men’s hearts were sick with disappointment,
they sought to turn them in favor of Jeph the Repudiator
and his counsellors.
12. And they said, Let us not have war with our mas
ters the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs; but let us com
promise unto them, and crawl on our bellies before them,
even as we did aforetime; for it is meet and right and a
pleasant thing to be humble.
13. And they sent messengers unto the Tshivulree, and
the Phiretahs, saying these th«ihgsf> and their scribes wrote
them in books by night and sent them out unto the people
by day. But the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs spurned
them; for now that they could no more use them, they
looked at them with loathing.
14. Likewise also some of them went privily to the am
bassador of the land of Jonbool, even that land which
sought the destruction of the nation of Unculpsalm.
15. And they said unto him, Let u!s take counsel together
that we may bring about this great end, the ceasing of the
war without the putting down of the rebellion.
16. But he was crafty and answered them nothing.
And he wrote letters unto the rulers of hiS land, saying, I
will watch faithfully, and I will turn aside neither to the
right nor to the wrong, going which way it may be need
ful, if it leadeth to our profit. So shall I show myself wor
thy to be a ruler in the land of Jonbool.
17. Now when this letter was noised abroad in the land
of Unculpsalm, the men of the north were incensed, and
the fire of their anger was hot against the Dimmichrats
that called themselves Peace men. For upon this matter
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tiie men of Belial, and the Dimmichrats which were not
Peace men* and the Pahdees were of one mind.
18. And they said, Who is it that hath dared thus to
humble this nation? Let him come out before us. And
no man answered.
19. For they whieh had done it saw that they could not
stand before the people and live. Yet still they said in
their hearts, If this nation can be saved by the rule of the
Dimmichrats of our faction, let it be saved ; but if not, let
it perish, and let us rule in our own provinces. For now
they had but one thought; not how the rebellious Tshivulree and Phiretahs might be subdued and compelled again
to their obedience, but how they might again rule the land
and divide the spoil, and have again their everlasting
Niggah.
20. Whereof they cried aloud for war, but labored in
secret to bring the war to naught, and turn the minds
of the people to peace, that they might compromise unto
the Phiretahs as they did aforetime. And they watched
for their occasion.
21. Now the chiefs of this sect in Gotham were these:
22. Phernandiwud, who had been chief ruler of the city,
and Benjamin his brother; James the scribe, which knew
nothing, and Erastus his brother; Samuel, who was rich in
butter; Hiram the publican, who was also a sinner, and
Elijah, who smelled the battle afar in the tents of
Tamnee; Cyrus (not he that was taught to ride, to shoot
the bow, and to speak the truth, yet did this Cyrus shoot
with a longer bow than the other); Primus the scribe,
whose beard was like Aaron’s, and who dwelt among the
merchants; Samuel, who made the lightnings of heaven
his messengers; Ker Tiss, who wrote concerning the
Great Covenant; and one who dwelt in the elbows of the
Min cio, and destroyed the heerts of women; Isaiah, who
was a captain of the Hammerites; Samuel whose surname
was Brinnzmaid, and whose fathers ate hasty-pudding; and
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31
Augustus the money-changer, who aforetime was called
Schomberg.
23. Now the others were Gentiles, but Augustus was
of the circumcision.
24. And all these men served diligently their master,
who was Jeph the Repudiator. And many of them were
Scribes, but all of them Were Pharisees; for they held to
the letter of the law, but knew not its spirit. And they
taught, like them of old, concerning th© Sabbath, that the
nation was made for th® Great Covenant, and not the
Great Covenant for the nation.
25. And the inn of Hiram, which before the war began
1 in-the land of Unculpsalm had been filled with Tshivulree
and Phiretahs, and with Plunkees compromising them
selves unto their masters- the Phiretahs, and crawling upon
their bellies before them, became now the chief place of
resort for them that still served the Tshivulree and labored
to prosper1 the rebellion. There they gathered themselves
together and plotted in secret how they might ensnare the
rulers of Unculpsalm, and rejoiced openly when the banner
of the Phiretahs prevailed against the] banner of Uncul
psalm. So did the inn of Hiram become the synagogue
-of rebellion.
26. And there came a woman'of the Phiretahs into Go
tham. And she was married); yet was her husband not
with her. And she was comely and fair to look upon.
27. And it was told unto the rulers of Unculpsalm, Be
hold, this woman of the Phiretahs cometh to spy out the
nakedness of the land.. Wherefore the rulers sent a mes
sage unto Ken Edee, chief of the Watchmen of Gotham,
that he should take her and put her in ward. And he did
so.
28. Now when Samuel, whose surname was Brinnzmaid,
heard that Ken Edee had taken a woman of the Ph iretabs
and put her in ward, he went to her; and when he saw
that her husband was not with her, and that she was comely
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THE NEW GOSPEL OK PEACE.
and fair to look upon, and that she had come to spy out
the nakedness of the land, he succored her and ministeredunto her. And he caused Ken Edee to take her out of
ward; and when he had kept her in Gotham for awhile,,
that she might be comforted and see the nakedness of the
land, he sent her back into the land of Tshivulree.
29. So all these men, and many others which followed
them, did nothing else night and day but strive to get the
land again into the hands of their faction that they might
serve their master Jeph the Repudiator, and compromise,
unto him, and preserve their everlasting Niggah.
30. Now while they were waiting their occasion, Abra
ham himself ministered it unto them. For one of the
captains in the army of Unculpsalm, took Clement, a law
giver, because he had said that Abraham was a usurper,
and a tyrant, in that he resisted Jeph the Repudiator, and
had sought to diminish the armies of Unculpsalm, and cast
him into prison; and to a scribe which did likewise, the
captain sent armed men that stood over him with drawn
swords, saying, Ye shall no longer thus stir up the people
to sedition.
31. And immediately the chief men of the Dimmicrats
throughout the land raised a great uproar, for they said,
Now cometh our opportunity.
32. For there was a law in the land of Unculpsalm that
every man might speak and write freely all the promptings
of his heart, so that he slandered not his neighbor, and
that no man should be cast into prison save by a judge,
when he had been condemned by twelve good men of his
province. And the people of the land of Unculpsalm
prized this law above all their other laws; and it was a
part of the Great Covenant and of the Great Charter of
the liberties of that people.
33. But it was written in the Great Covenant that in
times of sedition, privy conspiracy, and rebellion this law
should cease and be of no effect; for the safety of the
nation.
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3a
34. Now the leaders of the Dimmichrats, who were wise
in their generation, and who sought first to get power,
into their own hands, and afterwards the salvation of the
nation, said among themselves, Lo, Abraham has given us
a martyr; and it is better than if he had given the armies
of Unculpsalm a victory. Now, therefore, let us bewail
the woes of Clement and the violence to the Great Cove
nant and the ancient Charter: and we will declare that it
is to preserve this nation from destruction, and we shall
regain the hearts of this people.
35. And they did so. And the people forgat the peril
of the land, and how it was in more danger from traitors
that were within than from foes that were without; and
they forgat also the provision of the Great Covenant
against such perils; and there was a great commotion’.
36. And Abraham said, L'et not Clement be kept in
prison ; but let him be sent among the Phiretahs; for they
are his friends, and he is'our enemy; and let the scribe
continue his writing. And it was done. So Clement be
came a martyr; and the scribe hardened his heart and
was tenfold more the servant of the Phiretahs than before.
■ For he said, Abraham feareth the Dimmichrats, and even
the men of Belial fear them also, and the spirit Bak Bohn
is again cast out of them.
CHAPTER VII.
1 Phernandiwud summoneth liis disciples to hear the New Gospel
of Peace at the Hall of Peter the Barrelmaker. 8 Who came
not to the assembly. 9 And why. 13 Who came. 17 Pher
nandiwud proclaimeth the New Gospel of Peace. 20 The Hit
tites and Hammerites are well pleased. 22 But have groanings
about the freedom of the Niggah. 25 Phernandiwud showeth
that there is no right but Peace and Everlasting Niggah. 26
And Free Speech. 32 Meekness of Phernandiwud. 33 And
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THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
of the Hittites and the Hammerites. 38 Isaiah telleth of a
ministration of Peace. 45 The Neu Gospel of Peace spreadeth beyond the border of Masunandicsun.
1. Now Phernandiwud saw that his time was come.
2. And he said unto his familiars and to them which did
his bidding, (for he had a great following in Gotham),
Behold, the spirit of peace hath descended upon me; and
I go forth to declare the mystery of a new gospel of peace,
a gospel of great gain, unto me first, and afterward unto
the Dimmichrats. And I shall reward them who are
faithful unto me.
3. Go now therefore and summon the Dimmichrats who
serve Jeph the Repudiator and the Phiretahs in Gotham.
4. James the scribe and Erastus his brother, who know
nothing, and my brother Benjamin, who knoweth some
things; Samuel, who is rich in butter, Hiram the publican;
Elijah, who smelleth the battle afar off; Cyrus who shooteth with a longer bow than the first Cyrus; Primus, who
dwelleth among the merchants; Ker Tiss, of the Great
Covenant; Isaiah, captain of the Hammerites; Samuel,
who sendeth the lightning on his errand, and the other
Samuel, whose surname is Brinnzmaid; and Augustus,
the money-changer.
5. And say unto them, Gather yourselves together, ye
and your following, every man of you in the hall of Peter
who is called the barrel-maker, and in the open spaee
round about, that ye may hear from my lips the new
gospel of peace.
6. (Now this Peter made the substance whereby one
thing sticketh unto another thing. Wherefore he was for
union; and he called the hall which he had builded, the
Union; (for he said, Thus shall I stick this nation to
gether,) but the people called it after his own name. And
he was rich and he offended no man. Now in the land of
Unculpsalm, whosoever was rich and offended no man, be-
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
35.
came one of the chief men of his place, and of his country.
Moreover, Peter gave of his substance unto the people.
And this was he who, at a feast given unto the Prince of
the land of Jonbool, clapped the Prince upon the
shoulder and said unto him, My lord the Prince shall
dance next with my daughter. For he was a gracious
man and a courteous, and he knew that his daughter was
comely.)
7. And Phernandiwud looked for the assembling of the
men which he had summoned, they and their following, at
the hall of Peter the Ba®el-make®, and the space round
about.
8. But these men came n®t: James the scribe, and
Erastus his brother; Samuel, whose sirname is Brinnzmaid
and the other Samuel; Benjamin the brother of Phernan
diwud, and Elijah of Tamunee; Hiram the publican, and
Cyrus, Primus, and Augustus the money-changer, and
their following.
9. For they said within^ themselves, This gospel of
peace will be an offence untpL the people, who are perverse
in their hearts, and who love the banner of Unculpsalm,
and have respect unto the rulers chosen according to the
Great Covenant, even although the men be not to their
liking, and who are foolishly bent on destroying the armies
and the power of them who would destroy the nation.
10. Wherefore we will not be ;seen listening to the gos
pel of peace. For it shall be better for us to cry out for
war, and meanwhile to hinder the war in secret, and to
seek every occasion to bring the rulers of our country to
scorn and derision in the time of her trial, and to aid J eph
the Repudiator, and his spies, and his emissaries, and to
work confusion in the land.
11. For so shall the people be weary of their rulers, and
bewildered with our confusion; and they shall trust us,
and turn unto us in their desolation, and say, Verily, theseare men, and make us rulers of the land.
�36
THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
IS. Then will we compromise ourselves again unto our
masters the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs, as it is meet, and
right, and pleasant for us to do; and we shall find yet
deeper dust wherein to crawl before them; and we shall
loosen the bonds of these provinces, and make each gov
ernor of a province thereof a little satrap, but great in
his own eyes and in the eyes of the Phlunkees, which will
surround him, that he may defy the chief ruler of the land;
and we shall divide the spoil.
13. But these men came to the hall of Peter the barrel-maker
to hear Phernandiwud declare the new gospel of peace.
14. Din Ninny, who was chief ruler of the assembly,
and who directed all the doings thereof; Isaiah, who was
captain of the Hammerites; and many others of the sect of
Smalphri among the Dimmichrats.
15. And with them there came a great multitude of the
Hittites and the Hammerites, and of the Dedrabitz from
Koubae beyond Boueree, and the dwellers in Phyvpintz,
which is nigh unto the tombs where they buried Juz Tiss.
(Now Juz Tiss was not of kin unto that Ker Tiss who
wrote of the Great Covenant), and in Makkurilvil, and in
the country as thou goest by the shore of the river on the
East, unto Shyppyardz.
.16. And all these men gathered themselves together,
fiercely bent upon peace. And they filled the hall of Peter
the Barrel-maker, and the open space round about.
17. And when Phernandiwud stood up and beckoned
unto them they shouted for about the space of half an hour.
For they remembered what he had done for them afore
time : and they looked for a ministration of the gospel of
peace, such as there had been between the watchmen of
Phernandiwud and those which had been appointed by
the governor and rulers of the province. And they said
within themselves, Now shall we again break the heads
of the watchmen of Ken Edee • and there shall be peace
again in the land.
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
37
18. And Phemandiwud said unto them, Hearken, O
men of Gotham! I come before you this day preaching a
new gospel of peace. Peace on earth and good-will to
men. Peace on earth, that I and my faithful followers
may get what is due unto us, and good-will unto men who
are of our persuasion, among the Dimmichrats.
19. For there be Dimmichrats, yea, verily, even Pahdees,
who are not of our persuasion and who enter not into our
congregation. Let them be accursed.
20. And all the people said, Hi! hi! For such is the
manner of the Hittites and the Hammerites of Gotham
when they are well pleased.
21. And again Phernandiwud opened his mouth and
said, 0, my brethren, the day of calamity cometh upon the
land of Unculpsalm, and there is no man able to help.
Therefore have I come hither that I may save this nation.
No man raiseth the banner of peace. Therefore will I
raise it, that war and hate, which are the children of Satan,
may be at an end, except for the Dimmichrats which are
not of our persuasion, arid the men of Belial which preach
freedom unto the Niggah.; Them let us hate with a
perfect hatred, and upon them let’us make war without
ceasing.
’ •
;■
■
22. (And when the Hittites and Hammerites heard of
liberty to the Niggah, they all groaned with an exceeding
loud groan, as it were if each man had been seized with
pangs of griping in his bowels1. For to hear of freedom to
the Niggah is gall and wormwood to the Hittites and the
Hammerites.)
23. Then said Fernandiwud, Through the pride of
their hearts, and the vanity and wickedness of their imagi
nations, the rulers of this land have sinned and done
wickedly in that they have not allowed the Tshivulree and
kthe Phiretahs to destroy this nation without making war
upon it.
24. For the land of Unculpsalm hath no right to a go-
�38
THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
vemment, neither have the people of Unculpsalm any right
to be a nation. Neither is the Great Covenant a covenant
to be kept, except by the men of each province, so long as
it is pleasing in their eyes.
25. But these only are right, Peace and the everlasting
Niggah. Such peace as we had aforetime, ere the ac
cursed spirit Bak Bohn took possession of this people.
Peace which will enable our brethren of the South to eat,
their bread in the sweat of another’s face; to rob the,
laborer of his hire; to oppress the weak, and set their foot
upon the neck of the lowly; to beat their Niggahs with
many stripeb, to hunt them with dogs, and to slay them
to take their women for concubines, and to beget of them
sons and daughters; and to sell from the mother the fruit
of her womb and the nursling of her bosom; to make mer
chandise of the fruit of their own loins, and to sell their
own flesh and blood into bondage forever.
27. Peace, my brethren, which will also restore our right
of free speech according to the Great Covenant; of which
we have been robbed by the rulers of this land, that they
may wage their wicked war upon the Phiretahs.
28. For, O men of Gotham, ye see this day how your
rulers oppress you, and will allow no man to speak evil of
them, that they may wage this war without let or hinderance; and that all men’s mouths are shut by fear of the
gallows or the dungeon, who will not prophesy smooth
things of their damnable doings, and cover up their wick
edness and glorify their abominations.
29. Therefore I declare unto you that we must have the
peace, the peace which ensueth from free speech. So that
when men of Belial seek to turn the hearts of the men of
the South to setting their bondsmen free, and taking away
from us our everlasting Niggah, the Phiretahs may seize
upon them, and beat them with many stripes, and hang
them upon trees, and roast them with fire, and pour hot
pitch upon them, and ride them upon sharp beams very
�THE NEW GOSPEL OE PEACE,
39
■grievous to bestride. Peace and free speech, such as there
was on the day when Prestenbruux smote down Charles
the Summoner, and beat him until he was nigh unto
■death.
30. Let this Peace hover over the land, scattering balm
from her outstretching wings. Balm for the wounded
souls of the Tshivulree and the Phiretahs; balm for the
wounds which the Dimmichratic brethren have inflicted on
each other; balm for my bruised spirit and defrauded ex
pectations.
31. Let this peace come to us, my brethren, and the lion
of the South and the lamb of the North shall lie down
together, and there shall no more be contention between
them; for the lamb shall be inside of the lion.
32. Let us then be lambs, 0 men of Gotham! Yea,
let us be meek as lambs. Por'ft is written that the meek
shall inherit the earth.
33. Then the Hittites and the Hamm erites again cried
out Hi! hi! after their fashion; and in a twinkling many
of them took an oath that ■ they were the meek, and that
they should inherit the earth.
34. Then Phernandiwud said, All now is well with us,
my brethren, and with the land of Unculpsalm. Peace
and free-speech shall prevail among us now and forever.
35. Then the Hittites and the Hammerifes shouted with
a great shout, and they cldfeched’’their fist® and said, God
do so to us and more also, if we break not every man his
head which saith there shall n^henceforth be peace and
free-speech throughout th^lstnd!. ■
36. And no man answered. So they said, Lo there is
peace.
B7. And Phernandiwud said these things many times.
38. Now when Phernandiwud had made an end of
speaking unto the people, there arose Isaiah, he who was
captain of a band of the Hammerites, and which was one
of the chief disciples of Phernandiwud. And he said,
�40
THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
39. Shall there not be peace, my brethren ? Remember
ye not the time when Philip, the priest of Beelzebub came
here preaching deliverence to the captive and the setting
at liberty even of the Niggah? and how he entered into the
Tabernacle and gathered unto him iniquitous men, men of
Belial who hearkened unto him, and believed in him ?
40. And remember ye not how I, with you Hammerites,
who break the heads of all them who set themselves
against you, and you, 0 Hittites, who hit from the shoulder,
went into the Tabernacle and broke up their congregation
and scattered their assembly ?
41. And I knocked. down Philip, and dragged him out
of the pulpit wherein he was speaking, and drave him out
of the Tabernacle ?
42. Yea, verily, I knocked him down; for I am a man
of peace; and dragged him out of his pulpit and drave him
forth of the Tabernacle; for I love free speech.
43. Then the Hittites and the Hammerites and the Dim
michrats which had joined themselves unto the faction of
Jeph the Repudiator, burst out into a great shouting. And
for the space of about an hour they did nothing but cry
Peace and Free Speech, and death unto him that sayeth to
the contrary.
44. And when they were weary of shouting, they went
each man unto his own home.
45. And the new gospel of peace spread abroad, and
prevailed mightily.
46. And it went throughout all the land of Unculpsalmeven beyond the border of Masunandicsun.
47. So that in about ten days the chief captain of the
Tshivulree, whose name was Robbutleeh (he who had
forced Litulmak, who was surnamed the Unready, to
change his base, and sent Joseph, whose surname showeth
that it was not he which fled from the wife of Potiphar,
back from whence he came), took an army of the Phiretahs
and marched into two of the provinces of the land of
�THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
41
Unculspalm, proclaiming the new gospel of peace at the
point of the sword.
48. And he laid parts of those provinces waste with fire,
and he destroyed the bridges that were over the rivers,
and carried off their horses, and their corn and their cattle;
and put all them that resisted the new gospel of peace to
the sword.
49. So the people began to understand- the mystery of
the new gospel; and they glorified it; and they said, yet a
little while, and the Niggah shall be restored to his bon
dage, and the Tshivulree, and the Phiretahs shall be our
masters, and peace shall rule the land with a rod of iron,
and we shall compromise ourselves for ever. And there
was great rejoicing.
50. Now I, even I, Benjamin the scribe, the brother of
Phernandiwud, have written these things, not of my own
will, or of the promptings of my own heart, for the truth
is not in me. But forasmuch as the spirit of prophecy
hath descended upon me, like Balaam, the son of Beor, I
have uttered the innermost thoughts of my heart in mine
own despite, and I have written the mystery of the new
gospel of peace.
51. And to few shall it be given to comprehend this
mystery.
52. And the acts of Phernandiwud, whose walk was
slantindicular, and of his disciples, after the proclamation
of the new gospel of peace, and of James the scribe, and
of Erastus his brother, and of Samuel who is rich in
butter, and Samuel who sendeth the lightning whither he
will, and Hiram the publican, and that other Samuel, who
ministered unto the Phiretah woman : and of Elijah, who
smelleth the battle afar off in the tents of Tamunee; and
of Cyrus, and Primus, and Kerr Tiss, and Isaiah of the
Hammerites, which were Gentiles; and of Augustus, the
money-changer, which was of the circumcision, and of the
other Pharisees and Phlunkees, shall not I, Benjamin the
�42
THE NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE.
scribe, write them in a book ? and they shall be spread
abroad in all lands for the enlightening of all nations.
■’t
Abel Heywood, Printer, Oldham Street, Manchester.^
���
Dublin Core
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Title
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Victorian Blogging
Description
An account of the resource
A collection of digitised nineteenth-century pamphlets from Conway Hall Library & Archives. This includes the Conway Tracts, Moncure Conway's personal pamphlet library; the Morris Tracts, donated to the library by Miss Morris in 1904; the National Secular Society's pamphlet library and others. The Conway Tracts were bound with additional ephemera, such as lecture programmes and handwritten notes.<br /><br />Please note that these digitised pamphlets have been edited to maximise the accuracy of the OCR, ensuring they are text searchable. If you would like to view un-edited, full-colour versions of any of our pamphlets, please email librarian@conwayhall.org.uk.<br /><br /><span><img src="http://www.heritagefund.org.uk/sites/default/files/media/attachments/TNLHLF_Colour_Logo_English_RGB_0_0.jpg" width="238" height="91" alt="TNLHLF_Colour_Logo_English_RGB_0_0.jpg" /></span>
Creator
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Conway Hall Library & Archives
Date
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2018
Publisher
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Conway Hall Ethical Society
Text
A resource consisting primarily of words for reading. Examples include books, letters, dissertations, poems, newspapers, articles, archives of mailing lists. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre Text.
Original Format
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Pamphlet
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
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The new gospel of peace according to St. Benjamin
Creator
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White, Richard Grant [1821-1885.]
Description
An account of the resource
Place of publication: Manchester; London
Collation: 42 p. : ill. (accompanying fold-out black and white illustration) ; 19 cm.
Notes: A satire on American politics. From the library of Dr Moncure Conway. The author is not named on the title page. Date of publication from KVK. Accompanying fold-out black and white illustration titled 'What the Peace Party wishes the North to do'.
Publisher
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Abel Heywoord; Bacon & Co.
Date
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[1877]
Identifier
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G5228
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<a href="http://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/mark/1.0/"><img src="http://i.creativecommons.org/p/mark/1.0/88x31.png" alt="Public Domain Mark" /></a><span> </span><br /><span>This work (The new gospel of peace according to St. Benjamin), identified by </span><a href="https://conwayhallcollections.omeka.net/items/show/www.conwayhall.org.uk"><span>Humanist Library and Archives</span></a><span>, is free of known copyright restrictions.</span>
Format
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application/pdf
Type
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Text
Language
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English
Subject
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USA
Politics
Conway Tracts
Satire
United States-Politics and Government